How much time do we spend with our families? What do we do with our families when we are together? What are the relationships like within our families? How was the Prophet (s) like with his family? Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda shares some stories and lessons to learn from the life of Muhammad (s) and dealing with his family.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00ALLAHU AKBAR
00:08Bismillah walhamdulillah wa salatu wassalamu ala rasulillahi wa ala ahlihi wa sahbihi ajma'in
00:14Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
00:22In a narration of Sahih Muslim,
00:24an authentic hadith of the Prophet ﷺ,
00:29while the Prophet ﷺ was on his deathbed,
00:33and he was departing from this world,
00:37the Prophet ﷺ told the companions
00:41and left a message for the Ummah.
00:44And he said,
00:45Wa Ahlu Bayti, my family,
00:49Udhakirukumullaha fi Ahli Bayti,
00:53I beseech you, I ask you,
00:56in the name of God, for the sake of Allah,
00:59take care of my family.
01:01Udhakirukumullaha fi Ahli Bayti.
01:05A second time he said,
01:06I ask you for the sake of Allah,
01:09please take care of my family.
01:12Udhakirukumullaha fi Ahli Bayti.
01:15And a third time once again he said,
01:17I ask you please,
01:20in the name of Allah,
01:22please look after my family.
01:26The Prophet ﷺ,
01:29he tells us in a prophetic tradition,
01:31in authentic narration,
01:33that Ahsanukum, Ahsanukum li Ahlihi,
01:37Khairukum khairukum li Ahlihi,
01:40wa ana khairukum li Ahlihi.
01:42That the best amongst you is the one
01:44who's the best to his family.
01:46And I'm the best to my family.
01:49This was something the Prophet ﷺ
01:51did not just say.
01:53It wasn't a slogan that he used
01:57because it was good marketing,
01:59or it was great branding,
02:00or it was good for fundraising,
02:02or because it sounded politically correct,
02:05or because it was a good thing,
02:08it was a good instrument to use
02:11in debating and arguing with other people.
02:14When he was on his deathbed
02:16and leaving this world,
02:18he turned to his companions,
02:20he turned to his community,
02:22he left a message for all of eternity,
02:25and he said,
02:26please, I ask you in the name of Allah,
02:29take care of my family.
02:31He loved his family
02:32and he cherished his family.
02:34There's a hadith
02:36in which the Prophet ﷺ,
02:39authentic narration,
02:41there was a man who lived a few homes down
02:43from the Prophet ﷺ.
02:45The man was of Persian descent.
02:48He was from Persia, he was Farsi.
02:51And he used to make a type of broth
02:56that the Prophet ﷺ was very fond of.
02:59He liked it very much.
03:00It was different.
03:02Not what the Prophet ﷺ
03:03was accustomed to eating
03:04and he enjoyed it.
03:06So one day the Prophet ﷺ saw him
03:08and he said that,
03:10what is it friend?
03:12You haven't made that food for me
03:14in a very long time.
03:16You know how you would tell your neighbor,
03:18your friend,
03:19what's going on buddy?
03:20You haven't invited me over
03:22for some barbecue in a long time.
03:23He said,
03:24you haven't made that food for me
03:25in quite some time.
03:27So the man thought about it
03:29and he said,
03:30the Messenger of Allah ﷺ
03:32wants me to make something for him
03:35and he asks me for it.
03:37That's it.
03:38He went home,
03:39he got all the supplies
03:40and he started cooking.
03:42Now these were the early days of Medina
03:46and a lot of people
03:47didn't have a lot of wealth.
03:49The Sahaba were struggling
03:50so he wasn't able to make a lot.
03:52He was able to make just a little.
03:54And he comes over to the home
03:56of the Prophet ﷺ to his house
03:58and he knocks on his door.
04:00The Prophet ﷺ that day
04:02was at the home of Aisha
04:04رضي الله تعالى عنها,
04:05his beloved wife Aisha.
04:08He was at her home
04:09and the man knocks on the door
04:11and the Prophet ﷺ answers the door.
