The Re-Education of Molly HD ( Comedy )

Entertainment ( Latest English Movies Channel.)

8/3/2024

Transcript

00:00:00In my college experience, my fondest memories are...

00:00:04Go, go, go, go!

00:00:09Four years of tailgating, serial dating, hook-ups,

00:00:13break-up sex, make-up sex, and then there's this guy.

00:00:19Four years of endless parties, no parents, no bills, no jobs,

00:00:24best friends and bitter rivals.

00:00:26I don't care!

00:00:28Any sane person that ever graduated from an institute of higher learning

00:00:32will tell you that college was hands down the best years of their lives.

00:00:37Okay, try and keep your eyes open. Jeez, okay.

00:00:40My name is Molly Singer, and in college, I had it all figured out.

00:00:45But now...

00:00:47Well...

00:00:57Oh, Jessie.

00:01:02I thought you were my Colby Jordan.

00:01:06Oh, Jesus, Mrs. Zimmerman!

00:01:09What are you doing in my apartment?

00:01:11You gave me a key.

00:01:12For emergencies.

00:01:14Yes, well, I thought you might be in distress.

00:01:18Or dead.

00:01:20You need something.

00:01:21Yeah, I need something.

00:01:22Could you be a doll face and drive me to the market?

00:01:25I tried to get a car on Lyft,

00:01:27but apparently my account is blocked.

00:01:31No, no, no air quotes.

00:01:33You have a shockingly high number of one-star ratings.

00:01:35Oh, and it's my fault that they all drive like Tijuana kamikazes.

00:01:39My God, the racist.

00:01:41I'm sorry, what was that?

00:01:43I think I need to get some breakfast first.

00:01:45Kiddo, it's not breakfast.

00:01:46It's breakfast.

00:01:47I'm sorry, what was that?

00:01:49I think I need to get some breakfast first.

00:01:51Kiddo, it's 9.30.

00:01:52I think brunch would be more in order.

00:01:54We can have brunch while we're out.

00:01:56Kill two birds with one stone, right?

00:01:58I might want to drag a comb across that head.

00:02:01Come on, baby.

00:02:02Let's go.

00:02:18Good morning, everybody.

00:02:19We've got a ton of stuff to get through today,

00:02:21so let's get...

00:02:23Nelson, I swear to God.

00:02:25Are you curing cancer on that fucking phone?

00:02:31Is that your last life?

00:02:34I have one life left.

00:02:36Okay.

00:02:37Why don't you go finish that up at your desk?

00:02:39Now?

00:02:40Right fucking now.

00:02:42Whose nephew was that?

00:02:43Can we please find that out?

00:02:47Thank you for joining us, Ms. Singer.

00:02:50Yeah, I've been here a while, actually.

00:02:53Really?

00:02:54Because it looks like you're coming back

00:02:55from getting your pupils dilated.

00:02:57Oh, the glass...

00:02:58Yeah, transitions.

00:02:59I don't know.

00:03:01Not working.

00:03:03I'm sorry.

00:03:04I'm sorry.

00:03:05I'm sorry.

00:03:06I'm sorry.

00:03:07I'm sorry.

00:03:08I'm sorry.

00:03:09I'm sorry.

00:03:10It's working.

00:03:17So do you need a little bit of nap time or something?

00:03:20Because I can give the Pebble Brook case

00:03:22to one of your colleagues,

00:03:23perhaps someone with aspirations

00:03:25of becoming partner here one day.

00:03:29Realistic aspirations.

00:03:34No, no.

00:03:36I'm great.

00:03:37I'm great.

00:03:40Jo, how are you?

00:03:47Oh, God.

00:03:54What the hell was that back there?

00:03:55Oh, uh, yeah.

00:03:56I think I just got, like, the flu bug or something.

00:03:59Really?

00:04:00Breakfast of champions, I see.

00:04:04Yeah, I'm just gonna be really honest with you.

00:04:06The Pebble Brook motion is giving me an aneurysm,

00:04:08and I went out last night for a little stress relief.

00:04:11Think I just overdid it a little, you know?

00:04:15You think?

00:04:17Yeah.

00:04:19Oh, Miss Singer.

00:04:22You intrigue me.

00:04:25You are smart.

00:04:27You build a ton of hours.

00:04:28You exude a charming yet ignorant amount of confidence

00:04:31that for some ungodly reason

00:04:33your clients seem to love.

00:04:37Hmm.

00:04:39But if you think for one second

00:04:40that this firm needs you more than you need it,

00:04:42you are sadly mistaken.

00:04:44I've got it all under control.

00:04:48You're gonna throw up, aren't you?

00:04:50Yes, I am.

00:04:55You screw up this hearing,

00:04:56you will never work in this city again.

00:04:58Am I clear?

00:05:01Yes, ma'am.

00:05:06Oh, that is sour.

00:05:08Oh, piss off, Nelson.

00:05:13Oh, hey, Pauly.

00:05:14How was your night last night?

00:05:15Oh, it was great.

00:05:16I hooked up with my Uber driver.

00:05:17He was really hot.

00:05:19You don't care,

00:05:20because you're not listening.

00:05:22Okay.

00:05:24Hey.

00:05:25Watch it.

00:05:27Hey, you know what?

00:05:28This is bumming me out.

00:05:30When you invited me to a work dinner,

00:05:31you didn't say there was gonna be work at the dinner.

00:05:33So, do you see me working?

00:05:34Well, I'm sure they've got a few cans of mixed vegetables

00:05:37you could crack open for them in the back.

00:05:39Whatever.

00:05:40At least I like my job.

00:05:41Oh, you do not like your job, and you know it.

00:05:44I love my job.

00:05:45I get to work with kids

00:05:46and teach them about nutrition and shit.

00:05:48What? You work at a cafeteria.

00:05:49What kind of nutritional benefits are you teaching them?

00:05:51The difference between chocolate and 2% milk?

00:05:53Joke's on you.

00:05:54We have oat milk now.

00:05:55Oh, shit.

00:05:56Yeah.

00:05:57Very fancy.

00:05:58So fancy.

00:05:59What, are there a lot of white kids?

00:06:00I don't know.

00:06:01So fancy.

00:06:02So fancy.

00:06:03What, are there a lot of white kids?

00:06:04A lot of white kids.

00:06:05So many white kids.

00:06:06You know, I think that you should go back.

00:06:08Go back to school for the semester.

00:06:10Get your parents to unlock your trust fund.

00:06:12Mom, can you just drop it?

00:06:13We've had this conversation.

00:06:14Why wouldn't you do it?

00:06:16It's complicated.

00:06:17It's your foolish pride,

00:06:18and I'm telling you, that is gonna get in the way.

00:06:20Oh, shh.

00:06:22Look away. Look away.

00:06:23What?

00:06:24Look away. Look away.

00:06:25Shh, shh, shh, shh.

00:06:26What?

00:06:27Molly Singer?

00:06:29Polls!

00:06:30Whoa!

00:06:31Polls!

00:06:32Yeah!

00:06:35Good to see you.

00:06:36Oh, yeah.

00:06:37Okay.

00:06:38Polls?

00:06:39Yeah.

00:06:40Mm-hmm. Polls.

00:06:41It's my pledge name at Barnett.

00:06:43Oh.

00:06:44Yeah.

00:06:45What does it mean?

00:06:46Well, uh, we were on the ski trip

00:06:47in Handymore over here.

00:06:48It was a nickname.

00:06:49It was just, like, a semi-truthful nickname.

00:06:51Oh, okay.

00:06:52Yeah, she was just always in the hotel room, you know,

00:06:54practicing her form with two very big ski poles,

00:06:58firm grip.

00:06:59So, like, kind of like this, like, ooh.

00:07:01Look out!

00:07:02Yep.

00:07:03We're going down a black diamond.

00:07:04Totally getting it.

00:07:05Ah!

00:07:06I was just thinking.

00:07:07Yeah.

00:07:08I thought you might be here with your husband, but...

00:07:11Uh-huh.

00:07:12No, it's just Polly.

00:07:14But you guys are married.

00:07:15Yeah.

00:07:16So that's cool.

00:07:17Four amazing years with my Charles here.

00:07:20Wow.

00:07:21I pick a fence till you're a daughter,

00:07:23yeast rising on another.

00:07:25I guess the icing on the cake is

00:07:27I was just made full partner at my firm.

00:07:29Yeah.

00:07:30She's my rock star.

00:07:31I'm a stay-at-home dad.

00:07:32Well, you know what they say.

00:07:34When you find love, you gotta hold on to it tight.

00:07:36Right?

00:07:37Hold it tight.

00:07:38Never let go.

00:07:39Ah!

00:07:40It's just the two of you.

00:07:41Yeah.

00:07:42It's like always.

00:07:43Well, have a good dinner.

00:07:45See you, guys.

00:07:46Great to see you.

00:07:47Yeah.

00:07:48Nice pearl necklace, by the way.

00:07:49Thank you.

00:07:50I like to coordinate.

00:07:51I bought it for her.

00:07:52Fucking asshole.

00:07:53So you like the poles in your hands?

00:07:55Shut up, Charles.

00:07:56I don't understand.

00:08:02All right.

00:08:03All right.

00:08:04You got this.

00:08:05Confidence.

00:08:06Come on.

00:08:07Come on.

00:08:08Shirt looks good.

00:08:09Short tooth.

00:08:10That's sick.

00:08:12Hair's good.

00:08:13Come on.

00:08:14You know this.

00:08:15Let's go.

00:08:16Let's do it.

00:08:17Come on.

00:08:18Badass, badass, badass, badass, badass.

00:08:20TikTok MMA style, motherfucker.

00:08:22Let's go.

00:08:27Hey.

00:08:28That was so great.

00:08:29So great up until that, you know, the end.

00:08:31But great form.

00:08:32Don't you hurt I'm knocking?

00:08:33I'm trying to perfect my TikTok game.

00:08:34Hey.

00:08:35I don't even know what that means.

00:08:36But I have a really great surprise for you tonight.

00:08:37No.

00:08:38No.

00:08:39I don't like surprises.

00:08:40They give me anxiety.

00:08:41Hey.

00:08:42Hey.

00:08:43Hey.

00:08:44Hey.

00:08:45Hey.

00:08:46Hey.

00:08:47Hey.

00:08:48Hey.

00:08:49Hey.

00:08:50Hey.

00:08:51Hey.

00:08:52Hey.

00:08:53Hey.

00:08:54Hey.

00:08:55I don't like surprises.

00:08:56They give me anxiety.

00:08:57Mm-hmm.

00:08:58Elliot, honey, you sit up here in your room all day.

00:09:05All you do is this TikTok thing and play video games.

00:09:09You don't show up for your friends.

00:09:11You don't show up for me for dinner.

00:09:14We always used to go out to dinner as a family together the night before you'd go to camp.

00:09:19And this is so much bigger than that, honey.

00:09:22It's college.

00:09:25So can you please just humor your mother just one time?

00:09:32Because there's a really great buffet that I keep hearing about.

00:09:36I want to take you to it.

00:09:38So.

00:09:39You do love buffets.

00:09:41Mm-hmm.

00:09:43I do.

00:09:45All right.

00:09:47Oh.

00:09:48Oh.

00:09:49And that, son, is an important lesson in consent.

00:09:54From kissing to coitus, what are we going to do?

00:09:57Ask.

00:09:58You're goddamn right we are.

00:09:59And you're not going to listen to PJ Tobin and Squee.

00:10:02Oh.

00:10:03Thanks, ladies.

00:10:04Nice work.

00:10:05No problem.

00:10:06Judd Staton says hi.

00:10:07Oh, I'm sure he does.

00:10:09All right.

00:10:10See you ladies at gym class.

00:10:11Let's go.

00:10:14Oh, Jesus.

00:10:24I cannot believe we ran into Poles.

00:10:26Are we still talking about this?

00:10:28I might as well have been holding a Daniel Steele novel

00:10:30in a bag of kitty litter for my seven fucking cats

00:10:32waiting for me at home.

00:10:33You're slipping, Mol.

00:10:34I would have left with the fact we caught her

00:10:36giving two candies at that ski trip.

00:10:38No, we are too old to be slut-shaming, don't you think?

00:10:40Not if it's Poles.

00:10:41She's the worst.

00:10:42Seriously.

00:10:43Oh.

00:10:44Oh.

00:10:45Mm-hmm.

00:10:46Back on the line.

00:10:47Oh, I'm with her.

00:10:48That is totally fine.

00:10:50Back on the line.

00:10:51Oh, I'm with her.

00:10:52That is terrific.

00:10:54Back on the line.

00:10:55Both of you.

00:10:56What is happening?

00:10:57Oh, my God.

00:10:58I can smell the loser on me.

