Boys, Dubai and Crowd Work - Stand-Up Comedy By Munawar Faruqui - video Dailymotion

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Boys, Dubai and Crowd Work - Stand-Up Comedy By Munawar Faruqui

Transcript

00:00We have experienced business, we have experienced hard work

00:02Day and night we work hard, but we only get sweet bhakri

00:05We want to sell vegetables and rice-based mango tea

00:07That's great. Nice, nice. Thank you so much for coming.

00:10Friends, look, right now, half of the people who are talking in the middle

00:17are the audience of Bigg Boss.

00:24And more than half of the people who know what stand-up is

00:28who want to hear stand-up jokes, who won't take out their mobile phones

00:31are the stand-up audience. There's a difference between the two.

00:33Because, what is it? Can't you hear me?

00:36Can you hear me?

00:38It's just your problem, bro.

00:41Are you a doctor or what? I can't even hear you.

00:46The whole world can hear you, but this one can't.

00:51Who was it? Show me.

00:54Who was it? What's your name?

00:58The audience member says,

00:59it's a woman.

01:00It's a woman, you say?

01:03Look, it won't look good if you call a woman of half a life a whore.

01:09That's why I'm not saying it.

01:15Did someone bring a telephone?

01:20It's like a trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

01:21Can anyone bring such a big phone?

01:23There was an announcement to make the phone silent-violent.

01:28They said, no, I'm red.

01:29I've brought a box of coins.

01:33The people who watch stand-up know what's going to happen in stand-up.

01:36What to expect.

01:37Bigg Boss people are not at fault either.

01:38It's my fault.

01:42It's my fault.

01:44That what I've done is confuse the audience.

01:47That, bro, he's a poet.

01:51Stand-up is different.

01:54People bring their mothers and say,

01:55Mom, do you know that in Bigg Boss,

01:58the boy used to say spiritual things.

02:05He's doing a show.

02:07The mother says, let's go, son, let's go.

02:10We'll give you blessings.

02:13Here the mother is confused,

02:14that son, why is he doing this?

02:19It's my fault.

02:21It's a little different.

02:22Look, I'm a very different person off the stage.

02:25I'm a very different person on the stage.

02:26There's a lot of difference between poetry and stand-up.

02:29Look, what does poetry mean?

02:31Things.

02:32Such things that touch the heart.

02:34I'll give you the example, look.

02:36The candle burns,

02:38the firefly flutters.

02:42You understand?

02:43This is Munna Varun Farooq's Bigg Boss, poetry.

02:45The candle burns, the firefly flutters.

02:48Now stand-up is a different thing.

02:50The candle burns,

02:51because his father didn't give dowry.

03:01See, you weren't expecting it, right?

03:03The firefly is burning over there.

03:07Stand-up is an unexpected thing.

03:10Whatever you don't expect,

03:12it will all be here.

03:14Okay?

03:15That's why everyone...

03:16Everyone is from Bombay, right?

03:18Has anyone traveled?

03:22Wow, wow, wow.

03:23Where are you from?

03:23Taloja.

03:24Taloja?

03:26Taloja?

03:27Okay, so you asked today,

03:29that if anyone has traveled,

03:30Taloja is different.

03:32Otherwise, if the villagers ask,

03:34where do you live?

03:34We live in Bombay.

03:37These Kokni people make everyone an idiot.

03:46Are you Kokni?

03:51Yes.

03:52Who?

03:53From Dubai?

03:55That's what happened.

03:57He's saying Taloja is Mumbai.

04:00Abu Dhabi is different.

04:01I went to Abu Dhabi.

04:05Bang Jumeirah.

04:09Now half the audience is even more confused.

04:12That this vlog's audience is different.

04:16Okay, let's talk to the Dubai guy.

04:17Hello Habibi, Assalamualaikum.

04:20What do you do in Dubai?

04:21Do you live there?

04:23So the Dubai show...

04:29Look, it's not nice to call a half-aged woman an idiot.

04:34So you must have missed it.

04:36So you must have missed it.

04:39You...

04:41You live there?

04:41But it's closer, right?

04:42This is...

04:44I had to come with friends.

04:45Okay.

04:46All your friends live here?

04:47Yes.

04:48Okay, great.

04:49In Bombay?

04:51What's the biggest?

04:52Friend.

04:53The biggest friend.

04:54Okay.

04:57Now what do you do in Abu Dhabi?

05:02Homemaker.

