Aries Spears Hollywood Look I'm Smiling (2011)

Super Cult Cinema
Super Cult Cinema
  • 2 months ago
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Transcript
00:00:30You've seen him on MADtv, one of the funniest cats in the game, put your hands together for
00:00:55Aaron Stewart.
00:01:17New York City, what's happening, baby?
00:01:21Your boy is home, New York, let it go!
00:01:27Yeah, New York City, baby, I'm glad to be here, glad to be home and shit.
00:01:32My man Jazzy Jeff, much love, man, I appreciate you, boy.
00:01:37New York, I'm glad we got an eclectic crowd, man, because there's a lot of black people in here.
00:01:41I want to thank the white people for coming. You motherfuckers showed that you still know your place.
00:01:45It's awesome you came with that kind of confidence. Is that your man?
00:01:48Okay, how you doing, bro?
00:01:50Nigga, unfold your arms. Why are you looking at me like you're the rent collector?
00:01:54Nigga, unfold your arms.
00:01:56No, nigga, I ain't nervous, you're a big motherfucker. I throw a weight down, you gotta make a choice, motherfucker.
00:02:02So, is this your first Negro?
00:02:07That bitch said, mm-mm.
00:02:10I said that shit like he come with a theme song.
00:02:12My first Negro.
00:02:15He said, no, that's gonna be an awkward drive home.
00:02:19Bitch, you told me I was special.
00:02:23Shit, y'all probably have great sex. Do y'all role play at all?
00:02:26Do you role play?
00:02:28No?
00:02:29You ever play escape slave in The Master's Wife? That shit's fucked.
00:02:32Hurry up, nigga, get back to work. You on the clock.
00:02:35Shit, you got a white girl, you gotta dress up like O.J. Halloween, go out in the closet with a butcher knife, scared and shit.
00:02:41I'm glad y'all are together, that's fun.
00:02:43Let me tell you something, when y'all have sex, because you gotta role play, it's fun, you know what I'm saying?
00:02:47Like, black women, don't get me wrong, I love y'all, but certain shit can't do with y'all.
00:02:51Y'all have too many rules and regulations.
00:02:53Shit, nigga, don't touch my hand. Don't even touch my motherfucking hand.
00:02:55I just got my shit did.
00:02:56Nigga, fuck you, dog. He gotta keep his hands behind his back and shit.
00:03:00If you feel the urge to grab your shit, it might come off like, oh, shit.
00:03:04You gotta have a chin strap on, you gotta keep it locked down, man.
00:03:07You gotta have fun with that, man.
00:03:09Like, I noticed I got a pretty Asian girl sitting in the crowd.
00:03:12How you doing, sweetheart? You alright?
00:03:14Yes, baby. Bitch, I'm looking at you. Yes, this ain't, yes, you.
00:03:18How you doing, sweetheart?
00:03:19I love Asian women. See, I could have fun with you if you was my girl.
00:03:22We could role play, you know?
00:03:24Like, I come home one day in a soldier's outfit.
00:03:30And I got my dick hanging through the zipper.
00:03:32And I'm like, I'm an American soldier here to slay some, what's your nationality, baby?
00:03:37What's your nationality? You Filipino?
00:03:39Fuck it, it'd work better for the joke if you're Vietnamese.
00:03:41So, you're Vietnamese.
00:03:44I'm like, I'm an American soldier here to slay some Vietnamese ass.
00:03:48And I can't see you. You're somewhere in the house, hidden.
00:03:51But you got, like, a potato sack on for a shirt.
00:03:54A little dirt and mud on your face.
00:03:56And I just hear you yell from a distance,
00:03:58you go home, black man, it's not your war.
00:04:00And then when I see you, we fuck on a bed of rice patties.
00:04:03That would be awesome, man.
00:04:06Don't get embarrassed, it's real shit, man.
00:04:10And I don't want none of the white people to get uncomfortable,
00:04:12because I do like to talk about the race issue.
00:04:14Because a lot of y'all try to act like that shit ain't relevant no more.
00:04:17Like, is race still relevant in America?
00:04:19Look at some of the white people.
00:04:21Whatever do you mean?
00:04:24Racism will always be relevant in America for two reasons.
00:04:26One, it's just too much bad history.
00:04:28And you can't erase that much bad history.
00:04:30And two, I just think it's natural for everybody to be a little bit racist.
00:04:33I don't give a fuck what color you are, what your gender is, how old you are.
00:04:36We are all a little bit racist.
00:04:38And white people, y'all are the first ones to denounce that shit.
00:04:40I'm not racist. I'm incapable of being racist.
00:04:43My best friend is black.
00:04:46He's also my chauffeur, but he's my best friend.
00:04:50Everybody in this room, everybody in this country is a little racist.
00:04:53You might not be smack-a-taco-out-of-Mexican-hand racist,
00:04:56but we are all...
00:04:59Fuck y'all, that is way funnier than that.
00:05:03I don't know why y'all scared to laugh.
00:05:05Y'all act like 300 Mexicans gonna pop out of nowhere like,
00:05:07What the fuck, fucker?
00:05:09I make a special sour cream for you, that's it.
00:05:12It's fucking hilarious.
00:05:14And I live in L.A. I love the Mexicans, I do.
00:05:16Because of Mexicans, my lawn looks fabulous.
00:05:20I got a little bit of money. I live in a white neighborhood.
00:05:22They be out there cutting my grass and shit.
00:05:24It be hot as a motherfucker outside.
00:05:26I be standing there from the house through the blinds.
00:05:29I'm like, mm, mm, mm.
00:05:3120 minutes later, they knock on the door and ask me for shit.
00:05:33Senor, it's hot outside.
00:05:37They all sound like Speedy Gonzalez.
00:05:39It's hot outside.
00:05:41Me and my compositors was wondering, can we have some agua?
00:05:44I'm like, nope, but I can give you some advice.
00:05:46Hum your way through it, motherfucker. That's how we got back. Bam!
00:05:50Fuck that, you got to earn your turn.
00:05:54You can't just hop over a fence and expect the same rights.
00:05:56You got to earn your turn.
00:05:59Look at some of the white people. Oh, my God, he said it. Thank you.
00:06:03I've been feeling this, black man. Thank you.
00:06:09And I know that's a big deal in this country.
00:06:11Illegal immigration.
00:06:13White people, you guys get bent out of shape over that shit.
00:06:15I hear you complain. Fucking Mexicans.
00:06:17They're coming here taking our jobs.
00:06:19Some of them have criminal records.
00:06:21We're not safe. We don't know who's among us.
00:06:23Well, let me remind all the white people,
00:06:25while you steady being mad at the Mexicans,
00:06:27technically, you guys were the first illegal immigrants.
00:06:29Because when you came to this country,
00:06:31it belonged to the Indians, and we know how that shit turned out.
00:06:34Look how quiet they got. Did you feel the tension all of a sudden?
00:06:36Did you feel...
00:06:38They're like, nigger, I can't believe you would say that.
00:06:40We were just starting to like you. How could you betray our trust?
00:06:46Listen, I don't give a fuck if you come to this country legally or illegally,
00:06:49because at the end of the day, we're all foreigners to some extent.
00:06:51My only issue is if you're going to come to this country, I got one rule.
00:06:54Learn how to speak fucking English, please.
00:06:57You've got to learn the fucking language.
00:07:00Because there is nothing more frustrating than me being at Popeye's Chicken,
00:07:04arguing with Jorge about what the fuck I ordered,
00:07:07and I'm trying to catch the second half of the game.
00:07:09I ain't got time for this shit.
00:07:12You ever talk to somebody that don't know how to speak English?
00:07:14They always got a look and a sound coming out of their face,
00:07:17like they in the middle of taking a shit. It's hilarious.
00:07:20Like, excuse me, you know what time it is?
00:07:23I don't speak English.
00:07:29I was at Popeye's Chicken around the playoffs for basketball,
00:07:32and I'm arguing with this motherfucker about my order.
00:07:34He didn't understand me. I didn't understand him.
00:07:36Shit was terrible.
00:07:37I was like, dog, let me get a two-piece chicken dinner.
00:07:39He tried to repeat the shit back to me.
00:07:42You want a two-piece chicken?
00:07:46Do you want the spicy or the mild?
00:07:48I said, what? He said, the spicy or the mild.
00:07:50I said, what nigga you know put mayonnaise on chicken?
00:07:52Why would I put mayonnaise on chicken?
00:07:55I'm a hot sauce nigga. My daddy was a hot sauce nigga.
00:07:59He said, no, the mild for the flavor.
00:08:01I said, what the fuck is flavor?
00:08:04He kept looking at the menu like it was Family Feud
00:08:06and the answer was gonna pop up on the board.
00:08:09I'm gonna tell you, the two-piece chicken be the spicy or the mild,
00:08:11so you better get it for you.
00:08:17He said, let me get a two-piece chicken.
00:08:19I said, let me get a two-piece chicken spicy.
00:08:22He said, you want a bisi?
00:08:24I said, yes, motherfucker, I'm busy.
00:08:26I don't have time for this shit.
00:08:28I'm trying to catch the game. Kobe's on, nigga. Come on.
00:08:32He said, no, a bisi.
00:08:34I said, what the fuck is a bisi?
00:08:36Chipotle di bari and the cream cheese.
00:08:38I said, a biscuit?
00:08:39He said, si, si, but he's gonna tell you what the two-piece chicken be the spicy or the mild.
00:08:42They're gonna come with a bisi, so you better get it for you.
00:08:45Andele, andele, iba, iba.