04:14السلام عليكم يا رسول الله
04:16وعليكم السلام أهلاً وسهلاً
04:18كيف حالكم؟
04:19What's going on?
04:21And the man says,
04:22I was able to make you some of that food
04:25that you are so fond of.
04:27If you could please come to my home
04:29and share it with me.
04:31The Prophet ﷺ says,
04:35here's the problem,
04:36I'd love to,
04:37I asked you for some earlier,
04:39I'd love to,
04:41but I have plans tonight.
04:45I have plans.
04:47Tonight I'm spending time,
04:49I'm hanging out,
04:51I'm having dinner with Aisha.
04:55So I'm sorry,
04:56but I can't come.
04:59The man, very disappointed,
05:01he wants the Prophet ﷺ
05:02to come to his home and eat his food.
05:04He leaves.
05:05He comes back a little while later
05:07and knocks on the door.
05:09The Prophet ﷺ answers the door again,
05:10yes, what can I do for you?
05:12The man's like,
05:13can you please come over
05:14for just a little bit?
05:16Just a few minutes,
05:17five minutes, ten minutes.
05:19Aisha, she gets to spend
05:22all the rest of the time with you.
05:24Just ten minutes,
05:25come over, eat a little bit,
05:26it'll be a great blessing for me.
05:28The Prophet ﷺ said,
05:29tonight I have plans with Aisha.
05:34This is her time.
05:36I can't.
05:38Thanks, but no thanks.
05:40The man leaves.
05:42He comes back a third time
05:44and then he knocks again.
05:46The Prophet ﷺ opens the door again.
05:48It's him again,
05:49but he doesn't get angry.
05:50Yes, friend, how can I help you?
05:53He says, what if
05:56I invite both you and Aisha over?
05:59Both of you all come on over.
06:01Is that okay?
06:02Now you would think
06:03the Prophet ﷺ is going to say,
06:04yeah, great.
06:05No, no, he says,
06:06I have to ask Aisha.
06:07It's her time.
06:08I promised her this evening.
06:12And the Prophet ﷺ asks Aisha
06:15رضي الله عنها,
06:17would you like to go?
06:18She said, yeah, that'd be great.
06:20And so then he tells him,
06:22he says, okay, both of us will come.
06:23And they went there,
06:24they ate there,
06:25and then they came back home together.
06:27Now why did I tell this story?
06:30Sounds like a pretty straightforward,
06:32basic, simple story.
06:33But think about how profound it is.
06:35It's Muhammad Rasulullah ﷺ.
06:38And date night,
06:40time set aside only for his wife.
06:43No interruptions,
06:45no responsibilities, no obligations.
06:48Look how seriously he takes it.
06:51Because if you stand there
06:53and you announce to all of humanity,
06:55خيركم خيركم لأهله
06:59وأنا خيركم لأهله.
07:01If you announce that to everyone,
07:04that the best amongst you is the one
07:06who's the best to his family.
07:08And I'm the best to my family.
07:11And then when you tell your spouse,
07:14because you're the messenger of Allah,
07:16you're the busiest human being of all time.
07:21And then you tell your spouse,
07:23tomorrow night, it's just us.
07:25We're gonna have a nice, quiet, intimate dinner,
07:28just the two of us.
07:31And the second someone shows up,
07:32you're like, hey, okay, I gotta go.
07:33I'll be right back, all right.
07:36Then that's not consistent with your message.
07:39That's how seriously he took it.
07:41That's what I mean by it's not rhetoric.
07:44It's not sloganeering.
07:46In the description of this talk,
07:51it talks a little bit about
07:52how there are all these other isms and movements
07:56that are destroying the Muslim family.
07:59Allow me just a moment of brutal honesty.
08:03There are movements,
08:05there are forces, external things at work
08:08that are eroding and eating away
08:10at the institution of family.
08:12But do not blame your terrible family situation
08:17on some external movement.
08:19That's not how it works.
