Big School - S01 - E05 - video Dailymotion

Classic Series & Entertainment

#BigSchool #BritishSitcom #UKComedy #ClassyComedy #BritishHumor #BBCComedy #SchoolComedy #SitcomSeries #UKTelevision #ModernSitcom #BritishTV #TVComedy #SitcomFans #BritishComedyGold #UKTV #ComedyShow #BritishActors #TVSeries #ComedySeries #BritishSitcoms #BritishTVShow #ClassyBritishHumor #SitcomScenes #ModernBritishTV #ComedyGold #UKSitcom #TVSitcom #BritishTVComedy #SitcomMoments #BritishTelevision #ComedyLovers #TVHumor #SchoolSitcom #SitcomClassic #BritishClassics #UKTVShow #ComedyFans #TVComedyShow #BritishTVComedyShow #SitcomEpisodes #UKComedySeries #BritishActorsComedy #SitcomLovers #ClassicBritishTV #ComedyScenes #BritishTVSeries #SitcomCulture #BritishEntertainment #TVClassics #UKHumor #BritishTVFans #SitcomHumor #ComedyTV #BritishComedyFans #ModernComedy #BritishSitcomFans #UKComedyGold #BritishTVHistory #ComedyEpisodes #TVShow #UKEntertainment #ComedyCulture #SitcomWatch #BritishComedySeries #BritishClassyComedy #UKTelevisionComedy #ComedyHistory #SitcomHistory #UKTVComedy #BritishTelevisionComedy #ComedyShowFans #ClassicUKComedy #BritishSitcomCulture #SitcomSeriesUK #UKComedyShow #BritishTVEntertainment #ComedyGoldMoments #SitcomClassicMoments #BritishComedyShow #UKSitcomCulture #ComedySitcom #ModernBritishComedy #UKTVFans #BritishSitcomEpisodes #UKClassicComedy #ComedySeriesFans #BritishSitcomCulture #TVClassicComedy #SitcomTelevision #BritishHumorTV #ComedyMoments #BritishTVClassic #ComedyActors #SitcomCultureUK #SitcomWatchers #BritishSitcomHistory #TVHumorUK

Transcript

00:00All right, all right, settle, settle down, please.

00:04Now, here we have luminol.

00:07Let go, Pat. Pat, let go.

00:10And here we have hydrogen peroxide.

00:14Two very dangerous liquids,

00:17but combined, something rather special happens.

00:21Oh, Mr Hubble.

00:23No, we're not the same

00:27Let's not break the chain

00:31We should play this game together

00:37Should I...?

00:56No, no, it's all right.

00:58I'm used to handling this sort of thing.

01:01Stop fighting! Oh, my God, stop fighting!

01:03That's really dangerous!

01:08Are you still saying to be fighting?

01:09I haven't finished yet.

01:12I said stop fighting! I said stop fighting!

01:19Best if you don't help them.

01:20I don't think anyone's seeing.

01:22Can we just pop to the staff room and have a coffee and a biscuit?

01:24Oh, there's no biscuits left.

01:26Oh, Turner says a spotty one wins.

01:31Shut it!

01:34You two.

01:35The barbarism is utterly objectionable.

01:39Okay, I'll put this in terms you understand.

01:42You starting a ting?

01:44Are you starting a ting?

01:45Because if you start a ting, Emma busts you up.

01:48This ain't no joke.

01:49I'm a cold-ass bitch.

01:51A thugged-up, gang-banging hustler.

01:53One more battle, you're heading for the dirt nap.

01:56Right back up your ass.

01:58You get me?

02:00Now get out of me house.

02:05Daphne, Wagwan with Ofsted.

02:08Oh, sorry.

02:09What's going on with Ofsted?

02:18There you go.

02:21Nothing.

02:22Fights were a daily occurrence at my law school.

02:24Well, sadly, here at Greybridge, they can be twice daily.

02:26That was a little disagreement compared to what I'm used to.

02:29Yeah, well, normally they are a lot worse than that.

02:31Well, I'm ready for it.

02:32Probably because I speak their language.

02:34It's no wonder these children fight.

02:36I mean, what chance do they have?

02:38Gang culture, violent video games,

02:41plus the internet is awash with pornography.

02:44Some of it utterly degrading.

02:46Oh, yeah.

02:47Yeah, normally you have to put your credit card details in

02:49for that particular type of grot.

02:51Trevor, this is not a joke.

02:52Some of this pornography can be very dangerous.

02:54No, tell me about it.

02:57The other night, the mum came home early from bingo.

02:59Nearly dropped me laptop in the bath.

03:01Don't worry.

03:03Her stair lift bought me an extra 45 seconds, trust me.

03:06That was plenty.

03:09I mean, how the man became a teacher, I'll never know.

03:12He claims he went to a university.

03:14But it was still a polytechnic when he went there.

03:20Why have you stopped?

03:21Thought you might like to sponsor me.