00:08:48I said, let me get a two-piece chicken spicy with a biscuit.
00:08:52He said, now you have to pickle your sides.
00:08:55I said, I'm not playing with my panties and Popeye's. I'm not doing that.
00:08:58Why would I pull my dick out and jack off near the crunchy? I'm not doing it.
00:09:02He said, no, you get two side order.
00:09:05I said, what kind of side you got?
00:09:07He said, we have a de.
00:09:09We have a de.
00:09:12It was we have the, but we have a de.
00:09:16We have a de yacaroni and yeast.
00:09:20We have a de yash potato.
00:09:23I said, fuck it. Let me go with the yash potato.
00:09:27She wants something to drink.
00:09:28I said, what do you have to drink?
00:09:31We have a de.
00:09:34We have a de sodas and de juices.
00:09:37I said, I don't want no soda, but I'm curious about your juices.
00:09:41The fuck is juice?
00:09:44We have a de apple juice, de orange juice, grapefruit juice.
00:09:47Listen, the point is we have to demand more from our illegals.
00:09:50I'm Aries Spears and I approve this message.
00:09:52We have to demand more. It's unacceptable.
00:09:58Funny thing is you don't even realize how racist America is until after you leave.
00:10:03Like I did a show not too long ago in Edmonton, Canada.
00:10:06There was no racist vibe in Edmonton.
00:10:08Well, first of all, ain't no niggas out there so ain't nobody be mad at.
00:10:12But I must have walked around that motherfucker for four days looking for a black person.
00:10:15Finally, I saw one. I ain't even know the motherfucker.
00:10:17I just ran up to him and hugged him like, nigga, where you been?
00:10:21We need to stick together.
00:10:23He was offended. He was like, dude, get your hands off of me, bro.
00:10:27It's like totally absurd.
00:10:29I was like, shit, they got him.
00:10:33It was too late. I couldn't save him.
00:10:36I had white kids looking at me like I was an exotic animal.
00:10:39They was like, mom, look at him.
00:10:41He's so chocolatey.
00:10:44I want one.
00:10:46He kept trying to pour milk on me. I was like, it ain't gonna change colors.
00:10:49Fuck off from me.
00:10:53And I see some of the white people getting uncomfortable.
00:10:55Don't get uncomfortable.
00:10:56I love white people, man.
00:10:58Y'all my people too.
00:10:59It's just certain shit I can't do with y'all.
00:11:01Like go drinking.
00:11:03Every time I do a show in front of white people, after the show, y'all always wanna hang out and buy me a drink.
00:11:06I can't drink with y'all.
00:11:07And it's not that I don't want to, it's just I can't hang.
00:11:10You motherfuckers are the undisputed champs at drinking.
00:11:13Y'all drink till y'all fall. The fuck out.
00:11:16And I know when y'all get good and drunk because that's that noise y'all make.
00:11:19Woo!
00:11:22Don't do that. That scares black folk.
00:11:25There's a lot of bad history behind that noise.
00:11:28Black people, we hear, woo!
00:11:29We start looking out for pickup trucks. Where the fuck they at?
00:11:33See, this one don't like fucking with Earl. He played too much.
00:11:37I'm serious, a party ain't a party to y'all till the fucking cops show up.
00:11:41And black people, y'all know, we see the police party over.
00:11:45White people, y'all have a freedom we just don't have.
00:11:47Y'all see the police, y'all get braver.
00:11:48Dude, what's your fucking badge number and your name?
00:11:51No, don't fucking touch me. What if I fucking touch you?
00:11:54No, you shut the fuck up and move along.
00:11:58Aries, why are you crying? Relax.
00:12:01Do you know who my dad is? I'll sue, I swear to God. Get the fuck on.
00:12:04Black people, we be in the back doing sign language.
00:12:13And to any black people that hang out with white people in a group,
00:12:16make sure if y'all go out drinking in a group, go with them when they order drinks.
00:12:20Because y'all like to anoint somebody the designated drink orderer.
00:12:23Anytime I hang out with my white friends, when they get up from the table and go to the bar to get around,
00:12:27I follow right behind their ass.
00:12:29Because y'all like to go order drinks and then bring it back to us like it's a top CIA secret.
00:12:33As soon as you hand me the drink, I go, man, what the fuck is in this?
00:12:36Dude.
00:12:39Don't worry, don't ask. Just fucking chug it.
00:12:4320 minutes later, I'm butt naked with a cowboy hat on.
00:12:49I fucking love you, Brad.
00:12:52Hey, just for fun, let's go hang some niggas.
00:12:57Just keep it safe.
00:12:58Just keep it safe.
00:13:02So are we still excited about Barack Obama?
00:13:08See, every black person in here should be clapping.
00:13:11Because we got to ride that nigga till the wheels fall off.
00:13:15You know, if that shit don't work, the minute we go to work, white folks is looking at us like, hmm?
00:13:21You picked him.
00:13:24I can't wait till he runs for his second term, man.
00:13:26Because that was the most exciting part about the political process to me, was the campaign.
00:13:30Because you knew at some point, he was supposed to win.
00:13:33He had all the right ingredients that came together at the right time.
00:13:36He's tall, good looking, articulate, highly intelligent.
00:13:39You know, smooth under pressure, charismatic.
00:13:42And most importantly, he was the right shade.
00:13:46He made white people feel comfortable.
00:13:49Because y'all know if that nigga was Bernie Mac Black,
00:13:53or Precious Purple, he wouldn't have won.
00:13:57He's like coffee with cream. It goes down easy.
00:14:01You ever have coffee black? It's too strong.
00:14:04You'd be like, ooh!
00:14:06America is not ready for ooh. They not ready yet.
00:14:14And he had 97% of the black vote. 97%.
00:14:18Which means he had black people on lock.
00:14:21We were like a hand and a glove. We were tied together.
00:14:23But he still couldn't have become president without white people.
00:14:26So for the white people that voted for him, I thank you because you helped make history.
00:14:32But some of y'all are starting to get a little impatient.
00:14:35And your racism is seeping out a little bit.
00:14:38You say shit when you're frustrated.
00:14:41I thought you niggas were fast. What's taking so long?
00:14:44Took eight years to fuck this country up.
00:14:47It's gonna take a second to get it together. Relax.
00:14:50He got a lot of tough shit he gotta deal with, man.
00:14:53Like the big controversy right now, they're talking about that mosque near September 11th.
00:14:58A lot of people upset about that.
00:15:00September 11th just rolled around. Every year we gotta relive that bullshit.
00:15:03But there was a bright side, man.
00:15:05September 11th, blacks and whites came together like never before.
00:15:08Because after September 11th, Arabs took all the pressure off us.
00:15:13I'm telling you, they are the new niggas. It's amazing.
00:15:16I get on a plane now, white people, y'all be happy to see us.
00:15:19Dude, bro, come here.
00:15:21Here, sit next to me, man. Right here.
00:15:24Here, hold my daughter.
00:15:27I love you, nigga. Come here.
00:15:30We gotta watch out for those fuckers. We're shizzle-nizzle.
00:15:34We've bonded now. That's good.
00:15:38And I realize certain aspects of that shit just affected people differently.
00:15:41Like when the anthrax thing happened, white people, y'all was very nervous.
00:15:44Y'all would come up to me at work and warn me.
00:15:47Like, oh my God.
00:15:48That's how white people get when they get dramatic.
00:15:51Oh my God.
00:15:53Aries, be careful. Don't open your mail.
00:15:56Let me tell you something. Black people was never worried about anthrax.
00:15:59Because y'all know half the time we don't open our mail. No way.
00:16:03We think that shit is a bill. We might hold it to the light.
00:16:06Like, no, that's the red notes. Fuck that.
00:16:09You wanna get us with anthrax, put that shit in the Jay-Z CD.
00:16:12That's how you get us.
00:16:14I got that new jigger. Oh, shit.
00:16:16Osama got me, motherfucker.
00:16:19Track 12, nigga. Be careful. Track 12.
00:16:22It's on the way.
00:16:24And I'm originally from here, but I live in L.A.
00:16:27And I was in L.A. when that whole thing went down.
00:16:29It's crazy because my people from back east called me.
00:16:31Said, man, turn on TV.
00:16:33Plane was taken over. Hostage situation.
00:16:35And I've seen the movies.
00:16:37So when I heard hostage situation, I'm thinking big ass guns and bombs was used.
00:16:41They said homemade knives.
00:16:43Do you know what a homemade knife is called?
00:16:45Shank.
00:16:47It's a prison weapon. We invented that shit.
00:16:49So I know it couldn't have been a plane full of bunch of ignorant niggas.
00:16:52That would have been a different phone call.
00:16:54Osama, we're trying to take over the plane.
00:16:56As soon as we pull out knife, all the niggas say, oh, no, you didn't.
00:17:00I got to go.
00:17:07Brothers would have called air traffic control like, yeah, this Tyrone,
00:17:10they tried to get us with knives.
00:17:16Oh, no, we whooped their ass.
00:17:18But where the manual at?
00:17:20I got to land this motherfucker.
00:17:22I got to get back to Brooklyn.
00:17:24I got shit to do.
00:17:26And I get tired of them fucking with me at the airport.
00:17:29Well, I got to be the one randomly selected to have my shit searched.
00:17:33I have to get mad for white people when they search y'all shit.
00:17:36Because again, I know it's going to sound a little bit racist, but let's be real.
00:17:38Black people, white people, Asians, Latinos, we're not known for blowing shit up.
00:17:43Black people, we have specific crimes.