05:03You make a house.

05:08Is there an upgraded version of Housewife?

05:10Yes.

05:11Is there an upgraded version of Housewife?

05:15It's my version.

05:16This is...

05:17We got into emotions and did this.

05:19The work of a mother's housewife is not easy.

05:22It's nothing.

05:25I have done it.

05:27I know it's a very easy job.

05:29But still...

05:30Homemaker, wow.

05:31Give it up for her.

05:36Homemaker...

05:37I mean, you got married and now you stay here.

05:39You have kids?

05:41Three kids?

05:42Over there?

05:46Huh?

05:49She flew and came for me?

05:55That's so sweet, ma'am.

05:56That's so sweet.

05:58But I went to Dubai for the first time in my life.

06:00Dubai.

06:03And Dubai...

06:04I'll tell you what.

06:05I'm not from Bombay.

06:06I'm from Junagadh.

06:07I was born there.

06:08Okay?

06:09Dubai is Dubai for us.

06:11Bombay is Dubai for us villagers.

06:16When we were kids in Junagadh...

06:17Bombay was Dubai for us.

06:20So imagine how Dubai will be for me.

06:25And I used to think that...

06:27Only rich people live in Dubai.

06:30This was a misunderstanding.

06:33That only rich people live in Dubai.

06:35But when I did the show...

06:36And I saw people sitting on balconies.

06:42Now I understood.

06:45That only rich people don't live there.

06:54But what a place Dubai is.

06:56What a beautiful place Dubai is.

06:58I went to the hotel and they said...

06:59This is the best view hotel.

07:00What do you see?

07:01You know?

07:02It's a building.

07:04I said...

07:05Is there a better view than this?

07:06They said yes.

07:07There's a better view than this...

07:08In the front hotel.

07:10I said...

07:11What do you see from there?

07:12They said...

07:13You see this building from there.

07:15I said...

07:16That's great.

07:17No but...

07:18I don't know...

07:19If someone has come from so far...

07:20To travel and see me...

07:21This is an achievement.

07:24I used to do shows in 2020.

07:26Small shows.

07:27I used to sell 100 tickets.

07:28I used to sell 60 tickets.

07:29I sold a ticket in Jaipur.

07:3165.

07:32I did a small show in Jaipur.

07:34As soon as the show ended...

07:35I heard someone crying from outside.

07:39I said...

07:40It wasn't such a bad show.

07:43I said...

07:44Why is he crying?

07:45I called the manager.

07:46He said...

07:47He's crying to meet you.

07:49I said...

07:50Why don't you make him meet me?

07:55He said...

07:56You must be tired.

07:57I said...

07:58I must be tired?

08:00Have you gone mad?

08:01Call Shahrukh Khan.

08:02Call him quickly.

08:05So I met him.

08:06As soon as he started crying...

08:07He gave me a gift.

08:08He said...

08:09I have come from 300 kms away for you.

08:12After hearing 300 kms away...

08:13I don't know how to thank him.

08:16After working so hard...

08:17A boy has come from so far.

08:19I said...

08:20Come and have dinner with me.

08:22He was happy.

08:23There was a boy standing next to him.

08:24He said...

08:25Can I also come?

08:27I said...

08:28You have also come from so far?

08:30He said...

08:31No, I live right in front of you.

08:33I know...

08:34Where I will get a good dinner.

08:38I said...

08:39You can't refuse.

08:40So I took both of them for dinner.

08:42We are sitting in a restaurant.

08:43I am asking him...

08:44What will you eat?

08:45He said...

08:46I will eat whatever you order.

08:48I said...

08:49Mutton...

08:50Chicken...

08:51Veg...

08:52Biryani...

08:53Paneer...

08:54I said...

08:55I will eat whatever you order.

08:57There was no fan.

08:59He said...

09:00I will eat whatever you order.

09:01I said...

09:02Spit it out.

09:03I will lick it.

09:05He was at that level.

09:06I said...

09:07That's it.

09:08I am done.

09:10He is sitting next to me...

09:11And ordering...

09:12Is it buttermilk?

09:16Butter naan?

09:18Apply butter on both sides.

09:22Now I am interested in this person.

09:25He is not spitting.

09:28I asked him...

09:29Who are you?

09:33What do you do?

09:35He said...

09:36I work in a medical shop.

09:38Whenever someone says...

09:39I work in a medical shop.

09:43I feel like asking him a question.

09:46That when someone...