00:11:00That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

00:11:02No, no, no, no.

00:11:03She's actually right.

00:11:04She reeks of it.

00:11:05It's coming through all the Armenian guys' cologne.

00:11:07So, can you please make my job easier

00:11:09and get to the back?

00:11:11Thank you.

00:11:12OK, that was a sign.

00:11:13I have pebble work tomorrow.

00:11:14I need to go home and get some rest.

00:11:16You can't go home dry-dying.

00:11:17You'll be in hell all night.

00:11:18It's a sign.

00:11:19OK, we're not going to end the night like this.

00:11:20Not on my watch.

00:11:21OK?

00:11:22I'm not staying the night.

00:11:23OK.

00:11:24Excuse me.

00:11:25Excuse me.

00:11:26Hello, gentlemen.

00:11:27Uh, right in front of you.

00:11:29Let's go.

00:11:30Let's go.

00:11:31One, two.

00:11:32One, two.

00:11:33One, two.

00:11:34One, two.

00:11:35One, two.

00:11:36One, two.

00:11:37What?

00:11:38What did you say?

00:11:39No.

00:11:40You're Carly Rae Jepsen.

00:11:41I'm your manager.

00:11:42Just go with it.

00:11:43Who?

00:11:44I really question our friendship sometimes.

00:11:45Well, there's...

00:11:46I'm so fierce.

00:11:47I do what I want.

00:11:48I do what I want.

00:11:49I'm so fierce.

00:11:50I do what I want.

00:11:51I do what I want.

00:11:52I'm so fierce.

00:11:53I don't really care what they're gonna say.

00:11:54Cause I'm gonna slay.

00:11:55Never doing my way.

00:11:56I'm calling all the shots tonight.

00:11:57Going all guns blazing in the city lights.

00:11:58Cause I'm fierce.

00:11:59I do what I want.

00:12:00I do what I want.

00:12:01I'm so fierce.

00:12:02I do what I want.

00:12:03I do what I want.

00:12:04I'm so fierce.

00:12:05I don't really care what they're gonna say.

00:12:06Cause I'm gonna slay.

00:12:07Never doing my way.

00:12:08I'm calling all the shots tonight.

00:12:09Going all guns blazing in the city lights.

00:12:10Cause I'm fierce.

00:12:11I do what I want.

00:12:12I do what I want.

00:12:13I'm so fierce.

00:12:14I do what I want.

00:12:15I do what I want.

00:12:16I'm so fierce.

00:12:17I do what I want.

00:12:18I do what I want.

00:12:19I'm so fierce.

00:12:20I do what I want.

00:12:21I'm so fierce.

00:12:22I do what I want.

00:12:23I'm so fierce.

00:12:24I do what I want.

00:12:25I'm so fierce.

00:12:26I do what I want.

00:12:27I'm so fierce.

00:12:28I do what I want.

00:12:29I'm so fierce.

00:12:30I do what I want.

00:12:31I'm so fierce.

00:12:32I do what I want.

00:12:33I'm so fierce.

00:12:34I do what I want.

00:12:35I'm so fierce.

00:12:36I do what I want.

00:12:37I'm so fierce.

00:12:38I do what I want.

00:12:39I'm so fierce.

00:12:40I do what I want.

00:12:41I'm so fierce.

00:12:42I do what I want.

00:12:43I'm so fierce.

00:12:44I do what I want.

00:12:45I'm so fierce.

00:12:46I do what I want.

00:12:47I'm so fierce.

00:12:48I do what I want.

00:12:49I'm so fierce.

00:12:50I do what I want.

00:12:51I'm so fierce.

00:12:52I do what I want.

00:12:53I'm so fierce.

00:12:54I do what I want.

00:12:55I'm so fierce.

00:12:56I do what I want.

00:12:57I'm so fierce.

00:12:58I do what I want.

00:12:59I'm so fierce.

00:13:00I do what I want.

00:13:01I'm so fierce.

00:13:02I do what I want.

00:13:03I'm so fierce.

00:13:04I do what I want.

00:13:05I'm so fierce.

00:13:06I do what I want.

00:13:07I'm so fierce.

00:13:08I do what I want.

00:13:09He's so vicious.

00:13:12Guess not.

00:13:17No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

00:13:20I left the car at the club!

00:13:22Fuck!

00:13:39El?

00:13:40Yeah.

00:13:41Wow.

00:13:42I thought I was going to have to blackmail you to get you out of bed this morning.

00:13:46Are you going to take that bag?

00:13:49Yeah, it's the one that Dad gave me.

00:13:52Yeah, I know.

00:13:53I know we did.

00:13:54And, you know, when you were little, it was so cute.

00:13:56You could fit inside of it, and we'd joke around that we were going to save money on

00:13:59tickets because we could fly your cargo.

00:14:01But this is, um...

00:14:03I mean, don't get me wrong.

00:14:06You know, Mom, I've been thinking, um, about what you said last night.

00:14:11And you're right.

00:14:13You know, ever since Dad passed, I've just been...

00:14:17Well, nothing, really, I suppose.

00:14:22Um, but what I do know is that, um...

00:14:27I don't know.

00:14:30Really, I suppose.

00:14:32Um, but what I do know is that Dad was all about showing up.

00:14:38So that's what I'm going to do.

00:14:39I'm going to show up.

00:14:43Okay, you can keep the friggin' bag.

00:14:45I will get you a matching set for Hanukkah.

00:14:48I hope you're still in your robes, Mom.

00:14:49Right.

00:14:50Okay.

00:14:51Dammit.

00:14:52Um, 20 minutes.

00:14:5320 minutes.

00:15:01Mr. Pebblebrook, your counsel has till I get through the sports section.

00:15:13Shit!

00:15:26Oh!

00:15:30Damn!

00:15:31Coming through!

00:15:33Excuse me!

00:15:39Oh, sorry!

00:15:44Sorry!

00:15:45Hey!

00:15:46Oh!

00:16:01Objection!

00:16:03Is it Manolo Blanc, or...?

00:16:05What?

00:16:06Ooh, I say.

00:16:08They say you snort the gel inside here, you fuckin' fly to the moon and back.

00:16:12I don't know what you're talking about.

00:16:13You can have those.

00:16:14Well, no, you...

00:16:15They're all yours, buddy.

00:16:20That's it.

00:16:23Sorry, I know I'm late.

00:16:26Sorry, Mr. Pebblebrook.

00:16:28Based on an absence of oral argument by the moving party,

00:16:31the motion for summary judgment is denied...

00:16:35with prejudice.

00:16:38I'm here!

00:16:39Wait!

00:16:55Oh!

00:17:26...of his well-intentioned...

00:17:31Now that the leg is fully healed,

00:17:33are you taking us to your national championship game?

00:17:35With God's determination and his healing hands,

00:17:38that's the plan, no doubt.

00:17:39And you surpassed over a thousand yards last year.

00:17:42Do you plan to surpass that this year?

00:17:44Oh, yeah, most definitely.

00:17:45I mean, you know, this is what I do.

00:17:47So the dorms are great.

00:17:49Even though your room's the size of my shoe closet.

00:17:52Well, I don't think it's that bad.

00:17:54Your shoe closet is pretty big.

00:17:56And the girl-to-guy ratio is really playing in your favor.

00:17:59Mom, no, no.

00:18:00I'm just saying from a numbers perspective.

00:18:03Don't you have to go to work or something?

00:18:05Anything other than talking about girl-to-guy ratios.

00:18:10This is gonna be the best four years of your life, I promise.

00:18:16You are gonna do great things, Elliot Steiner.

00:18:21Come on.

00:18:25Hey.

00:18:27All that's left is the body snatcher.

00:18:30Get in it one last time for old time's sake.

00:18:32Mom, people can hear you, please.

00:18:34Sorry.

00:18:36Dammit, I told him not to bother me on my last day with you.

00:18:39This is...

00:18:41Maybe it's an emergency.

00:18:46The office better be burning to the fucking ground.

00:18:50She did what?

00:18:55So happy.

00:19:09You think you're gonna break the record from last year?

00:19:11Oh, oh, oh.

00:19:13Too many questions, too many questions.

00:19:15Hey, slick pants.

00:19:18The way it's going, I might not get tapped at all.

00:19:21Stop, man, I think I broke my ankle.

00:19:24Which ankle is it?

00:19:25This one.

00:19:26Do you think you can play this season?

00:19:27I don't know, I just broke my ankle.

00:19:29Hey, it was him.

00:19:31Let's fucking get him.

00:19:39Well, Peter, a world record.

00:19:41While normally reserved for professional athletes,

00:19:44this week's Daily Upper Decker Award

00:19:46goes to none other than college freshman Elliot Steiner,

00:19:50who single-handedly wrecked the MVP run

00:19:53of potential first-round draft pick Demetrius Moss.

00:20:07Time to get the fuck out of Dodge, kid.

00:20:14Wait till I catch you.

00:20:15You're dead, man.

00:20:23Steiner!

00:20:26Do you have any idea how fucked this is?

00:20:28Pebble Brook is threatening to sue us for mishandling his case.

00:20:32You not only lost me money, you are costing me money.

00:20:35Brenda, I can fix this.

00:20:36Yeah, you can, by packing your shit

00:20:38and getting the fuck out of my office.

00:20:39Mrs. Steiner?

00:20:40What?

00:20:41Your son is on line one.

00:20:42Move.

00:20:45Mrs. Steiner.

00:20:50Hey, my love, how's your first day going?

00:20:52I'm coming home.

00:20:53What?

00:20:54What happened?

00:20:55Check your text messages.

00:20:58Elliot Steiner, who single-handedly wrecked the MVP run

00:21:02of potential first-round draft pick Demetrius Moss.

00:21:05Oh.

00:21:07Well, I mean, it's...

00:21:08I'm sure it's not that bad. It'll blow over.

00:21:11I'm literally packing my bags right now.

00:21:13Oh, come on, honey.

00:21:14Steiners are not quitters. We're fighters.

00:21:16I'm not a fighter. I'm a daily upper-decker.

00:21:19I don't even know what that means.

00:21:20It's shit, ma. It's shit, okay?

00:21:22It's when you take a shit in the tank of a toilet

00:21:25and then when you flush it, it's just shit.

00:21:27It's perpetual, continuous shit.

00:21:32Honey, your father wanted you to go to his alma mater.

00:21:36Give me that. Sit down. Sit down.

00:21:40What do you want to hear?

00:21:41Yeah, you were dealt the shitty hand.

00:21:44So was I.

00:21:46But it's where you go from here that determines

00:21:48what kind of a man you become, son.

00:21:51Are you an upper-decker?

00:21:55Or are you my brave number two?

00:21:59I don't know.

00:22:00I don't know.

00:22:01Or are you my brave number two?

00:22:05You realize in this scenario I'm a piece of shit either way?

00:22:09Yeah, I'm just realizing that.

00:22:11It's not my best analogy.

00:22:17But I have a feeling that, um,

00:22:20everything's going to work out.

00:22:23Can you trust me?

00:22:27Yeah.

00:22:32You went to undergrad at Barnett University, right?

00:22:37Uh, yes, ma'am.

00:22:40And you were president of your sorority,

00:22:42and I'm sure you were popular with all the guys, right?

00:22:45I mean, yeah, look at you.

00:22:50My son, Elliot, is just starting his freshman year at Barnett,

00:22:55and he's had a little bit of a misstep.

00:22:58Yeah, the upper-decker video.

00:23:00What?

00:23:01Yeah, Nelson showed it to us earlier.

00:23:03Fucking moron.

00:23:06Um...

00:23:09The thing is, my son...

00:23:11My son is a really good kid, but he, um...

00:23:15He's a recluse.

00:23:17Oh.

00:23:18So it's going to take somebody else to help him come out of his shell.

00:23:21Yeah.

00:23:22And that someone...

00:23:25is you.

00:23:26Me?

00:23:27Yeah, see, the way I see it is I want my son to be happy,

00:23:31and you need a job.

00:23:33Oh, so I'm not fired?

00:23:35Oh, no, you're definitely still fired.

00:23:37No, I'm saying that I would like to hire you

00:23:40to go back to Barnett as a student,

00:23:43but obviously with a different last name.

00:23:45I'll have the art and tech department hook you up,

00:23:47get you a new student ID, transcripts, everything you need.

00:23:50I just don't... I don't know if I can do that.

00:23:53No, that's the problem.

00:23:54You don't think.

00:23:55Otherwise, you would still have your fucking job, so...

00:23:58Uh...

00:23:59I just...

00:24:00I want you to take him under your wing.

00:24:02You know, help him meet some friends.

00:24:05His father was Kai Mew, so he's a legacy.

00:24:08Help him get into the frat.

00:24:10Yeah, I mean, I just don't know anything about...

