From the Fantasy Suite to the Finale How Golden Bachelorette Joan Set Her Own Rules (Exclusive)

US Weekly

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00:00And I kind of came to the conclusion that I have a good life and I don't need to shake it up.

00:04And like, you know, is the risk worth the reward?

00:07And the risk is heartbreak, but the reward is love.

00:10And so I decided that it was worth it.

00:12But it was really scary, honestly.

00:30Like, I can take, you know, having my feelings hurt and my heart broken.

00:34I hate to do it to somebody else.

00:35That feels...

00:36And as I met the guys on, you know, my season and they just seem so fragile.

00:42Like, they're older men and this is, I feel like for men,

00:46maybe even more difficult from when I was on The Golden Bachelor

00:49for them to put themselves out there and be vulnerable, like on national TV.

00:53So I felt like I really needed to be careful with their hearts.

00:56I know that we all know what we're doing when we sign up for this

00:59and that only one person ends up in the end, if even one.

01:02So, you know, we all know what we're doing,

01:05but it's also hard not to get invested in the journey, you know, when you're in it, actually.

01:10I lost sleep over Rose ceremonies every single week.

01:14They were torturous, but I felt like after each one, I was in the place I needed to be.

01:19I would look at the room and I'd say, yep,

01:20this is the group of guys that, you know, I need to be at this point.

01:24It's a really harder journey than you think.

01:28Emotionally was way different than what I expected.

01:31I came in there really thinking I was ready.

01:33And then, like, you get all these emotions that creep in

01:36that you didn't know you had, like, been pushing down.

01:38And the guys had the same thing.

01:40And so you'll see, like, the 25 of us actually help each other get through these things.

01:46And we talk and particularly the guys have each other.

01:49They're together all the time.

01:50And they really, every single one of them said that

01:52at the end of this journey, they were different people.

01:55I feel like I was a very different person,

01:57but I think I went through some really, really, really tough emotional times

02:01that, you know, made me think, I'm not sure if I can do this.

02:05When I was, you know, looking for a spouse when I was younger,

02:10I was looking for somebody that I was going to build a life with,

02:12that was going to be a really good father and a great husband and a good provider.

02:15And working side by side, you know, we'd build this life.

02:18We would work and we would buy our house and buy our dog.

02:21And, you know, we were creating a life.

02:23Now I feel like I've done all that and I have all those wonderful things.

02:26And actually with John, you know, my late husband,

02:28we were like, we were really looking forward to this second,

02:32you know, chapter of our lives.

02:33Like we were back to being a couple.

02:35We had some resources, you know, we had worked really hard

02:37and we were going to just have fun together.

02:40So when I'm looking for a person for the second part of my life,

02:43I want somebody that has like a little bit of a

02:45sense of adventure and wants to have some fun now.

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