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  • 7/23/2024
SOAP 1980 Season 1 episodes 17-18

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😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00On the last episode of Soap, Ingrid revealed herself as Corinne's mother, which means Jessica
00:08is really Corinne's aunt and Chester her uncle, since Randolph, her father, is her Aunt Jessica's
00:13brother. Ingrid has sworn to destroy the Tates. Meanwhile at the Campbells, Danny no longer has
00:20to run around in disguise, since Elaine Lefkowitz has spoken to her father on Danny's behalf.
00:25Bert, on the other hand, has become totally consumed with finding his son Peter's murderer
00:31and is acting more and more peculiar. Having found a hair in Peter's bathtub,
00:36Bert spends a lot of time yanking hairs from people's heads trying to match it.
00:42Confused? You won't be after this episode of Soap.
00:47This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
00:54These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells, and this is Soap.
01:03I can't seem to find anything here. What did you say her name was? Corinne Tate. Corinne Tate.
01:21I do not believe this. You make a person turn over their jewelry at totally barbaric customs,
01:27which may I say we do not have in Sweden, and then when they do hand over their jewelry to the
01:33police, yet it disappears. Got it. Corinne Tate. It was following a Corinne, not Tate. That's why
01:40I couldn't find it. You'd like not to be here for an execution when you screw up somebody's
01:46name and figure it out after they've melted in your killing chair, you dumb barbarian.
01:51All right, let's get this over with. Well, well, well, look who's here, the glorious Tates.
01:59Oh, well, my dear lady, it seems some misfortune has befallen you. I've taken your Corinne,
02:05and soon they'll take your life. Ha! Listen, you, you had better watch... Oh, be quiet,
02:12you boys, stupid men. You all are getting what you deserve. Jessica Tate in Yale.
02:20I adore it.
02:26Okay, Mrs. Tate, if you'll just give me your personal possessions, any jewelry.
02:31Don't give him the jewelry, Jessica. She has to. No, Tinkler, this is absurd. Why can't she keep
02:36her jewelry? Rules, Mr. Tate. Tinkler, you're going to pay for this, I swear it. What you have done to
02:40my family in the last few days... Oh, darling, it's all right. It's probably a rule of some kind
02:46so that the less fortunate prisoners won't feel jealous. I mean, if I went in there wearing
02:51my sapphires, and they were wearing nothing but, well, let's say their costume jewelry,
02:56bound to cause resentment. Let's move right over here. I need to take a couple of pictures.
03:03Chester, be sure and help Billy with his homework now. Yeah. All right, we just slip this right over
03:09your head there. Let it...
03:20Could you just... That's lovely. Excuse me. All right, now, just watch the birdie here.
03:32Right now, if you'll just turn to the right. All the way to the right. Sheriff, I know my face,
03:38and believe me, you do not want a profile. Jessica, it's a rule. They have to take a profile shot.
03:45Yeah, that's right, Mrs. Tate. We always do it that way. You've seen those pictures hanging in
03:49the post office. If my face is going to hang in a public place like the post office, well,
03:54I'm afraid you're going to have to use Ben Evans, our family photographer. He is wonderful.
04:01I mean, that man can make anybody look marvelous. You know, last year, he took a picture of Chester,
04:06and I'm telling you, if Cary Grant ever saw that, he would never make another movie.
04:12It was rather good. Mr. Tate. Darling, just let the man take the picture his way, please.
04:20Here we go now. All right, gotcha. Excuse me. Let's go now. No. Oh, no. Come on, none of that.
04:29Tinkler, could we have a moment alone, please? Well, I don't know. Oh, Tinkler. Look, it's against
04:35policy. Tinkler, for God's sake, she's not Ma Barker. Okay, but just one minute.
04:42Chester, I'm scared. You'll be out by morning, Jess. I've never been in jail before.
04:49Actually, I've never spent the night alone. I know, darling. I didn't do it, Chester. You know
04:55that I didn't do it. Of course not, Jess. Of course not. Don't worry about a thing. We'll
04:59get the very best lawyer. But, Chester, what about that movie?
05:06What movie, Jess? You know, that cowboy movie, the Oxblood Incident. Oxbow. Right. And they hung
05:15Henry Fonda, I think it was, or was that Kirk Douglas? But anyway, I mean, just as his neck
05:21snapped, well, the deputy came running up and said, oops, that's the wrong man. But I mean,
05:26of course, it was too late by then because there was old poor old Henry Fonda, all bug-eyed with
05:30his tongue hanging out. Innocent but dead. Jess, it was just a movie. But, Chester, where do you
05:37think they get those movie stories from? They get them from real life. Jessica, you won't hang.
05:43Well, if I do, and they do make a movie of it, Chester, promise me that you will try to retain
05:49some control because I have a feeling, I mean, I just have this awful feeling they're thinking
05:55about having Shelley Winters play me. See, I was thinking of someone like Catherine Deneuve.
