I just Paid my Student loan - Old man - video Dailymotion

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10/9/2024

I just Paid my Student loan - Old man

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00:00I just paid off my student loan.

00:02It's tough getting older.

00:06Went into an antique store.

00:08They wouldn't let me leave.

00:12I tried using that face aging app.

00:16They said, nah, you're good.

00:22I'm officially an old man.

00:24I give unwanted advice to total strangers.

00:28I told a kid to pull his pants up.

00:30His underwear was showing.

00:32He mocked me, tried to give me a wedgie.

00:35But the joke was on him.

00:36I was wearing the pins.

00:40I went to the doctor because I thought.

00:42I thought I had arthritis.

00:44I don't.

00:46I have early onset rigor mortis.

00:52Anybody ever drop their phone in the toilet?

00:55There you go.

00:57And after I did, I put my phone in a bag of rice.

01:00Anybody ever drop a bag of rice in the toilet?

01:07I joined a dating site for people my age called Carbon Dating.

01:19I asked a woman on the site for her number.

01:23She told me it was 140 over 95.

01:29I flunked out of college twice.

01:31First time because I was a drunk.

01:34Second time I was sober, but it was hard.

01:41I got arrested once for drunk driving.

01:43Not only was I drunk, but I'd been smoking hash.

01:47When I took the breathalyzer test,

01:49I inhaled, tried to pass it to the cop.

01:58YOLO.

02:06So I was arrested, pled guilty.

02:08For my community service, I left the community.

02:15Used to smoke cigarettes.

02:16I was a heavy smoker.

02:18I didn't smoke when I went jogging, which is stupid, of course.

02:22So I quit jogging.

02:27I love smoking cigarettes.

02:29I'd smoke after sex.

02:31I'd smoke during sex.

02:33Sometimes I would skip sex and just smoke cigarettes.

02:39Before I got my hearing aids, my crowd work was terrible.

02:44I asked an audience member where he was from.

02:47He said, my mama.

02:48I heard Miami and said, I've been there.

02:53I am 74 years old.

02:56Life expectancy for men is 76 years.

02:59Life expectancy for women is 81 years.

03:03I figure if I transition...

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