Comedian Trashes India's Fair Skin Obsession

Brut India

Stand-up comic Saikiran's dissection of India's obsession with fairness is not just skin-deep.

Transcript

00:00Most girls who see me for the first time, don't like me.

00:03If only they spend some time with me and get to know me better,

00:06they start to truly hate me.

00:10I love my mother. She's a good mother.

00:12I tell everywhere, she's a great mother.

00:15But she isn't satisfied.

00:16She says, I don't want to be a good mother or a great mother.

00:19Make me a grandmother.

00:23It's not easy for me to get married.

00:24Because I'm very bad at first impressions.

00:27Most girls who see me for the first time, don't like me.

00:31If only they spend some time with me and get to know me better,

00:34they start to truly hate me.

00:38It happens all the time to me because I think, because I'm dark-skinned.

00:42People don't like dark-skinned people in our country.

00:44Forget others, my own parents.

00:48Like when I was born in the hospital,

00:50looking at me, their first reaction was, Aiyo!

00:57They said it so loudly, half the hospital thought I was a girl.

01:05My mom spent more money on almond milk to rub on my skin and make it fairer,

01:09than buffalo milk to feed me.

01:13I was just born dark.

01:14I grew up to be dark and malnourished.

01:19Like I'm a fully grown adult today,

01:20but my mom doesn't let me touch coffee or tea.

01:24Saying drinking them will make me darker.

01:27People like my mom believe the color of what you eat,

01:29affects the color of your skin.

01:33That's why South Indians are obsessed with eating everything in bite.

01:38No matter the color of what you eat, the end result is still brown.

01:43Skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin.

01:50But I can understand my parents' disappointment,

01:52because in my family, we have both genes.

01:54Because my grandfather was dark and rich.

01:58My grandmother was fair and poor.

02:01Now I am dark and poor.

02:10But we have the other branch of the family, my cousins,

02:13who inherited all the money and the fair genes.

02:16Oh, they make so much fun of me.

02:18Sai Kiran, you're such a lucky guy.

02:20Because you're dark.

02:22Unlike us, you can go out in the sun whenever you want.

02:27As if my skin doesn't burn.

02:30This is melanin, not Teflon.

02:37These fair-skinned morons think that if a cow stays in the sun for too long,

02:40it becomes a buffalo.

02:45But forget animals.

02:46Even gods cannot escape this discrimination in our country.

02:49You all know Lord Krishna?

02:51Krishna means dark.

02:53He is described in Mahabharata as Neelameghashyama.

02:56Which means as dark as the rain-filled cloud.

03:00Then why the hell do they show him everywhere to be sky-blue in color?

03:07Like how colorblind do you have to be

03:10to confuse the color of the cloud with the color of the sky?

03:13That's why we can't predict rains in this country properly.

03:20If you remember TV Mahabharata,

03:22Lord Krishna was played by Nitish Bharadwaj.

03:26Who was super fair.

03:28Just like Leonardo DiCaprio playing Nelson Mandela.

03:34Because we can't accept a hero can be dark-skinned.

03:38Why? We're just dark, not shady.

03:42I don't think Lord Krishna was really a thief.

03:44No.

03:45He was just the darkest child in Vrindavan.

03:49And everybody accused him only.

03:52Because all the stuff that was getting stolen

03:54were white eatables.

03:57But at least ancient India was a progressive time.

03:59Because in spite of all the propaganda,

04:01Lord Krishna was very lucky with the ladies.

04:06Not something I can claim to be.

04:08I recently read a report by *****.com.

04:13According to it,

04:1471% of Indian women want their husbands to be fair-skinned.

04:18The rest 29% don't care about skin color.

04:21As long as the guy is rich.

04:23So in this country, to whitewash brown skin,

04:24you need black money.

04:32My face is red with anger.

04:35But you can't notice it because of my skin color.

04:40See, I know about these matrimonial sites.

04:44Unfortunately.

04:45Because let's be honest,

04:46this face wasn't exactly manufactured

04:48anticipating the arrival of Tinder.

