Alia Bhatt And Sister Strike Emotional Note At Women’s Summit

Brut India

Speaking about her sister's battle against depression, Alia Bhatt broke down at We The Women summit hosted by Barkha Dutt You can watch the full video here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_9MDHdUo_Q&feature=youtu.be

Transcript

00:00I'm just very nervous that I'm going to start crying any minute because the minute we start

00:07talking about my sister.

00:08It's okay to cry.

00:09Okay, I have to come and sit.

00:10I'm just very nervous that I'm going to start crying any minute because the minute we start

00:41talking about my sister.

00:44It's okay to cry.

00:45No, but...

00:46It's okay to cry.

00:47It's not.

00:48Not when I start crying, I don't stop.

00:51So...

00:52We will cry together, really.

00:56It's okay.

00:59Why do you feel so emotional because even when Shaheen first wrote this book...

01:02Okay, I have to come and sit.

01:06You need to tell this audience why you're feeling the way you're feeling because I know

01:19that when Shaheen first went public with her battle with depression, you cried then too.

01:24And it did something inside you and you felt like you didn't know, you hadn't noticed,

01:29you didn't understand.

01:30I think that's what makes you cry.

01:36I guess the thing is that I just feel, I feel extremely proud.

01:42There's this feeling of feeling extremely proud, heartbroken and overjoyed at the same

01:52time.

01:53It's contradictory many emotions.

01:55Exactly.

01:57Even though I've lived with my sister for my whole life, that's twenty-six years, I

02:04only understood Barkha after reading her book what she was really going through.

02:08And that makes me feel on so many levels, so, so, as in, I mean, I would not use the

02:16word ashamed but I feel so terrible as a sister, like I feel like I was, I didn't put myself

02:23out there enough to understand her, to think about what she must be going through.

02:29And also what makes me really emotional, makes me very emotional is because I've really always

02:37believed that she's the most brilliant person in my family and to some extent she's never

02:43believed that about her own self and you can correct me if I'm wrong but that always broke

02:49my heart.

02:50It really, really broke my heart because she is and not just me, everybody in the family.

02:55Like when Shaheen walks into the room and like, oh, you know, the star is here, the

03:00shining star is here because she genuinely with her mind, with her, you know, her emotional

03:06quotient, the ability she has, the way she makes you feel, it's another, it's of another

03:13extreme and…

03:14How did you reach that point of strength?

03:16Because it takes strength to write this book.

03:18The book is with me.

03:19Please read it.

03:20Please pick up a copy if you haven't.

03:21It's called I've Never Been Unhappier and it's really a brave and moving book, really.

03:28I honestly, again, I've also struggled with people calling it brave or courageous.

03:31No, it is brave.

03:32You may struggle with it but accept the fact that very few people would write about their

03:38lives with absolute emotional transparency and if you don't want to call that brave,

03:43then let me call it brave.

03:44Okay, I'll take that.

03:47I mean, okay, but the reason I think I struggle with that as well is because on one hand I

03:50feel like I've kind of been raised to be slightly transparent in general.

03:54My family is like that.

03:55My father is like that.

03:56My older sister, Alia, also to a huge degree.

04:00So it doesn't…

04:01To me, it doesn't feel like I'm putting myself out there in that way and I also feel

04:06like a part of it is selfish.

04:08Why I've done it?

04:09Why?

04:10Why?

04:11Because I feel like I was done hiding.

04:13I was done sort of pretending to be this whole other person that I was not.

04:19Walking into a room and pretending that I have it all together, like even walking out

04:22here right now, I was like, Alia, tell them I'm scared because I feel like for me that's

04:26the most important thing.

04:27I'm done trying to come out here and pretend, you know, this is…

04:30I'm so used to this and I know how to…

04:32I don't and so it is partly selfish because I wanted…

04:36I was done.

04:38So for me, this is slightly kind of forcing myself out into the open and dealing with

04:42my insecurities and sort of laying them all out on the table.

04:45And I read a really lovely line somewhere which basically said that when you're ashamed,

04:49you can't tell your story and telling your story is the foundation of identity.

04:54So not being able to talk about who you are, I'm afraid, you know, like I'm scared,

04:59like my…

05:00I'm always afraid, you know, and that's fine but it's helping me sort of claim who

05:04I am as a person.

05:06Alia, your elder sister says you don't have to feel the way you do but I actually understand

05:11what you're feeling.

05:12You're feeling like maybe I could have made her feel better.

05:15Maybe when she didn't want to go out for dinner, I could have stayed back and spent

05:18that evening with her.

05:19But is there also that sense of, and I know this happens a lot that when one sibling is

05:25kind of more out there, more comfortable, more social and the other one is a little

05:28more withdrawn, is there slightly that sense of guilting yourself about it?

05:34Like how have you coped with this?

05:36Because when something like what Shaheen is battled with happens, it's not just her battle,

05:40it becomes a family's conversation, it becomes a family's battle and it plays out in different

05:45ways for all the family members.

05:48Well, yeah, I think to a certain extent, even though I want to…

05:56Like for example, today we were coming here and we do a photo shoot.

06:00I mean, actors have to do a photo shoot before they leave their house because we dress up

06:04in…

06:05Have to, is it?

06:06Yeah, because we dress up in clothes that don't belong to us.

06:07We have to pick a post to give them credit, you know, so otherwise you don't get as big

06:13designer brands later and stuff.

06:14So you have to now become a norm.

06:15I love you Alia for your candor.

06:16It's become a thing.

06:17You have to post.