00:17:46We do shit like rob a 7-Eleven and kill everybody in that motherfucker
00:17:53for $4.80, a bag of Doritos and a pack of Newports.
00:17:58That's nigga shit.
00:18:00You want to search somebody, search that motherfucker whose name sounds like a pubic hair caught in your esophagus.
00:18:03And leave me the fuck alone.
00:18:05I'm not trying to blow shit up.
00:18:07I'm trying to smoke a joint, play Xbox and rub one out.
00:18:09That's what the fuck I'm trying to do.
00:18:11Because trust me, when I explode, this is the bomb right here.
00:18:14I'll be walking around the house terrorizing shit.
00:18:16I'm going to blow up the puppy.
00:18:19This racism shit is affecting every aspect of life.
00:18:22Even my business, the movie business.
00:18:24I guess certain movie roles, black people, we just don't get a lot of.
00:18:27Like I noticed since the late 90s, horror movies made a hell of a comeback.
00:18:30White people, y'all get all the horror flicks.
00:18:32Y'all get the Chucky and I Know About Last Week and all that shit.
00:18:38I used to get mad and say, how come you don't see black people in horror movies?
00:18:41Then I put it together.
00:18:43Why don't y'all make horror movies with us?
00:18:45Because if it ain't going to be a movie, it's going to be a fucking commercial.
00:18:48Black people, y'all know we don't fuck around.
00:18:50We could be having a party in the woods, jamming.
00:18:52I don't give a fuck how loud the music is, how much fun we having.
00:18:55If we hear some shit that don't sound right, it'll cut through all that shit.
00:19:00We'll be out there dancing like, whoo, this shit is hot.
00:19:04What the fuck was that?
00:19:08I don't know, nigga, but we got to pack it up and roll.
00:19:10This shit don't cool.
00:19:12White people, y'all going to be out there dancing?
00:19:17Y'all dance like two-year-old black babies.
00:19:21Y'all hear some shit, what was that?
00:19:23I don't know, let's go check it out.
00:19:26And why do white women fall when y'all run?
00:19:28What's that shit about?
00:19:30Every time, oh my God.
00:19:32Black women hear something, she take off the pumps and put on Air Jordans.
00:19:36She might start out running, but that bitch going to turn into Nascar like,
00:19:39whoo.
00:19:43White guys are faithful.
00:19:45Your ladies fall, y'all go back.
00:19:50Black women, we love you, but if you fall, fuck it.
00:19:55We might try and come back to you like, oh my God.
00:19:57Bitch, come on.
00:20:07That bitch gone, dog.
00:20:10Goddamn, that was some good pussy, too.
00:20:14Ladies, work on your timing, that's all I'm saying.
00:20:18You know a real black woman would be waiting for you at the car file to have fingernails.
00:20:21Nigga, where was you?
00:20:23You said come on, so I come on.
00:20:28I'm actually on a mission, man.
00:20:30I don't even think comedy is my calling in life.
00:20:32I think I'm meant for something greater.
00:20:34I had a vision the other night, it came to me.
00:20:35I think my mission in life is to help white people.
00:20:40Like really, I want to feel comfortable enough to walk in your house unannounced
00:20:46at three o'clock in the morning.
00:20:49Just wake you up and go, come with me.
00:20:52Like comics, we don't do shit when we're on the road
00:20:54except stay in the hotel room and watch TV.
00:20:56And I'm flipping through some of the stations
00:20:58and I'm watching these programs like Oprah and Phil
00:21:00and I'm seeing some of y'all's kids, it's out of fucking control.
00:21:02I really want to help white people.
00:21:03I've always been curious.
00:21:05Why don't y'all just beat your kids, man?
00:21:07Beat them, whoop they motherfucking ass.
00:21:09Y'all give y'all kids all kind of timeouts and special places.
00:21:14The fuck is a special place?
00:21:16To a black child, that's a coma.
00:21:18What is a special place?
00:21:22Black kids don't know shit about timeout.
00:21:24We know about getting knocked the fuck out, that's it.
00:21:26My mother used to slap the shit out of me in public
00:21:28and I would look at people for help.
00:21:29Like, shut up.
00:21:35White people felt my pain.
00:21:37Oh my God.
00:21:39She just struck her child.
00:21:42Black people see black kids get hit,
00:21:44we be like, hey, hey, hey.
00:21:46Get your shit together.
00:21:50Black people will beat other people's kids
00:21:52if they fucking up too bad.
00:21:54Like, miss, you need to whoop this ugly motherfucker.
00:21:56Whoop this ugly motherfucker.
00:21:57You need to whoop this ugly motherfucker.
00:21:59Put that shit down.
00:22:01Here's my website, email, home address.
00:22:03Call me, I'll fuck him up any damn you need.
00:22:05You ain't got to kill him, just watch him turn red.
00:22:07Just choke him out.
00:22:14You know what I found out growing up totally shocked me?
00:22:16White kids are just as shocked to find out
00:22:18black kids don't talk back to their parents
00:22:20as we are when we hear them talk back to theirs.
00:22:22So I used to have a little buddy
00:22:24would come over to my house on the weekends,
00:22:25we'd play video games.
00:22:27My mother used to come in the room on us,
00:22:29cuss me out for no reason.
00:22:31Just scared the shit out of both of us.
00:22:33We'd be in the room playing Mario Brothers,
00:22:35she'd come kick open the door like SWAT.
00:22:37We'd be on level four, she'd be like,
00:22:39Harris, how many times have I told you
00:22:41to clean this motherfucking room?
00:22:43Cut that goddamn game off to clean this room.
00:22:45I come back, this motherfucking room ain't clean.
00:22:47I'm going to take that Nintendo cord,
00:22:49wrap it around your neck and stick it in your ass.
00:22:51Nigga, I ain't playing with you.
00:22:53This ain't no threat, this is a promise.
00:22:55She can't do that, man.
00:22:57This is your space, this is your area.
00:22:59She's violating your right to privacy.
00:23:03You should say something.
00:23:05You want me to go say something?
00:23:07I'd be so scared.
00:23:09I start talking to him like a slave from roots.
00:23:11He's going to get me, he's in trouble.
00:23:13I like you, Nate, I really do.
00:23:16My parents is good black folk.
00:23:18They gives me food, they gives me sleeps.
00:23:20You get away from around here
00:23:22with that foolishness.
00:23:23Go and get from here.
00:23:26Mmmmm.
00:23:30Whoa, Lord.
00:23:33My mother smacked the shit out of the white boy.
00:23:36He turned into me.
00:23:38Wet in the water.
00:23:45My mother was a champ at whupping ass too, man.
00:23:48She had a gold belt and everything.
00:23:51I remember one time I stole a bike
00:23:53And she had to leave her job to get me out of jail.
00:23:56You know, you grow up in a single-parent household
00:23:58with a black woman, and she got to leave work to get you out?
00:24:01I knew I was going to that special place.
00:24:05I knew the ass-whooping was serious,
00:24:07because when we got home, she took her work clothes off
00:24:09and put on a jogging suit and headband.
00:24:13Like, what kind of ass-whooping is that?
00:24:15She prepared to sweat.
00:24:18She had a stopwatch and a bottle of Gatorade with the belt.
00:24:21I said, at some point, this bitch is fitting to refuel
00:24:25on this ass-whooping.
00:24:32I think my mother took special joy out of fucking me up, too, man.
00:24:35Because she came up with unconventional methods of whooping ass,
00:24:38shit that I knew far exceeded normal and necessary.
00:24:41Like, I remember one time, she woke me up out of my sleep
00:24:43at 3 o'clock in the morning.
00:24:45You know, you've been woken up out of your sleep.
00:24:46You know, when that light hits you,
00:24:47it'd take you a second to get your shit together.
00:24:49You'd be discombobulated.
00:24:51And I'm 8.
00:24:53She came in, kicked the side of the bed.
00:24:55Pfft, nigga, get the fuck up.
00:24:57You thought I forgot about that shit you did earlier.
00:24:59You gonna go and get suspended from that private school
00:25:01where I make all that money and work two hard jobs,
00:25:03and you gonna get suspended by telling the teacher to suck your dick?
00:25:05Here, put this on. Pfft.
00:25:07And she threw some boxing headgear at me.
00:25:09You know that leather helmet boxers be wearing for practice fights?
00:25:12I'm like, man, why I'm putting on boxing headgear?
00:25:15She said, "'Cause I'm gonna hit you in the head with a pipe,
00:25:17and I don't want to kill you.
00:25:19"'Cause you my baby. I love you."
00:25:23I've just always been envious of the relationship
00:25:26that white parents have with your kids, man.
00:25:28You guys actually have a democracy in your household.
00:25:32You actually care...
00:25:35about your kids' opinions.
00:25:37Which is why you don't understand
00:25:39why they run rampant over you at the same time.
00:25:41I grew up with a lot of white kids.
00:25:43I'd hear their parents complain to mine.
00:25:44It was always the same argument.
00:25:46I don't understand why my child talks to me this way.
00:25:48Such disrespect.
00:25:50I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits' end.
00:25:52Problem is, a lot of you guys put your kids on the same level as you.
00:25:54You consider them your contemporaries.
00:25:56How you put somebody on the same level as you
00:25:58that can't pay the rent or the mortgage,
00:26:00put food in the refrigerator, or keep the fucking lights on?
00:26:02They're not your contemporaries. They're your kids.
00:26:04Moral of the story, beat they motherfucking ass.
00:26:08There's something about pain that makes motherfuckers listen.
