Audiotale: THE THREE SILLIES ENGLISH TALE

Gilmart Productions

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00:00The Three Sillies Once upon a time there was a farmer and his

00:05wife who had one daughter, and she was courted by a gentleman.

00:09Every evening he used to come and see her, and stop to supper at the farmhouse, and the

00:14daughter used to be sent down into the cellar to draw the beer for supper.

00:18So one evening she had gone down to draw the beer, and she happened to look up at the ceiling

00:22while she was drawing, and she saw a mallet stuck in one of the beams.

00:27It must have been there a long, long time, but somehow or other she had never noticed

00:31it before, and she began a thinking.

00:34And she thought it was very dangerous to have that mallet there, for she said to herself,

00:38suppose him and me was to be married, and we was to have a son, and he was to grow up

00:42to be a man, and come down into the cellar to draw the beer, like as I'm doing now, and

00:47the mallet was to fall on his head and kill him, what a dreadful thing it would be.

00:52And she put down the candle and the jug, and sat herself down and began a crying well,

00:56and she began to wonder upstairs how it was that she was so long drawing the beer, and

01:00her mother went down to see after her, and she found her sitting on the settle crying,

01:04and the beer running over the floor.

01:07Why, whatever is the matter, said her mother.

01:10Oh, mother, says she, look at that horrid mallet.

01:14Suppose we was to be married, and was to have a son, and he was to grow up, and was to come

01:19down to the cellar to draw the beer, and the mallet was to fall on his head and kill him,

01:23what a dreadful thing it would be.

01:25De, dear.

01:27What a dreadful thing it would be, said the mother, and she sat her down aside of the

01:31daughter and started a crying too.

01:34Then after a bit the father began to wonder that they didn't come back, and he went down

01:38into the cellar to look after them himself, and there they too sat a crying, and the beer

01:42running all over the floor.

01:45Whatever is the matter, says he.

01:47Why, says the mother, look at that horrid mallet.

01:51Suppose we was to be married, and was to have a son, and he was to grow up, and was

01:57to come down to the cellar to draw the beer, and the mallet was to fall on his head and

02:01kill him, what a dreadful thing it would be.

02:03De, dear, dear.

02:07So it would, said the father, and he sat himself down aside of the other two, and started a

02:11crying now the gentleman got tired of stopping up in the kitchen by himself, and at last

02:16he went down into the cellar too, to see what they were after, and there they three sat

02:20a crying side by side, and the beer running all over the floor.

02:25And he ran straight and turned the tap.

02:27Then he said, whatever are you three doing, sitting there crying, and letting the beer

02:31run all over the floor.

02:33Oh, says the father, look at that horrid mallet.

02:38Suppose you and our daughter was to be married, and was to have a son, and he was to grow

02:41up, and was to come down into the cellar to draw the beer, and the mallet was to fall

02:45on his head and kill him.

02:48And then they all started a crying worse than before.

02:51But the gentleman burst out a laughing, and reached up and pulled out the mallet, and

02:55then he said, I've travelled many miles, and I never met three such big sillies as you

02:59three before, and now I shall start out on my travels again, and when I can find three

03:04bigger sillies than you three, then I'll come back and marry your daughter.

03:09So he wished them goodbye, and started off on his travels, and left them all crying because

03:13the girl had lost her sweetheart, well, he set out, and he travelled a long way, and

03:18at last he came to a woman's cottage that had some grass growing on the roof.

03:22And the woman was trying to get her cow to go up a ladder to the grass, and the poor

03:26thing durst not go.

03:28So the gentleman asked the woman what she was doing.

03:31Why, looky, she said, look at all that beautiful grass.

03:35I'm going to get the cow onto the roof to eat it.

03:39You'll be quite safe, for I shall tie a string round her neck, and pass it down the chimney,

03:43and tie it to my wrist as I go about the house, so she can't fall off without my knowing it.

03:48Oh, you poor silly, said the gentleman, you should cut the grass and throw it down to

03:53the cow.

03:55But the woman thought it was easier to get the cow up the ladder than to get the grass

03:58down, so she pushed her, and coaxed her and got her up, and tied a string round her neck,

04:03and passed it down the chimney, and fastened it to her own wrist.

04:07And the gentleman went on his way, but he hadn't gone far when the cow tumbled off the

04:11roof, and hung by the string tied round her neck, and it strangled her.

04:16And the weight of the cow tied to her wrist pulled the woman up the chimney, and she stuck

04:19fast halfway and was smothered in the soot well, that was one big silly, and the gentleman

04:24went on and on, and he went to an interstop the night, and they were so full at the inn

04:28that they had to put him in a double-bedded room, and another traveller was to sleep in

04:31the other bed.

04:33The other man was a very pleasant fellow, and they got very friendly together, but in

04:37the morning, when they were both getting up, the gentleman was surprised to see the other

04:41hang his trousers on the knobs of the chest of drawers and run across the room and try

04:45to jump into them, and he tried over and over again, and couldn't manage it, and the gentleman

04:49wondered whatever he was doing it for.

04:52At last he stopped and wiped his face with his handkerchief.

04:55Oh dear, he says, I do think trousers are the most awkwardest kind of clothes that ever

05:01were.

05:02I can't think who could have invented such things.

05:05It takes me the best part of an hour to get into mine every morning, and I get so hot.

05:10How do you manage yours?

05:12So the gentleman burst out a-laughing, and showed him how to put them on, and he was

05:16very much obliged to him, and said he never should have thought of doing it that way.

05:21So that was another big silly, then the gentleman went on his travels again, and he came to

05:25a village, and outside the village there was a pond, and round the pond was a crowd of

05:30people.

05:31And they had got rakes, and brooms, and pitchforks, reaching into the pond, and the gentleman

05:36asked what was the matter.

05:38Why, they say, matter enough.

05:42Moons tumbled into the pond, and we can't rake her out anyhow.

05:46So the gentleman burst out a-laughing, and told them to look up into the sky, and that

05:50it was only the shadow in the water.

05:53But they wouldn't listen to him, and abused him shamefully, and he got away as quick as

05:56he could.so there was a whole lot of sillies bigger than them three sillies at home.

06:01So the gentleman turned back home again, and married the farmer's daughter, and if they

06:05didn't live happy forever after, that's nothing to do with you or me.

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