Kent Tonight Special: Life After Max

KentOnline / KMTV

Max Timberlake was just 17 years old when he took his own life. It left his loved ones in complete disbelief. Now his mother Michelle, is sharing her story of life after Max with our reporter, Abby Hook.

Transcript

00:00This is Max Timberlake.

00:29He was just 17 years old when he took his own life.

00:35His family still have no idea why and say they'd give anything to go back three years

00:40to that day and change his mind.

00:44His mum Michelle says those 17 years with her Maxi in Sandwich were the best of her

00:50life, since she's worn a smile with pride in memory of her boy, but sometimes hiding

00:56that pain of never quite knowing why he chose to say goodbye.

01:02Now she's sharing what it's like to have lost her only child by suicide and how life looks

01:08after Max.

01:11It's a fact, it's happened, I can't change that, I can't undo it, but what I can do is

01:15hopefully educate people to be more open minded, to, you know what, listen, to talk to people

01:21because did I ever think I'd be in this situation, not in a million years, not in a million years

01:26I had this perfect life, and then it went.

01:29Stop singing.

01:32Keep singing it.

01:33I, I have no one.

01:34I have nothing.

01:35What are you walking by?

01:36No one else, nothing but a girl.

01:37The price is a bit of a setback, but it's also supporting the local business, the cake

01:58does taste brilliant, I'm going to give it a 8.5 out of 10.

02:04Bless him.

02:08How do you feel when you see videos of him?

02:11It's really lovely, it's really weird, but it's painfully beautiful.

02:23Life after Max has been confusing for Michelle and her mum Pauline, here looking at the memories

02:28they surround themselves with.

02:29I believe, now do you know what, Max I think he was only 15, I'm sure he was about 14 or

02:3515 there, he looks about 40, but anyway he was very photogenic actually.

02:42Not only to the outside world, but to them he was that happy, smiley and funny young

02:47man, a huge Formula 1 fan who had just passed his driving test, had an offer to university,

02:54countless friends and found the very best of them in his mum.

02:59And she still spends a lot of time in his room.

03:02And then all his lovely, he smelt divine, he always smelt so beautiful, so I got his,

03:07it's really weird every now and again, yeah, Maxie.

03:12It brings me happiness coming in here, you know, and it's weird that I'm sitting on the

03:18bed that Max would be sitting on, on his phone to his friends or with our cat, she loved

03:23him and he loved her, but yeah, it's just a mixture of disbelief.

03:31If you don't mind, can I just chuck my little, it's my signature, yes, because he would always

03:37say you're not you without your red lipstick, so I wouldn't even put the bins out without

03:42it on.

03:43I made sure that when Maxie died, that every single day I'd wear it, every single day without

03:48fail, doesn't matter, rain, shine, whatever.

03:52By talking about Max, it's not contagious, you know, and it's really weird, you know,

03:58people don't know how to navigate around the subject of suicide, certainly I never did,

04:04I do now.

04:06I would never, could never have predicted in a million light years that Max would ever

04:14dream of taking those steps.

04:16He was, by all accounts, the most happy, happy young man with everything.

04:22This was a sudden decision.

04:24What could I do?

04:25I don't think anything would have changed Max in that moment, but I would say in that

04:30moment pick up the phone, just pick up the phone.

04:33Government figures show just last year 5,656 people died from suicide in England.

04:40More than 4,000 were male, less than 1,500 were female.

04:45Of that total, 866 people died from suicide in the South East.

04:51More than 620 were male, around 240 female.

04:57This means that nearly three quarters of all suicides in this part of England last year

05:03were committed by men.

05:05And national prevention charity Papyrus say it's the awareness Michelle is raising that

05:10will hopefully bring those numbers down and protect family members after losing a loved

05:15one so suddenly.

05:16One of the questions that we get all the time is if I ask someone about suicide, will I

05:23plant the seed?

05:24Will I sort of cause them to take their own life?

05:27We want to make it really clear that that's not the case.

05:30We know that research has been done to suggest that actually asking the question about suicide,

05:35being open about it in a sensitive manner, is actually really supportive.

05:39We know that bereavement by suicide is a risk factor for suicide, so we're really keen that

05:45if there is a suicide in a certain community, that those within that community are then

05:49made aware of the support that they can access.