03:23Oh, an iron man.

03:26Wow.

03:27Very impressive.

03:28Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

03:30Not really for me to say.

03:31But one of my friends said she was doing it,

03:33so I just thought, well, yeah, why not?

03:35How hard can it be?

03:36Really quite hard.

03:37That's why they call it an iron man.

03:39It's the toughest of all the metals.

03:41It's just a good opportunity to get fit.

03:44I think you need to be quite fit to start.

03:46It's only a bit of running.

03:48And cycling and swimming.

03:50And cycling and swimming.

03:52Is it?

03:53That's brave.

03:54I thought, why not?

03:55It's just a bit of running, cycling and swimming.

03:59I could train you up if you like.

04:01I'm actually all right, thank you.

04:03You sure?

04:04It's a tough event.

04:06It's getting on a bike in wet trunks I could knack.

04:11I thought that was a different day.

04:13No.

04:14No, all on the same day.

04:181.5km swim, 110km bike ride, and then a marathon.

04:24What, all in my wet bikini?

04:26Well, you'll dry off a bit during the run.

04:30I might need a little bit of help.

04:36Come along for free squash and biscuits

04:38any afternoon this week to the Drama Block

04:40for a meeting of my new anti-violence group.

04:45Stop pupils arguing, fighting, forever.

04:49SPAFF for short.

04:56You haven't always got on,

04:58but I really like what you're doing with SPAFF.

05:02This could be big.

05:03SPAFF could really fly.

05:05Yes, I want SPAFF on T-shirts, baseball caps, lunchboxes.

05:11This campaign's not just for kids, it can be for everyone.

05:14A lot of people would like to thump,

05:16but it'd be a lot better if we all just made friends.

05:19Yes.

05:20Sell all your stuff in a cardboard cell.

05:22I hardly think that's going to happen with Sarah.

05:25Whatever you do, don't turn around.

05:30You're a proper tease.

05:34Miss Poston is not a tease.

05:36Oh, yeah, she knows what she's doing.

05:38Cavorting there with a sex man.

05:41What's a sex man?

05:42A man who has sex.

05:44Regularly.

06:05Blade edge, remember?

06:06Oh.

06:07Why are you in your vest and pants?

06:09Forgot my kit today.

06:12Let's pick up the pace.

06:18Change!

06:19Well, I suppose you just build up to it, don't you?

06:21Half a mile, one mile, 26 miles.

06:27Right, you go and get yourself soaked off.

06:34I'll pop in to make sure you're showering properly, yeah?

06:37No, I'm joking.

06:38He's not joking.

06:39He's a sex man.

06:59Why are you in your pants?

07:01Oh, I needed to wash them as well.

07:03You see, if I keep them on, it saves time.

07:06My word.

07:10What's the matter?

07:11You've never seen a huge donger before?

07:13Well, in fact, it's huge, but it's definitely abnormal.

07:19Do you want to take a photo?

07:20It'll last longer.

07:21I need to speak to you about Sarah.

07:23Too late, mate.

07:24I'll be third base by Friday night.

07:26Then you're very much mistaken, because me and her

07:28are already at fourth base, and we're

07:30making inroads into fifth.

07:32There is no fifth.

07:34What's fifth?

07:35Oh, you're both men of the world,

07:37or anything to spell it out to you.

07:39But I'd appreciate it if you backed off, mate.

07:53Red plates here.

07:54You had it in you.

07:55Yes, well, I do have it in me.

07:58You're not going to take those pants off?

08:00Oh, no, they'll dry quicker on.

08:21Church's Sheck post them, pass it on.

08:24Church's Sheck post them, pass it on.

08:26Church's Sheck post them, tweet it.

08:31I want you to know I'm so bloody proud of you lot.

08:34I really bloody am.

08:37I'm sorry I keep bloody swearing, but that's the truth.

08:40You are star pupils, every single one of you.

08:44Just promise me one thing, right?

08:46You never, ever let anybody tell you

08:48that you are not winners.

08:50Not your teachers, not your parents,

08:52not your bitch of a wife.

08:53Because you are all winners.

08:55Winner, winner, winner, winner.

08:59When I was a kid, my teachers told me I was a loser.

09:02Do you know what they predicted I'd get for my A-level geography?

09:06An E.

09:08An E.

09:09I thought, no, it's not up to you what I get, it's up to me.

09:13I worked bloody hard.

09:15I stayed up all night revising, revising, revising,

09:19and I worked and I worked and I worked

09:22and do you know what grade I got in the end?

09:24Was it an A, sir?

09:25No.

09:26B?

09:27No.

09:28I got a C.

09:31Well, actually, it was a D,

09:33but my mam asked them to take into account.

09:36Enter that exam hall and you believe in yourselves.

09:41Because you are all winners.

09:43And I am looking at the geography teachers of tomorrow.

09:48Well, I ain't going to be a geography teacher, sir.