00:24:12You have until homecoming weekend,

00:24:14which is exactly two months from now.

00:24:16In exchange, I will pay you half of your salary.

00:24:19What?

00:24:20And if you succeed,

00:24:22we can talk about you coming back to the firm.

00:24:29I'm sorry.

00:24:30You want to pay me to go back to Barnett?

00:24:35Yeah.

00:24:39Oh.

00:24:42Oh.

00:24:59Hey, there's my Becky.

00:25:04Boy, you just had to give out that second fruit cup, huh?

00:25:07Why'd I do it, Walter? Do you know?

00:25:09Because you're a fucking cassette.

00:25:11Oh, fuck you.

00:25:12It's because little Becky there's got a soccer game this afternoon,

00:25:15and she needs extra fuel.

00:25:16Isn't that right, Becky?

00:25:18Yeah, how many goals are you scoring today?

00:25:20I'm the goalie.

00:25:22Yeah, you are.

00:25:24Go!

00:25:26Look at your cooties in my station.

00:25:28What'd I tell you?

00:25:29Oh, I'm sorry.

00:25:30Was it one workstation behind you?

00:25:32Yes. Jesus.

00:25:33Holly!

00:25:34It is time to retire your hairnet.

00:25:37Pack up your stuff, my children.

00:25:40We're going back to Barnett.

00:25:42What are you talking about?

00:25:43Okay, so here's the update.

00:25:44Got to court a little bit late.

00:25:46You know, I'm really sorry about that.

00:25:48Woo!

00:25:50Get back to your station and don't fucking touch me.

00:25:54Holly.

00:25:56My apologies.

00:25:58That's on me.

00:25:59Juice boxes for everybody.

00:26:04Okay, I don't think you're getting it.

00:26:05I really, really don't.

00:26:06I'm getting paid to go back to college, okay?

00:26:09And you're going to come with me.

00:26:10Card pass, Ma.

00:26:11Walter's got me on management track.

00:26:12Holly, I need you.

00:26:14Seriously, we can go back, have a great time,

00:26:16party like we used to.

00:26:18You can finish your degree, finally,

00:26:20and then when you unlock your trust,

00:26:22you could just buy the whole cafeteria,

00:26:24have it named after you.

00:26:25Maybe even Fire Walter.

00:26:31Fire Walter?

00:26:32Why not?

00:26:35Okay, we're getting it now.

00:26:36Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:37We got it, we got it.

00:26:38Woo-hoo!

00:26:40I love our Fire Walter!

00:26:41Yeah!

00:26:43See you again!

00:26:45Holly!

00:27:04Flex.

00:27:06Kick it, flip it, put it to the test.

00:27:08Put it, flip it, kick it to the test.

00:27:10Flex.

00:27:11Kick it, flip it, put it to the test.

00:27:13Put it, flip it, kick it to the test.

00:27:14Flex.

00:27:15Kick it, flip it, put it to the test.

00:27:17Put it, flip it, kick it to the test.

00:27:19Flex.

00:27:20Kick it, flip it, put it to the test.

00:27:22Put it, flip it, kick it to the test.

00:27:24Watch me.

00:27:25Flex.

00:27:26Sorry, no housing available.

00:27:31What do you mean there's no housing available?

00:27:33Record enrollment.

00:27:34Did you not read your freshman orientation packet?

00:27:37Because if you had, you'd know that the dorms need to be secured two months in advance.

00:27:41Oh, okay.

00:27:42Well, what about private housing?

00:27:44Oh.

00:27:45Oh.

00:27:46Record enrollment.

00:27:48What is up with people that have the ability to hear yet nobody ever listens?

00:27:52Okay, Campus Barbie, listen.

00:27:54Look, here's the deal.

00:27:56We've just been traveling so much the last few years,

00:27:58dedicating our lives to helping children in need on a grassroots level for little to no pay.

00:28:04And now, we need to come back and finish school

00:28:10so we can take our local efforts to the global stage.

00:28:13And I'm talking Malawi, Namibia, Darfur.

00:28:23I'll tell you what I can do.

00:28:25Okay.

00:28:26Okay.

00:28:27Not a fucking thing.

00:28:29America first.

00:28:31Student housing.

00:28:32This is Amy.

00:28:33Did she just say America first?

00:28:35She did.

00:28:36America first.

00:28:41What the hell was I thinking?

00:28:42Stupid, stupid Darfur.

00:28:44Yeah, she feels more like someone who would run over protesters and give it a chance.

00:28:48I can't believe we already fucked this up.

00:28:50We?

00:28:51Okay.

00:28:52Maybe it's for the best.

00:28:53I mean, this is the dumbest fucking idea since we both tried animal bleaching.

00:28:56Yeah, but if we don't do it, then we both go to living on the streets.

00:28:59Okay.

00:29:00So...

00:29:01Nope.

00:29:02My skin won't last a day in these streets, so we gotta figure something out.

00:29:05Am I wrong about that, sweetie?

00:29:08Hold up.

00:29:09Excuse me.

00:29:10Hi.

00:29:11Hi.

00:29:13Can I borrow you for a sec?

00:29:27Fuck.

00:29:35Why?

00:29:36No.

00:29:37No, no, no.

00:29:38What the fuck?

00:29:41Goddammit.

00:29:46So you're the Upper Decker, huh?

00:29:50I'm Lindsay.

00:29:51Looks like we're neighbors.

00:29:54So, should I just call you Upper for short, or...

00:29:57Um, I'm Elliot.

00:29:59Sorry.

00:30:01Hm.

00:30:02Joe Daddy Stevenson.

00:30:04Do you know MMA?

00:30:05Hell yeah.

00:30:06Well, I mean, I didn't start getting into it until Rousey started fighting, but...

00:30:10Oh, that's, that's, that's dank.

00:30:12Yeah.

00:30:13It's super dank.

00:30:17Uh, well, I will take these as I see them.

00:30:20The danglies are all yours, though.

00:30:26Dank?

00:30:27What the fuck, dude?

00:30:51Hi.

00:30:56Look, it's the international man of mystery.

00:30:58Oh, Amy.

00:31:00You passed.

00:31:02Passed what?

00:31:03The test to see if you were one of us.

00:31:06Can't be too careful on a college campus nowadays, what with the deep state liberal agenda.

00:31:12Ugh.

00:31:19You, you follow the queue?

00:31:21Do I follow them?

00:31:23Is George Soros the head of a major pedophile ring being run out of metro area pizza places?

00:31:29I know you said housing was full to the brim, but...

00:31:31I think you and I both know it's up to people like us to make the silent majority not so silent!

00:31:39International.

00:31:40In places like this.

00:31:42And my girl, Molly Sutter, she's down for the cause, too.

00:31:46She is.

00:31:47So...

00:31:50If you can find it in your heart...

00:31:55Maybe even consider it your patriotic duty to put a roof over our heads.

00:32:01What do you say?

00:32:03That's right!

00:32:06Watch out!

00:32:09What are we doing?

00:32:14Oh yeah, you dirty little snowflake.

00:32:16I'm gonna assimilate you like a docile minority population.

00:32:20Assimilate me, you filthy little whore.

00:32:23Hey, don't be a misogynist.

00:32:25Oh, that's where you're drawing the line?

00:32:29I talk, you fuck.

00:32:31Surprise!

00:32:37Really?

00:32:38So, are we doing this in a line?

00:32:40Yeah, just getting it queued up.

00:32:42Molly, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

00:32:44You like that?

00:32:46I like that lemon.

00:32:53Wow.

00:32:55This place isn't officially affiliated with the university,

00:32:58but they do offer student discounts on rent, so...

00:33:02Amy, your country thanks you.

00:33:04Come back and be fucked by a real American patriot any day.

00:33:08You call me Antifa, bitch.

00:33:10No, not if I...

00:33:13Stormbird capital first!

00:33:18Oh, dear God.

00:33:24Oh.

00:33:39Okay, yeah, just talk to her, just go in.

00:33:42Hey, hey, how are you?

00:33:45I didn't see you there.

00:33:46Maybe you wanted to go on a walk?

00:33:49Maybe you want to go on a nature hike alone?

00:33:53I'm a yogi fucking thing.

00:33:55I like MMA, I like fighting.

00:33:57I mean, I know you do, too.

00:33:58Maybe why don't we just, like, spar or something?

00:34:01No, I don't want to spar.

00:34:06Let's do it.

00:34:07One, two, three.

00:34:12I was in the neighborhood and I just wanted to see...

00:34:16What the fuck, Tchotch?

00:34:18Get the fuck out of here, bro!

00:34:20Get the fuck out of here!

00:34:24Always knock, knock, knock.

00:34:26Fucking idiot.

00:34:37Is this it?

00:34:40Yeah, this is it.

00:34:45I think I'm good sleeping in your car.

00:34:51Ow!

00:34:52Ow!

00:34:53God!

00:35:00Is that Scott Perkins?

00:35:02I think it is.

00:35:04Did he set fire to the art building senior year?

00:35:07For sure.

00:35:08Okay.

00:35:09Oh, can't sing singer?

00:35:11Scotty?

00:35:12Pauly?

00:35:13Yeah.

00:35:14No freaking way!

00:35:15I haven't seen you guys in years!

00:35:18I haven't seen you guys in years!

00:35:20Yeah!

00:35:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:23Nice to see you.

00:35:24Yes!

00:35:25Yeah.

00:35:26Wow, so you work here?

00:35:28Oh, I don't fucking work here.

00:35:30I own the whole freaking building.

00:35:32Wow.

00:35:33Wow.

00:35:34Yeah, I just couldn't leave, you know, like, after graduation.

00:35:39Like, who does that?

00:35:40Everybody.

00:35:41Everybody does that.

00:35:42Yeah, well, so I was doing my art and, like, sort of squatting here.

00:35:45And then my grandpa died.

00:35:47Oh, my God.

00:35:48Yeah, yeah.

00:35:49No, it's okay.

00:35:50He was an asshole.

00:35:52But, like, a really rich asshole.

00:35:54That's how I got this place.

00:35:57And how's that working for you?

00:35:59Fucking terrible, man.

00:36:00Really bad.

00:36:03Like, the first day I got the keys, there was a black mold scare.

00:36:06Oh.

00:36:07And then there was the incident where a student may or may not have died after sliding down the pole.

00:36:15Oh.

00:36:22Holy mother of fuck.

00:36:25What?

00:36:26Oh, my God.

00:36:27Air hockey.

00:36:28Oh, my God.

00:36:32Oh, my God.

00:36:33The pole.

00:36:34Yep.

00:36:35Be careful.

00:36:36The pole.

00:36:37Oh.

00:36:38Yeah.

00:36:39Get it.

00:36:40Yes.

00:36:41RIP, ladies.

00:36:42Uh-huh.

00:36:43Oh, arcade action.

00:36:44All right.

00:36:45Okay.

00:36:46Okay.

00:36:47Wow.

00:36:48Bowling, bowling.

00:36:49Yep.

00:36:50Grandpas.

00:36:51Scott, this is perfect.

00:36:53So, uh, how many months are we talking about?

00:36:56Because I'm really behind on my payments.

00:36:58I was supposed to have a sorority sign a lease here, but they pussied out when they heard

00:37:02that somebody may or may not have died here.

00:37:04Oh, Scott.

00:37:05I get that someone died here.

00:37:06You don't need to be vague.

00:37:07Allegedly.

00:37:08So, you're telling me no one's even had sex in this hot tub?

00:37:11Unfortunately, not a single sperm has entered that chlorinated water.

00:37:15Okay, so, um, how far behind on payments are you before the bank initiates foreclosure?

00:37:20Uh, 20 grand-ish.

00:37:24Okay.

00:37:26Yeah.

00:37:27Um, I think we can help you out.

00:37:30Great.

00:37:31Just don't put it in my name.

00:37:32Hmm.

00:37:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

00:37:37Whoo-hoo!

00:37:38Elliot Scott.

00:37:40Single-handedly wrecked the MVP run of potential first-round draft.

00:37:44Elliot Scott single-handedly...

00:37:59What are you doing?

00:38:00Trying not to blow our cover.

00:38:02With a newspaper?

00:38:03No, most of these kids don't even know what that is.

00:38:06Put it down.

00:38:07Act cool.

00:38:08Get your phone.

00:38:09Just relax.

00:38:10♪♪

00:38:15I'll protect our kid.

00:38:16Shh, shh, shh.

00:38:18Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

00:38:21Okay, that's the guy who took out Demetrius Moss.

00:38:24We'll be letting him get out of the semester alive.

00:38:26Okay, we do not have until the semester ends.

00:38:28We have until homecoming to get this kid from zero to hero.

00:38:32Did you just quote Coolest Ice?