08:21You have a bad marriage
08:23because you are not good at being a husband or a wife.
08:28You fail with your children.
08:31Your children don't listen to you
08:33because you're not a good parent.
08:35And I'm not trying to like pick on people when I say that.
08:39May Allah protect all of our families.
08:41Say ameen.
08:42But this is the greatest trap of shaitan.
08:46فَلَا تَلُومُونِي وَلُومُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ
08:49This is the greatest trap of shaitan.
08:51I do something wrong, who can I blame?
08:55I do something wrong, who can I blame?
08:59I never spend any time with my kids, it's feminism.
09:04I never spend any time at home, liberalism.
09:09Liberalism is destroying our homes today.
09:12No, maybe the fact that you treat your home like a hotel.
09:17You treat your wife like the front desk person at a hotel.
09:21You treat your children like they're the hotel staff.
09:25Maybe that has a little bit about to do with why your family is struggling.
09:29Did you ever think about that?
09:32And look at all these stories from the life of the Prophet ﷺ.
09:36Some of the most beautiful stories.
09:39Where the Prophet ﷺ races with Aisha.
09:43Where he goes home after receiving revelation
09:46and holds the hand of Khadija.
09:48While he's shaking and shivering and saying,
09:50what am I going to do, ya Khadija?
09:52What am I going to do?
09:54When he's standing there and Aisha wants to watch
09:58the visiting Abyssinians do their like display of skills and arts.
10:03And she stands behind him.
10:05And she puts her face next to his face right here, cheek to cheek.
10:09And stands there and watches.
10:12When he gets invited to go eat at his neighbor's house
10:15and he says, I'm sorry, I'm having dinner with my wife.
10:19When he is giving khutbah on Friday.
10:22Khutbah al-Jumu'ah.
10:24He's giving khutbah on Friday.
10:27And his son, his grandson, Hassan,
10:30رضي الله تعالى عنه,
10:32was a little boy at that time.
10:34Little boy.
10:36And when little kids see grandpa,
10:41when they see their grandfather,
10:43when they see their grandfather, when they see papi,
10:46when they see him,
10:48they don't understand what's going on or not going on.
10:50They don't even care what's going on or not going on.
10:52They just see his grandpa.
10:54So he sees his grandfather and he gets excited.
10:57He runs up to the Prophet ﷺ
11:00while the Prophet ﷺ is giving khutbah.
11:03And he holds his arms out.
11:06Because he wants to be picked up.
11:09So the Prophet ﷺ pauses the khutbah,
11:12steps down from the minbar,
11:14he picks him up.
11:15And he hugs him and he kisses him.
11:17And then he turns to the masjid that is full of people.
11:20And he says,
11:21إِنَّ بَنِي هَذَا سَيِّدٌ
11:23This boy of mine, this son of mine,
11:26he's a leader.
11:28And then the kid,
11:30Hassan رضي الله تعالى عنه,
11:32he's a child, he wants to be put back down.
11:34He puts him back down and he runs off.
11:36And then the Prophet ﷺ goes back up on the minbar
11:38and continues the khutbah.
11:41When the Prophet ﷺ
11:44is praying salah at home,
11:47and he's watching,
11:48he's babysitting his grandsons,
11:50Hassan and Hussain رضي الله تعالى عنهما.
11:54And they climb on to the back.
11:57They climb on to his back when he's in sujood.
12:00And he doesn't get up so that they don't fall.
12:02They're little boys.
12:04And so they climb on to his back.
12:06And he stays in sajdah longer for a few extra minutes
12:09until they finally get off
12:11so that they don't fall in salah.
12:14When you're talking to God,
12:17when you're praying to Allah.
12:20But he's considerate of the fact that his grandkids,
12:23his sons are climbing on his back.
12:26Like all of these stories,
12:28in which of these stories
12:30does it talk about the Prophet ﷺ
12:32is giving them something.
12:35Is he giving them things?
12:37Is he buying them nice things?
12:39Clothes and shoes?
12:42Phones and computers?
