Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:28Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:17Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankham and Butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday
00:10:15half seven
00:10:16outside Central Library.
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow,
00:10:20half seven
00:10:20outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking
00:10:38and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book
00:10:40for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time,
00:11:37Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid in for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket?
00:12:14I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:21See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Mary!
00:12:26Mary!
00:12:28Mary!
00:12:30Mary!
00:12:32Mary!
00:12:34Mary!
00:12:36Mary!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:48Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:37Are you going that?
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Well, um...
00:13:41No.
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:50I am.
00:13:51Which?
00:13:52Which are you?
00:13:53Any.
00:13:54I am.
00:13:55See you then.
00:13:56Tonight?
00:13:57Pardon?
00:13:58Oh, I...
00:13:59All right, then.
00:14:00Right.
00:14:01Super socks.
00:14:03Did you see that?
00:14:04They're all on drugs.
00:14:05A lot of them.
00:14:06I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09I am.
00:14:10See you then.
00:14:11Tonight?
00:14:12Pardon?
00:14:13Oh, I...
00:14:14All right, then.
00:14:15Right.
00:14:17Super socks.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:49Excuse me, I...
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:18Only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:23Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:29Hello, mate.
00:15:31Oh, um...
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:33Surprise, surprise.
00:15:34Surprise.
00:15:35Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:54What do you, uh...
00:16:05What do you, uh...
00:16:06What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:07She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:09Sort of.
00:16:10Sorry, sorry.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:13Yeah.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:19You having a coffee with us?
00:16:20No thanks, kid.
00:16:21Neville's ravenous.
00:16:22You've just eaten.
00:16:23Oh, of course.
00:16:24Yeah.
00:16:25Sorry.
00:16:26You see.
00:16:27What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:28By implication.
00:16:29Probably by implication.
00:16:30Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:33You see.
00:16:34Yes.
00:16:35Was he the errand boy?
00:16:36Was he the errand boy?
00:16:37Ken Thingy.
00:16:38He directed it.
00:16:39No.
00:16:40No.
00:16:41No.
00:16:42No.
00:16:43No.
00:16:44No.
00:16:45No.
00:16:46No.
00:16:47No.
00:16:48No.
00:16:49No.
00:16:50No.
00:16:51No.
00:16:52No.
00:16:53No.
00:16:54No.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh.
00:16:57Yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:01Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well.
00:17:11Probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:17Like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24sex marriage the number of boys that asked me to marry them a couple of dates
00:17:32and how they want to get married I want to live a bit before I get married I
00:17:37suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it get married hmm actually I find
00:17:49girls and most girls it is a bit obsessed these days it's not marriage no sex
00:18:03sex that's what I said oh well I'm not like that it's not possible
00:18:10motivated no
00:18:19did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol Ken Russell yeah
00:18:32this is it
00:18:39I won't come in with it being our first date no anyway my mom's gone to bed would be on our own
00:18:58is that a reason for me not coming in now yes Jeffrey
00:19:03nice house thank you 25 year mortgage
00:19:17well thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24funny isn't it first date with someone it always leads to one of three things
00:19:33either nothing or something
00:19:38or everything
00:19:40well don't think about Percy Filth at this stage Beryl
00:19:45you're not
00:19:47no I'm not
00:19:49night night god bless
00:19:52night night god bless
00:19:53I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it three two seven double four two one the easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five which is two less than seven
00:20:15then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one
00:20:18and
00:20:19but you mustn't ring me if you don't want
00:20:21no
00:20:22but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to
00:20:24not if you'd rather not
00:20:26three two seven double four two one
00:20:28good night
00:20:29good night
00:20:58well hello mrs. Battersby Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea
00:21:04oh we all of a past life flash before me then
00:21:07can't be mother's day you'd have forgotten
00:21:14has there been any clips
00:21:16mom I want the benefits of your experience
00:21:19what do you think of Andy Warhol
00:21:23you see Jeffrey has this theory that by implication
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:29Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:57How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:07Did she, er...
00:22:09What?
00:22:11Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:19I said... How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:29Chams. Sod.
00:22:35Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:41Who?
00:22:43I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Ed.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:33Good morning.
00:23:34Good morning.
00:23:35Good morning.
00:23:36Good morning.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:23:38All right.
00:23:39What are you doing?
00:23:40What are you doing?
00:23:41I'm just listening to I'm the Old Macs,
00:23:43I'm the Old Macs.
00:24:00Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Seth does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:01My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:06See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:08Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:10My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take the stream back in film.
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One day, it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:42All over by seven, twenty-three, precisely.
00:26:48So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his
00:28:57strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:14What?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:59Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:14All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:06I don't know how you do it.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:08I don't know.
00:37:38John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell, no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland. Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:36...and psychologically incredibly boring?
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:04I haven't really looked.
00:39:06You've seen one. You've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all. I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23It must be my birthday.
00:39:24Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:28I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Was I?
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:47Terrific self-control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:53Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:55Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:57I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:39:59and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:01It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:03My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:07Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't. Please.
00:40:11You can't ravish a girl in the room.
00:40:13I don't know.
00:40:14I don't know.
00:40:15I don't know.
00:40:16I don't know.
00:40:17I don't know.
00:40:18I don't know.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl in her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me choke on his tortoise!
00:40:49I don't know.
00:41:19What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:22Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:26No. Stephen.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mm. Mm.
00:41:48Mm.
00:41:48Mm. Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:53Mm. Mm.
00:41:57Mm.
00:42:02Mm.
00:42:07Mm.
00:42:12Mm.
00:42:14Mm.
00:42:16Mm.
00:42:17Mm.