09:51Dare to dream.

09:53Dare to dream.

09:58Now, let's get out there and kick some geography arse!

10:12Just remember to read the questions.

10:16Good luck.

10:23You have exactly two hours.

10:27Turn over your papers.

10:32Now.

10:38Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

10:49You haven't taught us any of this.

10:53What?

10:59Oh, no.

11:01I've taught you the GCSE syllabus.

11:03What the hell are we going to do?

11:05Shh, shh, shh.

11:07You'll be fine.

11:09What's going on?

11:11Er, I think it's, er, fine.

11:14It's all, er, it's all fine.

11:16There's a pencil sharpener malfunction.

11:19It's, er, it's all under control.

11:22Keep the chatter to a minimum.

11:24Yes.

11:25Shh.

11:36Churchy.

11:38You know, there's no need for us both to be here.

11:40Why don't you nip off early and pop to the shops?

11:43I won't tell anyone.

11:45I think the examination board would take a dim view of that.

11:48Besides, I love inventilating.

11:51The silence, the tension,

11:53the pacing up and down the rows of worried faces

11:56is what teaching's all about.

12:18Come on.

12:41La.

12:42Guitar.

12:44Anyone like to take a guess?

12:46La.

12:47Guitar.

12:49It's the guitar.

12:51All right, let's have another one.

12:55Les bongos.

12:59Bon

13:00go.

13:03Bongo.

13:07Oh, come on, it's bongos.

13:10All right, one more.

13:13Le timbre.

13:15Le timbre.

13:16You've actually seen me play this one in assembly.

13:19I thought you played the church organ, miss.

13:21En français.

13:23I don't know any French.

13:25Do you kneel down at church, miss?

13:28What does that mean?

13:29Miss, have you had a tug on the church bell?

13:34Miss, miss.

13:35Yeah, it's Craig.

13:36Have you done sex with Mr Church?

13:39What?

13:40Right, look.

13:42Keith and I...

13:43Mr Church and I are work colleagues and friends.

13:46Where on earth has this come from?

13:48The church you told Garnie shagged you.

13:58What?

13:59Just do some private reading.

14:12Shit.

14:30Mr Church!

14:36Mr Church!

14:38That's better.

14:39How dare you make me look like some kind of skank?

14:42A what?

14:43A skank.

14:45A hoe.

14:46A what?

14:47A sex lady.

14:50I've absolutely no idea.

14:52And please keep your voice down.

14:54It's exam conditions.

14:55Oh, I think you know perfectly well.

14:57You told Trevor that we had had sex.

15:01And we have not had sex.

15:40Can I have some more paper, please, sir?

16:00Come to the house!

16:02All right, Gareth, you can piss off now.

16:04No, you're all right.

16:06I'll stay if you don't mind.

16:07I absolutely love this.

16:09All right.

16:10I'll be in the computer room.

16:12You're not going anywhere.

16:16Get off me, you big, fat gayer.

16:29What I told you about Sarah in the shower was in strict confidence.

16:33I only told you at night.

16:34You're a great big shitting shit.

16:37I'll poke you, you twat.

16:38I'll poke you as much as I like.

16:40And keep your voice down.

17:05I think we've proved here today,

17:07through friendship and squash,

17:09that violence has no place at Greybridge.

17:19Please stop spreading silly rumours about teachers.

17:22There really is no drama to speak of.

17:25They're fighting.

17:26Keith and Trevor, they're fighting.

17:28What?

17:29Sarah, they're fighting over you.

17:32I'm sorry, but I've got men fighting over me.

17:40It's him! It's him!

17:42It's him!

17:57Let me have it!

17:58I'll get it!

17:59I'll get it!

18:02What did you tell me you read?

18:05Well?

18:07I don't know.

18:11You're no better, Mr Gunn, spreading idle gossip.

18:14What have you got to say for yourself?

18:21Sorry.

18:22What? I didn't hear that.

18:28Sorry.

18:31And what about you, Mr Church? Are you sorry?

18:34Yes.

18:35Well, say it then.

18:38Properly.

18:39Sorry.

18:41Now say it to each other.

18:57Right, now get out of my sight.

19:02DOOR OPENS

19:09Hey.

19:10No Australians, are we?

19:14Oh.

19:15Nice to have you back, Mr Hubble.

19:19Bum-bunders!

19:32DOOR OPENS

19:44We're going to France!

19:45Why do you even want to go to Dieppe?

19:47Chez Poston.

19:48Well, you would always sleep in my room.

19:50No drinking, no smoking, and no holiday romances with dirty Frenchmen.

19:54Well, the children will, of course, be supervised at all times.

19:57I wasn't talking about the children.

20:01Come on, sonny.

20:03A little bit slower.

20:04Someone has helped themselves to me.

20:06Sexually.

20:07Oh, dear.

20:31We should play this baby together

Recommended

Big School - S01 - E05

Category

Transcript

Recommended