12:44Cars and stuff?
12:46Is he buying them things? No.
12:48He's spending quality time with them.
12:51He's sharing experiences with them.
12:54He's interacting with them.
12:56That's what he's doing.
12:59A lot of times we use as an excuse
13:03for not spending quality time
13:05with our own family members.
13:07Whether it be our elderly parents,
13:10or it be our spouses,
13:12or it be our children.
13:14A lot of times the excuse that we have is,
13:16well, we're trying to provide for them.
13:18We're trying to make sure
13:20that they have a good life.
13:22They have a nice home.
13:23They go to a private school.
13:24They have nice clothes,
13:26nice shoes, nice stuff.
13:29They get to go to the nicest colleges
13:31and universities.
13:32And then there's nothing wrong with all of that.
13:34But note this much.
13:36If you sacrifice knowing them,
13:39spending time with them,
13:41having experiences with them,
13:44sharing moments with them,
13:46for the sake of all of these things,
13:48these things will make no difference.
13:51These things do not ensure
13:53that you have a relationship with your family.
13:57If I pay my parents bills,
14:01but I cannot make five minutes
14:04to sit down and talk to them,
14:06it's not worth anything.
14:09And your parents will tell you themselves,
14:13I don't care about these things.
14:16What I want is for you to spend some time with me.
14:20And that's the example
14:22of the Prophet ﷺ.
14:24All the narrations that you can find
14:26about the Prophet ﷺ
14:28demonstrate this fact.
14:30When Fatima,
14:32the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ,
14:34when she used to come
14:36to visit the Prophet ﷺ,
14:38he used to get up.
14:40He would go and greet her at the door.
14:42He would hug her.
14:43He would kiss her.
14:44Then he would hold her hand.
14:46And then he would walk back
14:47to where he was sitting.
14:48And then he would sit down
14:50and make her sit next to him.
14:51And he would hold her hand
14:55while he sat there.
14:58That was his relationship
14:59with this baby girl Fatima.
15:04One of the last people
15:05to have a personal intimate conversation
15:07with the Prophet ﷺ was Fatima.
15:09When he was on his deathbed,
15:11the night before he passed away.
15:13And Fatima radiallahu ta'ala Anha
15:15came to see him.
15:17Aisha says,
15:18we were all gathered around.
15:20There was this ominous,
15:24you know, feeling in the room.
15:26Everyone was in tears.
15:28And then the Prophet ﷺ,
15:30he had his eyes closed
15:31because he was in so much pain and fever.
15:34And he opened his eyes
15:35and he looked at the door.
15:37And we all turned
15:38and we looked at what he was staring at.
15:40And it was Fatima.
15:41And then like the seas parted.
15:44And Fatima radiallahu ta'ala Anha came in.
15:47And Aisha says,
15:48if you ever saw Fatima in person,
15:50when she walked, when she talked,
15:52you knew immediately
15:53she was the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ.
15:55It was like you were looking at the Prophet ﷺ.
15:58And she came
15:59and she sat down next to the Prophet ﷺ.
16:01And she held his hand
16:02and she started to cry,
16:04وَاَكَرَبَ أَبَتَىٰ
16:07Why does my father have to suffer?
16:09And he told her,
16:10لَا كَرَبَ عَلَىٰ أَبِيكِ بَعْدِ الْيَوْمِ
16:12Why are you not, beloved daughter?
16:14After today,
16:15your father will suffer no more.
16:18And then he called her close
16:20and he whispered something into her ear.
16:22And she started to cry even more.
16:24And then he called her close again
16:26and he whispered something into her ear
16:28a few minutes later.
16:29And she started to smile through her tears.
16:32And then she kissed his hand
16:34and kissed his forehead,
16:35bid him farewell and left.
16:38The next morning,
16:40the Prophet ﷺ would pass away.
16:42A few weeks later, Aisha said,
16:44I waited.
16:45And then I asked Fatima,
16:47رضي الله تعالى عنها
16:49Sayyida Fatima رضي الله تعالى عنها
16:52Can you please tell me,
16:54do you mind sharing what he said?