00:26:12Like, I just saw this show The Nanny.
00:26:14I could not believe this shit exists.
00:26:16Y'all have flown an English bitch in
00:26:18to tell you how to deal with your kids.
00:26:20And she always has some profound shit to say.
00:26:22You must ignore the child's behavior,
00:26:24but not the child.
00:26:26The fuck out of here.
00:26:28They should redo that show. Call it The Nigger Nanny.
00:26:30It'd be three minutes long.
00:26:32She'd show up to the door. Boom, boom.
00:26:34Where the motherfucker at? Pow.
00:26:36Show over. Theme song. Nigger Nanny.
00:26:38That's it. No commercial breaks.
00:26:40One episode. It's over.
00:26:44There's gonna be some white people driving home singing that shit.
00:26:46Nigger Nanny.
00:26:48Roll the windows up. I'm in the mood.
00:26:54Where the weed smokers at?
00:26:58Fuck that. Y'all cops.
00:27:00That was a test. Real weed smokers don't yell out,
00:27:02we got codes.
00:27:04I like smoking weed.
00:27:06You know what's cool about smoking weed?
00:27:08It makes you think about shit you normally wouldn't think about.
00:27:10Like, I was sitting around the house the other day smoking weed,
00:27:12and I got to thinking,
00:27:14is it possible for a male midget...
00:27:18I gotta be high to be thinking about midgets.
00:27:20I said, is it possible for a male midget
00:27:22to have a real big dick?
00:27:24Like, I ain't on no gas station.
00:27:26I ain't on no gas station.
00:27:28I ain't on no gas station.
00:27:30I ain't on no gas station.
00:27:32Like, I ain't on no gas station,
00:27:34but everything on a midget be tiny.
00:27:36You ever see their fingers?
00:27:38They look like them little orange baby carrots.
00:27:40Like, could a midget actually have some shit like this?
00:27:44And I actually know famous midget people.
00:27:46Like, I'm good friends with Lil Webster.
00:27:48I got his number on my cell phone.
00:27:50I don't know why, but I got the shit.
00:27:52And I was hanging out with Lil Webster one time,
00:27:54and he told me some shit that blew my mind.
00:27:56He says when he has sex,
00:27:58he don't like fucking women his size.
00:28:00And I was like, fuck normal-sized women?
00:28:02And I was sitting around the house smoking weed,
00:28:04and I got to thinking,
00:28:06if Lil Webster was fucking a grown-sized woman,
00:28:08doggie style,
00:28:10is he actually standing up in the bed?
00:28:14Like, you get a woman on all fours on the mattress,
00:28:16your feet flat,
00:28:18is he standing straight up in the mattress?
00:28:20Like, if you walked in on some shit like that,
00:28:22your instinct would be to leave.
00:28:24But you'll check that shit out for a hot second.
00:28:26You walk in like,
00:28:28oh, shit, I'm sorry.
00:28:32Nigga, look at this.
00:28:34This is crazy.
00:28:36No, he's standing on a Nike shoebox.
00:28:38I can't believe this shit.
00:28:40And I don't think we value midgets enough.
00:28:42I think we take them for granted.
00:28:44Because I don't give a fuck how bad your day is.
00:28:46You see a midget, you perk up.
00:28:48Because when you leave your house,
00:28:50you're not guaranteed to have a midget sighting.
00:28:52You're not guaranteed.
00:28:54How often do you leave your house
00:28:56and spot a midget?
00:28:58It's rare.
00:29:00You could be having the worst day in the world.
00:29:02You see a midget, you're like, oh, shit, a midget.
00:29:04And when there is a midget sighting,
00:29:06it's always one.
00:29:08You've never seen a pack of midgets.
00:29:10You've never seen that.
00:29:12I remember one time I saw 15 midgets
00:29:14walking down the street.
00:29:16I had a taste for hot wings all of a sudden.
00:29:18They like the little drumette piece.
00:29:20They like the smaller... Okay.
00:29:22I remember I told that joke one time.
00:29:24There was an actual midget in the crowd.
00:29:26He got pissed off.
00:29:28He said some shit fucked my whole night up.
00:29:30He was like, nigga, watch your nuts.
00:29:32I was like, what?
00:29:34Like, I've had to watch my back a few times,
00:29:36but I have never had to watch my nuts.
00:29:38I was scared.
00:29:40I went straight home.
00:29:42My girl was like, I thought you was with your boys.
00:29:44I said, midget told me, watch my nuts.
00:29:46I'm serious.
00:29:48I filed a police report and everything.
00:29:50I'm like, he about this high.
00:29:52I'm like, oh my gosh.
00:29:54And a little propeller hat.
00:29:56The motherfucker nipped me on the way.
00:29:58It was terrible.
00:30:00Like I said, I don't drink with white people.
00:30:02And I don't smoke weed with Asians.
00:30:04Again, not that I got anything
00:30:06against Asian people.
00:30:08It's just y'all fuck up my high, man.
00:30:10You know, when you smoke weed,
00:30:12the point is to be in a happy place.
00:30:14You're not supposed to be thinking
00:30:16about traumatic shit.
00:30:18Every time I smoke weed with my Asian friends,
00:30:20their eyes close a little bit.
00:30:22And they three quarters of the way there.
00:30:24That shit be confusing.
00:30:26I be three hits in. I'm like,
00:30:28Ching Lee!
00:30:30I'm like, nigga, I'm up. I'm just high.
00:30:32I said, all right, we'll do like this every five minutes or something.
00:30:34It's fucking confusing.
00:30:38I like to smoke weed
00:30:40and watch National Geographic
00:30:42because I like the nature channel.
00:30:44Like I want to go to Africa one day,
00:30:46go on a safari, see the animals
00:30:48and their natural habitat.
00:30:50But the difference between us and y'all is
00:30:52we stay in the truck.
00:30:54White people, y'all got some shit called
00:30:56up close and personal.
00:30:58It's amazing, too, because that's why
00:31:00black people, we just know certain shit.
00:31:02Like white people, that's why I study y'all,
00:31:04envy y'all. I'm envious of y'all.
00:31:06Y'all a race. Y'all do whatever the fuck
00:31:08y'all want to do. Y'all are free.
00:31:10Y'all the only race of people that could
00:31:12look at a wild lion and go,
00:31:14I can be friends with that.
00:31:16That's why y'all are always on
00:31:18when animals attack.
00:31:20You will never see black people
00:31:22on when animals attack.
00:31:24You might see us on when cops attack,
00:31:26but you will never see us
00:31:28on when animals attack.
00:31:30Y'all would do shit like tranquilize a lion
00:31:32and hold that motherfucker till he wake up.
00:31:34And that'd be heavy shit to y'all.
00:31:36Y'all be in the camera.
00:31:38Well,
00:31:40my partner Bob and I,
00:31:42we've been tracking this particular
00:31:44beast for quite some time.
00:31:46Her name is Utulu. She's six months old.
00:31:48We just shot her
00:31:50with five cc's of tetracordylene darts.
00:31:52When she gets up,
00:31:54she's gonna be fucking pissed.
00:31:56Oh my God, Bob,
00:31:58do you feel your heart pounding? This is amazing.
00:32:00Oh my God, she's getting up.
00:32:02Wow!
00:32:04She mauled me. What an experience.
00:32:06The Africans don't be out there fucking with the lions.
00:32:08They ask them, Mr. Mutumbu,
00:32:10why you don't play with the lions?
00:32:12Fuck him and fuck you.
00:32:14That shit is not in the brochure.
00:32:16I'm not doing that shit.
00:32:18When my shift is over, I want to go home
00:32:20to my children, Mangulu, Mungala,
00:32:22and ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
00:32:24I can't do it fucking with that.
00:32:26When the shit drop, you better come.
00:32:28I will leave you in the car.
00:32:30It's rules.
00:32:34Ain't no African people here, is it?
00:32:36Are you African, dog?
00:32:38My bad.
00:32:40I don't want to piss you off.
00:32:42Motherfucker.
00:32:52You know what's fucked up?
00:32:54African people don't like black people.
00:32:58Y'all know they treat us like shit.
00:33:00They talk down to us.
00:33:02They think they better than us.
00:33:04And I don't understand,
00:33:06because we're from the same tribe, kind of.
00:33:08But they like white people, though.
00:33:10They treat y'all like family.
00:33:12As soon as y'all come around, they get excited.
00:33:14Excuse me, Mr. White Man,
00:33:16thank you for bringing us here.
00:33:18We love you.
00:33:20Yay, the white man.
00:33:24As soon as they see us, they get an attitude.
00:33:26Hey, how you doing?
00:33:28This nigga.
00:33:30We don't like the black man in America.
00:33:32Motherfucker, you don't work, you don't do shit.
00:33:34We don't like you, you black motherfucker.
00:33:36Like, who are you calling black, motherfucker?
00:33:38I'm brown, you're midnight.
00:33:40Who the fuck are you calling black?
00:33:42Like, nigga, if you stood up against a building,
00:33:44you'd look like an alien.
00:33:46Who the fuck are you calling black?
00:33:48This shit is unjust.
00:33:50African men don't understand why,
00:33:52when they come to America,
00:33:54they have a hard time getting American pussy.
00:33:56You can't be that aggressive with American women,
00:33:58especially black women.
00:34:00You got to know how to talk.
00:34:02You got to come correct.
00:34:04And African women are very obedient.
00:34:06They tell they women what to do. It's not even an issue.
00:34:08Bitch, when they come home,
00:34:10you...
00:34:14I don't know why they do that.
