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Amy Oconnor
  • 4/15/2025

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Well, you'd better come in, Arthur.
00:27Um, sit down.
00:31Oh, come on.
00:32I won't bite.
00:38Well, this is a surprise.
00:41Yeah.
00:43Give me a coat.
00:44No, I won't be staying long.
00:46Oh, but you can't keep it on.
00:47You'll catch your death when you go out.
00:49No, no, it's all right.
00:49I better not.
00:50Give us your coat.
00:59Tea.
00:59Uh-huh.
01:13But, Dot, you don't understand.
01:15Look, write to Mr. Babagorn.
01:17You know, ask for a reaper.
01:18And what do I tell Cathy in the meantime?
01:20Hold on.
01:20Don't go out here north.
01:22I want you to do something for me.
01:23Only I've got to go to the nativity play and I'm late.
01:25I'm still working, Mr. C.
01:26I'll just knit back to get me order book.
01:28And when are you going to see her?
01:29Who?
01:29Cathy.
01:30She'll do her nut when she sees this young.
01:31Look, I ain't got time to talk to Cathy.
01:33I told you I've got to be off.
01:34Now, Nigel, I want you to go home, pick up the song sheet for what I've left on the sideboard,
01:38bring it to the school by five o'clock.
01:40Five?
01:40But I, I, I...
01:41And what do I tell Cathy?
01:43When I leave my lawn director, I leave my working problems behind me.
01:46I've got more important matters to attend to than Cathy.
01:48She's being a bit well pink.
01:50A bit well pink?
01:51You call that a bit well pink?
01:52Mr. C., I don't know if I can be finished by five.
01:55I know that you will do your best.
01:56This is the Lord's work, Nigel, Christmas.
01:59Yeah, but it's early days yet.
02:00Yeah, not for my lot, it's not.
02:01Not if I want to get them singing like angels by Christmas.
02:04And there is this man, you see, who plays the piano for the school.
02:07You all set for Christmas, Dot?
02:08Yes, thank you, Ian.
02:09Well, if you want a cheap target, give us a shout, all right?
02:11Oh, lovely, ta.
02:12What's up with him?
02:13Now, where was I?
02:14Oh, yes, he's playing for the nativity play.
02:17What, Ian Bill?
02:18No, Nigel, the man from the school do try to keep up.
02:21And I might be able to nab him for my carol rehearsals.
02:24It's like an audition, you see, only you don't know,
02:26cos I shall sit at the back and watch.
02:27Now, I've got to go.
02:28No, but stop!
02:30Mmm, what is it?
02:32Chicken fricassee.
02:33Oh, that's good.
02:34You've been taking lessons off Ian Bill?
02:35You must be joking.
02:36What, that lad doesn't know about cookery would fill ten cookery books?
02:40I've just been talking to Manny about him.
02:41Oh, don't tell me.
02:42He tried to have his wicked way with us.
02:43Something like that, yeah.
02:44No.
02:45I'll tell you, that girl's got more stories up her season.
02:47How's Christian Anderson?
02:48Yeah, she probably made it up.
02:50Anyway, she said that she asked Ian to help her get sorted out with Cathy.
02:53And he said he would if, you know.
02:56I didn't think Ian was up to that sort of thing.
02:58Yeah, well, maybe it ain't true.
03:00She has been known to tell the odd little lie in the past, you know.
03:02Yeah, well, just you remember about what they say about there being no smoke without fire.
03:06I thought you'd say that.
03:08You made a lot of that, have you, Mum?
03:09Enough?
03:10Why?
03:10Well, I kind of told Mandy.
03:13She's a little bit upset, and you know what she's like.
03:15You kind of told Mandy what?
03:16Well, she'll come and stay here for a couple of days.
03:18Mark.
03:21Mark!
03:23So much for the intimate meal for two.
03:25No big occasion, eh?
03:27Well, you're pie and beans.
03:29Here you go.
03:31Nigel.
03:32I can't stop.
03:32I'm looking for a favour.
03:33Yeah, well, I can't stop either.
03:35I've got a cafe to run.
03:35What do you want?
03:36Something to eat?
03:36Something to come and see?
03:37It's just that Dot asked me to take these song sheets over to the school hall as a favour.
03:42Oh, right.
03:43Now you want to pass them on to me?
