Indian Matchmaking: Is arranged marriage out of place in 2020? Or still a way to find love?

Gulf News

Following show ‘Indian Matchmaking’, UAE residents share their views on marriage and finding the right one  Read the full story: https://bit.ly/34qxkJh  See more videos at https://gulfnews.com/videos Read more Gulf News stories here: https://bit.ly/2HLJ2km  #IndianMatchmaking #India #marriage

Transcript

00:00I have seen this latest series about Indian matchmaking and I was so shocked initially

00:07because first I thought it still exists in our culture because nowadays people are getting

00:11married on their own choices, they don't generally go for a matchmaker or anyone.

00:15But I found it very interesting of course the matchmaker, she is trying to convince

00:21people according to their taste, their way of thinking, she is trying hard to match their

00:28expectations rather.

00:30Mine was love marriage, I only found my groom and yes my parents and everyone in family

00:37they have given their consent at that point of time because there was no religion issues

00:43of course we both were Punjabi so it was quite fine, not very struggle I would say, there

00:49was no struggle.

00:50Actually I prefer love marriage because it makes people more fix their life, they prepare

00:59good things for their future and they know each other before they get engaged with their

01:05parents arranged and I believe most of the arranged marriage they will get maybe divorce

01:11in the future or something like this.

01:13So I have obviously seen the show Indian matchmaking and I have way too many thoughts on it, firstly

01:18I felt like the show was extremely discriminatory if that's the right word, I feel like all

01:24the compromises and adjustments in life are meant to be made by women, what are the men

01:30supposed to do?

01:31Also I personally have not been through this matchmaking journey so I don't know what it's

01:35really like but I feel like this Seema aunty was too harsh on the women and I think the

01:40worst was that Geeta aunty who literally told Ankita that if you need this to work you are

01:47the one who needs to make the adjustments and the compromises, like what says Google

01:51World 2020, we cannot be talking like this, we cannot.

01:55Like I said I have never been on a matchmaking journey, I have been a matchmaker though for

02:00two of my friends lol, but no I have never been asked to meet a matchmaker, made a bio

02:06data and I refuse to put my weight and my height on my bio data, if there is anything

02:13I am putting on my bio data is what I do for a living or how good I am at my work or

02:18what my values are, what my principles are, I am not putting all these superficial things.

02:24I think I want to say I am for love, irrespective, if you fall in love after you are arranged

02:29into that marriage or you were already in love when you got married, I think, I am not

02:34married and I think marriage is a huge step and it's a lot of things, it's love, it's

02:40commitment, it seems like, I am not, again from what I see some of my friends who are

02:45married, I think it's a lot of things, it's a lot of work and it's a two way street, so

02:51it's love or it's arranged, I think if your foundation values like respect and trust and

02:57all of that is there, then either ways you are going to have a fabulous marriage is what

03:01I think.

03:02Love marriage in my opinion is good because you will get to know your partner more and

03:07obviously with the recent times, it's always good to have an open communication in order

03:13to have a strong relationship.

03:16Oh yes, I have, I mean it was like whether to watch it or not but it keeps you curious

03:25so you have to watch it.

03:26So I have seen so far three episodes and yeah it's quite a one.

03:35So we are Indian so basically for us matchmaking is nothing new as a concept because you know

03:43back in India 90% of arranged marriage is through matchmaking.

03:49I myself have done arranged marriage and it's been going to be 10 years soon of my marriage

03:57but however I got to know my husband through a matchmaking website, it was not matchmaking,

04:04it was a matrimony website where my husband saw my profile which was uploaded by my parents.

04:11For me like for us like that time we got married like on the day of the marriage we were meeting

04:19for the fifth time so we took a leap of faith.

04:22I still feel that even if you do a love marriage or an arranged marriage, you have to take

04:27a leap of faith which is important because you have to trust the process.

04:32Well I think I should get into a love marriage because if you know the person prior to your

04:38marriage that will be great you know and you should have the compatibility, you guys should

04:43have understanding.

04:44So I think love marriages last also you know more than what arranged marriages do.

04:52However I am not against arranged marriages though but love marriages I think would be

04:57more beneficial for both the persons whether it be a female or male.

05:03Yes my family has tried plenty of times to set me up with many boys.

05:08I spoke to them, I met them, I had met their families as well but you know somewhere when

05:14you are talking I feel like even if you can't be friends initially then I think you cannot

05:19last long.

05:20I mean even your relationship cannot last long.

05:23So 3 months, 4 months you will come to know the actual personality of the person and that's

05:27there it is.

05:28It was a cringe fest for me.

05:31I absolutely hate the idea that there's a group of, there's a lady who is coming and

05:39trying to fix two people up for marriage.

05:45One set of people has their demands and the others are just meant to meet it.

05:49It's not a collation of ideas, it's not two people coming together because they like each

05:54other or anything of the sort in marriage.

05:58It's just one person's demands being met and I'm absolutely not okay with that.

06:03I am a product of an arranged marriage, I am in an arranged marriage myself which did

06:09happen as a part of a set up yes but it wasn't as bad as this.

06:15You asked me about the show, the show was pretty bad but mine wasn't like that.

06:19Because in my experience my parents knew my husband's family before and it was not so

06:28much about their demands, they were very open and they were very open to accepting my needs

06:36and my demands as well because of which it was okay.

06:39But by and large in this I see that it is one party.

06:43It's either the girl or the guy who has a very strong set of demands which need to be

06:47met.

06:48It's like they have a set of tick boxes all of which need to be ticked for love marriage.

06:53Very much for love marriage because at least it gives you a chance to know the person.

06:59I know the chances of both an arranged marriage and a love marriage surviving the situations

07:06that we have now are just about the same.

07:09But I would prefer an arranged marriage because at least it gives me the chance to know what

07:15I am getting into.

07:16I will never know him completely, I know that but it would have given me the chance to know

07:21what I am getting into and not feel awkward about everything else that happens in the

07:28marriage.

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