00:34:18You better clean this shit from the floor.
00:34:20I don't...
00:34:22They be in the club stalking women out here.
00:34:24You can't even see them. They be as black as my jacket.
00:34:26You just see the yellow of their eyes
00:34:28from a distance,
00:34:30looking like Congo in the bush.
00:34:32As soon as you go buy your drink,
00:34:34they jump out the shadows and scare the shit out of you.
00:34:36Bitch, what is your name? Come here. Don't run from me.
00:34:40You're going to be my wife.
00:34:44They're hunters.
00:34:48I think that's the key to racism, though.
00:34:52You got to be willing to invest in other people's cultures.
00:34:54At the end of the day, I don't give a fuck what color you are.
00:34:56Everybody got something to bring to the table.
00:34:58And life is short, man. Sample that shit.
00:35:00I don't know what you might be missing.
00:35:02Why deprive yourself of a great human experience?
00:35:04Because you fucking mad. It's ridiculous.
00:35:06That's why I appreciate a good culture. I appreciate a good accent.
00:35:08You got the right accent, you can get away with a lot of shit.
00:35:10You be in a club and say something foul to a woman
00:35:12in an American accent, she might slap the shit out of you.
00:35:14Like, excuse me, baby, I don't mean to bother you,
00:35:16but you got a fat ass.
00:35:18I'd love to take you home and fuck the shit out you.
00:35:20Motherfucker.
00:35:22English accent.
00:35:24That just roll off the tongue different.
00:35:26Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you,
00:35:28but I'd love to take you to a motel and fuck your doggy self a little bit.
00:35:30You know what I mean?
00:35:32Motherfucker, where you from?
00:35:34That's just...
00:35:36Oh, my God.
00:35:38Say something else.
00:35:40Ladies, y'all laughing.
00:35:42Some of the fellas might try that on the way home.
00:35:44Did you have a good time at the comedy shows tonight?
00:35:46Did you really?
00:35:48The next light, could you give me a little bit of head?
00:35:50Just a little bit.
00:35:52I don't want much, just want you to polish me knob.
00:35:54You know what I mean?
00:35:56I ain't even gonna lie.
00:35:58I'll use that shit to get some pussy.
00:36:00I'll walk up to a woman and say anything.
00:36:02Excuse me, you know what time it is?
00:36:04Oh, my God, your accent is beautiful.
00:36:06Where you from?
00:36:08I just make shit up.
00:36:10McDonald's, England.
00:36:12Have you ever heard of it?
00:36:14I live right over Egg McMuffin Lane.
00:36:16Have you ever heard of it?
00:36:18Oh, my God, girl, you live over Egg McMuffin.
00:36:20Let's go.
00:36:22I tell you what accent is not sexy
00:36:24and that dot-towel shit.
00:36:26Ladies, trust me, you do not want that on top of you
00:36:28on a Saturday night.
00:36:30I'm going to give it to you.
00:36:32I know you want it, you dirty bitch.
00:36:34I know you want it.
00:36:36I'm going to give you my bakasani beef,
00:36:38you motherfucker.
00:36:40Say my name, say Pumasanji.
00:36:42Pumasanji.
00:36:46What's my drawers?
00:36:48I'm sorry, Pumasanji, I'm just not feeling it.
00:36:50Because it's hard to ask a woman
00:36:52for certain sexual favors.
00:36:54Ladies, y'all have advantages.
00:36:56Y'all want a man to do something nasty to y'all.
00:36:58Y'all got all kind of cute little sayings and shit
00:37:00y'all use.
00:37:02Could you please go downtown?
00:37:04How do you ask a woman
00:37:06to gargle your nuts?
00:37:08Can you gargle my nuts?
00:37:10Put them in your mouth and...
00:37:14It's just not sexy.
00:37:16I didn't see my first India
00:37:18I didn't see my first India
00:37:20until I was 15 years old.
00:37:22Fuck me up, I didn't know what to make of them.
00:37:24It's like, what the fuck are you?
00:37:26Like, I grew up around black people and white people,
00:37:28I knew what that was. I saw India and I was like,
00:37:30what the fuck are you?
00:37:32You got nigga skin with white people hair,
00:37:34what the fuck are you?
00:37:36And you can't call them black, they're as dark as us,
00:37:38but they get offended.
00:37:40Hey brother, how you doing?
00:37:42I'm not your brother.
00:37:44Don't call me you, I am not you.
00:37:46If you can't get me out to rob them then all of a sudden we the same.
00:37:48Give me your money motherfucker.
00:37:50Brother, don't do this, we are the same.
00:37:52Please, your chocolate and peanut butter,
00:37:54we are the same.
00:37:56We come together, we are the same.
00:38:02That's what I love about coming back to New York
00:38:04is the culture, man, like fucking Italians.
00:38:06Do we have any Italians in here?
00:38:08Any Italians? Are you Italian, baby?
00:38:10I love Italians, man.
00:38:12You know what I love about Italian people?
00:38:14that only they know what it means.
00:38:15Like, you ever heard an Italian person say this phrase?
00:38:17Half a fag. What the fuck does that mean?
00:38:20Like, you could be around an Italian person
00:38:22and say some normal shit like,
00:38:23man, you know what, usually on the weekends,
00:38:25me and my girl go out clubbing and shit,
00:38:27but we decided to stay in this weekend
00:38:29and make it a blockbuster night.
00:38:30So we rented this movie, Steel Magnolias.
00:38:32Now, I know it's a chick flick, but I'm gonna be honest.
00:38:34Towards the end, I actually choked up,
00:38:36cried a little bit.
00:38:37Whoa! Not for nothing, you sound like half a fag.
00:38:42The fuck does that mean?
00:38:45Even when they explain it to you,
00:38:46the meaning makes less sense than the term.
00:38:48Like, what does that mean?
00:38:49I don't know, you meet a guy in a bar,
00:38:51you throw back a couple of drinks,
00:38:52next thing you know, you take him to the bathroom,
00:38:54you pull down your trousers, you pull out your cock,
00:38:56you shove it halfway down his throat,
00:38:57somewhere in the process, you go,
00:38:59whoa, he's saying for me, half a fucking fag.
00:39:05That makes no sense.
00:39:08And young brothers kill me,
00:39:10because we love Italian culture, man.
00:39:12Like, the rappers and shit,
00:39:13they always name themselves after old-school mobsters
00:39:16and shit, which is kind of stupid to me,
00:39:18because, you know, old-school Italians hate black people.
00:39:21They call us all kind of moulions and niggers and shit.
00:39:23But the funny thing is, like, old-school Italians are funny,
00:39:26because any time you hang around them,
00:39:27they will say the most racist shit in front of you.
00:39:30And as long as they ended with, no offense, it's okay.
00:39:34Like, I remember one time, I went to go visit a friend of mine
00:39:36in a bar in Brooklyn, Italian neighborhood.
00:39:38I walked in the bar, right away, the dude knew who I was.
00:39:40He's like, whoa, there he is,
00:39:42fucking guy from Mad TV, Aries Spares.
00:39:44Hey, my friend, let me tell you,
00:39:46me and my kids, we watch you every Saturday night.
00:39:48You're the fucking best. You're the fucking best.
00:39:50Bartender, for my friend, a drink.
00:39:52Let me guess, you people, you like the fucking Hennessy.
00:39:54I know.
00:39:56Fucked up, because I wanted a Hennessy.
00:39:58I didn't understand how...
00:40:00So he gets me to drink, and he starts telling this story
00:40:03to his boys, and it's the most racist shit ever.
00:40:05Tommy, Mikey, you hear about Richie?
00:40:07Yeah, guy's in jail, doing a bid.
00:40:09Killed his wife, caught a fucking Amulion.
00:40:11Can you believe that? I mean, let's be honest,
00:40:13between yous and me, we always knew
00:40:15Jeannie had a thing for the pepper.
00:40:17But to actually fucking eggplant.
00:40:20Can you imagine that?
00:40:22You kiss your wife goodbye, you get in your car,
00:40:24you drive away, you're two, three blocks from your house,
00:40:26you realize, whoa, forgot my fucking glasses.
00:40:28You turn the car around, you go back into the house,
00:40:30you kick open the bedroom door,
00:40:32there she is, getting the au braju from Curious George.
00:40:35But let's look at the bright side.
00:40:37At least it wasn't none of our wives.
00:40:39Can you imagine your wife fucking a Raisinette?
00:40:41Ah, Marron, God forbid.
00:40:43Hey, Aries, no offense, salut.
00:40:50That's the most racist shit, man.
00:40:52I don't know, man, it's fucking crazy.
00:40:54They do make great movies, though.
00:40:56I like all those Italian mobster movies and shit, you know?
00:40:59Like, I'm really trying to make it in Hollywood,
00:41:01like I want to be a movie star. That's my dream.
00:41:03But I'm finding out Hollywood is not what you think it's about.
00:41:06People move out to L.A. thinking this shit is about talent.
00:41:08Shit is not about talent. It's about sex appeal.
00:41:11It's part of my game I got to work on.
00:41:14Got to be in shape to be a movie star, man.
00:41:17You know, my problem is I like cupcakes too much.
00:41:20I'm serious, sometimes on a Saturday night,
00:41:22if I got a choice between some pussy and a cupcake...
00:41:28sometimes cupcake win.
00:41:30It's kind of like pussy, if you think about it,
00:41:32especially if you heat it up in the microwave for 15 seconds.
00:41:35It's all warm on the inside, creamy in the middle,
00:41:37and when it's over, it's much easier to wash that smell off your dick.