03:44Great.
03:44Two teas.
03:46It's just that I've got to get back to work.
03:47Oh, no.
03:49Well, I'm up to my ears in it, Nigel.
03:52Can't you come back later?
03:53Oh, thanks a bunch.
03:54Well, what about Mandy?
03:55She's not doing anything.
03:57Hey, you lot.
03:58No, not in here.
03:59Get out.
03:59Come on.
04:00Hey, Nigel!
04:02Steve.
04:03No, I'm not in the office.
04:04Your place, then.
04:06Ian, I'm sorry.
04:07I was just about to say...
04:08That's all right, you two.
04:09Go on, off you go.
04:10We'll worry about the month in's tomorrow.
04:13Tomorrow?
04:14Yes, tomorrow, manana.
04:16You all right, Ian?
04:16Am I all right, the boy-ass.
04:18What's the matter with everybody at a date?
04:19It's Christmas.
04:20Go away.
04:21Go and do your Christmas shopping or go home, have an early night, have some fun.
04:24I was too sure.
04:26Look, Ian, that coffee, it's out of date.
04:28I'll take full responsibility.
04:29Oh, that's all right.
04:30Forget it.
04:31You sure?
04:31Look, will you two go away before I start changing my mind and shouting humbo?
04:34Hello, yes.
04:37I was wondering if you'd deliver some roses for me.
04:39Yes, for this evening.
04:43Well, I am willing to pay over the odds.
04:45That's better.
04:46I always think the room looks so much cosier with the curtains drawn, don't you?
04:54Two sugars.
04:56See?
04:56I haven't forgotten.
04:58It is funny you're coming here today.
05:02You know, I was just thinking about you this morning.
05:05Well, I mean, I was thinking about that garden we did in Elder Road.
05:09Number 23, was it?
05:11No, no, 25, I think.
05:13Mm.
05:13Oh, what was her name?
05:15The woman who looked like a horse.
05:16Yeah.
05:17Hopkins, Hoskins, Hoskins?
05:18Hopcraft.
05:19Hopcraft, that was it, yeah.
05:20Always wore those funny shoes.
05:22Even when it was raining.
05:23Day in and day out, come rain or shine, she'd be out there doing her garden inspection.
05:28Face like red rum.
05:29Oh, that's a bit heavy, isn't it?
05:31And all she cared about was her ollyhocks.
05:33No matter how many times we said that the soil wasn't right.
05:36I don't care about the soil, Mr Fowler.
05:39I've had ollyhocks in every house I've ever occupied, and I intend to have them in this one.
05:43Yeah.
05:47Oh, first.
05:49Slug's got them in the end, didn't they?
05:51The ollyhocks, I mean.
05:51Never mind about the hollyhocks, Arthur.
05:55What about you?
05:58It's funny how you're putting your foot down.
05:59Always involves me somehow.
06:01Mum, this is sticking.
06:02Oh, pour some water in it.
06:04This isn't because of you at all.
06:06It's because of that girl.
06:07She's troubling her half, that one.
06:09You think I don't know that?
06:10But she's still human, isn't she?
06:11She shouldn't be out on the streets just because she's plunked at telling the odd shaggy dog story.
06:15Shaggy dog story?
06:17No, I'm sorry.
06:18You'll have to go and tell her no.
06:19Great.
06:20And a merry Christmas to you and all.
06:21Mum?
06:22No.
06:23Oh, Mum.
06:24Come on.
06:25You're so mature, my brother.
06:27Maybe he's right.
06:28Perhaps I am being mean.
06:29Oh, come on, Mum.
06:31The girl's on her day.
06:32She's extremely bad news.
06:34Shall we have you and Dad divorcing in five minutes?
06:35Yeah.
06:36I think half of me can manage to divorce without her help.
06:38Come on, Mum.
06:40It'll be all right.
06:41I mean, he'll have his meal, he'll see the card, and it'll all be hunky-dory again.
06:45But it won't be if he comes home to find that little cow asleep on Grand's Chair, believe me.
06:48Hmm.
06:49I hear Kathy's been giving her a bit of a hard time.
06:51Where did you hear that from?
06:53I don't believe this.
06:54Oh, she's a clever little cow.
06:56I'll give her that.
06:57Well, you must have seen her.
06:58She's always running errands.