06:01She's attractive enough, or it could make a wonderful musical. You see, Barbara Streisand
06:07could play me, and Robert Redford could play Chester.
06:25Uh-uh. That's it.
06:38You sucker.
06:43Hey, Ma, is Bert coming out of the basement? No.
06:46Mom, he needs help. He doesn't need help. Oh, come on, Ma. He's been acting really strange.
06:52He sleeps down there in the basement. Ma, yesterday he goes out and buys 200 Bunsen burners.
06:58He needed them for an experiment. 200?
07:02They were on sale. Mom, he should see a psychiatrist.
07:07Look, the man's son was murdered. That's an enormous shock. There's bound to be some reaction
07:12to it. He'll get over it. Mom, last night he told me that sometimes he thinks he's invisible.
07:17He was joking with you. Invisible.
07:23He was serious, Mom. He told me that sometimes he can walk through a room and nobody sees him.
07:28He says it helps him greatly with his detective work. And you believed it? He was joking with
07:33you. Look, this is all a reaction to grief. There is no reason in the world to worry about Bert.
07:47Are you all right?
07:54Bert, what happened? Well, I think I mixed the wrong chemicals.
08:00They were supposed to fall in slightly. Bert, this is getting too dangerous.
08:05Unless, of course, someone tampered with my experiment. The police. Oh, that Tinkler,
08:12he's so jealous of me. It's incredible. Me and my work. The other day I was at police headquarters
08:18I got to see a hair from Corinne. They threw me out.
08:23I've got to stop doing this.
08:27Mary. Oh, my God. Mary, Mary, let me look at you. You're just plain as ever. Oh, my God,
08:36Ingrid. And this is your husband? Interesting man. Are you a chimney sweep? No, he's Al Jolson.
08:44And your sons, how nice. One is a frou-frou, and one plays with dolls.
08:55Hey, Miss Ingrid, whatever you are, get out of here. I always thought your first husband was a
09:00horror. This one is worse. And now I have a wonderful announcement to make. My lovely,
09:09beautiful daughter, Corinne, has been released. I knew it. I knew she didn't do it. That was a
09:15theory I was working on. I wonder if the police stole my notes, too. But even better than that,
09:22Jessica has been arrested. Isn't that lovely? What? Jessica didn't do it. She's got red hair.
09:29Not only is the man filthy, he's also an idiot. What are you doing, you stupid lout? I'm going
09:36to test this. A person comes into your house, you pull out hairs? You dirty, stupid, crazy man.
09:44I want you to leave now. I would be delighted, but I will be back. I'm not finished with this
09:50family. I won't rest until I've destroyed every last one of you.
09:56Well, obviously, the police have no idea what they're doing. I got to get back to work.
10:01That drink... Ow! I hope the fire's out down there, honey. Mom? I know. He needs help.
10:17He needs help.
10:24Nice, real nice. Avoy, cavar. Who did this? The new man? Yes, Mr. Lefkowitz. Keep him. He's our
10:31rebrand. So... You are Danny? Yes, sir. Danny Dallas? Yes, sir. My daughter tells me I shouldn't
10:44kill you. I've grown very fond of you. So how did you two happen to meet? Well, you see, I was, uh...
10:53Well, it was, uh... Well, you see, what it was, was I was, uh... He's cute, but he should never
10:58be a fundraiser. Never forget it, what difference does it make? You met, right? Right. I met my wife
11:05in our bakery. There was one rye bread. We both reached for it, and I let her have it.
11:11But you have no idea how much that rye bread cost me.
11:16Oh, hello, Sally. Right, right, fine. No, kill him. Okay, have a nice weekend, Sally.
11:33Uh, you were, uh... You were talking about some rye bread, and how you and your wife...
11:38Did I tell that story? What a boring story. Make a note. I gotta stop telling that story.
11:44Okay, Elaine Sweetheart, be a good girl and let Daddy talk to your friend here in private.
11:50No. Business, darling. I don't care. Okay, honeybunch, what do I have to do to get you to leave?
11:58Buy me a present. What do you want? A fox coat. Okay, fox coat. Make a note.
12:06Daddy, silver. A good one. No crummy skin. Just like your mother. They got out of a chair.
12:12Cost me ten grand. Get the fur from Bernstein. He owes me for killing his partner.
12:20Your mother need a coat? No, no. Oh, Danny Dallas. Yes, sir. You still owe us a favor,
12:30you know. I know, I know. But I can't kill a man, so if you're gonna ask me to shoot somebody,
12:35you might as well gun me down right now. No killing, no killing. This is a non-violent favor.
12:44What is that? Is that a finger?
