The trials and tribulations of being asexual

Brut America

Can you be asexual and still like sex? Does asexuality only come from trauma? Here's what these asexual people want you to know ...

Transcript

00:00My wife had to tell me that butts were attractive.

00:03I have been broken up with because I am asexual.

00:06If I'm asexual and you're asexual, then who's giving a f**k?

00:23Asexuals just mean a lack of sexual attraction.

00:26Now asexual is an umbrella term. There are other things that fall under it like

00:31graysexual or demisexual. Me personally, I am sexually repulsed.

00:35I don't want anyone to touch me below the belt.

00:38In 1869, when the terms homosexual and heterosexual were invented,

00:43another term was invented by the same person at the same time that was called monosexual.

00:48So that shows that asexuality was present in the earliest conversations of clinical sexuality.

00:54It took me so long to realize I was ace and like for most of it,

00:57I really thought I was just bi because I felt the same way for men and women.

01:01And then I found out that the reason I felt the same for both of them was just

01:04because I wasn't attracted to either.

01:05Please allow the asexual counsel to explain this to you.

01:09If you found someone attractive but you had no desire to sleep with them,

01:13then you would only find them aesthetically attractive.

01:16A friends with benefits situation would have sexual attraction but not romantic attraction.

01:21And if you had a desire to do non-sexual physical things like

01:25hugging and kissing but you had no desire to do anything else,

01:28then that would be sensual attraction.

01:39The thing is, romance is so heavily tied with sex that taking sex out of the equation

01:43is inconceivable to a lot of people.

01:46Before you say, oh, asexuality is just celibacy, it's not.

01:50The act of sex itself is not what makes you asexual.

01:54It's not feeling sexual attraction towards anybody.

01:57Can you turn ace because of trauma or other experiences?

02:02So yes, there are people in the asexual community who have come to the language

02:07and experience of asexuality because of certain life experiences or the experience of trauma.

02:14Is it asexuality?

02:16Absolutely.

02:17Is it less legitimate than being born asexual?

02:20Not at all.

02:46No for sure.

02:47These are all words that we made up as a society simply to explain different experiences.

02:52So if it resonates with you and you want to use it, then guess what?

02:55Erase.

02:55One of the most frequent misconceptions that I get as an asexual is that

02:59being asexual means that I have basically no sexual life.

03:02There are people like me who are sex favorable,

03:05meaning that I am okay with and enjoy sex,

03:08but I just am not feeling attraction and that I never have.

03:12Hey, I was thinking about getting a pizza. Are you hungry?

03:14Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry.

03:17Okay.

03:18Hey, I got some extra cookies. Do you want some?

03:20Oh yes, please.

03:22Wait a minute. How can you like cookies if you're not hungry?

03:25Because cookies taste good.

03:27That has nothing to do with me being hungry.

03:44So here's the thing I don't say enough.

03:47I love being ace.

03:50Yes, it comes with a lot of challenges, both external and internal.

03:55But at the end of the day, I love being who I am.

04:02I am not asking you to understand asexuality.

04:06I am asking you to just let me as an asexual live.

04:14You just need to have compassion.

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