06:59She does the shopping, the washing, the ironing.
07:01What's that smell?
07:02What?
07:03Oh, look.
07:04Oh, no.
07:05So, I mean, I'll date.
07:06I won't.
07:07Because Kathy, she'll kill me.
07:08I know she will.
07:09All right, Matt.
07:10Come on.
07:11Yeah, I'll be over in a minute.
07:12I'm not the person you most wanted to sit and drink tea with.
07:14Are you all right?
07:15How did you guess?
07:16Well, I may have the very solution, actually, if you fancy a short, sharp bike ride on a cold
07:20winter's night.
07:21Yeah, anything.
07:22Thanks, Mum.
07:23Right.
07:24St Bartholomew School.
07:25Delivery to one Mrs. Cockney.
07:26It's a very, very urgent friend.
07:27Done.
07:28Don't worry.
07:29I shouldn't have come, should I?
07:32I mean, we said our goodbyes.
07:35I don't know why I came.
07:37You've had a row with Pauline.
07:39How do you know?
07:41Psychic powers, Arthur.
07:44Why else would you be here?
07:46Yeah, that's right.
07:47I had a row with Pauline.
07:48Don't know why I came round here, though.
07:50It's childish.
07:51Running at you, the moment there's a bit of bother.
07:53What kind of bother?
07:55It doesn't matter.
07:58Well, look at you.
08:00Of course it matters.
08:01That's why you're here.
08:03You were always good at telling me what I was really thinking, weren't you?
08:07No, I wasn't.
08:08I was just as sympathetic here while Pauline was away.
08:11That's all.
08:12It just got a bit out of hand.
08:15Is that what you call it?
08:18A bit out of hand?
08:19Well, it's got a bit out of hand again.
08:23Me and Pauline, we had a row.
08:25Yes?
08:26Yes.
08:27But about what?
08:28A row?
08:29About what?
08:30What do you think?
08:31Holy angels so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace.
08:48Sleep in heavenly peace.
08:54Good.
08:55Very good.
08:56Well done.
08:57Just a bit more energy when you get to...
09:00Always send shivers out me spine, that one.
09:03I'll go around to do my nativity at infants.
09:06Sherlock's Angel Gable one, yeah?
09:08I hear you, brother.
09:09Wasn't very angelic, though.
09:10Kept following the water because of the rain I fell off.
09:13He's good, isn't he?
09:14Who?
09:15Him.
09:16Be honest.
09:17Seems to know what he's doing.
09:19He's the answer to my prayers.
09:21Try not to break up the word peace.
09:23It's not P-E-Ease.
09:25It's P-E-Ease.
09:30Oh, dear.
09:37Look, Mummy.
09:38What, Martin?
09:39Martin!
09:40Oh, no!
09:41Oh, how could you?
09:42Come in here.
09:43That's really naughty.
09:44Give that to Mummy.
09:46Try to make it look nicer when Daddy comes home.
09:50I never wanted to be someone who came between husband and wife.
09:54That's why I wrote the letter.
09:56I know, I know.
09:57It's Pauline.
09:58She just misunderstood, that's all.
09:59I wanted to warn you that she might come round here
10:01waving that letter in her hand,
10:02making all sorts of wild accusations.
10:04I don't know.
10:05She's seen the photograph and all.
10:07Yeah, too right she's seen the photo...
10:10How do you know?
10:11What?
10:12How do you know she's seen the photograph?
10:13Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you, Arthur.
10:15Pauline's already been here.
10:17But she couldn't have been.
10:18I left her at home and drove straight round here.
10:20Look, you don't understand.
10:21She came here a couple of weeks ago.
10:24We've already had our showdown.
10:27And there were, in the same country, shepherds.
10:43I love Christmas, don't you?
10:46Yeah.
10:47I mean, no matter what goes on in the world,
10:49there'll always be Christmas.
10:51Each year, even when we're dead and buried,
10:54there'll still be Christmas children singing carols.
10:57I find that rather comforting.
11:01I mean, we may be dust and ashes, but his name goes on.
11:06The Lord's.
11:08Jesus.
11:09Work in his mysterious ways.
11:12I mean, I know it was Christmas last year when they
11:16took by Nick away, you know.
11:18But I try to remember the good things.
11:20You know how good Pat and Frank were to me,
11:22take me in for Christmas dinner when I was on me own.