00:38:33I don't want to paraphrase, but yes.

00:38:35Well, how are you supposed to do that?

00:38:37With...

00:38:39this.

00:38:41Oh, my God.

00:38:43Holy shit. Is that Demetrius?

00:38:44It is, yeah.

00:38:46Is he? He is.

00:38:48How do? Well, in-house investigator.

00:38:50Dude could dig up dirt on Jesus if we asked him to.

00:38:52Wow.

00:38:55Oh.

00:38:57Uh-oh.

00:38:59Who's that girl?

00:39:05Okay.

00:39:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

00:39:20He's coming this way. He's coming this way.

00:39:21He's coming this way.

00:39:23He's coming this way.

00:39:24He's coming this way.

00:39:26He's coming this way.

00:39:27He's coming this way.

00:39:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:29Okay.

00:39:36Oh, uh, hey.

00:39:37Wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:39:38Excuse me.

00:39:39Excuse me.

00:39:40Hi.

00:39:41Sorry, you forgot your book.

00:39:42Oh, uh, thanks.

00:39:43Benazir Bhutto, biography.

00:39:45Yeah, the world's first female Muslim prime minister.

00:39:47Yeah, she's great.

00:39:48You must be, what, like a poly-sci major or something?

00:39:51I'm undeclared, actually.

00:39:52Huh.

00:39:53Yeah.

00:39:54Me, too.

00:39:55Yeah, this is Polly, and I'm Molly.

00:39:59And you are?

00:40:01Elliot.

00:40:02Elliot Steiner.

00:40:03Ah, cool.

00:40:04Steiner?

00:40:05I hardly know her.

00:40:06Okay, well, um, we're actually thinking about going to Stillwaters in, like, an hour.

00:40:10Would you—

00:40:11Oh, yeah.

00:40:12You should come with us.

00:40:13You think I'm an idiot?

00:40:15What?

00:40:16Excuse me.

00:40:17Hi.

00:40:18Hello.

00:40:19No.

00:40:20No, no, no, no.

00:40:21No.

00:40:22What?

00:40:23I'm telling you, right after I become a meme, whatever you have planned, I'm not falling for it.

00:40:26Look, okay, yes, we do know who you are, but this isn't a trap or anything like that.

00:40:31It's just we know our way around here, and we've all got a past that we wish we could forget.

00:40:36I mean, Polly here got so drunk freshman year that he passed out in McConnell Hall and shit his pants in his sleep.

00:40:42Remember that?

00:40:43Yeah, that was you.

00:40:44Details.

00:40:45Anyway, the point is, we all deserve a second chance at a first impression.

00:40:50I mean, I don't even drink.

00:40:52Or, you know, we could, um, convince the girl to come with us.

00:40:58What girl?

00:40:59The girl.

00:41:00The girl you were making googly eyes at while you were eating.

00:41:02Yeah.

00:41:04Diner?

00:41:05Hello?

00:41:06Okay.

00:41:08Uh, I don't have any plans.

00:41:12No plans!

00:41:13That's great!

00:41:14There you go!

00:41:15Okay, cool!

00:41:16Okay, so, I think we have one thing to do before we go, and that is—

00:41:20Shave his balls!

00:41:21Ready woman montage.

00:41:23Ready woman montage.

00:41:24It's gonna be fine.

00:41:26Let's get it!

00:41:43Ooh, it's a little cowboy for me.

00:41:45It's like a broke-back chic, but not so chic.

00:41:48Oh my god!

00:41:49Oh my god!

00:41:50Yeah!

00:41:51Next!

00:41:53Yeah!

00:41:55No, he looks like a K-pop video just took a shit on him.

00:41:59In a good way.

00:42:00Let's get it!

00:42:01Let's get it!

00:42:02Let's get it!

00:42:03Let's get it!

00:42:04Let's get it!

00:42:05You heard that?

00:42:06Oh!

00:42:07Oh!

00:42:08Ma'am, I think you should just get rid of that outfit altogether.

00:42:10It needs to not be in the store.

00:42:12The power of first composure!

00:42:14Yes, of course.

00:42:15Come on, let's get it.

00:42:17Let's get it!

00:42:19Let's get it!

00:42:20Let's get it!

00:42:21Let's get it!

00:42:22Let's get it!

00:42:23Let's get it!

00:42:24Let's get it!

00:42:25Let's get it!

00:42:26Look!

00:42:27Wow!

00:42:28I love this one!

00:42:30Done and done, you know what I'm saying?

00:42:32You look great.

00:42:50All right, here we go.

00:42:54Sure babyface Nelson there is 21?

00:42:58Absolutely.

00:42:59You've seen us in here before.

00:43:04A hundred times?

00:43:07All right, Ben.

00:43:09What is it?

00:43:10God, great to see you.

00:43:12Cheers, you guys.

00:43:13Yeah.

00:43:15Mr. Franklin.

00:43:17What?

00:43:18So, do you guys bring underage boys here often?

00:43:25Look, that is the least illegal thing going on around here.

00:43:28Stillwaters is owned by the Dabrowski family.

00:43:31You mean the mob guys?

00:43:33Polish mob.

00:43:34Why do you think they have 1997 prices?

00:43:37It's all a front to launder money.

00:43:39Anything goes.

00:43:40You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

00:43:43So, when's Lindsay getting here?

00:43:46Who?

00:43:48Oh, the girl.

00:43:49Yes.

00:43:50Lindsay's not coming.

00:43:52Well, it would have been super weird of us to just go up to an underage stranger and ask them to a bar.

00:43:57That's exactly what you guys did.

00:44:02What the fuck is happening?

00:44:04I'm not sure.

00:44:07Is he calling again?

00:44:08What's going on?

00:44:09Yo, puxatonic bill, get back up here please.

00:44:11Upper Decker!

00:44:15Showing your face in my bar.

00:44:20Everything okay, fellas?

00:44:21Yeah, it's cool.

00:44:23Just a little crowded in here.

00:44:26About one freshman asshole overcapacity.

00:44:38Do your thing, Mom.

00:44:39I'd love to speak with you in private for a second, huge fan.

00:44:42Oh, yeah, sure.

00:44:43Pretty sure you wouldn't be along with me for more than a second, though.

00:44:45Yeah, yeah, I don't doubt that.

00:44:47Hey, if he tries to run, sit on him.

00:45:05Like IPAs?

00:45:07Like IPAs?

00:45:19That's just rude.

00:45:21I love you.

00:45:22I love you, too.

00:45:23I love you.

00:45:24I love you, too.

00:45:27This is cute.

00:45:31Good thing.

00:45:34Everyone!

00:45:35Hello, please, listen up.

00:45:36Demetrius here has an announcement.

00:45:40Alright, so everyone, I would like to speak on the events that occurred, and um...

00:45:47Man, fuck this.

00:45:48Alright, the shit that happened last week wasn't your fault.

00:45:54Yeah, I think if I'm hearing this correctly,

00:45:56Demetrius is going on the record to say that his broken ankle isn't Elliot Steiner's fault.

00:46:02Am I right about that, Demetrius?

00:46:04Correct.

00:46:05Whose fault is it?

00:46:06Barnett University and its failure to create distinctive riding and walking paths on campus.

00:46:11And Demetrius here will be suing the university for upwards of, um...

00:46:15Twenty million dollars!

00:46:16Whoa!

00:46:20So, uh, we're good, little man.

00:46:23Hey, yo.

00:46:24I'm gonna be rich, bitches!

00:46:26Shots on me.

00:46:46Tell me, are you ready for it?

00:47:17So, I just move that?

00:47:18Oh, no, no, no, no, that's cheating.

00:47:20No, it's not. Why can't I go up the slide?

00:47:22You cannot climb the slide. That's not how it works.

00:47:24You climb the ladder, and then you go down the slide.

00:47:26But you could...

00:47:27Okay, my turn.

00:47:30Three.

00:47:32Three.

00:47:33One, two, three.

00:47:34Oh, see? Ladder. Climb.

00:47:41Van Singer Party Liaison!

00:47:43Are you fucking kidding me?

00:47:45Uh...

00:47:47I am paying you to help my son get adjusted to college, not ruin his goddamn life.

00:47:51I'm not sure what you're talking about, because I've been here for two days,

00:47:54the Demetrius Moss situation is fixed,

00:47:56we are taking him to a Rush event later today,

00:47:58and minimize the MMA-themed wardrobe by at least 35%.

00:48:04Tell me you're a freshman in college without telling me you're a freshman in college.

00:48:08I'll go first.

00:48:16Okay, I can see by the looks of this video...

00:48:21I don't even feel it! I don't fucking feel it!

00:48:25And that video as well.

00:48:27It may appear that I am not in control here, but I can assure you...

00:48:31I should have known this was gonna be a fucking chit show.

00:48:33You know what? Just forget it.

00:48:36Forget the whole thing, forget your job, you're done.

00:48:40In one day, I have taken your kid from wanting to run home

00:48:43with his tail tucked between his chinos to wanting to get the fucking Badger Fight song

00:48:47tattooed on his forehead, Post Malone style.

00:48:49What do you think is gonna happen if I ghost him now?

00:48:53Let me get him through Rush, and I promise you,

00:48:56the freshman tradition of buying Christmas presents entirely from the university bookstore

00:49:00will be well intact.

00:49:04Okay.

00:49:05Keep him off the talk.

00:49:06And if you ruin his chances of a future Senate race,

00:49:09I swear to God I will eat you alive and bury you in the goddamn desert.

00:49:14Thanks so much.

00:49:21You been good?

00:49:22Yeah!

00:49:24Refill?

00:49:25Yes, please.

00:49:27I saw you cheat, by the way.

00:49:29No I didn't.

00:49:34So officially, we are absolutely not able to haze you little bitches in any way, shape or form.

00:49:39But unofficially, you little douche canoes better get ready for the suck.

00:49:43We're gonna have to suck your, like...

00:49:46What? No!

00:49:48The suck?

00:49:50Like from Jarhead?

00:49:52Uh...

00:49:53Jesus fucking Christ.

00:49:55Why don't you guys just go play some Cornhole or something?

00:50:01I just don't think I'm really frat material.

00:50:04And you're not a fan of relay races with marshmallows up your butt?

00:50:07No. No. Not at all.

00:50:09Um...

00:50:10Well, you know, there's a whole brotherhood hurrah thing.

00:50:13Formals are fun.

00:50:15And there are certain other advantages.

00:50:21You're not ready yet.

00:50:23Two more semesters.

00:50:25Three if your parents are religious.

00:50:27What?

00:50:28Hmm?

00:50:29Nothing. Nothing.

00:50:30Just enjoying the party.

00:50:33Remind me to check on her later.

00:50:36Oh, hey!

00:50:38Oh, hey, Elliot.

00:50:39Steiner, how you holding up?

00:50:41Uh...

00:50:42Wait, you all know each other?

00:50:44Oh, yeah. We met Elliot at Stillwaters last night.

00:50:46Stillwaters?

00:50:48Yeah.

00:50:49How'd you get in there?

00:50:50Oh, he just walked right in like he owned the place.

00:50:53They didn't even question him.

00:50:55Cool.

00:50:56Very cool. Very cool.

00:50:58Um, okay.

00:51:00Uh, should we get some refills?

00:51:02We'll surprise you guys.

00:51:04We'll surprise you guys.

00:51:05Refills for us.

00:51:06Pauly?

00:51:10So...

00:51:13So...

00:51:15Hey, um, I'm really sorry about Stu the other day.

00:51:19I just started dating him.

00:51:21He's sweet, but can be a little intense sometimes.

00:51:25No, I'm sorry. I should have knocked.

00:51:27I didn't see anything, so don't worry.

00:51:30You didn't accidentally sneak peek?

00:51:33Todd? No, no, no. I wouldn't do that.

00:51:35I... I... No, I meant... I meant...

00:51:38They're great. You're great.

00:51:40You're pretty.

00:51:45Good crop this year.

00:51:47With a few fucking weeds.

00:51:49What are you doing here, perving peeping Tom next door?

00:51:52Wait, babe. Be cool. This is Elliot.

00:51:54He was just coming by to apologize for walking in on us.

00:51:57Dude, I'm so sorry.

00:51:59It was a mistake. I didn't mean...

00:52:01Dude, don't even fucking worry about it.

00:52:03You ain't the first chode to hallway jerker to meet my girl getting it on.

00:52:05You won't be the last.

00:52:06Hallway jerk? I didn't jerk. I don't...

00:52:08Say, you like Jaeger?

00:52:09Yeah, I guess.

00:52:10Who doesn't?

00:52:11Let's get some.

00:52:12Okay.

00:52:13I'll introduce you to the brothers.

00:52:14Great.

00:52:24Time to get a drink.