12:48Tell Gomez I know him 20 years. He kills a man, I take his word for it.
12:54So what is it? A finger. I never saw anything so disgusting in my life. You wanna see?
13:00No. The favor. The favor you want me to do. Can't tell you now. I'll tell you when the
13:08time is right. Meanwhile, you don't have to dress up anymore. So go home and enjoy yourself,
13:14and I'll be in touch. Thank you, Mr. Lefkowitz. Don't thank me. Thank Kelly. I think I already did.
13:24I don't know how to thank you. I do. Hey, listen, I really appreciate everything and so long. Hold it.
13:32Where are you going? Home. Wrong. Hey, now look, Elaine, fun's fun. Oh, Danny. Wait, wait, wait.
13:39Listen, Elaine, I gotta get some rest. You haven't let me sleep in days. Forget it. You're coming with
13:44me. Upstairs. Elaine, I'm exhausted. I can't move. I can. He's a nice boy. It's too bad.
13:51Wait till he finds out the favor is he's got to marry my daughter. He'd be better off dead.
14:15Who is it? It's me.
14:20Oh, darling. Do you know what time it is? Where the hell have you been? What? Our one night together.
14:25You know what my schedule is like. I mean, I've been waiting for hours. Now we hardly have any time.
14:30Walter, my mother has been arrested. Oh, wonderful. We finally get a night together
14:36and your mother gets arrested. I suppose now you're not in the mood.
14:39You think this is some big thrill for me? I love running over here in the middle of the night for
14:44three minutes once a week. I'm sorry. I just. Hey, you have a morning press conference. I don't see you.
14:49Your wife gives a dinner party. I don't see you. Your kid plays a sweet potato on the Thanksgiving
14:55play and I don't see you. But my mother gets arrested and you complain? Eunice, I'm sorry. I am.
15:02I mean it. Come on. Forgive me. Huh?
15:05I'm a little upset. I got this today. Read it.
15:09I know all about you and Eunice Tate. To keep the pictures I have from the press will cost
15:15$50,000. Walter, what are you going to do? Nothing. It's a crackpot scheme to get money.
15:21I mean, what could they possibly have pictures of? You know how careful we've been? I've personally
15:25checked out every hotel room. Do you think I'd get us rooms in a hotel room? I don't think so.
15:30I've personally checked out every hotel room. Do you think I'd get us rooms facing a brick wall
15:34because I like them? No, Eunice, I guarantee you there's absolutely no way anyone could have ever
15:38gone. Oh my God, Atlanta. What? Atlanta. Atlanta, remember? Atlanta? We had to stay over at the last
15:44minute. I didn't have time to check the place out. It was that little place. The peach trees.
15:48Oh my God, that was the night you heard noises on the roof. I said it was birds. You said it
15:53was squirrels throwing peach pits. What are you talking about squirrels throwing peach pits?
15:57Squirrels can't throw. Well, then that's what I said, but you said, yes, squirrels can throw peach
16:02pits. Well, that's ridiculous. I mean, nobody was there that night. Nobody saw us that night.
16:07Nobody took pictures. What am I worrying about? Walter, that was the night we played that game.
16:14What game? Walter, oh, I can't believe we did that. You know? What? Where you dressed up as
16:20a Roman gladiator and I was a slave you just bought. Oh my God. And then you tied me. I'd
16:27better pay. And that's actually what you do for a living? I mean, you're a... A hooker.
16:36Oh my goodness. See, I thought they only had them in Europe.
16:43And you do it with strangers? Kind of hard to charge a friend.
16:49And so a customer was dissatisfied and turned you in? No, no, it was a cop. You mean a cop was
16:55dissatisfied and turned you in? Well, let me ask you one more question. My God, this is
17:01fascinating. See, I never get to ask questions like this. Okay, Babette, you have a bailman's
17:06tape. Your lawyer's here. Benson?
17:11Well, Benson, you're not a lawyer. Shh, they wouldn't let me in to see you, so I told them I
17:17was your lawyer. You didn't? Yeah, I'm with the firm of Honeycutt, Pringle, Kaplan and Black. I'm
17:22Black. Well, you look like a lawyer. Actually, you look very nice as a lawyer. I'll bet you could
17:31be one. I smell bacon. That's because I brought breakfast. Oh, Benson, look at this. Blueberry
17:36muffins and Canadian bacon. Grapefruit. Well, I know you couldn't eat the food in here. What do
17:42you want for dinner? Oh, you know what I would love for dinner? What? Meatballs and spaghetti.
17:48Well, that's a pretty good idea. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.
17:54I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.
17:58Meatballs and spaghetti. Well, that's a problem, see, because the sauce will run in the case.
18:03Oh, right. And then you couldn't explain that. Yeah, especially to Mr. Tate. The briefcase is his.
