John Early Enters the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The New Yorker

Comedian John Early visits with The New Yorker to try his hand at captioning some cartoons.

Transcript

00:00I'm John Early, and today I'm going to caption some cartoons.

00:09There is a flight attendant, not clear as to whether or not he's gay.

00:14I'm shocked to say I have a really strong instinct with this one.

00:20We do things a little differently around here.

00:22There's just something about this kind of gay boy who spent their childhood in the mirror

00:27practicing being a waiter or a flight attendant.

00:30We do things a little differently around here.

00:34I'm not very familiar with the Sherlock universe, because I'm not a nerd.

00:41So he's looking at the crossword, and because he's using a magnifying glass, I'm going to

00:46say we're going to need a bigger crossword.

00:50Kind of a Jaws reference.

00:52It's not good.

00:54I know that it's not good.

00:58So we have two small house cats watching a jungle cat.

01:02Start the clock in the corner of the screen.

01:08Don't want to gender them, but I do feel like they're lesbians, the cats.

01:12Okay, hold on.

01:14Keep the clock going.

01:18One cat, the eyes are big.

01:20The other seems nonplussed.

01:23Nonpussed.

01:24Okay, we're getting somewhere.

01:29This is awful.

01:32I'm nonpussed.

01:33We have a disco ball in an operation.

01:40I'm holding back from just writing, you better work.

01:43Because there's got to be something with like knife, like cut me to pieces.

01:49I've been in a gay way.

01:51I'm just going to do, you better work.

01:53For time reasons, I'm going to just go with that.

01:56I have a call at three.

02:00Meaning like, you better work.

02:01We have surgery to do.

02:05We have a UFO, an alien, a cow.

02:08I think the cow wants to go with the alien.

02:12Okay.

02:14So I'm going to do, take me with moo.

02:17And I'm not going to think any harder about it because that's obviously right.

02:25Take me with moo.

02:28This is my favorite of the ones I've done today.

02:30I just want to put that on record.

02:31If you're familiar in any way with my standup, which I really hope you're not, honestly,

02:36I'm not concise.

02:38I ramble a lot to make largely incoherent points.

02:43And I could learn from what I just went through.

02:45I did learn from what I just went through.

02:48So thank you to The New Yorker for helping me grow.

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