05:52So again, what Michelle has done in the aftermath of such a tragic event in her own life is

05:58actually raise awareness for those around her.

06:01Back in October 2023, Michelle, with two other mothers bereaved by suicide, raised awareness

06:06for papyrus by walking 265 miles across the UK between their homes.

06:13I thought, you know what, I will use this as a positive.

06:15He was the greatest inspiration to me, always will be.

06:19My message actually to one and all is that if Maxie did it, it could happen to anyone.

06:23And that's an alarming fact.

06:24People don't want to hear that.

06:25I didn't want to hear that, but it's happened.

06:28One step at a time from Staffordshire to London to Sandwich, their trek ended at Sir Roger

06:33Manwood School, where Max spent almost half his life with his closest friends.

06:40Interestingly, all of Maxie's friends, or a lot of his friends, are still in contact.

06:47They have been the biggest support.

06:4920-year-olds, I mean, they were, what, 18 when Maxie died, you know, showed all the

06:56adults up because their behaviour was so incredibly grown up.

07:03And even if you don't know what to say, say, I don't know what to say.

07:07I'm really sorry.

07:08I'm embarrassed.

07:09I find it difficult.

07:11I don't want to hurt you.

07:13And that's easy.

07:14It's a barrier that's broken.

07:15And I think, how will any parent teach their child if they can't face something, you know?

07:27In the words of his friends, Max had an impact on pretty much the whole school, but some

07:32of his friends find it hard to talk about what happened.

07:35Many, though, stay in touch with Michelle and celebrate key milestones, like Tilly,

07:40Grace and Molly.

07:42When we all get married, when we all have kids, it's going to be, this is something

07:48we all know Max thought he wouldn't have been able to do, and we all knew he could have,

07:53and, you know, he just, he didn't find himself enough to be able to see it.

07:59Yeah.

08:00Yeah.

08:01Such a shame, isn't it?

08:03But it's, we're going to do that for him.

08:05Yeah.

08:06That's very sweet.

08:07Do you know what I mean?

08:08I think about that quite a lot, I think.

08:10He was involved in everyone, like he'd hop along and like, no matter what you do, like

08:16in the first six-foot common room, like he would do something to make sure that everyone

08:21saw it, like be it proof of alum, or be it something else that he did in the common room.

08:26But it was never show off.

08:27No, it's just him being funny and him being Max.

08:31We all sort of experienced two grief processes, because we had the grief period in school,

08:38and then we also had that after leaving, because there was an element of him still after he

08:44passed, still at that school.

08:54His friends only now can look back fondly, but it's still painful to remember Max for

08:59the seven years he was at the school.

09:01A bench with a plaque showing his time there, and a tree crowded round when Michelle finished

09:06her walk.

09:07But that same feeling of disbelief still ripples through the corridors.

09:14The thing with Max was that it was such a shock.

09:18There are some people where it wouldn't have been a shock, maybe they're ill and they've

09:22got a terminal illness or some such, but with Max it came completely and totally out of

09:26the blue.

09:27And it lasted several weeks, it wasn't just the initial, let's tell everybody, how do

09:32we tell everybody, it went on for the rest of that academic year, because he was in the

09:36upper sixth when it happened.

09:39Thank you, Chris.

09:41Max, he was a very, very happy boy here.

09:46Wow.

09:47That is stunning, isn't it?

09:50Beautiful.

09:51As soon as somebody that we are worried about goes absent, we will send an email which goes

09:57to every single member of the pastoral team, and then we will immediately phone home or

10:01go looking for them if it's during the school day.

10:04That wouldn't have helped with Max because he wasn't on our radar at all, but it is something

10:08that we're very aware of, of students, when we know that they are potentially vulnerable.

10:14To know that everyone is going to remember him, from just looking at that incredible

10:19tree that the school planted, is a really lovely feeling.

10:23Strange for me, but lovely.

10:26And it's inspired you to have your own place to remember Max too?

10:30Yes, yes it has.

10:31This is great because the school that he loved will always have this here for him.

10:38But yeah, I think it's time now to do something myself, I think, and commemorate that boy.

10:47I'm going to get upset now.

10:50Yeah.

11:16Yeah.

11:47Yeah.

11:49Yeah.

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