18:11Morning, darling. Hello, dear. Benson, what are you doing here? Well, I... He's my lawyer, Chester.
18:17Yes, Honeycutt, Pringle, Kaplan and Black. He's Black.
18:23Well, I guess you won't be needing me. No, no, no, no. He's a lawyer. He's a butler.
18:27Benson, why are you posing as a lawyer? Because I couldn't get in to see her as a butler.
18:34Carry on, counselor. Jessica, this is Mr. Franklin. He was Corinne's lawyer. Hopefully,
18:41he'll be taking your case. How do you do, Mrs. Tate? Delighted.
18:44I would like to ask you just a few simple questions, if it's all right. Certainly.
18:49Yes, Jessica.
18:53Now, naturally, the first question I must ask you is, did you kill Peter Campbell?
18:59Well, do I look like the sort of woman who would kill somebody?
19:05It's just that I have to hear the answer in your own words, Mrs. Tate. I see.
19:09So, would you mind giving me the answer? I guess not. Fine.
19:23Would you give me the answer? I forgot the question.
19:29Did you kill Peter Campbell? Oh, yes.
19:32You did? No. Yes, I remember the question. I don't know how you could ask such a question.
19:37Did I kill Peter Campbell? Did you?
19:42Did I what? Did you kill Peter Campbell?
19:46Well, of course not, silly. Sheriff Tinkler found the gun
19:54that killed Peter Campbell in your lingerie drawer. Now, do you know how it got there?
19:59I guess I put it there. So, the gun is yours?
20:03Oh, yes. Yes, I gave it to her for the night
20:07that I was out of town as a precaution. I don't like having it. Do you know,
20:10once I was searching for a particular pair of panties and the gun went off, shot a hole through
20:16the drawer, went right out in the hall and lodged in a portrait of my grandfather and put a hole in
20:20his head. Which some people maintained he always had.
20:25Mrs. Tate, if we could go on. Now, the knife that killed Peter Campbell
20:31was found in your jewelry box. Do you know how it got there?
20:34No, how? I don't know.
20:38I'm asking you. Did you put it there?
20:42Not that I remember. So, you might have put it there?
20:47No, she didn't, I assure you. Well, now, Chester, I don't know.
20:50You remember the time I put your shoes in the dishwasher.
20:57Sometimes her mind is on something else. Yes, I see.
21:02Mrs. Tate, do you know who might have seen you sleeping in your guest room the night of the
21:08murder? No, who?
21:11Do you think anybody saw you? Well, I don't know, Mr. Franklin.
21:16I mean, who would want to see me sleeping?
21:21Fine, thank you very much, Mrs. Tate. I think I've got all the information I need.
21:28Oh, it's so nice to have met you. Very nice to meet you.
21:31Would you like some breakfast before you go? Not for me.
21:34Come again. Thank you.
21:35Mr. Tate, if I could speak with you for a moment.
21:45Mr. Tate, let me put this as candidly as possible.
21:48Now, your wife, as we know, had the motive. The murder weapons were found in her room
21:53with her fingerprints all over them, and she had no alibi for that night,
21:57plus which the judge, as you can see from the astronomical bail that he has set, hates rich
22:02people. What you're saying is it'll be a difficult case.
22:06Mr. Tate, Clarence Darrow in his prime, arguing this case against a mute prosecutor,
22:14with a jury of Mrs. Tate's relatives, with you sitting as the judge, could not possibly hope to
22:20win. I'm sorry, but I do have a career to think about. I cannot take this case.
22:27Can't you recommend something? Yes, plead guilty.
22:30It'll save you a lot of time and money, and the outcome will be the same.
22:34I'm sorry.
22:39What did he say, darling?
22:41It's an open and shut case. You're not to worry about anything.
22:45I'm not worried. I'm innocent.
22:56Will Ingrid really destroy all the Tates and Campbells, or is this just some Swedish bragging?
23:02Does a blackmailer really have compromising pictures of Eunice and the congressman,
23:06or is it merely a school job playing a practical joke?
23:10Will Danny marry Elaine, or will he decide he'd rather be killed?
23:15If the case against Jessica was argued against a mute prosecutor with Chester as the judge,
23:20would Jessica really be found guilty? And if she is, will her worst fear be realized?
23:25Will Shelley Winters play her in the film?
23:28These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of Soap.
23:34In last week's episode of Soap, Jody told Mary that Bert needs help because now he thinks he's
23:38invisible. Mary told Jody Bert doesn't need help, he was just joking, whereupon Bert almost blew up
23:44the house. Mary now agrees with Jody. Meanwhile, an attorney, after meeting with Jessica, told
23:49Chester he couldn't win Jessica's case if Chester was the judge and the Tate family was the jury.
23:55He told Chester to plead guilty. Confused? He won't be after this week's episode.