00:52:25Where are you?

00:52:26All right. Hey, listen. This is Elliot.

00:52:28All right. Chaz, drinks. Go. Go. Go. Go.

00:52:33Looks like a boy's coming around.

00:52:35Something's off.

00:52:36This guy's got a real,

00:52:37my dad's lawyer got me probation for roofing girls kind of vibe.

00:52:41This is a very specific vibe.

00:52:43That's what I'm getting.

00:52:47Oh, it's Pussy.

00:52:48Hey, girl.

00:52:53All right, my brothers and my brothers' ladies, listen up.

00:52:56I want to dedicate this shot to my boy Elliot here.

00:53:02Takes a giant set of boss-level balls to show his face around here

00:53:06after what he did to Dim.

00:53:08Am I right?

00:53:09Yeah!

00:53:10Am I right?

00:53:11Yeah!

00:53:13So, let's give him a big new welcome.

00:53:17On three.

00:53:18One, two, three.

00:53:27Yeah!

00:53:32Jesus!

00:53:38You did it!

00:53:45Elliot!

00:53:47What a fucking loser, dude.

00:53:49No, fuck that guy.

00:53:50Wow, you are not very bright, are you?

00:53:53You just did that kid a huge favor.

00:53:56I think I did his parents the favor.

00:53:58Probably saved them 50 grand in tuition money.

00:54:02You just showed everyone the massive secret weapon he's been hiding.

00:54:08I mean, it wasn't that massive.

00:54:11I had a few dicks, it's big.

00:54:12Big.

00:54:14Yeah, well, too bad he won't step foot in here again.

00:54:17My house, my rules.

00:54:20Care to make a wager on that, William Cusby?

00:54:24Mr. Puddin' Pup.

00:54:25Okay, first off, my name's Stu.

00:54:28Stuart Gable.

00:54:30And second...

00:54:31Second, I don't give a fuck if you made enough to wager or not.

00:54:34What's a wager?

00:54:37Wager, wagers.

00:54:39Booze Cathlon.

00:54:40Booze Cathlon.

00:54:41Saturday.

00:54:42Our place.

00:54:43If we win, Elliot gets a bid.

00:54:45And if I win?

00:54:46Or, let me rephrase that.

00:54:49When I win, I fuck you.

00:54:52Or...

00:54:53The fuck?

00:54:54Another option would be...

00:54:56How about...

00:54:58Oh, there you go.

00:55:00Keys?

00:55:02Yes, the whole car, moron.

00:55:04It's a car.

00:55:05Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:55:06You're on.

00:55:07You're fucking on!

00:55:08Yeah!

00:55:09Fucking car, man.

00:55:11So much bro-ness.

00:55:14Then get your pussy ready.

00:55:17What?

00:55:18Your pussy.

00:55:19See you Saturday, Stu.

00:55:25Steiner!

00:55:27Open the door!

00:55:28It's me, Molly!

00:55:30Go away.

00:55:31Oh, come on.

00:55:32It's not that bad.

00:55:33Look, we've all been there.

00:55:35We have?

00:55:36When was the last time that you had your wing exposed to 100 strangers?

00:55:39Did you just say wanged?

00:55:41Oh, my God.

00:55:42Molly, just go away!

00:55:43Okay, seriously, Elliot, we will figure this out.

00:55:45Excuse me.

00:55:46It's quiet hour, so we need you to wrap it up.

00:55:48Oh.

00:55:49You know what?

00:55:50It's so great you're here.

00:55:51Because I'm a dummy, and I just...

00:55:53I locked myself out of my room.

00:55:55Uh, well, this is a freshman dorm.

00:55:57Um, the grad school dorm is on North Campus.

00:56:01First of all, that is very hurtful.

00:56:03Secondly, I just want to say...

00:56:06The two of you are doing one hell of a job.

00:56:11No, I'm serious.

00:56:12You're goddamn saints.

00:56:14Let me tell you, all these drunk, horny freshmen running around here,

00:56:17like uncaged animals in heat,

00:56:19all the vomit and the foot odor

00:56:21and the one weird Ford kid who insists on cooking his own meals in the communal kitchen.

00:56:25At least get some of those.

00:56:26How do you handle that?

00:56:28How do you do it?

00:56:31Whoa.

00:56:32Hey, are you okay?

00:56:35It's okay.

00:56:36They're such assholes.

00:56:38I know.

00:56:39I know.

00:56:40They're monsters.

00:56:44You're all monsters!

00:56:46Wow, so much for quiet time.

00:56:48You betrayed us for this.

00:56:50Everything's fine.

00:56:51Everything's good.

00:56:52Okay.

00:56:53You're all right.

00:56:54Pull it together.

00:56:56I know it is tough out there, but right now,

00:56:59I need your help.

00:57:00I do.

00:57:01I need to do a welfare check on Steiner in there.

00:57:03I met him at a counseling center a week ago,

00:57:05and he has been sending me some very alarming text messages this evening.

00:57:09Alarming?

00:57:10Like...

00:57:12Oh!

00:57:13Okay.

00:57:14Oh, shit.

00:57:15Get us in there.

00:57:16Come on.

00:57:18Whoa.

00:57:19What the hell?

00:57:20Steiner!

00:57:21God, you're okay!

00:57:22Oh, I was worried sick!

00:57:24You're great.

00:57:25Perfect.

00:57:26All right, you two.

00:57:28You have no idea what difference you just made in this kid's life.

00:57:31We matter.

00:57:32Okay, now it's time to go.

00:57:34Oh, yeah.

00:57:35It's gotta be done, so...

00:57:37Oh, yeah.

00:57:38By the way, it's still fucking quiet hours, so...

00:57:41Yes.

00:57:42Cool.

00:57:44Whew.

00:57:46Are you just trying to ruin my life?

00:57:48Is that it?

00:57:49No.

00:57:50What?

00:57:51No, it's just the opposite.

00:57:52I'm trying to get you to, you know, grab life by the tits and embrace it.

00:57:56Come on, college is supposed to be, like, the greatest time in your life.

00:58:00It is not the greatest time of my life.

00:58:02Everyone wants it to be you, my mom, but it isn't.

00:58:05And it never will, because...

00:58:07Because you're a virgin?

00:58:09Look, we can fix that, right?

00:58:10No, no, because it just feels like that it's not even my fucking life anymore,

00:58:14and it's just a reminder of the absence of my dad, like I'm his fucking avatar.

00:58:19Well, it is a great movie.

00:58:21Who the fuck says that?

00:58:23Sorry.

00:58:24I don't know why I said that.

00:58:25That's not...

00:58:26I just, I don't, I don't even know what I want to do with my life,

00:58:29let alone what I'm gonna do here.

00:58:31Like, I...

00:58:32I just, I know I just don't want to be sad all the time anymore.

00:58:36Hmm.

00:58:39Wow, yeah.

00:58:48Look, I, I have no idea what it must feel like to lose your dad.

00:58:55But I do know what it's like to have no idea what you want to do in your life.

00:59:01But hey, at least you care, you know?

00:59:03You're not all numb to it and fucked up on antidepressants in a career that most people would dream of,

00:59:09but you're just so damn unhappy working every day with people at their worst,

00:59:13fighting over who's gonna get to keep the fucking smart toaster.

00:59:18Sorry, yeah, that's just an example of someone completely random

00:59:21who is definitely more lost than you are.

00:59:28Listen.

00:59:30Give me one more chance.

00:59:31And if I can't prove to you by tomorrow that the best is yet to come,

00:59:35then Polly and I will go.

00:59:37We will vanish into the night.

00:59:40Why do you want to help me so much?

00:59:44Just think of me as your little Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder,

00:59:49hanging out, trying to convince you to be young and have fun.

00:59:55And to get fucked up.

01:00:02It's a hearty pink sway here. Where do you want this?

01:00:04Oh, that's a good spot for it.

01:00:06Just back up a little bit.

01:00:07Okay, no, go towards Steiner. Go towards Steiner.

01:00:09A little bit more.

01:00:10Nope, nope, nope.

01:00:17Hey, Mom.

01:00:19Jews were locked for places.

01:00:20Jews were locked for places.

01:00:21Uh-uh, no, absolutely not.

01:00:23Yep, out of bounds.

01:00:24I felt that almost immediately.

01:00:25Wait.

01:00:26No, no, no.

01:00:27Steiner, you come back now.

01:00:28Yeah, I'm just trying to even it out.

01:00:29Oh, wait.

01:00:30Yeah, that's perfect.

01:00:31You sure?

01:00:32Yeah, that's good.

01:00:33Maybe just a little bit over here.

01:00:42Are you sure about this?

01:00:43Oh, absolutely, Steiner.

01:00:45This vitamin drip will keep us sober well into the later rounds.

01:00:48Yeah, it's the same shit they give to Armstrong for a tour de France.

01:00:51What?

01:00:52Relax, I'm joking.

01:00:53Jeez.

01:00:58Why am I cold?

01:01:00Oh, yeah, just let that happen.

01:01:02Mm-hmm.

01:01:03Let it happen.

01:01:31This is your party, sir.

01:01:33Take it all in because you are the coolest guy in the room.

01:01:36I don't know about that.

01:01:37Oh, yeah, you are.

01:01:38Come on.

01:01:39Seriously.

01:01:51Oh, patience, young Padawan, patience.

01:01:54The singer's going to get her to come to you.

01:01:57Who's singer?

01:01:59Molly.

01:02:00I call her singer sometimes because, you know, she loves karaoke.

01:02:03But she can't sing.

01:02:05Just shut the fuck up and just pay attention.

01:02:09Dave, this party's sick.

01:02:12Yeah, how does a student afford a place like this?

01:02:16I heard the Asian dude's a movie star.

01:02:18Chaz, beer, fuck off now.

01:02:23You seem tense.

01:02:24Nah, I'm good.

01:02:25There's ice in these pipes, baby.

01:02:29Yeah.

01:02:36IPAs?

01:02:38Even their beer thinks it's better than me.

01:02:40Well, hello, Miss Lindsay and a whole bunch of dudes.

01:02:44How are we doing tonight?

01:02:45We were just conversing.

01:02:47How does a student afford a place like this?

01:02:50Oh, well, um, you know how Imelda Marcos has, like, a lot of shoes?

01:02:55Well, Polly's mom has more.

01:02:58Who the fuck is Imelda Marcos?

01:03:00Yeah, I'm just saying that they're rich.

01:03:03Really fucking rich.

01:03:05Is this your team?

01:03:06Yep, and I assume it's you, Kung Flu and Home Phone over there.

01:03:11Okay, first off, racist.

01:03:13Second, it's, uh, phone home.

01:03:15But, um, anyway, our fourth had to drop out unexpectedly and I was hoping Lindsay could step in.

01:03:21Lindsay? Me?

01:03:22Yeah.

01:03:23Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

01:03:25Wait, wait, why are you speaking for me?

01:03:27Because you're here with me.

01:03:29What, you just think I'm just gonna let you run off?

01:03:31No, you don't have to let me do anything.

01:03:33It's my decision.

01:03:34I'm in.

01:03:35Oh, yeah, get it, girl. Okay.

01:03:40Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first annual Firehouse Booze Cathalot!

01:03:51This is presented to you by my man, the one, the only, Mr. Upper Decker with huge lower neckers!

01:04:00That's a huge dick!

01:04:02Billion Strider!

01:04:08Now this will be a test of will and endurance between the forces of Kai Mew and myself, those two.

01:04:17We don't really have a team name, but, you know, you get the, uh, point there.

01:04:21So, if we win, Ellie gets a bit into Kai Mew, but if we lose, ho, ho, ho,

01:04:26if we lose, Stuart Gable gets to drive off with my baby Bieber, no!

01:04:38All right, you are all witnesses as well as judges.

01:04:41Let the games begin!

01:04:44In what once could have taken place on the sands of the Roman Colosseum,

01:04:48this is the Booze Cathalot.

01:04:50Five events that could only have been conceived at a liberal arts college near you.

01:04:54First up, King's Cup.

01:04:56King's Cup!

01:05:11Molly testing the short-term memory of these binge drinkers with a rhyme.

01:05:19I can smell the student loans not being paid back by this Chaz kid.

01:05:26Johnny pays homage to the crown, as does young Steiner.

01:05:36That pitcher is filling up faster than these kids' bladders.

01:05:40And that seals it, folks. The last king goes to Greg from Kai Mew.

01:05:46Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

01:05:52Greg showing the chugging ability of a toddler enjoying his sippy cup.

01:05:59Having a drinking contest without beer pong is like an orgy without a pivot person.

01:06:03Beer pong consists of, you know what? No.

01:06:06No, if you don't know what beer pong is, you need to focus more on the fucking rock that you've been living under.

01:06:11Let's just see where this goes.