11:24Did they?
11:25Yeah.
11:26Seems right out of character, doesn't it?
11:29Still, Christmas does funny things to people.
11:32Yeah.
11:33Where was you last Christmas?
11:35You was at home, wasn't you?
11:37Yeah.
11:38I was at home.
11:39With the family.
11:40With the family.
11:41Oh, it's got a lovely ring to it.
11:43Yeah, well, I know you young people may not think so, but...
11:48Well, Christmas is a time when families are together, innit?
11:52For better or worse, eh?
11:53Well, speaking as one who spent a good few on her own,
11:56I'd say for the better.
11:58You know, Mark, you want to appreciate your family
12:02while you're all still here.
12:04That's what I say.
12:06But you never know what might happen.
12:08He is good, innit?
12:13So you reckon it ought to have little wheels in the back then, yeah?
12:17Well, for a three-year-old, yeah, you need stabilisers.
12:20Yeah, thank you for this bit of old shit.
12:23Who is this mystery three-year-old?
12:26Erm, it's a little kid at one of my waitresses.
12:29I'm sorry for him.
12:30I mean, his mum doesn't earn much, so I thought I'd get him a decent Christmas present.
12:33That's all.
12:34Yeah.
12:35Is that all right?
12:36I mean, is that complete a safety stand?
12:37It's a bit wobbly, you know?
12:38Look, maybe you should try paying his mum a decent wage instead.
12:41There you go, mate.
12:42You can have it back.
12:43I'll go down a proper shop.
12:44Thanks.
12:45Get off.
12:46Come on, then take some of it.
12:48Mandy, how long are you going to make that cup of tea last?
12:51I'm still drinking it.
12:52Tell me a few things about her.
12:54Yeah, well, you have to go home sometime, OK?
12:56Home.
12:57It's a laugh.
12:58Get off!
12:59She sprayed me to death.
13:00Well, you shouldn't be so cheap then, should ya?
13:02If you only went and bought yourself one of those crocs on Oxford Street.
13:05Oh, it's cat food, innit?
13:06Yeah, I think I'll use it to all my normal.
13:08Exclusive from Paris, he said.
13:10Two teeth, please.
13:11What, Paris, Texas?
13:13What is this, anyway? Half day?
13:15No.
13:16Ian playing Santa Claus.
13:17Ian?
13:18Gave us the rest of the day off.
13:19We are talking about the same Ian.
13:21Little guy.
13:22Big ego.
13:23That's the one.
13:24He's been on the phone, ordering a big bunch of flowers for someone.
13:27Steve!
13:28Is he?
13:29Well, maybe he's in love.
13:32Better know who those flowers are for.
13:34Hmm?
13:35Ian.
13:36Oh, yeah?
13:37Well, you know what you were saying about him being in love?
13:38Yeah.
13:39According to Pinocchio over there, it's her.
13:42Mandy?
13:43She's probably a florist fan scouring the streets for you.
13:45Hadn't you better get home?
13:46I ain't got none.
13:47Yeah?
13:48Goodwill comes forth from end to end.
13:54Begin and never cease.
14:00Mrs Cotton.
14:01I'm really, really sorry.
14:04She's furious, isn't she?
14:05And I lost the ruddy song sheets.
14:07What?
14:08I know it was careless, but there's no need to...
14:11Mark!
14:12Shh!
14:13Mrs Cotton, just let me explain.
14:16I got them off the sideboard, just like you said.
14:19I had them in me hand and then they just...
14:21They just disappeared like...
14:23Like magic.
14:24Mrs Cotton, I'm trying to tell you I've lost the song sheets.
14:27I've lost them.
14:28How did you?
14:29Perfect, Denny.
14:30Perfect tone, perfect pitch.
14:31Right manner, authority without bossiness.
14:33And a lovely touch.
14:34Oh, a lovely touch.
14:35What do you think?
14:36About what?
14:37In.
14:38The new pianist for the garrows singing.
14:40Oh, and tell your daddy, he still owes me a tenner from that bum tip on the 3.30.
14:44All right, come on and fuck it up.
14:45If I drink any more of this, I'll have it coming out of me ears.
14:47Oh, best thing in times of stress.
14:48Oh, yeah.
14:49I remember when Mark was in a bad way over Jill done.