24:04So this is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tate's
24:19and these are the Campbell's. And this is Soap.
24:33Hi. I never give. No, what I want is... Money, you people,
25:01what's the matter? Don't you have enough stained glass?
25:06Corinne, she knows me, we're friends. Oh, you're that priest. Father Timothy
25:11Flotsky. We have some of you people in Sweden, you know. Well, we get around. I always hated
25:18them. Such an exclusive bunch, always going on about heaven as if they were the only ones who
25:23could go there. The church doesn't really believe... Corinne, I have to go out, sweetheart.
25:29Give mama a kiss. I guess it's safe leaving. The only good thing about you priests is a mother
25:37doesn't have to worry about her daughter with you. So that's your new mother? Yeah. I like the old
25:44one better. So listen, Corinne, I came to say goodbye. Goodbye? Yes, I'm going away for a while
25:52on a retreat. Where? I'm not going to tell you. Oh, please. I can come visit you. No, you can't
25:59come visit. You can't visit a retreat. Anyway, it's on top of a mountain. So there are roads
26:05up mountains. It's a Canadian mountain. There are no roads. Please take me with you. Corinne,
26:12it's a religious retreat I'm going on. It's for priests with problems.
26:17What problems? You. Me? Yes, I think about you all the time. That's wonderful.
26:27No, it's not. I'm not supposed to be thinking about you at all.
26:31I told my superior and he told me to go away and meditate. I'm praying it'll work.
26:37Please take me with you, Tim. You're all I have. What are you talking about? You're all I have.
26:42Please take me with you, Tim. You're all I have. What are you talking about? You've got
26:46two fathers and two mothers. I hate my parents. Which ones? All of them. Oh, come on. You don't
26:53hate them. I do. Please don't leave me, Tim. I have to. Well, when will you be back?
27:03Tim? Hopefully never. What are you talking about? If it works, if I'm able to forget
27:10about you, Corinne, then they'll transfer me and make me stay away
27:13until you're too old to tempt me and I'm too old to care.
27:18Goodbye, Corinne. You mean I might never see you again?
27:24Oh, Tim. Oh, don't cry, Corinne. Please, I can't deal with crying now.
27:29That Swedish lady took all my energy.
27:32Just say goodbye. Tim, if we're never going to see each other again, can we at least kiss goodbye?
27:40Come on, Corinne. Be serious. I'm never going to see you again for the rest of my life and you
27:46won't even let me kiss you goodbye? Corinne. Please? I'll kiss you on the forehead. Oh. Come on. For me?
27:56Close your eyes.
28:20Please, God.
28:26I need her more than you do.
28:40Bert, would you open the door?
28:42All right, Bert, we're going to pick the lock.
28:44We're going to do some lock picking now, Bert.
28:46All right, Danny, do your stuff.
28:52Hey, I thought this was one thing he knew how to do.
28:55This is a complicated lock.
28:57Yeah, sure.
28:59Wait, I got a credit card.
29:01Get out of here. You can't open a door with a credit card.
29:03Excuse me.
29:07Hey, what the hell do you guys think you're doing?
29:09The door was locked, Bert.
29:11Of course it was locked. I'm taking a bath.
29:13Bert, you've been in here for a day and a half now.
29:17So what are we doing now? Are we turning people in the bathroom?
29:19Bert, I think maybe you should go see Dr. Medlow. You know, talk to him.
29:23He's a psychiatrist. Maybe he can help.
29:25Yeah, Bert, we think that maybe you're having a slight nervous breakdown.
29:27I know what you're doing. I know.
29:29I know.
29:31If you can convince other people that I'm crazy,
29:33then the police won't pay attention to my findings
29:35and that'll make it safe for the four of you.
29:37No, Bert.
29:39What are we having here, a party?
29:41No, they broke in.
29:43Well, I'm the one who's getting sick and tired of using the downstairs bathroom.
29:45I almost killed myself in the studs last night.
29:47Okay, everybody out.
29:49Mom.
29:52Out. Out.
29:54Dad, we'll see you, Bert.
29:56Let's go.
29:58Hi.
30:00Oh, Mary, there's something very important I have to discuss with you.
30:02Good.
30:04Get in the tub, please.
30:06Because, darling, I want to talk to you.
30:08Get in the tub?
30:10Get in the tub so we can talk.
30:12Bert, I think you should see someone.
30:14I think you need help.
30:16That's what I want to talk to you about.
30:18Get in the tub.
30:20Darling, you're not yourself.
30:22I'm not myself?
30:24No.
30:26Yes, then who am I?
30:28I mean, who, Mary?
30:30I mean, if you think I'm not me, who do you think I am?
30:32Bert, that's not what I mean.
30:34That's what you said, though, Mary.
30:36You said, darling, you're not yourself.
30:38So naturally, that's what I heard.