01:06:15Here we go.

01:06:25Abel lining up this last shot with the same blind confidence that allowed him to walk out of the door with that shirt on tonight.

01:06:31Bang!

01:06:32And the boys from Kai Mew draw even with Team Molly.

01:06:37Congratulations. You won the McDonald's of fucking drinking games, basic pro.

01:06:45Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

01:06:50Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

01:06:54Wow!

01:06:55Steiner drops the thumb of the table and once again Chaz proved to be as sharp as a goddamn bowling ball.

01:07:06The Mews Johnny fails to remove the invisible man and will be doubting the remainder of his brew.

01:07:12Drew.

01:07:17Stu Gable drops the last card.

01:07:19What is this?

01:07:25I want your shorts on your head, please.

01:07:29No word if he's going commando,

01:07:31though as white as those shorts are,

01:07:33I would hope to God not.

01:07:38The pile is getting thick

01:07:39and the Natives are getting restless.

01:07:42Ha ha ha ha.

01:07:46Oh.

01:07:49Pop off that shirt.

01:07:52Excuse me?

01:07:53Stu, what are you doing?

01:07:55You won.

01:07:55No, she made me wear my shorts as a hat.

01:07:58Now, I'm the king, you're the asshole,

01:08:00pop off that fucking shirt.

01:08:01All right, yeah, he's right.

01:08:03And you are the king after all, so.

01:08:05Ha ha ha ha ha.

01:08:07Shirt's coming off.

01:08:09I'm with you, Jesse.

01:08:10Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

01:08:17Holy shit, Peter, look out.

01:08:20It's a trap.

01:08:24Put your shirt back on.

01:08:26It is a little stuffy, I think I'll just keep it on.

01:08:28Put your shirt back on.

01:08:29Nah, I don't know, I'm feeling good like this.

01:08:32Yeah, you know that's not true.

01:08:34Tell her.

01:08:35A victory for Kaimou,

01:08:37turns into a mortal defeat for Gable.

01:08:40And his cable.

01:08:42Kaimou really testing their lung capacity and IQs

01:08:45as they try and blow the perfect smoke ring.

01:08:51Meanwhile, Pauly the Prince gives Kaimou his resting O-face

01:08:56as he blows three perfect rings

01:08:58and we are tied going into the final event.

01:09:05All right, get your hands off.

01:09:10Oh.

01:09:12Oh.

01:09:13Oh.

01:09:14Oh.

01:09:15Oh.

01:09:16Oh.

01:09:17Oh.

01:09:18Oh.

01:09:19Oh.

01:09:20Oh.

01:09:21Oh.

01:09:22Oh.

01:09:23Oh, thatta boy.

01:09:25Oh.

01:09:26Oh.

01:09:33You know what?

01:09:34Ho ho.

01:09:41And then there were two.

01:09:43What are you doing?

01:09:45Letting you handle it.

01:09:47Whoa, Elliot.

01:09:51Or maybe one.

01:09:52Where are you going?

01:09:54Why did you do that? We could have had him.

01:09:57Okay, whoa, whoa. We do still have him. You have him.

01:09:59No, we don't. Have you seen that guy?

01:10:01Have you seen that guy?

01:10:02Well, you're not fighting in the fucking Octagon.

01:10:04This is a game of skill.

01:10:06Yes, he is.

01:10:07What?

01:10:08Elliot, this is your Octagon.

01:10:11It's Sarah versus Carter UFC 31.

01:10:13Yeah, yeah, Sierra Mist versus Aaron Carter.

01:10:16Or, look, okay, no.

01:10:21This is a defining moment.

01:10:23Now, what's it gonna be?

01:10:26Hmm?

01:10:26Yeah, all right.

01:10:38It's not over yet, folks,

01:10:39as it appears that Steiner is ready to re-engage.

01:10:43What, did you throw some balls out there or something?

01:10:45Yeah.

01:10:46I doubt that.

01:10:47Dynamite back and forth between two wordsmiths.

01:10:51Nice and easy.

01:10:52Chaz, do not touch.

01:10:54The steady hand of the third-year senior raises up.

01:10:59Wham-o!

01:11:00Gable gambles and wins,

01:11:02and Steiner has a cricket's cock

01:11:04of a chance of winning this.

01:11:07Here's the pour.

01:11:11Holy shit, he did it!

01:11:14Yay!

01:11:15Nice!

01:11:25All right, man, breathe a little bit.

01:11:26Breathe.

01:11:27I'm fucking breathing.

01:11:39It's Gadoosh!

01:11:40It's over.

01:11:43The upper-decker meets redemption,

01:11:45Stu Gable meets rejection,

01:11:47and there is a fat guy in the corner puking.

01:11:50It's like I'm watching Rudy for the first fucking time.

01:11:54Yeah!

01:12:00I can't believe you did it.

01:12:03Oh my God.

01:12:04Oh, I'm scared.

01:12:06Jump.

01:12:11Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:12:13I have to ask you a very important question.

01:12:16What?

01:12:19How far are the dorms?

01:12:21Oh, not even that far.

01:12:25Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

01:12:28Yeah, that's, like, really fucking far.

01:12:31Ah, rats.

01:12:32Oh.

01:12:42Oh!

01:12:46Oh my God.

01:12:48Look at his abs.

01:12:49They look like the bottom of a carton of eggs.

01:12:53He's called you, like, seven times.

01:12:54You should probably call him back.

01:12:57I mean, I don't think you'd like him when he's angry.

01:13:00Wait, are you trying to say that I'm dating the Hulk?

01:13:02Well, I mean, I don't know if he has the charm of the Hulk,

01:13:05but, I mean, he's got the abs, so kind of.

01:13:11No, seriously, you should probably call him back.

01:13:13I mean, he is your guy.

01:13:16When the colors reappear, I'll be here.

01:13:22Elliot Steiner,

01:13:25I think that you are my guy.

01:13:39Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

01:13:40Hey, wait, you two, right there!

01:13:42No, no, no, no whoopee in the amphitheater and you know it!

01:13:45Get on back to the dorms, now.

01:13:47Wait, no.

01:13:48OK.

01:13:49It's not a rabbit hutch.

01:13:52Sorry, sir.

01:13:53Did I got what I came here for?

01:14:10Hey.

01:14:11Hey.

01:14:12Sorry, I didn't know if I should have left.

01:14:15I don't really feel right about leaving you alone, so.

01:14:18I don't mind.

01:14:19Pretty chivalrous, actually.

01:14:22Come here.

01:14:38I really want to kiss you right now,

01:14:41but it feels like a cat peed in my mouth.

01:14:43That's so tempting, I might just risk it.

01:14:46Oh, you might risk it?

01:14:48I think so, yeah.

01:14:52Oh, God, OK.

01:14:53That was, that was bad.

01:14:56What were you watching?

01:14:58Just an old show called The Pit.

01:15:02Why do you like fighting so much?

01:15:04Um, a couple years ago, when my dad got sick,

01:15:14he just got really, really depressed.

01:15:16And we were watching TV one night.

01:15:21We were just surfing the channels,

01:15:23and I stopped on this show about this MMA fighter who

01:15:27was diagnosed with leukemia.

01:15:31I think seeing two guys, one in a similar situation to his,

01:15:34just beat the living shit out of each other

01:15:36really fired him up to beat his own disease.

01:15:41And did he?

01:15:43For another year.

01:15:48He sounds like a really great guy.

01:15:51Yeah, he was.

01:15:56You're a pretty good guy, too, you know.

01:15:59Are you just trying to butter me up for another caffeine kiss?

01:16:02Actually, I was trying to butter you up for some coffee.

01:16:05Oh, OK.

01:16:06Well, I guess I'll.

01:16:07Come here.

01:16:08Come here.

01:16:28I can't believe it's already homecoming.

01:16:30Feels like we just got here.

01:16:32Anyway, after the game, I was thinking, uh, Pauly?

01:16:35What is going on with all this action?

01:16:37I forgot a test tomorrow, and my memory

01:16:38is not what it used to be.

01:16:40So if I just write it over and over, maybe I'll remember.

01:16:42No, no, no.

01:16:43It's more global.

01:16:44Like, what's with all the action?

01:16:46All the books and stuff.

01:16:48OK.

01:16:49So a few weeks ago, I saw this cute TA

01:16:51walking into the psych building.

01:16:53So I followed him.

01:16:54Naturally.

01:16:55Right.

01:16:56Didn't matter, because the minute I walked in,

01:16:57I lost him.

01:16:58Freaking six foot three gazelle.

01:16:59I don't know how.

01:17:00But it turns out I wandered into one of the lecture halls.

01:17:02Saucy.

01:17:03Sat down, listened for a minute, and it was a lecture

01:17:05on early adolescent psychology.

01:17:07Hot.

01:17:08Good song.

01:17:09Oh, yeah, right.

01:17:10Long story short, I like what I heard,

01:17:12so I went to another one.

01:17:14What?

01:17:15I know.

01:17:16Pauly!

01:17:16And another one.

01:17:17Wow.

01:17:19Oh my god, you're like a student here.

01:17:23I think I am.

01:17:26Great.

01:17:27I'm really happy for you.

01:17:28You are?

01:17:29Mm-hmm.

01:17:30So happy you'll leave me alone so I can study?

01:17:32Yeah.

01:17:33I'll leave you alone so you can study.

01:17:35All right.

01:17:36You know what?

01:17:37Steiner.

01:17:38All right.

01:17:38Get me a burrito or something.

01:17:39Oh, yeah.

01:17:40You want that brain burrito?

01:17:41Yes, please.

01:17:42Yes, please.

01:17:42Good for you.

01:17:43Love you.

01:17:44Bye.

01:17:45Love you.

01:17:46Hey, Steiner.

01:17:46Oh, wait up.

01:17:47Hey.

01:17:48What you up to?

01:17:49I just headed to class.

01:17:50Oh my god, it's spreading.

01:17:52What?

01:17:53Uh, no, not important.

01:17:56I just, um, you know, I haven't seen you in a while.

01:17:59Wanted to make sure everything's OK.

01:18:01Yeah, yeah, it's just, um, you know,

01:18:03I've been busy with the other pledges, and Lindsay, and I just.

01:18:05Trading us in for a younger model.

01:18:08What? No.

01:18:08No, no, no, not at all.

01:18:09I just, I.

01:18:10I'm just fucking with you, Steiner.

01:18:11It's all good.

01:18:13I think it's great.

01:18:14Lindsay's great.

01:18:16But hey, I'm still going to see you at Tequila Sunrise, right?

01:18:19Yeah, of course.

01:18:19OK.

01:18:20Well, then I'll just let you get to class.

01:18:22Where are you off to?

01:18:24I, uh, I have a little homework situation myself.

01:18:27Oh, well, I'll catch you later.

01:18:29OK.

01:18:33Mm.

01:18:34I know we're coming down this weekend with mom and dad.

01:18:36But when I found out my little baby brother was in the city,

01:18:39I'm sure you had to get some real food in you.

01:18:44You were really digging into that.

01:18:47I guess they don't have any ribeyes on campus, huh?

01:18:50I mean, diners are always the best.

01:18:53I mean, I don't know.

01:18:54I mean, I don't know.

01:18:55I don't know.

01:18:56I don't know.

01:18:57I don't know.

01:18:58I don't know.

01:18:59I don't know.

01:19:00I don't know.

01:19:01I don't know.

01:19:02Dining halls are pretty much a hometown buffet, so.

01:19:05Gross.

01:19:06Oh, Inigo, how was the interview?

01:19:08Oh, I know dad is so excited to have you interning

01:19:11at the firm this summer.

01:19:13It was great.

01:19:14A lot of talent over there, though.

01:19:15I'll tell you what, it'll be a good summer for the stew,

01:19:17man, if you know what I'm saying.

01:19:18Oh, yeah.

01:19:19I get that.

01:19:28God damn it.

01:19:29Oh, I know.

01:19:31The service here is abysmal.

01:19:32Excuse me.

01:19:33No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:19:35Just a bitch I go to school with.

01:19:38I'm just not sure I like you actually using that.

01:19:41That bitch?

01:19:44Molly Singer.

01:19:45No, Molly Sutter.

01:19:48Singer.

01:19:50No, Sutter.

01:19:51Singer.

01:19:52No, Sutter.

01:19:53Singer.

01:19:54Sutter.

01:19:55That girl sitting at the bar right now is Molly Singer.

01:19:58I went to school with her.

01:19:59She made my life a living hell.

01:20:01That girl right there is Molly Sutter.

01:20:05I go to school with her.

01:20:07She's friends with this asshole Asian,

01:20:09shows up at every single fucking prap party I have,

01:20:11must think he's a-

01:20:12Pauly.

01:20:16Come on, we're leaving.