14:50I was like, oh, I'm sorry.
14:51I'm sorry.
14:52I'm sorry.
14:53I'm sorry.
14:54I'm sorry.
14:55I'm sorry.
14:56I'm sorry.
14:57I'm sorry.
14:58I'm sorry.
14:59I'm sorry.
15:00I'm sorry.
15:01I'm sorry.
15:02I'm sorry.
15:03I'm sorry.
15:04I'm sorry.
15:05When Mark was in a bad way over Jill dying, I got him to talk about it over a cup of tea.
15:10Exactly.
15:11Yeah, but this is hardly up there among births and deaths in the great scheme of things,
15:15is it?
15:16Oh, I don't know.
15:17Family crisis.
15:18Same sort of thing.
15:20Except no one's gonna die.
15:22No.
15:23No one's gonna die.
15:24And as Pauline's already been round here and given me what for and gone away happy,
15:28she's hardly likely to come here again, is she?
15:31No, I suppose not.
15:32And if you've had enough tea, well, we can always move on.
15:36I mean, it is the cocktail hour after all.
15:41And it's six o'clock.
15:43Arthur, you always used to like to watch the news at six o'clock, didn't you?
15:46I remember.
15:47Always in your armchair by six.
15:49Yeah, I like to keep abreast of current events.
15:51Well, that's settled, then.
16:07While shepherds washed their socks one night, all the seats had...
16:12Yes?
16:13I'm Mrs. Cotton.
16:15Mrs. Dorothy Cotton.
16:17How do you do?
16:18I'm Donald Cameron.
16:19What can I do for you?
16:20And who are you?
16:21Nigel Bates.
16:22I'm Mrs. Cotton's lodger and chief member of her Christmas choir.
16:25Well, really for you.
16:26I wanted to congratulate you on your lovely playing.
16:29Lovely.
16:30Oh, but thanks.
16:31Are you from Opportunity Knox?
16:33No, I'm from Walford Community Carol Singers.
16:37I'm the leader of the choir, as it were, you know, the organiser.
16:41Ed Cook and bottle washer.
16:43Uh-huh.
16:44We wondered if...
16:45I was wondering if you would care to play for our carol practices.
16:49I mean, we did have someone, but, you know, we kind of got let down.
16:54So, we need someone, you know, of your professional expertise.
16:59What you're saying is you're desperate in a nutshell.
17:01Well, no, I wouldn't say that, no, not exactly.
17:04I mean, tis for charity, we'll be singing door to door.
17:07Nigel, show the gentleman I'll carol.
17:10Nigel!
17:11Look, I don't need your ruddy music.
17:14There isn't a Christmas carol I can't play backwards,
17:17standing on one leg and wearing a kilt if you want.
17:19I don't think that would be necessary.
17:21Thank you, Nigel.
17:22I'm glad to see that someone has got some manners round here.
17:24I'm sorry to have troubled you.
17:25Mrs. Cotton?
17:29Thanks a bunch.
17:31My son's in prison.
17:33She's all on her own.
17:34All she's got is the choir.
17:35I could kill you.
17:36Could you know?
17:37You were her last hope.
17:39I was?
17:40Look, I'll get you a bottle of whiskey.
17:43Large.
17:44Large.
17:45Malt.
17:46Malt.
17:47Mrs. Cotton?
17:48My profuse apologies.
17:49I'm a clumsy, rude, frivolous...
17:52Flippant.
17:53Flippant, exactly.
17:54Mrs. Cotton, I would love to accompany your choir.
17:58Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
18:01Never has the prospect of playing the old Joanna filled me with such joy.
18:06Don't ever do it.
18:07Oh, you will?
18:08Oh, I can't believe it.
18:10Nigel, we found our saviour.
18:12Oh, I'll never be able to thank you enough, Mr. Cameron.
18:15And we'll discuss those terms in detail later.
18:18What terms?
18:19Oh, never you mind.
18:20You haven't a car, I suppose.
18:22I could do with a lift round to the coach and horses.
18:24My public awaits.
18:25Oh, you play in a pub?
18:27No.
18:28I drink in a pub.
18:30Yeah.
18:31Yeah, we've got a car.
18:32We'd be glad to give you a lift, you know, fellow performer.
18:35I mean, you're one of the company now, only Nigel.