06:18So we were doing a photo shoot and I did my poses, this and that and I could see Shaheen

06:22was there doing her makeup and stuff and she was getting uncomfortable.

06:25She's like, can we leave now, can we go now, can we do this now?

06:28So as simple as me pushing her to, I said, Shaheen, your book is releasing, we need some

06:33pictures of you, you know, because there's going to be some press around the books.

06:36Nobody knows…

06:37Nobody has any pictures of you.

06:38They have one black and white image of hers, which is beautiful, it's my favorite image

06:41of hers.

06:42But I would like to have more pictures of Shaheen out there so she can promote her book,

06:46which it's not only for her, people deserve and people should know that this book is coming

06:50out and it's all of that and what it speaks about, etc.

06:53So as simple as… as simple as me being like, Shaheen, go, smile and their pictures were

06:59being taken.

07:00I said, you're looking so pretty, you're looking so lovely and she was just getting conscious

07:02and I'm like, Shaheen, just… just go, be… push yourself in the moment.

07:07So there was a certain feeling of, I don't know how much to push, you know.

07:10So there were days where I would, you know, that she… like every time like my mom and

07:15her and me would be free, it's like, okay, let's go out, Shaheen.

07:18And she'd be like, no, I don't want to go out.

07:20And to a certain extent, you understand, but I'm sorry that I'm saying this, but I'm being

07:25totally honest, as a human being, you get little irritated.

07:29So I feel guilty for feeling irritated with her.

07:32Yeah.

07:33You know, like there was a time I remember we went to Viva Maya.

07:36There's this like spa in Austria, where you go to lose weight.

07:41So we all went, as a big happy family who love to eat food, you want to go lose weight.

07:45So we went.

07:47And we would basically have a couple of things to do in the day, but otherwise it would be

07:52very boring.

07:53So I wanted to go out, I wanted to hike, I want to take a cycle and so on the way, I

07:56was like, Shaheen, we'll do this, we'll do that, we'll do this, we'll do that.

07:58And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

08:00And when it came to it, and I went to her room, and I said, come on, I'm going cycling,

08:03let's go cycling.

08:04She's like, I don't want to go cycling.

08:05And I'm like, but we just decided so, you know, in moments like those, it's human to

08:11get irritated with your sibling, which is okay.

08:14I don't think she wants to be treated with kid gloves.

08:17I don't think so either, but you know, when I read the book, and also to a certain extent,

08:26I also have those days when I'm like, I don't know whether I can say this, but PMSing.

08:31Of course you can say it.

08:32Yeah, right.

08:33It's we the women.

08:34Yeah.

08:35We can bloody well say PMSing.

08:36So I also have those days when I'm like, PMSing, we're like, I don't want to meet anybody.

08:39And I'm like, everybody hates me and I'm just like the worst person in the world and like,

08:42you know, all those things.

08:43It's everything's really dramatic at the time.

08:45And I've had those moments with her and I go and I, she lets me cry, she lets me be,

08:50because to a certain extent, she feels that not just once a month, you know, she feels

08:56that on a regular basis.

08:57So I felt guilty that I don't have that same kind of understanding.

09:02I may not show it to her.

09:04But the fact that my mind was irritated, I feel guilty about that.

09:08How many years did you live with this?

09:10And did you have those moments when you felt that I don't want to live?

09:15So it's been 20 years now.

09:17For me, depression is chronic.

09:20Even now?

09:21Even now.

09:22I was talking about having times when I don't want to live that happened to me a couple

09:26of months ago.

09:27And I hadn't felt that way in a really long time.

09:29It had been a really long time since those thoughts and those feelings came back.

09:33But they came back.

09:34But I've learned...

09:35So you have felt suicide?

09:36Of course.

09:37Yeah, I attempted suicide when I was 17 or 18 as well, 2005.

09:43Yeah.

09:44Did anyone in your family know?

09:45No.

09:46I mean...

09:48This is a difficult conversation and I'm just so grateful to these sisters for being willing

09:58to have it.

10:08It's tough for Alia, but it's really brave of Shaheen to actually sit here in front of

10:12I don't even know, 600 people, 700 people, and say that she thought of not living.

10:19Alia, did Shaheen's experience and living with it change your understanding of something

10:27that you may not have even thought about?

10:30Before Shaheen wrote this book and you read it and you understood what your sister had

10:34lived with, maybe you had misconceptions about why people are depressed.

10:38Maybe you interchangeably thought it's the same as being sad, which all of us are.

10:42So I'm just wondering what that journey's been like for you.

10:45Yeah, it definitely changed my...

10:50The way I looked at people feeling depression, anxiety as well.

10:56I have actually come out and spoken about days where I also feel like I was feeling

11:01this inexplainable low, which even still now I'm still not understanding.

11:06I keep discussing it with her, like, I don't know, I'm not sure, but again, I may relate

11:10it to a monthly feeling or whatever, hormones, etc.

11:15But now when I feel that way, what I know is that it's okay to say, like it happened

11:19to me recently where I was having a bad day and I called up my manager and I said, listen,

11:23I'm having a bad day.

11:25Can we cancel this meetings and can we tell them that Alia's not feeling good?

11:30She's feeling low.

11:31Like don't say that I'm unwell, just say, don't say I have like a stomach bug or something,

11:36just say that I'm feeling low.

11:37You didn't feel the need to pretend and pretend that it was something else.

11:40And the response I got for it was very like, people were like, the meetings that I cancelled,

11:45it's okay, we understand.

11:46So there is a certain waking up to it.

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