16:58And she said that,
16:59I had not dealt with the reality
17:01that he was gonna be leaving.
17:03I couldn't.
17:04She lost her mom when she was young.
17:06She lost, you know,
17:07all three of her older sisters.
17:10He's all I had left.
17:13But she said that,
17:15at that moment he first whispered to me,
17:17Fatima, I am in fact leaving.
17:20This is it.
17:21I've known since last Ramadan.
17:24When I reviewed the Quran,
17:25not once but twice with Jibril.
17:27I knew that.
17:29So I am going Fatima.
17:31You need to be ready for this.
17:33And I started to cry.
17:34And then when he called me close again,
17:36he said, however, oh Fatima,
17:38you will be the first of my family
17:40to come and join.
17:41We're all gonna be together again soon.
17:44And she said, that's why I smiled.
17:46And six months,
17:48exactly six months to the day,
17:50the procession passed away.
17:52Fatima radiallahu ta'ala anha,
17:54she got up,
17:55she took a ghusl,
17:57a bath of purification.
17:59She put on clean clothes.
18:01She lied down in her bed.
18:03She said the shahada,
18:04closed her eyes and passed away.
18:07But this was a relationship that they had.
18:10It wasn't built or predicated on things.
18:13It was built on the time,
18:16the experiences,
18:17the moments,
18:18the conversations
18:20that they shared together.
18:22That's our deen.
18:24This, what I'm saying,
18:26this message right here,
18:28very much could sound like
18:29it's coming from a family therapist
18:31or a counselor.
18:32They would probably say the same thing.
18:33But this is our deen.
18:35This is not me trying to fit
18:38something into the deen
18:40that does not belong from the deen.
18:42I'm quoting to you hadith
18:44after hadith after hadith
18:46of the Prophet ﷺ.
18:47This is our religion.
18:49This is the fiqh of family.
18:52That this is how it's done.
18:54And I want to say again,
18:56with something I touched upon earlier.
18:59The real enemy is always internal,
19:01not external.
19:03Your nafs is harder to defeat than shaitan is.
19:07And shaitan is harder to overcome
19:09than anybody else.
19:11But your nafs is harder to defeat
19:13than even shaitan.
19:16Our own internal demons,
19:18our own internal problems.
19:20Negligence is the real destroyer
19:23of families in our communities.
19:26And all the other isms,
19:28all the other movements,
19:29the liberalism and whatever else
19:32that's going on today.
19:33That's fine.
19:34It is problematic.
19:35I agree.
19:36It is problematic.
19:38But let's not delude ourselves
19:39by looking for someone
19:41to pin the blame on.
19:43No, no, no.
19:44We are our own enemy at times.
19:47We have to take responsibility.
19:49We will have better homes.
19:50We will have better families.
19:52We will stop talking about
19:54the Prophet ﷺ
19:55and his life like it's just a slogan.
19:57We're going to stop
19:59using this deen for marketing
20:01and advertising and campaigning.
20:03Live it.
20:05Live it.
20:07And we're going to start implementing
20:10the life of the Prophet ﷺ
20:11in our lives,
20:13in our families,
20:14in our homes,
20:15in our communities
20:16and in our societies.
20:17May Allah ﷻ
20:18preserve and protect
20:20all of our families.
20:21Say ameen.
20:22May Allah ﷻ
20:23allow us to build good,
20:25strong homes and families.
20:27Those who have families,
20:29may Allah ﷻ keep them together.
20:31Those who have been separated
20:32from their families,
20:34may Allah ﷻ reunite them.
20:35Those who are by themselves,
20:37may Allah ﷻ grant them
20:38loved ones and family.
20:39And may Allah ﷻ
20:40reunite all of us together
20:42in Jannat al-Fardaws al-A'la,
20:44in the company of the Prophet ﷺ
20:46and his family.
20:47Jazakumullah khairan
20:48wa salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.