00:41:40I'm trying to tell you.
00:41:42Fuck y'all. Funny to me. I don't give a fuck. Funny to me.
00:41:46It's hard for blacks to make it in Hollywood too, man,
00:41:49because the rules are different, you know?
00:41:51Hollywood, you got to be humble no matter what color you are,
00:41:54but if you're black, you really got to be fucking humble, you know?
00:41:57Because sometimes it don't matter how good you are.
00:41:59I remember I had lunch with Chris Rock one time.
00:42:01He gave me the best advice. He was like,
00:42:03look, man, all I can tell you is, one, keep writing,
00:42:05and two, try not to piss these white folks off,
00:42:07because that shit is true.
00:42:09It don't matter how good you are, if you're angry,
00:42:11if you the angry black man, they don't fuck with you.
00:42:13Case in point, Paul Mooney. This motherfucker's a legend.
00:42:16Everybody, y'all know Paul Mooney.
00:42:18This nigga wrote for Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy.
00:42:20You a bad motherfucker when you writing for other bad motherfuckers.
00:42:23The problem with Paul is, Paul will tell you he's a bad motherfucker.
00:42:27He'll shoot himself in the foot.
00:42:29One time I tried to get him to do a job for MADtv.
00:42:31I wanted him to be a writer.
00:42:33I said, yo, we already a great show. With Paul, he'll take us to the next level.
00:42:36Paul will go into the fucking meeting and shoot himself in the foot.
00:42:39As soon as he walked in, the producers were like,
00:42:41Paul, Aries recommends you highly. He thinks you're great.
00:42:44Let me ask you, are you familiar with our show?
00:42:46Paul went right into it.
00:42:48I've seen your show. All of you niggas have stolen my material.
00:42:51You've all stolen from me. I've seen it.
00:42:53It doesn't matter. No, homie, homie, listen, listen.
00:42:56In Living Color, Saturday Night Live, you all have stolen my shit.
00:43:00First you stole niggas, then you stole my material.
00:43:06And in case you didn't know, I invented comedy.
00:43:08Nigga, I invented it.
00:43:10And then later on, I'll see Paul and go, Paul, how did it work?
00:43:13Homie, they're not gonna hire me. I'm too real. I'm too real.
00:43:16They're scared of me, homie. I'm too real. Trust me.
00:43:18They love niggas that grin. When you grin, you win.
00:43:21All the niggas that grin, win.
00:43:23Look at Wayne Brady. They love that nigga.
00:43:26That nigga grins.
00:43:28That nigga, he has a hairdo from the 50s.
00:43:31He wears a perm. He's a throwback nigga.
00:43:33They love him. They love him. Homie, it's true.
00:43:36White folks will tell you, why can't you be more like Wayne?
00:43:39We love Wayne. They love grinning niggas.
00:43:42What about that other nigga that played basketball for the Lakers?
00:43:44The nigga, he owns businesses. The nigga with AIDS, Magic Johnson.
00:43:47They love that grinning nigga.
00:43:49That nigga grinned his way through AIDS, nigga. It's true.
00:43:54Have you ever seen that nigga's grin?
00:43:56It's from temple to temple. It's huge.
00:43:59That nigga looks like the cat from Alice in Wonderland.
00:44:01They love that nigga.
00:44:08Here's the thing.
00:44:10If you're not grinning, they'll talk about you.
00:44:12It scares white folks. It scares them.
00:44:14I remember one time I was on a lot.
00:44:16And they said, good morning, Paul.
00:44:18And I didn't grin. I just nodded my head.
00:44:20They talk about you.
00:44:23Why is that nigga not grinning?
00:44:26That nigga, doesn't he know where he is?
00:44:29That nigga should be grinning.
00:44:31And if you grin too fast, you scare white folks.
00:44:34I said good morning to a white woman. I grinned real fast.
00:44:36That bitch was scared. I said good morning.
00:44:38She said, ah! Ah!
00:44:40That bitch took off winning.
00:44:42Nigga, it's true.
00:44:47Is that nigga gay?
00:44:53Nigga, it's true.
00:44:55They love it.
00:44:57You got to be humble, man.
00:45:01It's crazy, man.
00:45:03I got a lot of respect for the art, man.
00:45:05I love all them kind of movies.
00:45:07My favorite movies are them gladiator movies.
00:45:09Gladiator with Russell Crowe.
00:45:11Troy with Brad Pitt. Braveheart.
00:45:13I don't even like it for the action and the violence.
00:45:15I like it for the dialogue.
00:45:17That's some smooth shit, the way they talk in the movies.
00:45:19It's like they got their own language. You heard it before.
00:45:21To my lord, but that's how they say it.
00:45:23My lord.
00:45:25Let it be known that Xerxes is a kind god king.
00:45:27And he offers his declaration as an alternative to war.
00:45:29Now let me speak with the nobles
00:45:31or I will engage with my military.
00:45:33It's military, but military.
00:45:35The other character is always some pompous, arrogant asshole.
00:45:37Amethyst, please, spare me of your banality.
00:45:41This is not about war.
00:45:43This is about my daughter's hand in marriage.
00:45:45So neither try to seduce me nor bore me
00:45:47with the belligerence of your insolence.
00:45:49I'll be in a theater eating my popcorn like,
00:45:51God damn, who got diabetes?
00:45:59There's some niggas in here that don't even think I said anything wrong.
00:46:05Like nigga, my grandmama got the insolence.
00:46:13Like that's one of my fantasies.
00:46:15Like I want to role play like that.
00:46:17I want to roll up one time and be like, look, baby, don't cook nothing.
00:46:19I'm going to come home and pretend to be a Roman warrior.
00:46:21And we're going to send our son out to the store
00:46:23so I have some time alone to seduce you.
00:46:25And I come in the house talking that shit.
00:46:27Wretched is how I feel
00:46:29as I spew these words of hostility from my lips.
00:46:33Ah, there you are, Lakeisha.
00:46:37The beauty of my seduction.
00:46:39How I long to ravish the concubines of your clavicle.
00:46:43But first I must silence these roars
00:46:45that stem from my belly due to hunger.
00:46:47For it is only fit for a king to dine on the killing of a carcass
00:46:49after a day of duly wages.
00:46:53Ah, there he is, my son, my seed, my young loin.
00:46:55The mirrored me that spawns
00:46:57from the spew of my male manes.
00:47:01I want you to take these metals of currency
00:47:03and go down to the local marketplace
00:47:05and trade them for a feast of yeast and wine.
00:47:07Now hither away
00:47:09before the third planet from the sun is played by darkness
00:47:11at a command from the higher lords.
00:47:13As for you, my love,
00:47:15only when darkness is among us
00:47:17will I shower you with the fire that burns deep underneath my cloak.
00:47:21For only your seduction can force me to fall to
00:47:23bended knee and sip the wet
00:47:25spicy nectar which flows
00:47:27from the purr of your kitty cats.
00:47:29She's like, huh?
00:47:31I'm like, bitch, I'm trying to eat your pussy.
00:47:33I need you to follow me and keep up.
00:47:35I can't work under these conditions.
00:47:37I don't know, man. It's crazy. Too much.
00:47:39You know, I respect the art.
00:47:41Like, I get upset when I hear about these actors
00:47:43that get paid $20 million a movie to act.
00:47:45And the key word is act.
00:47:47But they pay this to dudes who never can fucking act.
00:47:49How do you pay Salone and Schwarzenegger $20 million a movie?
00:47:51Pay that to the dudes who deserve it.
00:47:53Like Pacino, De Niro, Denzel.
00:47:55This guy's a fucking actress, man.
00:47:57Because to this day, one of my favorite movies of all time
00:47:59is Heat with Pacino and De Niro.
00:48:01Anybody that's ever seen the movie knows what I'm talking about.
00:48:03It's like they took the two greatest actors
00:48:05of all time and put them in a scene together.
00:48:07If you've never seen the movie, go rent it, smoke a joint.
00:48:09It's great.
00:48:11They got that scene where they meet for the first time
00:48:13and Pacino's sitting there with De Niro.
00:48:15He's bringing shit down to him.
00:48:17He's like, you, sir, are a bad guy.
00:48:19I am the police.
00:48:21This is my job to stop guys like you.
00:48:23Murderers, rapists, killers.
00:48:25This is what I do.
00:48:27There may come a time when our paths cross.
00:48:31I'm gonna have to take you down.
00:48:33I won't like it, but I'll do it.
00:48:35Keeps me hot on my toes where I gotta be.
00:48:37De Niro comes back.
00:48:39You know, there's a flip side to that coin.
00:48:41A friend of mine, Jimmy, once told me,
00:48:43never get attached to anything
00:48:45that you cannot walk out on in 15 seconds flat
00:48:47if you spot the heat coming around the corner.
00:48:49And I also like guys like you that like guys like me
00:48:51because you keep me hot on my toes
00:48:53where I gotta be.
00:48:55And you're right.
00:48:57Our paths, they may cross.
00:48:59I'm gonna have to take you down.
00:49:01I won't like it, but I will not hesitate.
00:49:03Great scene.
00:49:05Now, hold up. Picture the same scene
00:49:07with Stallone and Schwarzenegger.
00:49:09You ain't gonna be able to understand shit.
00:49:11Stallone is doing...
00:49:13But you know...
00:49:19You know, there's a flip side to this coin.
00:49:21I'm gonna have to take you down.
00:49:23I won't like it, but I'll do it.
00:49:25Oh, oh, oh.
00:49:27Even deaf people are like,
00:49:29what do you think?