00:42:18Mm.
00:42:19Mm.
00:42:20Mm.
00:42:21Mm.
00:42:27Mm.
00:42:32Mm.
00:42:33Mm.
00:42:37Mm.
00:42:38Mm.
00:42:39Mm.
00:42:40Mm.
00:42:41Mm.
00:42:42Mm.
00:42:43Mm.
00:42:44Mm.
00:42:45Mm.
00:42:46Mm.
00:42:47Mm.
00:42:48Mm.
00:42:49Mm.
00:42:50Mm.
00:42:51Mm.
00:42:52Mm.
00:42:53Mm.
00:42:54Mm.
00:42:55Mm.
00:42:56Mm.
00:42:57Mm.
00:42:58Mm.
00:42:59Mm.
00:43:00Mm.
00:43:01Mm.
00:43:05Mm.
00:43:06Mm.
00:43:07Mm.
00:43:08Mm.
00:43:09Mm.
00:43:10Mm.
00:43:11Mm.
00:43:12Mm.
00:43:13Mm.
00:43:14Mm.
00:43:15Mm.
00:43:16Mm.
00:43:17Mm.
00:43:18Mm.
00:43:19Mm.
00:43:20Mm.
00:43:21Look, I'd never look through another Jeremy.
00:43:23How do you do?
00:43:24Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:26Jeremy.
00:43:27Bed.
00:43:28I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:29Jeremy.
00:43:30Little boys need sleep.
00:43:35EVEN BIG ASTRONAUTS!
00:43:36Do you know where babies' come from?
00:43:39DO you?
00:43:42SAY NO
00:43:43NO
00:43:44I DO
00:43:45SAY YES
00:43:47Shall I tell you? He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:17Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:25But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:47In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:45:0050.
00:45:0250.
00:45:02Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:41He's going now.
00:45:42Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:50You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44Well, we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:02Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:27You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:26I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:48Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody yes.
00:49:13Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:01Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42What's a beautiful bag, baby?
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Mine?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:02But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26The child.
00:54:26I'm really dirty.
00:54:29Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:47Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:01Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage, and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me...
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure...
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me...
00:56:14No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her...
00:57:51...a perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:57:59Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23Nice.
00:58:29I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quill and slow road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:40I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:19I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:20I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:21I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:22I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:23I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:24I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:25I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:26I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:27I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:28I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:29I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:30I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:31I don't know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:32I don't know.
01:03:02Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:12Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:59Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Oh, stop.
01:04:23That's right.
01:04:24How are they?
01:04:25No.
01:04:26No, no, no.
01:04:27I want to see you again.
01:04:28A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23I don't think he can smell burning. It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help me, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:01Do what?
01:08:01What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51I'll see you.
01:10:51I'll see you.
01:10:52I'll see you.
01:10:52I'll see you.
01:10:54Hello? You all right, son? Terrific.
01:10:57Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh. What's your theory? Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh. What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:16Hasn't he said anything at all? He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that? If God had meant sardines to be in oil,
01:11:23he had given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:26The weeks and months dragged by,
01:11:29and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52Until society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:34Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:01Amen.
01:13:02Oh, hell.
01:13:03Hands up again.
01:13:04See you tomorrow.
01:13:05Where do you think you're going?
01:13:06Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:07It's important.
01:13:08What is?
01:13:09I keep asking you.
01:13:10What is?
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12To be on our own.
01:13:13What?
01:13:14Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:57Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:07The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what face do I want you to?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53You used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59You used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:09It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Eh, fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05See, President.
01:22:06Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:07That was before we ever met.
01:22:08I know.
01:22:09Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:10No.
01:22:11Oh?
01:22:12Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:13Hmm.
01:22:14Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:18to the moon.
01:22:19Nixon.
01:22:20Nixon.
01:22:21Why is he going?
01:22:22No.
01:22:23The astronauts.
01:22:24Oh.
01:22:25It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:26We never really talked, did we?
01:22:27About things that matter.
01:22:28Good, isn't it?
01:22:29Shows with friends.
01:22:30Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:31Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:32Ha-ha.
01:22:33Ha-ha.
01:22:34I'm going to the moon.
01:22:35Nixon.
01:22:36Why is he going?
01:22:37No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:40It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:44We never really talked, did we? About things that matter.
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows with friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:02My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:06I'm right off it myself.
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Aww.
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not.
01:23:16It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:22Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:39Only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bet.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol.
01:23:55And marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:10Facebook.
01:24:11Well...
01:24:12We'll bump into each other some time.
01:24:15APPLAUSE
01:24:16Goodbye, Dad!
01:24:19APPLAUSE
01:24:22печi
01:24:33Fusant
01:24:35oh hello mrs. Battersby. you won't remember me?
01:25:01good afternoon Jeffrey. is Beryl there please? she's gone to the football match.
01:25:12there is no football. it's cricket now. well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:31hi! when's the kick-off? in about three months. football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48what on earth did you want to come for? forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57where will you go now then? don't know.
01:26:03could always go inside and practice booing for next season. where will you?
01:26:10might go and get a new pair of tights. hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:16fancy a stroll in the country? may as well. if you like. don't mind. why not?
01:26:22just as friends. oh I meant just as friends. yeah I did.
01:26:35wish we had a ball. could play shooting in. you could go in goal.
01:26:47amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:52well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else. anyone really.
01:27:34there's millions to choose from. all nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40you'll find someone Geoffrey. you will Beryl.
01:27:46it's just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:49picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51oh
01:27:56Em holy.
01:27:58eng 자연 Оченьńsk...
01:28:01che冷静 echt...
01:28:10che冷静...
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather