They make weddings happen but they themselves cannot legally marry in India. This is what it’s like to be a member of the LGBTQI community working in India’s big, fat wedding industry.
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00:00I'm someone who will continue to love love.
00:02I believe I'll get married someday.
00:04With the people who means a lot to be there around.
00:09Yeah, that's it.
00:28Why can't I have it?
00:29I want to find love.
00:51Being a wedding photographer,
00:53I've captured so many amazing couples.
00:56Seeing all these things, you know,
00:58I want to get married.
01:00When I think about what's going to happen
01:02when I'm going to get married.
01:04Is it going to happen? Is it not?
01:16Name my film, Maaza Pan Lagna Hoel.
01:18It's in Marathi. It's called, I Will Also Get Married.
01:22Because being brought up from a Maharashtrian family,
01:26in a middle class family,
01:28it is very taboo.
01:30Like your families,
01:32at the end,
01:34they don't accept you. That's like a fact.
01:36I love love.
01:38I have not gotten that love.
01:40I am going to be selfish.
01:42I want to find a partner.
01:44I want to get married.
01:45I don't want kids.
01:46I want to adopt a lot of dogs.
01:48So that is like my dream.
01:50And I know I can't have it in India.
01:53I want to have,
01:54which is all the heterosexual couple has it.
01:56Like, why can't I have it?
01:58I want to find love.
02:14Because of the social construct of gay culture
02:17and the fluctuating nature of our laws,
02:23depending on where you are or what country you land up in,
02:26I feel like the gay community,
02:28there's so many people who are not ready to get married.
02:39The reason why I entered the wedding industry
02:41was obviously I have a huge fascination for it.
02:45Growing up, my grandparents owned movie theaters
02:48and weddings and that whole Bollywood scene
02:51and in-laws and family
02:53and maintaining all those values
02:55was something that was ingrained in me from childhood.
02:58I think it was probably one of the reasons
03:00why it took me so many years to come out
03:03because those values were really important to me.
03:06So it was really interesting to enter that space
03:10where I was an outsider
03:12in the sense that I was right in the middle of it
03:14and I was catering to these very high-profile weddings
03:18that were based on tradition,
03:20arranged marriages, sometimes love.
03:22But at the same time, it was almost,
03:25it's like I'm in the middle of the fire,
03:29but I can't be part of the fire.
03:43The law is the law and that's,
03:45I mean, the law also says you can get married to a tree.
03:48Leave alone the actual act of the marriage
03:51and the signing of the documents,
03:52you still need that familial support
03:55to support that union.
03:57And regardless of the law or not,
03:59we still need to get our community
04:01and our community's families involved
04:03to support those types of relationships.
04:06I'm trying to meet people who are gay,
04:09who want to settle down and possibly have children,
04:12but have a very difficult time
04:13meeting those type of gentlemen
04:15who want those same things
04:16because not only are they restricted by law,
04:19but we're restricted by society.
04:21There's just a general acceptance that's not there.
04:24I'm trying to meet people who are gay
04:27who want to settle down and possibly have children,
04:30but have a very difficult time
04:31meeting those type of gentlemen
04:33who want those same things
04:34because not only are they restricted by law,
04:36but we're restricted by society.
04:37There's just a general acceptance that's not there.
04:47If all the gay and lesbian people
04:48were to come out tomorrow in the world,
04:52we could change the world overnight.
05:04What about lesbian women
05:05who want to get married to gay men?
05:06Because they're like,
05:07this is the only way I can see this working.
05:09I think that people spend a lot of time
05:11thinking about the wedding in India,
05:13and they don't necessarily think about the marriage.
05:34It's part of my upbringing.
05:35I'd like to believe that a marriage between two people
05:39is not just a marriage between those two people,
05:42but it's also a promise made to God
05:44or whoever you believe to be the power.
05:48And I think that I look at our culture
05:51and I look at this whole union of companionship
05:53and marriage very, very seriously.
06:00It's a long road to travel,
06:02but we are now seeing a lot of same-sex weddings happening,
06:08perhaps more of them happening across the world
06:12of people who are Indian origin.
06:14We've done quite a few weddings which are same-sex weddings.
06:20We've designed quite a few clothes for them.
06:21And I think a closer home in India,
06:24we still have a long way to go,
06:26but it's very much a part of the conversation.
06:29And it's very much happening,
06:32and it's something that I feel quite proud to have been part of.
06:37♪
06:57I first came to India when I first came out at the age of 29.
07:01And when I first came to India at the age of 29,
07:06this was about 2005.
07:11I wasn't really comfortable in the gay space in India.
07:14I felt it wasn't evolved enough for me to come out,
07:16especially after coming from a place like New York.
07:19So I spent about eight months here
07:21and was trying to figure out if I could have a business here.
07:23And I realized that there was an opportunity to do work here,
07:26but living as a gay single man would be challenging.
07:30Back then it was, you know, fairly bleak.
07:33And, you know, it's been a very difficult and steady fight
07:36for people who fought to bring down the section.
07:40But I somewhere in, you know,
07:43I kind of had hope and trust in my people
07:46and in my country and our culture
07:49that things will hopefully change soon.
07:52♪
07:56As someone who's in the public eye,
07:58you know, as someone who has a voice
08:02and, you know, commands authority,
08:04especially in the field of design and fashion,
08:06I think we should use ourselves as an example
08:11to perhaps people who may be less fortunate
08:14or perhaps people who may not have these opportunities
08:18and the exposure.
08:19You know, seeing a success story is all that they need.
08:23And it's just that push in the right direction that they desire.
08:26I think that we are also, we've seen the change.
08:30We're living the change.
08:31We're in the industry, which is constantly changing and evolving.
08:35And, yes, so I think there's a long road to travel,
08:39but, you know, we're definitely walking.
08:43I wouldn't say in baby steps,
08:44but we're walking as fast as we can.
08:48It'll take time. It'll happen.
08:50I think that it'll happen because it has to happen
08:53and because the community will demand of it.