The journey of a single mother

Brut India

“What kind of upbringing will she provide without the child’s father?!” Anmol Chaudhary faced social stigma as she took on the role of a single mother. She recounted her challenges and triumphs to Brut.

Transcript

00:00Even now, a lot of people do not understand what is it being an unmarried single mom.

00:05People are so inhuman, so insensitive.

00:08They start talking s*** about my baby.

00:10Sex kar ke bachha kar liya, how responsible, bina bachche ka baap, kaisa hi parbiraj degi.

00:15This baby has turned my life upside down 360 ways.

00:19He taught me love, compassion and kindness.

00:22That everything can be won with compassion.

00:24When I came to know that I was pregnant,

00:30keeping Jace was not the first decision that I had in my mind

00:34because I was not financially stable and I was unmarried.

00:37I knew that the society where we stay in, unmarried single mom,

00:42even now a lot of people do not understand what is it being an unmarried single mom.

00:55I am not an unmarried single mom.

00:57I am not an unmarried single mom.

00:59I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:01I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:03I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:05I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:07I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:09I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:11I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:13I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:15I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:17I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:19I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:21I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:23I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:25I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:27I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:29I am not an unmarried single mom.

01:33I created a webpage by the name of secretsupermommy.com

01:37where I wrote all my stories and whatever pictures and whatever videos

01:41I could upload of my documents.

01:43The day when the campaign went up, when it went online,

01:45we were just praying that even if it costs one lakh rupees, we will be good, you know.

01:49And it will be sorted well, our things will be rented.

01:52At least the delivery will be covered.

01:54Within 3 goddamn days, I raised 6 lakh rupees.

01:58And, like, I used to cry every morning out of gratitude.

02:13Social media is, I mean, it's a wonderful place, right?

02:17But at the same time, it's such a dark place to be.

02:21People are so inhuman, so insensitive.

02:24They started talking s**t about my baby.

02:26Sex karke, bachha kar liya, how responsible.

02:29Bina bachhe ka baap, kaisa hi parviraj degi.

02:32For some well-educated people, I would not name them, but, like,

02:36Acquaintances, like, the thought process they had, they...

02:40I mean, like I said, that it's a taboo.

02:43They just spoke to me in a very weird manner.

02:47Like, what are you gonna do? How will you do it without a partner?

02:50You should find somebody and you should get settled down.

02:52You should get married.

02:53And that used to annoy me so much.

02:55They used to say such horrible things, like,

02:58She's not a capable mother.

03:01She cannot raise a child.

03:02Oh, she doesn't approve.

03:03Just because I had a certain past.

03:05Just because I had a certain lifestyle before my baby.

03:13So, initially, I knew that, okay,

03:16I have to change my diapers.

03:17I have to clean my poop.

03:19I have to do it on time.

03:20So, I was breastfeeding him.

03:21So, initially, starting, I breastfed him for a year, continuously.

03:25So, I knew that, okay, whatever the food, I'll...

03:28My body will be taking care of the food.

03:30So, I don't have to worry about that.

03:31And then maybe do, like, a little massage.

03:33So, initial six months, I did not work.

03:36It was just... I was just devoted to my son.

03:39I remember, I was about to step out for one of my events.

03:42And I had this sudden guilt, like, major guilt.

03:46My son is just seven months.

03:47How am I going to leave him?

03:48Like, what if he misses me?

03:50So, my doctor told me that, Anmol, I'm a doctor.

03:54I go out in the morning.

03:55I come back in the evening.

03:57And so many times, my daughter is asleep.

03:59I'm not able to spend time with her.

04:01But as a mother, you cannot forget that you are a single mother.

04:05So, you cannot forget that you have other responsibilities also.

04:16This baby has turned my life upside down 360 ways.

04:21My son only made it easier for me to deal with my mental health

04:25because he taught me how to be patient.

04:27He taught me love, compassion and kindness.

04:29That everything can be won with compassion.

04:35We'd recently gone to Bombay.

04:38And we had a lot of fun.

04:41We'd recently gone to Bombay for an interview.

04:45And I had some shoulder blade injury.

04:48So, when I came back, I had nobody who I could reach out to

04:52who could take me to the hospital.

04:54I mean, so I was sitting in a corner and I was crying.

04:59Jace came and he wiped my tears and he hugged me.

05:02And, you know, such little, little gestures,

05:07it just means a lot.

05:10One thing that I've realized is babies,

05:12they do not need fancy gifts or fancy clothes or fancy toys.

05:16All they need is your time and your love.

05:19And that is more than enough for them.

05:25To all the single mothers out there who are thinking like me that

05:30am I doing this enough? Am I doing that enough?

05:33Trust me, you're doing more than enough.

05:35More than enough.

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