30:40So then I said, who do you think I am?
30:42And quite frankly, Mary,
30:44if you really think that I'm somebody else,
30:46then I think you're the one who needs a lot of help here.
30:49Get in the tub and let's do some talking.
30:53Well, I'll tell you,
30:55if we can't get him out of that bathroom,
30:57maybe we can get that psychiatrist guy to come over
30:59and do a house call.
31:01He's all on my attending.
31:03I think we ought to have him committed.
31:05Committed? Come on.
31:07What are you talking about?
31:09You're talking about committing somebody, Chuck.
31:11I love it.
31:13From a man who thinks his dummy is real.
31:15But Bert, you're always in the basement.
31:17Really? Yes.
31:19Am I in the basement now?
31:21Well, no.
31:23Uh-huh. Therefore, I am not always in the basement.
31:27You've been in the bathtub for a day and a half.
31:29First the basement, now the bathtub?
31:31Mary, please, make up your mind what's troubling you.
31:33The basement or the bathtub? Was that your foot?
31:35Yes.
31:37Good, because if it wasn't, there's somebody else in here with us.
31:41Darling, sometimes you say things that, uh,
31:43sound a little strange.
31:46Like what?
31:48Well, that you're invisible.
31:50You don't think I know how strange that is?
31:52You do?
31:54Of course. Are you kidding?
31:56I didn't know you did.
31:58Invisible? Come on, Mary.
32:00It's ridiculous.
32:02Invisible? I've never heard of anybody being invisible.
32:10Unless, of course, you have the ring of power.
32:13The ring of power?
32:15Oh, Mary, please, watch your feet.
32:19Do you have it?
32:21What?
32:23This ring of power?
32:25Don't be silly.
32:27Well, that's a relief.
32:29Because for a minute there, I thought you were telling me
32:31that you had this ring thing that made you invisible.
32:37No, no.
32:39I can be invisible without it.
32:43You think you can be invisible?
32:45Mary, it's the damnedest thing.
32:47You see, what happens is,
32:49sometimes I go into a room
32:51and people say,
32:53Hi, Bert.
32:55Well, then, of course, I know I'm not invisible.
32:57But other times, I go into a room,
32:59think people can see me,
33:01but nobody says anything.
33:05Those are the times I'm invisible.
33:07Huh?
33:09No, I don't know how to control it yet, Mary,
33:11but when I can, I'm going to blow this investigation wide open.
33:13Can you imagine it?
33:15I can go anywhere.
33:17I can hear everything.
33:19I can see everybody.
33:21And nobody can see me.
33:23I will also be able to get into the movies free.
33:27Bert,
33:29you cannot make yourself invisible.
33:31No?
33:33No.
33:35All right, watch.
33:41Well?
33:43Can you see me?
33:47See? I told you.
33:49Bert, you're not invisible.
33:51All right, where am I?
33:53Right there.
33:55Ah, you knew that before.
33:57I can see you. I can see you.
33:59You sure you can see me?
34:01Yes.
34:05It doesn't work when you're wet.
34:08Listen, Mary, I'll tell you what.
34:10After our bath,
34:12while you're making dinner,
34:14I'll kind of dry off
34:16and blow dry my hair,
34:18and then I'll become invisible for you.
34:20Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:22Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:24Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:26Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:28Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:30Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:32Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:34Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
34:36Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
34:38now,
34:40members of the jury,
34:46my friends,
34:50search your hearts
34:52and tell me if you think
34:54this lovely young widow,
34:56this mother,
34:58look at her.
35:00I ask you to look at her.
35:02Look at her.
35:05Are you looking at her?
35:07And if you are looking at her,
35:09tell me if you're convinced
35:11that she is guilty
35:13of this heinous crime
35:15of which she's been accused.
35:17That was my Clarence Darrow, Spencer Tracy combination.
35:19Oh.
35:21Very good.
35:23Now, in your wife's case, Tate,
35:25you're in luck. I like it.
35:27You like it?
35:29I like it.
35:31Oh, that's terrific.
35:33She's got everything against her.
35:35No alibi, murder weapon,
35:37motive. It couldn't be worse.
35:39And you like that?
35:41I love it. It's a challenge. It excites me.
35:43If I lose,
35:45I don't look bad because they didn't expect me to win.
35:49If I win, I'm a hero.
35:51Ah, it's terrific, Tate. It's terrific.
35:53She's almost as good as dead.
35:55I love it.
35:57Well, I'm, uh, flattered, I guess.
35:59Well, we'll arrange to meet her the day after tomorrow.
36:02Don't you think we should discuss your fee?
36:04I hear that it's...
36:06I hate to talk money, Tate. I hate it.
36:08I see.
36:10Well, perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper.
36:12Ballpark figure,
36:14just to give me an estimate.
36:26That's your fee?