00:49:31I don't understand.
00:49:33What do you think?
00:49:35Can you imagine him
00:49:37asking this woman for head?
00:49:39Maria, come on. Give me head. Go down.
00:49:41Don't come up for air.
00:49:43Breathe through your ears.
00:49:45Fellas, you want to freak your woman out
00:49:47during sex? Make that noise or the fuck up.
00:49:49You'll be hitting her from the back.
00:49:51The fuck is wrong with you?
00:49:53Don't worry
00:49:55about what's going on up here.
00:49:57Put your head down.
00:49:59Ladies, it'll work for you, too.
00:50:01You don't want to give your man head? Do that.
00:50:03It'll stop immediately.
00:50:05As soon as you get down there...
00:50:07Bitch, what the fuck?
00:50:09What, you making keys or something?
00:50:11No, you ain't gonna put
00:50:13a handicap sign on my balls. I'm good to go.
00:50:15That's a good noise to make
00:50:17if you want privacy in a public bathroom.
00:50:19You will clear that motherfucker right out.
00:50:21As soon as you get in there...
00:50:23Sir, are you all right?
00:50:25Get down. Get out of the way.
00:50:27It's going to be an explosion.
00:50:29Get to the chopper now.
00:50:31I don't know why he says that.
00:50:33He says that in every move.
00:50:35Get to the chopper now.
00:50:37I like to make that noise on a crowded elevator,
00:50:39especially if I got to fart.
00:50:41People just assume there's something wrong with me.
00:50:43As soon as I rip one...
00:50:45Oh, my God, what was that?
00:50:47Smell it. It's nasty.
00:50:49Smell it.
00:50:51Get to the chopper. Get down.
00:50:53Oh, my God, he's retarded.
00:50:55He didn't even have a helmet on.
00:50:57You know what's funny?
00:50:59Some of y'all are laughing,
00:51:01but some of y'all are going to go home and fuck tonight.
00:51:03And when you come, you're going to do that.
00:51:05It's going to be hilarious.
00:51:07Like, girl, I know you...
00:51:09I'm finished. Get me a paper towel.
00:51:11Come here.
00:51:13Wipe me down. Get to the chopper now.
00:51:15Don't drink and drive,
00:51:17because if you get pulled over,
00:51:19that's exactly how you sound.
00:51:21Sir, have you been drinking?
00:51:23Hide the Jaeger and Patron to the chopper now.
00:51:25We're going to need backup.
00:51:27We're going to need backup.
00:51:29And apparently we need a chopper.
00:51:31I don't know why, but...
00:51:35I actually...
00:51:37I actually met Arnold Schwarzenegger, man.
00:51:39True story.
00:51:41I was doing a show
00:51:43in San Jose, California,
00:51:45and it's like a five-and-a-half-hour drive
00:51:47outside of L.A.,
00:51:49and I stopped at a Chevron,
00:51:51and this motherfucker was on pump number seven
00:51:53Now, I don't really get starstruck.
00:51:55Like, if this had been Van Damme or Seagal,
00:51:57I'd have been like, whatever.
00:51:59This is fucking Terminator. This is Conan.
00:52:01Like, I grew up on this motherfucker.
00:52:03And I saw him, and I was so excited.
00:52:05I was like, yo, Arnold, man, I love your shit.
00:52:07He didn't even look at me.
00:52:09He was just like, yeah, how are you?
00:52:11And I called my boy, and I said,
00:52:13nigga, you ain't going to believe it.
00:52:15Arnold Schwarzenegger is on pump number seven
00:52:17filling up.
00:52:19He was like, nigga, you lying.
00:52:21And I swear, he went just like this.
00:52:23It's like his Marco Polo.
00:52:25He understood.
00:52:27It was like a mating call.
00:52:29He knew.
00:52:31Some of the fellas
00:52:33might remember where I got that.
00:52:35Remember the scene in Predator
00:52:37when he got ready to fight the alien
00:52:39and he covered himself with mud?
00:52:41He was like, I'm here. Kill me.
00:52:43Come on. Do it.
00:52:45That shit.
00:52:47Funny, man.
00:52:49Tried to, uh...
00:52:51I tried to rent this movie,
00:52:53and again, not a gay thing,
00:52:55but I was in a video store,
00:52:57and I saw that Brokeback Mountain shit,
00:52:59and I was just like, how do motherfuckers watch that?
00:53:01And I thought, maybe, let me try.
00:53:03I couldn't reach for it.
00:53:05My hand caught arthritis, so I couldn't.
00:53:07Seems like there's a gay explosion
00:53:09going on in America right now.
00:53:11Like, gay people want certain rights.
00:53:13They want to adopt kids. They want to get married.
00:53:15And I don't want to hate on nobody's happiness,
00:53:17I'm anti-gay.
00:53:19I'm not anti-gay, I'm just pro-morals.
00:53:21Let me explain what I'm talking about.
00:53:23If gay people want to get married and adopt kids,
00:53:25they should have the right to do that.
00:53:27Gay people should have all the same rights as everybody else
00:53:29and be allowed to live a life free of discrimination
00:53:31and verbal and physical harassment.
00:53:33Because the thing is this, whether you agree with it or not,
00:53:35or whether you like it or not,
00:53:37they're human beings and deserve to be treated
00:53:39with dignity and respect.
00:53:41They deserve to be treated fair.
00:53:43Now, that's the key word here, fair.
00:53:45Let's paralyze that word for a minute.
00:53:47We've become so politically correct as a nation
00:53:49that you're not allowed to have an opinion anymore
00:53:51without being labeled and judged.
00:53:53Just like it's okay for gay people to march down the street
00:53:55and go, we're here, we're queer, get used to it.
00:53:57And let you know how gay they are
00:53:59while standing on a float made of balls.
00:54:01Free of judgment.
00:54:05How come is it that straight people can never say
00:54:07that we morally disagree with homosexuality
00:54:09or denounce the lifestyle
00:54:11without then being labeled as terrible, bigoted,
00:54:13hateful human beings?
00:54:15At the end of the day, it's a fucking opinion.
00:54:17This is America. I'm allowed to my opinion.
00:54:19Just because I don't agree with what you do
00:54:21doesn't mean I'm saying you don't have the right to do it.
00:54:23But I should be able to say how I feel free of judgment.
00:54:25Like, this is some shit I often hear gay people say
00:54:27that's funny to me.
00:54:29Well, you know, we don't choose this lifestyle.
00:54:31We're born this way.
00:54:33Some people think being gay is a choice.
00:54:35Why would we choose a life of ridicule and harassment?
00:54:37This is not a choice. This is who we are.
00:54:39And I buy that.
00:54:41I'm not trying to convince the rest of us
00:54:43that what they do is normal.
00:54:47It is not normal for a man
00:54:49to bang another man in the ass.
00:54:51If that were normal, men would be able
00:54:53to impregnate each other and continue life.
00:54:55In order to have human existence,
00:54:57you need two pieces of the puzzle.
00:54:59This piece and this piece, watch this.
00:55:01Boom. This go together.
00:55:03The pussy lubricates itself with the expectation of dick.
00:55:05This shit is by design.
00:55:07This shit...
00:55:13Playing penis joust?
00:55:15That's some shit you're doing.
00:55:17Like, this is a medical fact.
00:55:19Like, I'm not making this up.
00:55:21If you think I'm making it up, Google it, look it up.
00:55:23You know, ass-fucking is one of the surefire ways
00:55:25to contract hepatitis.
00:55:27In other words, I don't give a fuck how clean your ass is
00:55:29or how much you wash it.
00:55:31There are certain germs and bacteria
00:55:33that exist inside the human ass
00:55:35that you wash away with all the soap and the water in the world.
00:55:37You can't get to it. It's internal.
00:55:39Which lets you know that ain't some shit
00:55:41you're supposed to do.
00:55:43Now, people do it.
00:55:45Whether it's man-on-man or man-on-woman, people do it.
00:55:47But just because you can doesn't mean you should.
00:55:49Ladies, trust me, if we could, we'd fuck you in your nose.
00:55:53That would be the latest sensation.
00:55:55Bitch, I don't want no pussy on your head.
00:55:57I want some nostril, bitch. Flare up.
00:55:59Get mad. Flare up!
00:56:01Can you imagine what that would sound like?
00:56:04Shit would be terrible.
00:56:10And if there are any gay people here,
00:56:12I don't want to offend you if you're gay.
00:56:14If you're gay and that's your thing, rock on.
00:56:16I personally don't understand.
00:56:18I have too much respect for the female body.
00:56:20Women, when y'all are naked, all this shit up here
00:56:22and the curves, it's a work of art. I love it.
00:56:24I don't know what it is.
00:56:26It's something about when your titties pop out, music come out of nowhere.
00:56:28Like...
00:56:30It's beautiful.
00:56:32You ever seen male nuts?
00:56:34That's some ugly shit.
00:56:36That shit look like meat with hair around it.
00:56:38I pull my shit out right now.
00:56:40It look like Smeagol from Lords of the Ring.
00:56:42Deprecious. Deprecious.
00:56:44It's ugly.
00:56:46And don't let us get out the pool.
00:56:48That shit look like Yoda.
00:56:50Pussy this is.
00:56:52It's ugly.
00:56:54Women, everything y'all do,
00:56:56y'all just do it better than us.
00:56:58Y'all just sexy by nature.
00:57:00It's instinct.
00:57:02Even when you masturbate, you don't even call it masturbation.
00:57:04You call it getting in touch with yourself.