18:38Are you parked out front?
18:41Right.
18:42Which way's this jalopy, Nigel?
18:44Are you a drinking man?
18:45Because if you're not busy this evening,
18:47I've got some delightful friends at the coach and horses I could introduce you to.
18:50They're not the carol-singing type, mind,
18:52but they know a few good songs if you get them through.
18:56You've got to face Cathy sometimes.
18:58She's only going to stop your pocket money for a bit of pink washing.
19:01But that's it, innit?
19:02I mean, what pocket money?
19:03I'm not her daughter, am I?
19:05I could help you clean up.
19:06Yeah.
19:07She doesn't need any help.
19:08She's got me.
19:09So where's Vicky then?
19:10You lost her.
19:12Oh.
19:13Oh, she doesn't seem to be here, does she?
19:15She's probably out on Bridge Street playing with the traffic.
19:17Why?
19:18Are you going to report me to social services?
19:19I only asked.
19:20She was at a pyjama party.
19:21Would you like an invite?
19:22Oh, very funny.
19:25Rachel, I'm off.
19:26Wish me luck, eh?
19:27I told you, you don't need any luck.
19:32You're a bit hard on her, aren't you?
19:33I can't help her.
19:34It's right up my nose.
19:36She's conniving little Maddy, you know.
19:37I told you what she said about Ian.
19:39Now, I know he's a total snake,
19:40but I can't really see him going in for 16-year-olds.
19:43Can you do me a favour?
19:46Can you look after this?
19:47I'll go and grab a taxi.
19:48I'll be back in a minute.
19:49Cheers.
19:52You were wrong.
19:53What?
19:54About him and Mandy.
19:55He's bought her this for Christmas.
19:56You mark my words,
19:57it'll be a bicycle made for two next.
19:59Oh, I don't know what it is you do to a few eggs
20:01to make them taste like that,
20:02but you deserve a medal.
20:04What, for making an omelette?
20:05Not just any old omelette.
20:07That was absolutely delicious.
20:08Hey, you shouldn't spoil me, you know that.
20:11Do you remember that French concoction you made for me and Pete?
20:15Do you remember that?
20:16Arthur.
20:17You know, he nearly had kittens when you said it had got garlic in it.
20:19Mind you, he'd eaten a plate full by then without knowing.
20:22I ate garlic, he said.
20:24What, what, what?
20:26It's the time, Arthur.
20:28Shouldn't you be getting back to Pauline?
20:31I mean, she'll be worried, won't she?
20:34I doubt it.
20:35Oh, Arthur, you know she will.
20:37I know her too, remember?
20:39I mean, I know we two don't exactly get on,
20:41but I do know a good woman when I see one.
20:44She cares about you.
20:47You came here to tell me that Pauline had seen my letter.
20:50Well, you've done that and now your place is back with Pauline sorting things out.
20:56Yeah.
20:57I suppose you're right.
20:58Oh, I am, Arthur.
20:59You mark my words.
21:00She'll be waiting at home with the welcome mat out.
21:03You stay there, I'll get your coat.
21:05Christine.
21:07Listen.
21:08Thanks.
21:09You've been great.
21:11I don't deserve to have a good friend like you, you know that, don't you?
21:14Yes.
21:16Friends.
21:17I'll get your coat.
21:19God, I smell like I fill in a vat of cheap bath suits.
21:24Oh, it wore off a long time ago.
21:26Yeah, that's right.
21:27Right, keep your coat.
21:28Don't forget to bite me.
21:30That address.
21:32Half a shandy and half a liver, please, Cheryl.
21:35Right.
21:36You sure you won't have one, Mark, on the house?
21:38Just an orange juice?
21:39No, no, I won't.
21:40You are coming round for Christmas, aren't you, Cheryl?
21:42Don't start, Mark.
21:43Look, just one decent Christmas without the usual rails.
21:46That's all I'm asking.
21:47It'd be a first, wouldn't it?
21:48Yeah, let's hope it's not the last, eh?
21:50Yeah, right.
21:51Oh, look, look, there's a little match, girl.
21:53Haven't you got some bad tidings for us?
21:55Something about no room at the inn?
21:56Great.
21:57Mandy.
21:58You've got a minute.
21:59What?
22:00Ah, my favourite cousin.