36:28That's it.
36:30I'm done with this.
36:32I don't have to recite my record for you, do I, Tate?
36:34You remember the Robinson case?
36:36She was seen pulling the trigger.
36:38There were pictures of her chuckling over the dead body.
36:40Remember what happened?
36:42I not only got her off, I got her damages
36:44from his estate.
36:46I know that you're the best.
36:48I mean, I know that. That's why I'm here.
36:50Uh, it's just that, uh,
36:52you see, I've had to mortgage the house
36:54to raise the bail for Jessica,
36:56and, uh, well, things are kind of tight right now.
36:59It's okay, Tate. I understand.
37:01There are other lawyers.
37:03I'm not the only one.
37:05I'm the best, but I'm not the only one.
37:07So if your wife isn't worth the additional money, it's...
37:09I could give you a check for part of it now,
37:11and then in a few days, I could give you the...
37:13Forget it.
37:15A handshake is enough for me. I trust you.
37:17Thank you.
37:19Because if you ever decide not to pay,
37:21I'll see that your wife fries.
37:29Air Brazil flight 137
37:31to Rio de Janeiro
37:33is now ready for boarding at gate 42.
37:35I am really not too crazy
37:37about taking this flight.
37:39I saw the pilot go by before,
37:41and he walked directly into a pillar,
37:43tipped his hat, said,
37:45excuse me, and got on the plane.
37:47Señora,
37:49no hablo inglés.
37:51What does that mean in English?
37:55See, I don't speak English.
37:58See, I don't speak whatever it is
38:00you're speaking.
38:02Now, Mrs. Tate...
38:04Oh, hello, Benson.
38:06Come on, come on, come on. We're going home.
38:08No, Benson, I can't go home.
38:10I'm flying down to Rio.
38:12It was really very nice of you to come and see me off,
38:14but I've got to get out of the country.
38:16They're going to hang me.
38:18Mrs. Tate,
38:20you're white and rich. They ain't gonna hang you.
38:24Benson, I am a fugitive,
38:26and I don't tell anybody.
38:28Nobody knows it's a secret.
38:30How do you know?
38:32Well, I read the note you left.
38:34That note was meant for Mr. Tate.
38:36Well, I read all Mr. Tate's mail.
38:40You opened Mr. Tate's mail?
38:42Well, I didn't say I opened it.
38:44I said I read it.
38:46You know, you hold it up to the light there,
38:48you can see right through it.
38:50Isn't that a federal offense?
38:52So is jumping bail.
38:55You're much better off without me.
38:57I mean, I am nothing but a burden.
38:59I'll probably love Rio.
39:01And when all of this murder business
39:03is blown over,
39:05I'll come back with lots of presents
39:07and teach everyone to do the samba.
39:11Airbus E Flight 137
39:13is in its final boarding state.
39:15Everyone should be on board at this time.
39:17Bye-bye, Benson.
39:19Mrs. Tate.
39:21Now, before you go flying down to Rio,
39:23I have a couple of questions if you do.
39:25What?
39:27They keep the bail money Mr. Tate put up.
39:29They do?
39:31Which means he loses the house and all the savings.
39:33So while you're down there on the conga line,
39:35he's gonna be up here on the bread line.
39:37Oh, dear.
39:39Well, I guess I can't go.
39:41That's right. Come on.
39:53Benson,
39:55what's going on?
39:57I came as soon as I got your message.
39:59Mm-hmm.
40:03Look at this.
40:05Will you look at this?
40:07And it's all your sister's fault.
40:09Benson, you told me to get right over here.
40:11Is this why?
40:13This was once a nine-pound sirloin roast.
40:19It is now a little black rock.
40:23Benson.
40:25A dried-up little black rock.
40:27Benson, why did you tell me to come right over here?
40:29Because your sister's crazy.
40:31What did she do?
40:33I put a roast in the oven.
40:35She decides she's going to Rio.
40:37I haul her back from the airport.
40:39She decides she's gonna move out and take an apartment.
40:41Mr. Tate will come home.
40:43His wife will be gone,
40:45and he'll have a little black rock for dinner.
40:48Jessica,
40:50where are you going?
40:52Oh, Mary,
40:54I'm going to rent a small apartment
40:56probably near the courthouses.
40:58That's where I will doubtless
41:00be spending a great deal of my time.
41:02Why in the world are you doing this?
41:04Oh, Mary, let's face it.
41:06Being a suspected murderess,
41:08I am nothing but a burden to Chester
41:10and an embarrassment to the entire family.
41:12Now, if I were needed here,
41:14that would be one thing.
41:16I mean, I would still be a burden
41:18and a stigma,
41:20but I would be a needed one.
41:22As it is, I am not needed, Mary.
41:24No one would even notice
41:26if I were gone.
41:28What are you talking about?