01:20:18Something smells rotten here, and it is not the fish.

01:20:22Wait a minute.

01:20:23Can I just finish my steak?

01:20:24Stuart!

01:20:25Oh, got to admit, you really changed my opinion of you,

01:20:29Molly.

01:20:30Really?

01:20:32Yeah.

01:20:33We lost so much money on Pebble Brook,

01:20:35I had to lay people off.

01:20:38Jesus.

01:20:39Yeah, well, it was just Nelson.

01:20:40Oh, well, that I can see.

01:20:43So, Elliot, tell me everything.

01:20:45Every little detail gets you closer to being rehired.

01:20:47Oh, uh, Elliot, well, he's nice as hell.

01:20:51A little too nice.

01:20:52We've been working on that.

01:20:53And he, uh, over-analyzes everything.

01:20:57But when he takes a leap on something, he really commits.

01:21:00You know, and I feel like he's walking this perfect tightrope

01:21:03of having the world chew him up and spit him out

01:21:06or single-handedly changing him for the better.

01:21:11That was Carl.

01:21:14You know, I used to think naivete was a flaw.

01:21:18I saw it in Elliot.

01:21:21I think that's why I acted like such a tiger mom on steroids.

01:21:25I just wanted to protect him from it all, you know?

01:21:29Well, I'll take it from someone who has met

01:21:31and dated every shithead this planet has to offer,

01:21:35he's a really good kid.

01:21:38And you should be proud.

01:21:41You both should.

01:21:44Anyway, um, I was thinking after homecoming this weekend,

01:21:49you could come back and, you know,

01:21:51start generating some billable hours.

01:21:54I've got a really messy divorce with a 200-page prenup

01:21:57that's got your name all over it.

01:22:00Oh.

01:22:01So, to Molly's finger.

01:22:03Okay.

01:22:05Hope your second time around was fun.

01:22:08And welcome back to reality.

01:22:10Are you sure you can trust these guys?

01:22:35Yes. These are my boys.

01:22:36We're gonna fuck shit up, right guys?

01:22:38Does anyone have to make before we leave?

01:22:40No, we're good. Let's go.

01:22:42Okay.

01:22:50God damn it, Chas.

01:23:08Yo, yo.

01:23:17Yo.

01:23:19Oh, sweet, beers.

01:23:21I got you.

01:23:22Perfect.

01:23:27A little memory lane action? What brings these out?

01:23:30I went to the old apartment in town today.

01:23:33Got me feeling a little nostalgic, I guess.

01:23:36Well, how very homecoming of you.

01:23:40So, as someone who has done it all over again, how's it going?

01:23:45Hmm. I don't know. Kind of the same.

01:23:48I guess I just have a lot of, you know, questions and no answers.

01:23:54You want to know what I learned this time around?

01:23:56What?

01:23:58Pride is a double-edged sword, right?

01:24:02You're always on my case about that foolish pride of mine.

01:24:04Well, I miss nostalgia. Let's talk about pride, pride.

01:24:08Remember that first parade we went to?

01:24:10Oh, that weekend. I think we murdered a few good brain cells.

01:24:14Oh, yeah. That's what pride's all about, right?

01:24:17It's about celebrating your authentic self and Twings and Speedos and the Rainbow Floats and Dice on Bikes.

01:24:23And that's fun to do, like, one week in a year.

01:24:25But then there are those queens who do it all the time.

01:24:28It's not about the celebration anymore. It's about chasing the high.

01:24:31And they forget what pride was for in the first place.

01:24:34And the next thing you know, you're 52, you've got skin of leather, you're addicted to meth,

01:24:37you're sitting at a bus stop with your jockstrap all hanging out,

01:24:40and you're talking to some imaginary friend.

01:24:42I'm sorry. Is this story going somewhere?

01:24:44Yeah. Just don't be the old queen, Molly.

01:24:51Just don't lose sight of the road ahead.

01:24:56Hmm.

01:24:58Speaking of which, what's up with the kid?

01:25:00What do you mean?

01:25:02The longer this thing goes on, the worse it's going to be when he finds out.

01:25:07I was kind of just hoping I could disappear and not mention the whole Brenda hiring me thing.

01:25:14Should I just give you the meth dealer's number now, or...

01:25:20All right. I love you, kid. I do.

01:25:25Love you.

01:25:28I will see you in a few hours.

01:25:31I am going to go to bed with this guy.

01:25:34Hmm. Nice guy.

01:25:36Good night.

01:25:40Oh.

01:25:585, 6, 7, 8.

01:26:001, 2, 3, 4,

01:26:02Go, Condors!

01:26:04Go!

01:26:06Fight!

01:26:08Win!

01:26:10Go! Fight! Win!

01:26:12Yes!

01:26:14Nice! Great work, guys.

01:26:16Heather, way to stick that landing.

01:26:18Sully, I need you sliding in a little sooner, okay?

01:26:20Guys, get some rest. The bus leaves at 10 a.m. tomorrow.

01:26:23Awesome job!

01:26:26Hey, guys. A little help with the, uh...

01:26:29Okay.

01:26:31Fuck me, I guess, right?

01:26:33Goddamn it.

01:26:38Goddamn it.

01:26:40Goddamn it.

01:26:42Goddamn it.

01:26:44Goddamn it.

01:26:46Goddamn it.

01:26:48Goddamn it.

01:26:50Goddamn it.

01:26:52Goddamn it.

01:26:54Goddamn it.

01:27:02Hello?

01:27:09What the fuck?

01:27:13Let's get the mask, guys.

01:27:19Oh, fuck.

01:27:25Whoa!

01:27:31Don't try that shit on me, bitch.

01:27:37What the fuck was that?

01:27:39Thought these wings were just for show, huh?

01:27:41Yes!

01:27:43Okay.

01:27:50Oh, my God.

01:27:52Oh, my God.

01:27:54Oh, my God!

01:27:56What the fuck did you do?

01:27:58Grab him!

01:28:00Come on! Just grab him!

01:28:02Get him! Get him! Get him!

01:28:04Get him! Wait, wait, wait, wait!

01:28:13Fuck.

01:28:15Did we kill him?

01:28:17What do you mean, we? You.

01:28:19Where the fuck did you get a golf club, anyway?

01:28:21It was in the back of the car.

01:28:26All right, you guys grab his legs.

01:28:28I got his beak. Let's go.

01:28:52Fuck!

01:28:54Hey!

01:28:56Hey!

01:28:58Hey!

01:29:00Hey!

01:29:09Fuck!

01:29:22I got the arm.

01:29:24Chaz, get a hold of him.

01:29:26Okay.

01:29:28You better pray this fucking asshat wakes up.

01:29:30Come on. You guys go first.

01:29:32Let's go.

01:29:37He smells like death.

01:29:39Yeah, well, look where I'm standing.

01:29:51Oh, you got it bad, huh?

01:29:53She's pretty amazing, huh?

01:29:55Yeah.

01:29:57Listen, um,

01:29:59I wanted to tell you something

01:30:01for a while.

01:30:03What?

01:30:05Uh, I just wanted to say thank you.

01:30:07Meeting you and Polly has been

01:30:09the best thing

01:30:11that's ever happened to me.

01:30:13It means the world. Thank you.

01:30:15Mm.

01:30:17Yeah, you know, um,

01:30:19Elliot,

01:30:21I, uh,

01:30:23I just,

01:30:25I think you're

01:30:27you're a good egg.

01:30:29One of the best.

01:30:33Why don't you get out there?

01:30:35She's waiting on you.

01:30:37Yeah, get to dancing.

01:30:49See you flip out of that bird, bitch.

01:30:57Look, I don't know

01:30:59what you want.

01:31:01If this is for ransom,

01:31:03my parents aren't rich.

01:31:07If this is for some furry

01:31:09fetish thing,

01:31:11at least give me some drugs so I don't remember.

01:31:13What is this?

01:31:15Do your jobs, Elliot.

01:31:17Oh, man, I can't believe

01:31:19we got away with this, Molly Singer.

01:31:21I know it, Elliot Steiner.

01:31:23Why are you using your full names?

01:31:25We're Scientologists.

01:31:27Okay, like I said, Elliot Steiner,

01:31:29this will totally show those

01:31:31hellhurst assholes

01:31:33that you and your

01:31:35chimy brothers rule campus.

01:31:37Go, Badgers!

01:31:39Go, Badgers!

01:31:41Go, Badgers!

01:31:43Wait,

01:31:45this is a homecoming prank?

01:31:47What is this,

01:31:491969?

01:31:51I'm gonna sue the shit out of you,

01:31:53Elliot Steiner and

01:31:55what's your name?

01:31:57Molly Singer.

01:31:59Molly Singer.

01:32:01You have a good day, sir.

01:32:03I'm gonna fucking

01:32:05kill you.

01:32:07You're both so screwed!

01:32:12Fuck off!

01:32:29Guys, I think Pauly was

01:32:31line dancing when we left.

01:32:35Hello?

01:32:37Wait, where are you?

01:32:39Okay, no,

01:32:41it's fine. I'll be right there.

01:32:43I gotta go. My roommate

01:32:45got locked out again and the RAs

01:32:47refused to let her in because she keeps losing her cape.

01:32:49Do you want me to go with you?

01:32:51No, it's fine. I'm gonna crash for a couple hours

01:32:53anyways, but we should walk over to the game

01:32:55together. Sounds good to me.

01:32:57I had a really good time. Me too.

01:33:01See you, Mom. Later, Lens.

01:33:03Woohoohoo!

01:33:07Steiner, smooth looks good

01:33:09on you.

01:33:11What the fuck?

01:33:13Hello?

01:33:15Uh,

01:33:17hello?

01:33:19Get me the fuck out of here.

01:33:21Right here. I'm right here.

01:33:23What's that smell?

01:33:25It's me, okay, asshole?

01:33:27I had four Gatorades and I've been locked in this suit

01:33:29all night.

01:33:33Woohoo!

01:33:35Woohoo!

01:33:41I'm just gonna

01:33:43grab that head, okay? Coming in.

01:33:45Easy.

01:33:47Ow!

01:33:49My ear!

01:33:53I'm gonna sue you!

01:33:55And you too!

01:33:57Are you fucking insane? We're not even good

01:33:59at sports!

01:34:01My dad's brother! Your uncle?

01:34:03Yes. My uncle.

01:34:05He's a fucking lawyer.

01:34:07He's gonna eat your assholes

01:34:09for breakfast.

01:34:11All up in there.

01:34:13I think we should, uh, get you

01:34:15out of here. I'm just gonna, uh,

01:34:17Undo you.

01:34:19What the fuck is going on in here?

01:34:21Hey, hey, hey! Freeze, freeze, freeze!

01:34:23Elia Steiner?

01:34:25Me? Molly Singer?

01:34:27Yes? That's Molly Singer!

01:34:29That's the psychopath that kidnapped me!

01:34:31Wait, what?

01:34:33Who's Molly Singer?

01:34:45Are you ever gonna

01:34:47talk to me again?

01:34:53Okay, fair enough.

01:34:55I deserve that.

01:34:57Stop.

01:34:59Stop.

01:35:01You're gonna eat that sandwich they give you.

01:35:03I didn't get a sandwich.

01:35:05Oh, you will.

01:35:07You will. And when you do...

01:35:09Yeah, yeah, it's all yours.

01:35:11Fuck yeah! You're my guy!

01:35:13Meet the nicest people at jail.

01:35:17Oh, wow.

01:35:21Were you ever gonna tell me that you were

01:35:23for my mom?

01:35:25Honestly, I...

01:35:27I don't know. I had no...

01:35:29no exit strategy.

01:35:33I just thought I'd...

01:35:35meet you,

01:35:37pump a few beers in you, and...

01:35:39Beers? Hey, now

01:35:41we're talking.

01:35:43You like beer? I had an IPA the other day

01:35:45called, uh, Crunchy Rooster.

01:35:49My entire

01:35:51blueprint for this whole plan

01:35:53was, like, weird science, for Christ's sake.

01:35:55But I didn't...

01:35:57What?

01:35:59But...

01:36:01I didn't realize how much I'd like you, and

01:36:03what great friends we'd be, you know?

01:36:05Friends? Friends?

01:36:07Yeah. Okay.

01:36:09Steiner, Elliot,

01:36:11Em.

01:36:13That's me. You made bail.

01:36:15Let's go. Hey, that's great.

01:36:19You know,

01:36:21I thought we'd be friends, too.

01:36:25Steiner, come on. Oh, okay.

01:36:27Guess I didn't make bail.

01:36:29You can't make bail till Monday.

01:36:31You're a lawyer.

01:36:33You should know that.

01:36:35What about him?

01:36:37Looks like he had a better lawyer than you.