04:53The highest my parents aimed was *****.com.

04:57And I registered on that site sometime back.

04:59And there I realized

05:00that the competition for Indian women

05:02is absolutely brutal.

05:04On these websites, for 100 men,

05:06there are barely 50 women.

05:08And NRIs take away the top 20 export-quality girls.

05:12The next 20 go to the two I's of India.

05:15IITs and IIMs.

05:17Men like me don't stand a chance.

05:19So I clearly wrote in my profile,

05:21I may not be NRI or an IITian,

05:23but I'm healthy,

05:24I'm a vegetarian,

05:25and I do not smoke or drink.

05:27Even coffee or tea.

05:31I thought many women will be impressed by someone like that.

05:34And I got 5 responses.

05:35Not from women.

05:38But from people requesting blood and organ donations.

05:43It was a bit painful.

05:46But I took the money.

05:49And the fruity.

05:51And registered myself on ******.com.

05:54And I'm very proud to tell you,

05:56just a few weeks back,

05:57I completed 5 years

05:58as a fully paid member of ******.com.

06:06Apparently, I'm the first person in the country

06:08to reach this milestone.

06:11So they sent me a congratulatory email.

06:14After 5 years on ******.com,

06:16most men get into a committed relationship.

06:19Or commit suicide.

06:22So as a special gesture towards me,

06:24they gave me a free upgrade.

06:27To the fresh faces section.

06:30Of second ******.com.

06:34And there on that website,

06:35I saw all these familiar girls.

06:37Who 5 years ago rejected me.

06:40Got married.

06:41Had kids.

06:42Got divorced.

06:43And again on this website,

06:44again rejecting me.

06:47Deja vu.

06:51They say I'm incompatible with their kids.

06:55If you agreed 5 years ago,

06:56that would have been my kid.

06:58I'm a Manglik.

07:01So before I can marry a girl,

07:02I have to marry a tree.

07:05Now the only thing more difficult than

07:06finding a girl these days,

07:09is finding a tree.

07:11But you may say,

07:11but there are so many trees around,

07:13you can just marry it.

07:14It's not that simple.

07:15There are caste issues.

07:17I cannot just marry any creeper or croton.

07:21Like if you're a Marwadi,

07:22you have to marry a money plant.

07:29You're a Brahmin,

07:30you marry a touch-me-not.

07:31You're mixed caste,

07:32you have to marry a hybrid.

07:35So I was getting desperate.

07:36Like because all my friends had girlfriends,

07:38they're taking them to all these parks,

07:40to do naughty things behind the bushes.

07:43I was going to the same park,

07:44and I was like,

07:45I was going to the same parks alone,

07:48to do naughty things with the bushes.

07:54But my very good loving mother,

07:55she anticipated this,

07:56when my horoscope was written.

07:58So she started raising a plant in my house.

08:02Hoping when the time comes,

08:02I can just marry it.

08:04But now my priest tells me,

08:06because the plant and I were raised in the same house

08:08by the same mother,

08:08we are like brother and sister

08:09and should not marry.

08:14So I was getting desperate.

08:15I was getting desperate.

08:16I was getting desperate.

08:17I was getting desperate.

08:18I was getting desperate.

08:19I was getting desperate.

08:20I was getting desperate.

08:21I was getting desperate.

08:22I was getting desperate.

08:23I was getting desperate.

08:24I was getting desperate.

08:25I was getting desperate.

08:26I was getting desperate.

08:27I was getting desperate.

08:28I was getting desperate.

08:29I was getting desperate.

08:30I was getting desperate.

08:31I was getting desperate.

08:32I was getting desperate.

08:33I was getting desperate.

08:34I was getting desperate.

08:35I was getting desperate.

08:36I was getting desperate.

08:37I was getting desperate.

08:38I was getting desperate.

08:39I was getting desperate.

08:40I was getting desperate.

08:41I was getting desperate.

08:42I was getting desperate.

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