41:30Of course you're needed.
41:32No, I am not, Mary.
41:34You're needed much more than I am.
41:36Don't be silly. I am not.
41:38Mary, please, you are,
41:40but your husband's going crazy.
41:43He needs you to look after him,
41:45and Jody just very recently
41:47tried to commit suicide.
41:49He needs to be watched.
41:51Somebody was trying to murder Danny,
41:53so he needs protection.
41:55See? You have all of that.
41:57But if I got...
41:59I mean, my children are never home,
42:01so I don't need to take care of them.
42:03Benson takes care of the house.
42:05Gardner takes care of the roses.
42:07There's nothing for me to do.
42:09I mean, I did try to do hospital work
42:12volunteer, but they asked me to leave
42:14because I cried so much
42:16it was very depressing for the patients.
42:18See, Mary?
42:20I'm a completely
42:22unnecessary person.
42:26I'm...
42:28I'm like
42:30Eunice's Raggedy Ann doll
42:32that sits on her bed.
42:34Old and kind of worn out.
42:38And nobody even looks at it anymore.
42:42But nobody has the
42:44heart to throw it away
42:46because...
42:48well, it's...
42:50it's just been there
42:52so long.
42:58Jessie,
43:00we love you.
43:04People aren't needed
43:06because of what they do for you.
43:08They are needed
43:10because of the way they make you feel.
43:14And we love you, Jess.
43:16We all love you.
43:22What could be
43:24a more important reason
43:26for being needed than that?
43:30Love?
43:32I need you, Jess.
43:36Couldn't get through half my days
43:39without you.
43:41Really, Mary?
43:43I swear.
43:45I swear.
43:47Oh, Mary.
43:49Benson, guess what?
43:51What?
43:53I'm staying.
43:55Wonderful.
43:57You know, I was thinking, Benson,
43:59perhaps I could be more of a help to you.
44:01Around the kitchen, for instance.
44:03Now, take that roast, for example.
44:05You overcooked that.
44:09Okay, Chester,
44:11what is it?
44:13What is what, love?
44:15The bad news.
44:17What are you talking about?
44:19Chester, the only time you ever bring me here
44:21is when you have something awful to tell me
44:23because you figure here I won't scream.
44:25Eat your soup, Claire.
44:27How's your car running?
44:29I don't know. I haven't used it in weeks.
44:31You know, I think we ought to sell it.
44:33Why?
44:35Well, you never use it.
44:37Right.
44:39Like what?
44:41Jessica's bail.
44:43You want to sell my car for Jessica's bail?
44:45Well, I did buy you the car, Claire,
44:47and you never use it.
44:49The bail is unbelievable.
44:51Every little bit helps.
44:53Come on, hon, what do you say?
44:55All right.
44:57That's my girl.
44:59So you did bring me here for a reason,
45:01just like I said.
45:03You figured I'd make a scene about selling the car.
45:06What?
45:08Well, I did buy it for you, Claire.
45:10My apartment?
45:12Claire, I have to.
45:14The attorney's fee is astronomical.
45:16You're going to sell my apartment?
45:18And where am I supposed to sleep, Chester?
45:20In the car?
45:22Well, no, because you remember I'm selling that.
45:24I don't believe this.
45:26Claire, Jessica's in real trouble.
45:28Perfect. Perfect.
45:30For 12 years I've been waiting, Chester.
45:32For 12 years.
45:34Chester, if you think...
45:36I didn't handcuff you, Claire.
45:38You knew I was married.
45:40You chose to wait.
45:42But you promised you'd leave her.
45:44You promised.
45:46Of course I promised.
45:48You were blackmailing me.
45:50You mean you're not going to leave her?
45:52That's right.
45:54Well, you were wrong, Chester,
45:56because bringing me here
45:58is not going to prevent me
46:00from making a scene.
46:03Ah!
46:13Are you finished, Claire?
46:15Not quite.
46:17Because now, Chester,
46:19I am going to report your irregularities
46:21to the Securities and Exchange Commission.
46:23Perhaps you and Jessica
46:25can serve time together.
46:27Fine, Claire.
46:29Do whatever you have to do.
46:31One more thing, Claire.
46:33You're fired.
46:51Operator, I want the number
46:53of the Securities and Exchange Commission, please.
47:01Will Kurt ever come out of the bathtub?
47:03And if he does, will he be all wrinkled?
47:05Will Father Tim's retreat in Canada
47:07cure him of Corinne?
47:09Or will he take up hockey?
47:11Will Chester be able to pay
47:13E. Ronald Malou's enormous fee
47:15for Jessica's defense?
47:17And now that Claire has called the SEC,
47:19will he have any money left over
47:21for his own defense?
47:23These questions and many others
47:25will be answered on next week's episode of...
47:27Soap.