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I just Paid my Student loan - Old man
X99TV
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10/9/2024
I just Paid my Student loan - Old man
Category
😹
Fun
Transcript
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00:00
I just paid off my student loan.
00:02
It's tough getting older.
00:06
Went into an antique store.
00:08
They wouldn't let me leave.
00:12
I tried using that face aging app.
00:16
They said, nah, you're good.
00:22
I'm officially an old man.
00:24
I give unwanted advice to total strangers.
00:28
I told a kid to pull his pants up.
00:30
His underwear was showing.
00:32
He mocked me, tried to give me a wedgie.
00:35
But the joke was on him.
00:36
I was wearing the pins.
00:40
I went to the doctor because I thought.
00:42
I thought I had arthritis.
00:44
I don't.
00:46
I have early onset rigor mortis.
00:52
Anybody ever drop their phone in the toilet?
00:55
There you go.
00:57
And after I did, I put my phone in a bag of rice.
01:00
Anybody ever drop a bag of rice in the toilet?
01:07
I joined a dating site for people my age called Carbon Dating.
01:19
I asked a woman on the site for her number.
01:23
She told me it was 140 over 95.
01:29
I flunked out of college twice.
01:31
First time because I was a drunk.
01:34
Second time I was sober, but it was hard.
01:41
I got arrested once for drunk driving.
01:43
Not only was I drunk, but I'd been smoking hash.
01:47
When I took the breathalyzer test,
01:49
I inhaled, tried to pass it to the cop.
01:58
YOLO.
02:06
So I was arrested, pled guilty.
02:08
For my community service, I left the community.
02:15
Used to smoke cigarettes.
02:16
I was a heavy smoker.
02:18
I didn't smoke when I went jogging, which is stupid, of course.
02:22
So I quit jogging.
02:27
I love smoking cigarettes.
02:29
I'd smoke after sex.
02:31
I'd smoke during sex.
02:33
Sometimes I would skip sex and just smoke cigarettes.
02:39
Before I got my hearing aids, my crowd work was terrible.
02:44
I asked an audience member where he was from.
02:47
He said, my mama.
02:48
I heard Miami and said, I've been there.
02:53
I am 74 years old.
02:56
Life expectancy for men is 76 years.
02:59
Life expectancy for women is 81 years.
03:03
I figure if I transition...
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