01:36:43Oh, thank God, finally.

01:36:45Are you okay?

01:36:47Hey, Elliot,

01:36:49where are you going? God damn it,

01:36:51this is not a walk-away scenario!

01:36:53Stop it! I don't have the shoes to chase you!

01:36:55What do you want from me?

01:36:57No. Uh-uh.

01:36:59You do not get to have an attitude with me.

01:37:01I am not the one that went out and got drunk

01:37:03at 5 in the morning, and then went and kidnapped

01:37:05a goddamn eagle. It was a condor.

01:37:07Who the fuck cares what it was?

01:37:09You literally hired some chick from your

01:37:11office to infiltrate my school,

01:37:13pretend to be my best friend, and spy on me.

01:37:16That is an

01:37:18excellent point.

01:37:20Jesus Christ.

01:37:22Where are you going?

01:37:24To my dorm room. That is until they expel me.

01:37:37What do you think?

01:37:39Too veiny?

01:37:41Not veiny enough.

01:37:43Some people like a veiny ding-dong.

01:37:45Alright, you dead

01:37:47cossow, I'm gonna need you like 5 feet

01:37:49over there.

01:38:13Thank you for bailing me out.

01:38:15Well, thank your platinum card. So now what?

01:38:17Well, I have to get dressed for court

01:38:19this morning to defend myself in a kidnapping charge

01:38:21and I need you to help figure out who the hell

01:38:23set us up.

01:38:25That's a tough one, singer. Who's cornflakes have we been squatting into

01:38:27all semester?

01:38:29Fucking

01:38:31stew.

01:38:33There she is.

01:38:43Hi.

01:38:45Hello.

01:38:47Hi.

01:38:53I am gonna fucking kill you.

01:38:55We didn't do anything.

01:38:57You think I don't know that?

01:38:59Doesn't matter, you can't prove any of it.

01:39:01You got my son in this

01:39:03friggin' mess.

01:39:05I know.

01:39:07All rise.

01:39:09The Honorable

01:39:11Raymond Palmer

01:39:13presiding.

01:39:17Be seated.

01:39:19Look at this good-looking group.

01:39:21Alright, what do we have

01:39:23this morning?

01:39:25Mr. Elliot Steiner and

01:39:27Miss Molly Singer, are you present today?

01:39:29Yes, your honor.

01:39:31Yes, your honor.

01:39:33Good start. Okay, you two are accused of

01:39:35kidnapping one Mr. Sully Moran,

01:39:37a human being, and it says here

01:39:39the Fighting Condor

01:39:41mascot from

01:39:43Hillhurst University.

01:39:45Are you kidding me?

01:39:47Mike?

01:39:49Yes, Judge.

01:39:51Can we call the law clerk, make sure these are not the type

01:39:53of cases we start a Monday with?

01:39:55Okay. Yeah, really feels like

01:39:57mascot kidnapping is a Tuesday

01:39:59afternoon sort of case.

01:40:01Okay. Great.

01:40:03How do you two plead? Your honor,

01:40:05may I make a brief statement?

01:40:07For the sake of throwing all points

01:40:09of law out the window,

01:40:11no. What are you doing?

01:40:13Here she comes. Your honor, I

01:40:15realize this is just a plea

01:40:17hearing, but I plead with you.

01:40:19Please listen to me for a moment.

01:40:21Though I can

01:40:23categorically deny any involvement in

01:40:25the kidnapping of a stuffed condor,

01:40:27I implore you,

01:40:29Mr. Steiner had absolutely

01:40:31nothing to do with it. Any punishment

01:40:33should be directed solely on myself as I

01:40:35was acting as his guardian, and any actions

01:40:37taken by him would have been done under my

01:40:39direction. So I move that all charges

01:40:41be dropped for Mr. Steiner and directed to me

01:40:43myself.

01:40:45Aye.

01:40:47Wow. Mike.

01:40:49Aye yai yai.

01:40:51Miss Singer, that was certainly a gallant

01:40:53gesture on your part. Thank you, your honor.

01:40:55And absolutely devoid of

01:40:57literally any semblance of legal merit.

01:40:59I'm sorry,

01:41:01do we have something to add from the gallery?

01:41:03Uh,

01:41:05no, I'm sorry, your judge. I mean,

01:41:07your honor. I'm sorry.

01:41:09Great. That being said,

01:41:11Mr. Steiner, how do you plead?

01:41:13Not guilty, your honor.

01:41:15Miss Singer?

01:41:17Not guilty.

01:41:19Great. Mr. Steiner, I see that you have

01:41:21counsel present.

01:41:23Miss Singer, where's your counsel?

01:41:25I will be representing myself, your honor.

01:41:27Miss Steiner, would you be

01:41:29interested in a two-for-one?

01:41:31Oh, no. No, I'm not.

01:41:33Great. Then may I suggest

01:41:35you take your shoe and toss it out in the

01:41:37hallway and maybe you can clock another lawyer

01:41:39that can help you with your case. We're gonna

01:41:41take an hour recess and press on.

01:41:43All rise.

01:41:53Well, he's not at the Kai Mew house

01:41:55because the asshole is here and he's with Poles.

01:41:57Yes, I am telling you, these two

01:41:59are in it together. Oh, my God, she's walking

01:42:01up to me right now. It would be a really good time to find something.

01:42:03Oh, we gotta go. Uh, Poles?

01:42:05What the hell are you doing here?

01:42:07I have a case downstairs.

01:42:09Oh. But I heard

01:42:11about this and

01:42:13well, I had to see for myself.

01:42:15And? And Stu,

01:42:17how did you two meet? At a hate group convention

01:42:19or is he just one of your handjob pals?

01:42:21Handjob pals?

01:42:23Well, I guess

01:42:25you couldn't even be bothered to even remember

01:42:27I made a name, even though we were in the same

01:42:29plunge class. I'll wait.

01:42:33Gable?

01:42:35And when I found out

01:42:37you were making my little brother's life as

01:42:39miserable as you made mine,

01:42:41I knew I had to stop you.

01:42:43So I'm gonna be there

01:42:45when they march you into prison.

01:42:49How do you like those handjobs?

01:42:51It was worth the carpal tunnel.

01:42:58Oh.

01:43:00Oh, come on, Molly.

01:43:06Oh, God.

01:43:08Okay.

01:43:10I don't think Molly

01:43:12is gonna be so happy.

01:43:14Ugh. If somebody else died here,

01:43:16I'm so screwed. Relax, no one's dead,

01:43:18okay? Some prick kidnapped

01:43:20the Hillhurst mascot and is trying to frame Molly

01:43:22in that Steiner kid movie we hang out with.

01:43:24Ugh, classic college bully move.

01:43:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So now I need something,

01:43:28anything to keep my best friend out of jail.

01:43:30Oh, gosh.

01:43:32I don't...

01:43:34If, if

01:43:36I show you something,

01:43:38you promise to keep it top secret?

01:43:40Shh. Maybe.

01:43:42Walk this way.

01:43:44Okay.

01:43:46Where are you taking me?

01:43:48I don't have time for this. I need to find some evidence

01:43:50that'll break the case. Trust me, it's worth it.

01:43:52But what are we doing here?

01:43:54I told you.

01:44:00I'm waiting.

01:44:02I'm waiting, too.

01:44:04Come on.

01:44:08What the actual fuck?

01:44:16What am I looking at here, Scott?

01:44:18Okay, okay.

01:44:20Before you think that I'm a total

01:44:22creepy perv, it's just a mustache

01:44:24and some cameras.

01:44:26So after the pole

01:44:28incident, I got really paranoid,

01:44:30so I started off with one camera,

01:44:32and now we're looking at, uh,

01:44:34six of these big boys.

01:44:38You sick sliver-watching

01:44:40motherfucker!

01:44:42Please tell me these things record!

01:44:44Fuck yeah, they do. Sweet.

01:44:46Again, not a perv, just paranoid

01:44:48most of the time.

01:44:50I occasionally come in here and whack it.

01:44:52Not often, though.

01:44:56Can I sit?

01:44:58Yeah, go ahead.

01:45:02All right.

01:45:08Whew.

01:45:16So how's Lindsay?

01:45:18She's good.

01:45:20Good.

01:45:30You know,

01:45:32no matter how much I do want to

01:45:34hate you,

01:45:36I do realize that

01:45:38I

01:45:40would have never had the courage to talk to her

01:45:42again. Really, the courage

01:45:44to do anything.

01:45:46So whether you're

01:45:48paid or not to do it,

01:45:50thank you.

01:45:54Well, I think I should be the one

01:45:56thanking you.

01:45:58Because without you, I never would have realized

01:46:00that my best

01:46:02years are yet to come.

01:46:04Not just in my rear view.

01:46:08But I'm really sorry I didn't say anything.

01:46:12We're gonna go to fucking jail, aren't we?

01:46:14No.

01:46:16No, we are not.

01:46:18Not going to jail.

01:46:20Got my best guy on it.

01:46:24Swear to God, I didn't know that was gonna happen.

01:46:26Sticker!

01:46:28Pauly!

01:46:30Pauly?

01:46:34Hmm.

01:46:36Guess he found something. Yeah.

01:46:38Some information we need or something?

01:46:40Are you okay? No.

01:46:42And wheezing.

01:46:50Alright.

01:46:52So what am I looking at here?

01:46:54Your Honor, new evidence has come to light

01:46:56that clears my client and Miss Singer.

01:46:58You didn't think to lead with it?

01:47:00Well, it just became

01:47:02available to us a few minutes ago, Your Honor.

01:47:04Good.

01:47:08Oh man, I can't believe we got away

01:47:10with this Molly Singer.

01:47:12I know it, Elliot Steiner.

01:47:16Is that the jackhole that was laughing

01:47:18in my courtroom this morning?

01:47:20Stuart Gable. He's a fraternity brother of Mr. Steiner's

01:47:22and was trying to get him kicked out of school.

01:47:24Oh.

01:47:26And who's this

01:47:28Meryl Streep over here?

01:47:30Trina Delgado.

01:47:32She's trying a case downstairs as we speak.

01:47:34She's a lawyer as well?

01:47:36Yes, Your Honor.

01:47:38You know, what is going on

01:47:40with law school? Are they just letting anybody in

01:47:42these days? Is it the new math?

01:47:44Is that it? Participation? Law degrees?

01:47:46You know what?

01:47:48Just save it. Don't want to hear it. Case dismissed.

01:47:50Mike!

01:47:52Yes, Judge?

01:47:54I need you to round up some more idiots.

01:47:56Okay.

01:48:00Thank you, sir.

01:48:02You, sir, have no idea what you're doing!

01:48:04I will have all of your jobs!

01:48:06Can you hear me? Do you know who I am?

01:48:08Fine, just call Dad, alright? Just call Dad!

01:48:10Larva fish clip, Molly!

01:48:12Just call Dad!

01:48:14How do you like them handjobs?

01:48:16Hope someone rollerblades up your vagina,

01:48:18Molly!

01:48:20What?

01:48:22That's an interesting crowd you two hang out with.

01:48:28Not bad.

01:48:32I guess I'll see you around.

01:48:34Yeah, see you later, Steiner.

01:48:36Bye. Bye.

01:48:42Ah, there you are.

01:48:44Yep, I'm here.

01:48:46Oh, God.

01:48:48Didn't you just drive here?

01:48:52I could have.

01:48:54In hindsight, I could have.

01:48:56So you ran.

01:48:58I didn't have to, but I did.

01:49:00Let's get you some water.

01:49:02Okay.

01:49:18I know a lot of people think if they had the chance

01:49:20to do it all over again, they would.

01:49:22Well,

01:49:24I'm here to tell you, when it comes to your life,

01:49:26it's all about living your present.

01:49:28Constantly looking back

01:49:30will just give you a neckache.

01:49:32Elliot certainly got what he wanted.

01:49:34President of his pledge class,

01:49:36and completely reshaped Kai Mew

01:49:38from the ground up.

01:49:40Polly finished first in his ed psych class,

01:49:42graduated with honors,

01:49:44won back his family's respect,

01:49:46and now he's shooting for his master's degree

01:49:48in education.

01:49:50You know,

01:49:52for the kids and shit.

01:49:54And me?

01:49:56I finally realized what I like doing.

01:49:58Helping those shy

01:50:00caterpillars become full

01:50:02motherfucking butterflies.

01:50:06Everybody says

01:50:08that college is the best four to

01:50:10seven, maybe nine

01:50:12years of your life.

01:50:14I used to be a firm believer in that axiom.

01:50:16Until a really good

01:50:18friend showed me

01:50:20life does get better as we get older.

01:50:22It just

01:50:24takes longer for some of us to realize.

The Re-Education of Molly HD ( Comedy )

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