The Wedding Makers Who Can't Themselves Wed

Brut India

They make weddings happen but they themselves cannot legally marry in India. This is what it’s like to be a member of the LGBTQI community working in India’s big, fat wedding industry.

Transcript

00:00I'm someone who will continue to love love.

00:02I believe I'll get married someday.

00:04With the people who means a lot to be there around.

00:09Yeah, that's it.

00:28Why can't I have it?

00:29I want to find love.

00:51Being a wedding photographer,

00:53I've captured so many amazing couples.

00:56Seeing all these things, you know,

00:58I want to get married.

01:00When I think about what's going to happen

01:02when I'm going to get married.

01:04Is it going to happen? Is it not?

01:16Name my film, Maaza Pan Lagna Hoel.

01:18It's in Marathi. It's called, I Will Also Get Married.

01:22Because being brought up from a Maharashtrian family,

01:26in a middle class family,

01:28it is very taboo.

01:30Like your families,

01:32at the end,

01:34they don't accept you. That's like a fact.

01:36I love love.

01:38I have not gotten that love.

01:40I am going to be selfish.

01:42I want to find a partner.

01:44I want to get married.

01:45I don't want kids.

01:46I want to adopt a lot of dogs.

01:48So that is like my dream.

01:50And I know I can't have it in India.

01:53I want to have,

01:54which is all the heterosexual couple has it.

01:56Like, why can't I have it?

01:58I want to find love.

02:14Because of the social construct of gay culture

02:17and the fluctuating nature of our laws,

02:23depending on where you are or what country you land up in,

02:26I feel like the gay community,

02:28there's so many people who are not ready to get married.

02:39The reason why I entered the wedding industry

02:41was obviously I have a huge fascination for it.

02:45Growing up, my grandparents owned movie theaters

02:48and weddings and that whole Bollywood scene

02:51and in-laws and family

02:53and maintaining all those values

02:55was something that was ingrained in me from childhood.

02:58I think it was probably one of the reasons

03:00why it took me so many years to come out

03:03because those values were really important to me.

03:06So it was really interesting to enter that space

03:10where I was an outsider

03:12in the sense that I was right in the middle of it

03:14and I was catering to these very high-profile weddings

03:18that were based on tradition,

03:20arranged marriages, sometimes love.

03:22But at the same time, it was almost,

03:25it's like I'm in the middle of the fire,

03:29but I can't be part of the fire.

03:43The law is the law and that's,

03:45I mean, the law also says you can get married to a tree.

03:48Leave alone the actual act of the marriage

03:51and the signing of the documents,

03:52you still need that familial support

03:55to support that union.

03:57And regardless of the law or not,

03:59we still need to get our community

04:01and our community's families involved

04:03to support those types of relationships.

04:06I'm trying to meet people who are gay,

04:09who want to settle down and possibly have children,

04:12but have a very difficult time

04:13meeting those type of gentlemen

04:15who want those same things

04:16because not only are they restricted by law,

04:19but we're restricted by society.

04:21There's just a general acceptance that's not there.

04:24I'm trying to meet people who are gay

04:27who want to settle down and possibly have children,

04:30but have a very difficult time

04:31meeting those type of gentlemen

04:33who want those same things

04:34because not only are they restricted by law,

04:36but we're restricted by society.

04:37There's just a general acceptance that's not there.

04:47If all the gay and lesbian people

04:48were to come out tomorrow in the world,

04:52we could change the world overnight.

05:04What about lesbian women

05:05who want to get married to gay men?

05:06Because they're like,

05:07this is the only way I can see this working.

05:09I think that people spend a lot of time

05:11thinking about the wedding in India,

05:13and they don't necessarily think about the marriage.

05:34It's part of my upbringing.

05:35I'd like to believe that a marriage between two people

05:39is not just a marriage between those two people,

05:42but it's also a promise made to God

05:44or whoever you believe to be the power.

05:48And I think that I look at our culture

05:51and I look at this whole union of companionship

05:53and marriage very, very seriously.

06:00It's a long road to travel,

06:02but we are now seeing a lot of same-sex weddings happening,

06:08perhaps more of them happening across the world

06:12of people who are Indian origin.

06:14We've done quite a few weddings which are same-sex weddings.

06:20We've designed quite a few clothes for them.

06:21And I think a closer home in India,

06:24we still have a long way to go,

06:26but it's very much a part of the conversation.

06:29And it's very much happening,

06:32and it's something that I feel quite proud to have been part of.

06:37♪

06:57I first came to India when I first came out at the age of 29.

07:01And when I first came to India at the age of 29,

07:06this was about 2005.

07:11I wasn't really comfortable in the gay space in India.

07:14I felt it wasn't evolved enough for me to come out,

07:16especially after coming from a place like New York.

07:19So I spent about eight months here

07:21and was trying to figure out if I could have a business here.

07:23And I realized that there was an opportunity to do work here,

07:26but living as a gay single man would be challenging.

07:30Back then it was, you know, fairly bleak.

07:33And, you know, it's been a very difficult and steady fight

07:36for people who fought to bring down the section.

07:40But I somewhere in, you know,

07:43I kind of had hope and trust in my people

07:46and in my country and our culture

07:49that things will hopefully change soon.

07:52♪

07:56As someone who's in the public eye,

07:58you know, as someone who has a voice

08:02and, you know, commands authority,

08:04especially in the field of design and fashion,

08:06I think we should use ourselves as an example

08:11to perhaps people who may be less fortunate

08:14or perhaps people who may not have these opportunities

08:18and the exposure.

08:19You know, seeing a success story is all that they need.

08:23And it's just that push in the right direction that they desire.

08:26I think that we are also, we've seen the change.

08:30We're living the change.

08:31We're in the industry, which is constantly changing and evolving.

08:35And, yes, so I think there's a long road to travel,

08:39but, you know, we're definitely walking.

08:43I wouldn't say in baby steps,

08:44but we're walking as fast as we can.

08:48It'll take time. It'll happen.

08:50I think that it'll happen because it has to happen

08:53and because the community will demand of it.

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