Bad Dog_ Ye Old Bad Dog

Aecionevesuk

17/09/2024

Transcript

00:00Bye-bye, Bucky!

00:01♪♪♪

00:07Hello, dandy ladies!

00:09Welcome to the Medieval Nights Family Restaurant and Entertainment Center!

00:14Where you'll lose yourselves in a magical world of sorcerers and knights and castles!

00:20Unless you're the owner of a white pickup truck that's illegally parked in the restricted Merlin section of the parking lot.

00:27If you're that person, forget the whole magical world thing and prepare to have your ears poked!

00:34Come on, guys! We don't want to be late for the big show!

00:37♪♪♪♪

00:53Wow! Is this place medieval or what?

00:56It's an impressive display of run-amuck fantasy play!

01:00And it smells like the circus!

01:03It's just so darn authentic!

01:05I mean, they've got jousting, mutton on a stick, farm animals, wandering free...

01:09They even let dogs in half-price!

01:12I guess it's all part of their dream to bring back the bubonic plague.

01:17Ruff! Ruff!

01:20Wow, Barky! Lookie! It's Sir Flinch-a-Lot!

01:25The White Knight-y!

01:28Wow!

01:30Find my apron! Touch my walker with your lap!

01:35You were great on that toilet cleanser commercial!

01:39Thank you for torturing me with that painful memory!

01:43Is there anyone young who would like an autograph?

01:49Excuse me, nice grandmas. I need a white knight to sign my doggie.

01:55Thank you for that very, very odd request, strange little knight.

02:01Maybe another time.

02:03Hail, merry dinner guests. Please take your seats for our knightly dinner show.

02:09You insult their honor. For that you pay.

02:26Hear ye, hear ye. Let us now venture back to a time of romance. A time before modern technology.

02:35A time before silverware and health codes.

02:38Oh!

02:46A time before manners.

02:50A time of knighthood and chivalry.

02:55A time before pouring skills.

02:58Please direct your attention to the arena.

03:01Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

03:05Sir Flinchalot, the white knight of Nothingham, is ready to defend his honor against any challenger.

03:16Ready! Does anyone dare challenge the superior forces of goodness?

03:23Come on, you guys. Get into the action a little.

03:27Go on, Sparky. Defend your honor.

03:31A same thing every night. I waved all the ill-bred morons with meat hanging out of their mouths.

03:37The stupid black knight enters the ring, and by the time I slay him, the entire audience has either gone home,

03:44or is writhing in their seats, wracked by severe intestinal distress.

04:02You! Stop right there!

04:08Teddy Bravestead!

04:10What do you think you're doing? Look where you are! Look around!

04:21All right, then. If it's a fight you want, the joust is on!

04:27Prepare to defend thyself! Nay, dog!

04:32I can hardly look.

04:34Sparky, duck!

04:42What is our brave challenger's name?

04:45Sparky!

04:46I hereby dub thee Sir Sparky.

04:50Doofus!

04:58Oh, what a brave little doggy!

05:01Five dollies a naughty crab! Five dollies!

05:05No reason to push nice grannies!

05:08Enough of Sparky for everybody!

05:11Hear ye! Hear ye! The next round of competition is about to commence!

05:17Sir Sparky and the fight knight will now meet in a battle of clubs over a boat filled with man-eating crocodiles!

05:25But alas, where is our beloved, albeit slightly tarnished, white knight?

05:31Could it be that our brave white knight is a chicken?

05:40Fickle fans! Fickle grannies! I'll show you!

05:44Thy goal is to knock thy opponent off yon bridge and into the crocodile-filled waters below!

05:52Hear ye!

05:54Turn around!

05:56Hey, Sparky!

06:04Let's see you get out of this!

06:14You think you can escape me?

06:16Huh?

06:18Sirs, I seem to be rusted! A little lubrication, please?

06:33Sparky! Sparky! Sparky!

06:47Need a weapon to smiten the dog!

06:49And now, for our final and newest round of competition,

06:53our knights will attempt to pull the legendary sword Excalibur from its legendary stone and slay the legendary dragon of Black Castle!

07:02Dragon? What dragon?

07:04I told you, it's new!

07:08Make haste, brave knights! Whichever of you can remove the sword from the stone shall be king!

07:20Must smiten doggy! Must have sword!

07:24Sword!

07:34Off me, you compounded metal lizards!

07:38Alas, it looks like the white knight will slay the dragon and retain his throne!

07:43First the dog, then the dragon!

07:54Uh-oh!

08:02Well, it looks like a draw! We'll have to do it all over again tomorrow night!

08:08Danny Spanos here, big-time agent with BTPA, the Very Talented People Agency!

08:14You represent talented people? Why are you talking to me?

08:19Are you kidding? You're the absolute funniest man I have ever seen perform!

08:24Funny? You thought it was funny when I was chomped by alligators and torched by a dragon?

08:30Kill me! And by the way, you were also hilarious in the toilet cleanser act,

08:35the one where you played the cowardly stain hiding from the animated scrubbing thingies.

08:40Brilliant! Anyway, I'd like to represent you starting, like, now!

08:45Really? You're kidding! Where do I sign?

08:49On the dotted line. But before you do, I'd like to see you do that moat pratfall one more time! It killed me!

08:56Fine! You wait here! I'll go hurl myself into the moat!

09:00Just for the full effect, I'd rather see you do it with the dog!

09:06Let's go, doggy! Let's do the moat pratfall!

09:10First you say sorry to Barky, then you apologize for offending your honor in front of the nice old grannies.

09:17Sorry! Sorry! Sorry all round!

09:21Let's go, Barky, old fellow!

09:25Good doggy!

09:27On second thought, do the whole act!

09:30Keep barking!

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