22:03Oh, well, just face it, Ian, you haven't got that many to choose from.
22:06What'll it be?
22:07Arsenic and soda?
22:08Oh, yes, please, mate with them.
22:10Can I get you one?
22:11What?
22:12A drink.
22:13Me?
22:14Yes, you.
22:15Yeah, all right, then I will.
22:16Mandy.
22:17What's up?
22:18Don't even think of that, Steve.
22:21All right.
22:22I'll get all the great jobs.
22:23Had to be done.
22:24Mum next.
22:25Good luck.
22:26Here.
22:27Can you ask your mum if she's interested in six large tins of instant coffee?
22:29Only a tailor.
22:30Fall off the back of Santa Slater.
22:32Cheers.
22:36Mum?
22:37I'm in here.
22:44I'm sorry, Mum.
22:45Oh, that's a surprise.
22:46Don't often get an apology in this house.
22:48Yeah, I know.
22:49We're not very good at it, aren't we?
22:51Saying sorry, the Fowlers.
22:53We go first and we think afterwards.
22:55That's our motto.
22:56Never did your gran much harm, did it?
22:58Speak in her mind.
22:59Sometimes it wasn't so good being only under one of her tongue rations, I can tell you.
23:02Yeah, well, I dare say you asked for it.
23:05You're not wearing your dress.
23:07No.
23:08Didn't seem much point.
23:09It's a special occasion dress, yeah?
23:11Yeah.
23:12Got it for me silver wedding.
23:14Yeah?
23:15Oh, that's right.
23:1625 years is silver, isn't it?
23:17That's right.
23:18Mind you, it's more than that now.
23:20Well, when was it?
23:21What?
23:22When you and Dad got married.
23:23Oh, 19...
23:251965.
23:27That's nearly 30 years.
23:29Yeah.
23:31I see the way this is going.
23:32Nearly 30 years of marriage and throwing it all away.
23:35Oh, you said it.
23:36Yeah, so when I want advice on my marriage for my own son, I'll ask him, thank you.
23:39All right, Mum.
23:40All right.
23:41Arnie Pauling!
23:42Sorry, mate.
23:43Don't you ever knock?
23:44Oh, sorry.
23:45I was wondering if you was interested in some large tins of Brazilian coffee.
23:47It's going cheap.
23:48Ian, get lost, please.
23:49All right.
23:50Arnie Pauling?
23:51Ian.
23:52On your own, are you?
23:53Where's your little girlfriend?
23:54Huh?
23:55Oh, I don't believe this.
23:56Do you want his coffee or not?
23:57What is it?
23:58Knocked off?
23:59No, thanks.
24:00I prefer to get my groceries from the supermarket shelf, same as everybody else.
24:02Well, it's told me, hasn't it?
24:04Don't forget, shut the door on the way out.
24:06Yeah, families.
24:07Who needs them?
24:08He was telling them.
24:09Well, I know he's my nephew, but sometimes he really gets on my wick.
24:13Talking of families.
24:15Come on, Mum.
24:17You're not going to give up, are you?
24:20So you're going to make it up with Dad, then?
24:22Yeah, all right.
24:23Quarrel's over.
24:24Anything to stop you turning into an agony, Uncle.
24:27I don't think I could stand it.
24:29Now, I'll make him another dinner.
24:31Give him a big hug and a big kiss.
24:33Tell him I'm sorry.
24:34If ever he gets home.
24:37So, Ian bought you a drink.
24:39It's hardly a cause to call out MI5.
24:41Yeah, but what about the flowers?
24:42It's not Kathy's birthday, is it?
24:44So who are the roses for?
24:45I'm telling you, he's up to something.
24:46Yes, Doc?
24:47I'll get them.
24:48Port and lemon and...
24:49No, no.
24:50Tomato juice.
24:51And a pint of lager, please, Michelle.
24:52Okay.
24:53Oh, I feel terrible.
24:54I mean, blind.
24:55Whatever must he have thought, you know, me going on about good manners.
24:58It wasn't your fault, Mrs C.
25:00Oh, when I saw that stick, I could have died.
25:02Poor man.
25:03Sitting in a world of darkness.
25:05I think he's the type who can manage, Mrs C.
25:07Yeah, but I feel dreadful when I think of what I said.
25:10Look, he could have told you he was blind, couldn't he?