09:52Does it...

09:54Then you guys...

09:56How do you react to it?

09:57What do you give?

09:59Do you ask for the flavour?

10:01Like...

10:02It's like a childhood curiosity.

10:06He said...

10:07Customers don't ask in front of us.

10:09We have a sign.

10:12I will tell you.

10:13Come here.

10:15Get up.

10:18What should I do?

10:20Come here.

10:22A customer comes to the shop.

10:24And he shakes hands.

10:33Let's see...

10:34One minute.

10:36He shakes hands like this.

10:37And this is the sign.

10:41That he wants a condom.

10:45How much...

10:46And I...

10:47I am not making this from my side.

10:49He really said this to me.

10:50Come here.

10:53At least refuse.

10:55You are having fun too, right?

11:00He is not going out.

11:01Do it.

11:05I did it twice to show the audience.

11:08Third time to see him.

11:12Guys are very comfortable.

11:15Guys are not comfortable.

11:18He is being exploited.

11:20He doesn't know.

11:22Come here.

11:25It's not going to happen.

11:26Guys are...

11:28Guys will be more physically alert.

11:30Guys are like this.

11:32We guys are very comfortable.

11:33We are very comfortable with each other.

11:35Agree?

11:37You guys agree?

11:39Guys, do you know how comfortable we guys are?

11:44You guys don't know.

11:45I will tell you.

11:47You girls have a heart.

11:51Guys have an eye-doubt.

11:55Because...

11:56Are there any girls here who are friends with two girls?

11:59Friends?

12:00Who are friends?

12:01Yes?

12:02You are friends?

12:03How long have you been friends?

12:047 years.

12:057 years?

12:06Where did you meet?

12:09Bandra.

12:10Bandra?

12:12Where did you meet?

12:13School, college...

12:14School, college...

12:16Office...

12:20We were buying a dupatta in Bandra.

12:25Through common friends.

12:26We met somewhere in Bandra.

12:29You guys became best friends.

12:31You are there for each other.

12:32Every time.

12:33Any problem, any issue.

12:34See, girls.

12:37She will say,

12:38See, I am not feeling well.

12:39She will say,

12:40You want to go to doctor?

12:42Try this medicine.

12:43Try this.

12:44Try Ceridon.

12:45Right?

12:46I have a pimple.

12:47She will be like,

12:48Go to this skin doctor.

12:50He is the best in the town.

12:52You will do that, right?

12:53Fight and tell your friend.

12:55That I have a pimple.

13:04He will say,

13:05There is a cream.

13:06Will you apply it?

13:14All the boys are agreeing, right?

13:18Ma'am, please don't record.

13:19Ma'am.

13:20Please.

13:22All the boys have agreed, right?

13:25We are so comfortable.

13:26What is this?

13:27Someone told a problem, right?

13:29That I have a pimple.

13:30Boys don't have it.

13:31They don't have a heart.

13:33It's different.

13:34It's different for boys.

13:35Girls compliment each other.

13:37They fight too.

13:38So, meanest.

13:39Do you have a female friend, ma'am?

13:41Kajol,

13:42You have fought with any of your friends.

13:44What is the meanest thing you have said to her?

13:49The worst.

13:56Do you see?

13:57She needs a heart for this.

13:59She doesn't want to talk right now.

14:01She feels bad too.

14:03That what did I say?

14:08This is the meanest thing, bro.

14:10What is the meanest thing you have said to her?

14:11You called her a bitch.

14:12You called her a slut.

14:13You die.

14:15Or die.

14:17Meanest.

14:19Bro, what is hanging and swinging?

14:22We are boys.

14:23We are boys.

14:28We are mean like this.

14:29Like this.

14:32Do you see the level of comfort?

14:35We are not physically comfortable.

14:38Physically, we are like this.

14:40Do you know whisper?

14:41Whisper.

14:42Which we say in our ears.

14:45That is called whisper.

14:47That is made for girls.

14:49Because you will see girls whispering.

14:51Have you ever seen boys?

14:56Never.

14:58You will never see.

14:59Because physically, we are not close.

15:03Like a metal detector.

15:04Like a metal detector.

15:05Like if a boy comes close.

15:09Listen to me.

15:10Like a metal detector.

15:12We can hear the soul from inside.

15:14Will you get into my ear?

15:23She is here.

15:24She is leaving.

Boys, Dubai and Crowd Work - Stand-Up Comedy By Munawar Faruqui

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