'I feel privileged': coping with grief as a Lifeline volunteer

Australian Community Media

Lifeline volunteer Jude Bourguignon is part of the crisis hotline's dedicated group of call-takers who give their time and training to listen so no person has to face their darkest moments alone. Over 30,000 Australians call Lifeline every year. Help is always available, call 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14.

Transcript

00:00It's so confronting when somebody has decided that they're going to die

00:04and they feel like they have nothing at all to live for.

00:12The things that I've learnt at Lifeline about connection and really listening

00:18and really being there, that's where the magic lies.

00:21Sometimes I feel frightened, sometimes I worry that I'm not going to have the right

00:32words, but I also know I don't have to have the right words, I only have to listen.

00:42We never know who we're going to get on the phone. One day I answered the phone to a very

00:47distressed woman who had decided that that day was going to be her last day of life.

00:55She had determined that she would end her life in a public place and she was worried about the

01:00person who would find her. So she'd rung to see if I could tell her what to write in the letter.

01:06You know, she said, do I write to whom it may concern or, you know, what do I say? And I

01:12explained to her that I wasn't going to be able to help her write the letter, that that was not,

01:16you know, something that I would do, but that we might talk about what had led to her decision.

01:22We spent about maybe 40 minutes just talking about her life, which had been full of really

01:30incredibly difficult things, but also some happy things. And along the way, I heard her say that

01:37she really loved cooking. And in particular, she really loved cooking lasagna. And so we started

01:44talking about that. And at the end of our call, we had swapped recipes. We both had agreed that

01:51we would make that recipe that night and that she would actually not take her life that day.

01:59Did she stay alive? Is she still alive? I don't know. I can never know. But in that 40 minutes,

02:05when you reach that point in a call, and you don't always, sometimes the decision is made,

02:11so there isn't a point in the call where you feel a change, but often there is.

02:16And when you can tap into that, then you have the opportunity to really talk

02:21and to let them really talk. And just to be listened to, to be heard, to say how you are

02:28feeling is awful. Some of these people have never had that. They've literally never had a shoulder

02:34to cry on or one that they trust. And they do trust us. We don't betray them. We are genuinely

02:41here for them. And we can't fix it, but we can hear them. If you can have the connection, and

02:48that's what we are trained to do, there is sometimes a possibility that you can help somebody to find

02:54some hope to live for another day. And that's why I do this work.

03:08Yeah, so great lasagna recipe. Still use it. And I hope she's still alive to be cooking as well.

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