25:13He didn't have to stand there listening to you telling him off.
25:15Oh, no, he couldn't have said.
25:16Cheers.
25:17I mean, it's pride, you see.
25:18I mean, my Charlie, God rest his soul.
25:20I mean, his asthma, that was a burden to him all of his life, but you'd never have known
25:24it because it was never discussed.
25:26Not publicly.
25:27All I'm saying is, I wouldn't lose any sleep over Mr Cameron.
25:30I think he's well able to look after himself.
25:32So, we're not swallowing the story about Mandy and Ian.
25:35That's what we're saying here.
25:36And we're definitely not swallowing the story about Mandy and Cathy, right?
25:38Right.
25:39Because we know what Ian's like.
25:40And also, we know what Cathy's like.
25:42We know she's just not capable of doing anything.
25:44Hi.
25:45She might as be burning.
25:47Right.
25:48Drink.
25:49Hey, did you get any flowers today?
25:50No, why?
25:51Should I then?
25:52Make it a dab all your shell.
25:53I need it.
25:54I tell you, I'm flaming mad, that little cow.
25:56Oh, let me guess.
25:57She comes waxing in with my teeth and do those.
25:59They're all pink.
26:00Ah.
26:01Yeah, well, it wasn't just her, Cathy.
26:02There was a problem at the lingerie.
26:03Please, pull the other one.
26:04No, no, there was, honestly.
26:05If that little madam makes up one more story about not doing the washing up, I'm going to
26:08swing for her.
26:09I really will.
26:15Arthur, I'm sorry I was silly about the letter.
26:20You look nice.
26:21Look, it's all my fault.
26:22I'm just a silly woman who doesn't know how lucky she is.
26:24No, no, no.
26:25It's my fault, really.
26:26We won't argue again, will we?
26:27No.
26:28I've done you banging some mash for your dinner.
26:30Oh, smashing?
26:31Where have you been?
26:32I was getting ever so worried.
26:33Oh, nowhere special, no.
26:35Not been with your lady friend, have you?
26:37It's only a joke, only a joke.
26:39Oh, no, no.
26:40I've just been over the allotment.
26:42What, all this time?
26:43Hmm.
26:44You must be frozen.
26:45Never mind.
26:46Your dinner will warm you up.
26:48It is nice to see you.
26:49And we are friends again now, aren't we?
26:51Oh, yeah, yeah.
26:54Friends.
26:56Sorry.
26:57Right, everyone.
26:58Santa's here.
27:01Here you go, Doc.
27:02Compliments of the season.
27:03It's a present from the meal machine.
27:04Oh, yes.
27:05What's the snack?
27:06It's no snack.
27:07It's an early Christmas present.
27:08Oh, thank you.
27:09Right.
27:10Here you go, you two.
27:11Call it a perk of the job.
27:12One each.
27:13Oh, how much?
27:14How much, Eos?
27:15It's a Christmas present, you fool.
27:16Oh, thanks.
27:17Hey, Ian.
27:18What's that?
27:19Is this coffee decaffeinated?
27:20Because I only drink decaffeinated.
27:22If that's what you want, that's what it is, all right?
27:25Oh, how lovely.
27:27My eyesight must have planned tricks on me.
27:29I thought I saw my son come here.
27:31No, it was some bloke giving away free gifts at coffee.
27:33I tell you, I'm seriously worried.
27:35I think he's losing it.
27:36Here you go, ladies.
27:38Oh.
27:39One each.
27:40Um, sorry, favourite cousin.
27:41I seem to have run out.
27:42I'm heartbroken.
27:43You all live.
27:44Are you all right, Ian?
27:45Because I thought this stuff was a tenner.
27:46What is this?
27:47Can't a man perform a simple act of generosity without your middle-class cynics getting all
27:50suspicious?
27:51Do you want the coffee?
27:52Yeah, but I'm just...
27:53Fine!
27:54Then take it!
27:55Do you want to say about gift horses and all that?
27:56See you later.
27:59Well, there's only one for an Asha for it, isn't there?
28:01Is there?
28:02He's in love, isn't he?
28:03I'll just put it on the table.
28:08Here you go.
28:09Thanks.
28:10Good night.
28:26Fire in an underground car park for Blue Watch.
28:30Classic EastEnders continues next.