00:57:06Y'all know how to do it.
00:57:08Y'all get your Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass CDs
00:57:10and bath temperature tub
00:57:12or tub water be just right.
00:57:14Rainbow be coming through the window.
00:57:16Blue jays and canaries
00:57:18be flying in the bathroom.
00:57:20Squirrels are gathering nuts.
00:57:22It's beautiful.
00:57:24Nice.
00:57:26You ever seen men masturbate?
00:57:28My mother used to bust in the room on me.
00:57:30I was like Chewbacca from Star Wars.
00:57:32What you doing?
00:57:38Because the orgasm is a motherfucker.
00:57:40Ladies, what the fuck does it take?
00:57:42Hurry the fuck up.
00:57:44To make a man cum is very easy.
00:57:46Tug left, tug right, we there.
00:57:48Making a woman cum is like playing Zelda for Nintendo.
00:57:50You need the amulet,
00:57:52the princess's scepter,
00:57:54the bag of wizard's dust,
00:57:56the princess's helmet.
00:57:58Bitch, hurry the fuck up.
00:58:00We're trying to see the second half.
00:58:02Shit.
00:58:04Fellas, you have to stop letting women
00:58:06put all this pressure on us.
00:58:08I didn't cum.
00:58:10Bitch, I did.
00:58:12What's wrong with your shit?
00:58:14I tell a woman before we even get started,
00:58:16look, team bus leaving,
00:58:18two minutes and eight seconds.
00:58:20I'm going to scream your name twice
00:58:22and then I'm going to scratch off the clipboard.
00:58:24Your demands is too much.
00:58:26Let's fuck all night.
00:58:28Really, bitch? All night?
00:58:30You know how much shit we can do
00:58:32during the course of an entire night?
00:58:34We could watch a law and order marathon,
00:58:36play a couple of games of checkers.
00:58:38Why the fuck we got to have the room smelling
00:58:40like hot mayonnaise and motor oil?
00:58:42That shit is ridiculous.
00:58:44How many women by round of applause give head?
00:58:48Thank you for your honesty.
00:58:50Thank you.
00:58:52Thank you, motherfuckers.
00:58:54Matter of fact, when I asked the question,
00:58:56some of y'all stopped giving head.
00:58:58Like, what did he say?
00:59:00He was talking to me.
00:59:02I didn't even...
00:59:04Ladies, give head.
00:59:06It is the key to a successful relationship.
00:59:08Stop believing all that bullshit
00:59:10you see in Oprah and read the magazines
00:59:12talking about the key to a man's heart
00:59:14is through the psychological and the...
00:59:16Fuck that. Nuts.
00:59:18It's to your best interest
00:59:20to give it to us.
00:59:22Fuck it. We'll just sneak it on you when you sleep.
00:59:34Give it up.
00:59:40You know what I like about head?
00:59:42I like the noise that comes from head.
00:59:44Especially when a woman commits.
00:59:46Some of y'all be down there bullshitting.
00:59:48Y'all be treating it like it's a scoop of ice cream.
00:59:50Be...
00:59:52I like when a woman is down there
00:59:54and she make that noise you make,
00:59:56like when you bite into a slice of pizza
00:59:58that's way too fucking hot
01:00:00so you swish it around in your mouth
01:00:02so you don't burn yourself.
01:00:08I'll high-five a bitch on the forehead.
01:00:10Bam!
01:00:12Grab her by her ears.
01:00:14I love y'all.
01:00:16Ladies, commit.
01:00:18There's a wedding in it for you.
01:00:22Alright, before I get out of here
01:00:24because I got to almost wrap it up real quick.
01:00:26I want to talk about the state of hip-hop
01:00:28for a second.
01:00:30Because I'm a big hip-hop fan, man.
01:00:32I just feel like, you know,
01:00:34a lot of this southern rap is dominating hip-hop.
01:00:36And I don't want to hate on these brothers, man,
01:00:38because, you know, I'm happy to see any black man in America
01:00:40get money. It's a beautiful thing.
01:00:42But some of these southern brothers, man,
01:00:44a lot of these southern rappers, man,
01:00:46need to step their game up.
01:00:48You know what I'm saying?
01:00:50Like New York, we've dominated rap for a long time
01:00:52and I know a lot of southern people feel like
01:00:54New Yorkers are bitter,
01:00:56but come on, man, we birth-rapped.
01:00:58We started it in the South Bronx
01:01:00and lyrics is part of the fucking game.
01:01:02Like Ludacris, T.I.,
01:01:04Lil Weezy, I love them niggas, man.
01:01:06T.I. is my favorite.
01:01:08Andre 3000, one of the best lyricists in the game.
01:01:10But a lot of these southern niggas that be making
01:01:12these sing-y, song-y, catchy songs
01:01:14that five-year-olds could dance to,
01:01:16come on, man, quit that Dr. Seuss shit.
01:01:18Niggas, y'all got to step your game up.
01:01:20Because it seems like nowadays
01:01:22if you come up with any song,
01:01:24it don't matter what the lyrics are.
01:01:26You get you a southern, you know, catchy beat,
01:01:28you could spit bullshit, and it's a fucking hit.
01:01:30I know, I got one.
01:01:32So I'm gonna introduce y'all
01:01:34to my southern rap character, Big Bugga Boogaloo,
01:01:36and his hit song,
01:01:38Fuck A Book, Nigga, Look At My Dance.
01:01:40I can show you
01:01:42better than I can tell you.
01:01:48Yeah, yeah!
01:01:50Brr.
01:01:52It's going down, man.
01:01:54We about to make this motherfucker pop up on Earth.
01:01:56Get the dirty south nigga!
01:01:58Yeah.
01:02:00Thank ya, bitch.
01:02:02Brr.
01:02:04Yeah!
01:02:06Yeah!
01:02:08This your boy, Big Bugga Boogaloo.
01:02:10Big Bugga Boogaloo represent the dirty, yeah.
01:02:12I said represent the dirty, yeah.
01:02:14And this right here
01:02:16about to be the hottest joint of the summer, man.
01:02:18Feel ya, my joint, man.
01:02:20To all them teachers that said schooling wasn't important,
01:02:22I say, shit,
01:02:24fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:02:26From the dirty, dirty south,
01:02:28doing what we done.
01:02:30Making it rain with them strippers in the club.
01:02:32Pop that booty, baby.
01:02:34Everybody know, it's a recession.
01:02:36We gotten back home.
01:02:38Home.
01:02:40Got that sixty-seven candy
01:02:42shevin' droppin' to the floor.
01:02:44When I come through the hood,
01:02:46everybody know, the kids know I'm rich.
01:02:48They say that I'm the man.
01:02:50So fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:02:52Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:02:54Motherfucker.
01:02:56Look at my dance.
01:02:58Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:00Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:02Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:04Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:06Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:08Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:10Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:12Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:14Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:16Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:18Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:20Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:22Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:24Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:26Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:28Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:03:30I do a stanky leg by chillin' in my white tee.
01:03:32Eatin', laughin', tappin'.
01:03:34I be like, hey, baby.
01:03:36Lean with it, rock with it, Superman.
01:03:38Whoa, it's all the same shit.
01:03:40Just listen to the flow.
01:03:42Only got one man.
01:03:44Can this be my man?
01:03:46When I say my man, he really my man.
01:03:48I rep so hard from the north to the south.
01:03:50Got a ring full of hand and a gold full of mouth.
01:03:52Huh?
01:03:54Wait a minute, how you gonna have
01:03:56a ring of hand
01:03:58and mouth with a...
01:04:00Aw, shit.
01:04:02Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:04:04Yeah, I wanna send a big shout-out
01:04:06to all them motherfuckin' teachers
01:04:08that said I wasn't gonna be shit.
01:04:10My English teacher, my math teacher,
01:04:12my P.A. teacher,
01:04:14my Spanish teacher, oh, yeah.
01:04:16¡Vete a la mierda!
01:04:18That means fuck you in Spanish.
01:04:20¡Vete a la mierda!
01:04:22Fuck a book, nigga,
01:04:24look at my dance.
01:04:26Fuck a book, nigga,
01:04:28look at my dance.
01:04:50I remember one time I was at a strip club
01:04:52in North Carolina.
01:04:54For like nine months, that turned me off.
01:04:56So I took the money back.
01:04:58Do you know before I put that money in my pocket,
01:05:00a baby hand came out of a pussy
01:05:02and snatched a dollar back?
01:05:04Aw, shit.
01:05:06Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:05:08Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:05:10Fuck a book, nigga, look at my dance.
01:05:12Education? Shit.
01:05:14Look at my dance.
01:05:16Look at my dance.
01:05:18Look at my dance.
01:05:20Look at my dance.
01:05:22This here a ringtone, nigga.
01:05:24Lil' Weed,
01:05:26T.I., Gucci Mane.
01:05:28I'm coming for you niggas, man.
01:05:30Damn.
01:05:32Them niggas don't even know
01:05:34I graduated from Harvard.
01:05:36Hey, yo, New York, man,
01:05:38thank you. I appreciate it, baby.
01:05:40I appreciate the love.
01:05:42Thank you very much.
01:05:52Thank you.
01:06:22Thank you.
01:06:52Thank you.
01:07:22Thank you.
01:07:24Thank you.
01:07:26Thank you.
01:07:28Thank you.
01:07:30Thank you.
01:07:32Thank you.
01:07:34Thank you.
01:07:36Thank you.
01:07:38Thank you.
01:07:40Thank you.
01:07:42Thank you.
01:07:44Thank you.
01:07:46Thank you.
01:07:48Thank you.