Frasier Season 3 Episode 5 Kisses Sweeter Th An Wine (1)

Frasier

Transcript

00:00Ross, who's our last caller?

00:03On line two we have Marilyn. She's feeling a little homesick.

00:07Go ahead, Marilyn.

00:09Well, I like living in Seattle, but I don't know, I grew up in this little town in Wisconsin and I really miss that life.

00:18Well, you're not the only one. My producer Ross has regaled me with many stories of the great dairy state.

00:26You're from Wisconsin, Ross? What part?

00:29Bloomer?

00:30Oh my god, I'm from Menominee!

00:33Oh my god!

00:34No way! You're from Menominee? My cousins are from Menominee. Do you know the Rayburn?

00:39Isn't that me?

00:40Billy Rayburn is your cousin? I used to work with him at Bell's Frozen Custard!

00:46Of course she did.

00:47Do you remember that guy that used to run the store? The guy with all the moles?

00:51Mr. T.T.!

00:55Ladies, as fascinating as this is, I'm afraid we're out of time.

01:03That's okay, Marilyn. You can call back tomorrow.

01:06Be sure you're all tuned in tomorrow for part two in our series, Women of the Cheese Belt.

01:16Goodbye for now, and good mental health.

01:20These messages came for you earlier. Your wine is ready.

01:24Oh, excellent! You know, I'm hosting a tasting tonight for the wine club miles that I belong to.

01:30I'm hoping they name me the maitre d'che. It's a long-standing dream of mine to wear that silver cup around my neck.

01:38You know, back in Wisconsin, if a guy wore a cup around his neck, it meant he ticked off the gym teacher.

01:46Fine. Make sport, but this does happen to be important to me.

01:50Since when? You used to say that club was nothing but a bunch of arrogant, corksniffing snobs.

01:56Well, that was before I got in.

02:00Well, when I'm handing out bologna sandwiches this weekend at the homeless shelter,

02:04it will do my heart good to know that a bunch of wealthy men are swishing $200 bottles of wine and spitting it into silver buckets.

02:13Well, it's not like we don't recycle the bottles.

02:26What are they on? Tins of six?

02:29What are they on? Tins of six?

02:45Big, full-bodied, perhaps a bit baked.

02:50Essence of truffles, long-finished, Chambertin 76. Bravo, Frazier!

02:58If only your aim were as accurate, Will.

03:02How is it those same taste buds can't tell the difference between me pot roast and me flank steak?

03:08Considering you learned to cook in England, it's a wonder I can tell your flank steak from a braised tennis ball.

03:15Now, now, let's move on to the number seven.

03:19All right.

03:24Ah, touchable.

03:26A hint of current.

03:29Whisper of...

03:31What is that? What is that? Ah, ah, yes! Wet dog!

03:36You guys still playing that stupid game?

03:39Dad, wine tasting is not a stupid game. It's a highly refined skill.

03:43Yeah, I just saw a couple of guys on the corner practicing out of paper bags.

03:51We are hardly winos. Very distinguished people belong to our club.

03:56The mayor, the commissioner of public safety, the chief of surgery at St. Luke's.

04:02Oh, just the people I'd want walking around all liquored up.

04:07Couldn't you find room for a school bus driver and a couple of air traffic controllers?

04:13Well, we could if they had impeccable taste.

04:18Which reminds me, Dad, I have a favor to beg.

04:22Would you mind if I moved your chair into your room until after the tasting?

04:26Forget it. You might as well ask me to stay in my room.

04:29Which takes care of the second favor.

04:36Oh, all right. Go ahead. Move it.

04:39At least you don't have to spend the night looking at your society pals getting tanked.

04:44All right, Nas, come on. Grab an end.

04:50Oh, you're serious?

04:53You know I don't lift.

04:55Yeah, with that stick where it is, I'm surprised you can bend.

04:59Start hoisting.

05:02Come on.

05:04All right.

05:06Oh, Tom.

05:09This room?

05:10Yes.

05:11Oh, God.

05:12No, no.

05:13Don't drop it. Don't drop it.

05:14Hey!

05:15Oh, my God.

05:17You better be talking about the floor.

05:19Oh, well, of course I am.

05:21Oh, for Pete's sake. Just one scratch.

05:24Give me a yellow magic marker. I'll color it in. Nobody will know the difference.

05:30Dad, you have no idea how critical these people can be. They love finding fault.

05:34We could put a rug over it.

05:40A rug? Where a rug doesn't belong?

05:44Why don't we just throw down a twister, Matt? Have a few rounds between vintages.

05:51Steady, Frasier. There's still hope.

05:53I'll bring my contractor by in the morning. Man's a genius.

05:57You know, it's time you boys learned everything doesn't have to be perfect.

06:00Yes. It's that kind of advice that leads to shag carpeting.

06:11Ah.

06:12Good morning, Daphne. Extra canned cake for me this morning? I'm famished.

06:16Yes, well, you should have thought about that last night before you started making cracks about English cooking.

06:23I have hung up my spatula.

06:27Well, you moved my chair. You cut off my pancake supply.

06:32Why don't you just back out over Eddie on your way to work, making a hat trick?

06:40And a hat trick would be?

06:42That's in hockey where one...

06:44Enough said. Thank you.

06:49Hi.

06:50Morning, Frasier. I'm delivering one miracle worker as promised.

06:53Joe DiCarlo. Frasier Crane.

06:55It's a pleasure. And my father, Martin Crane.

06:57Hi, Joe. So where's the scratch?

06:59What? You mean you can't see it?

07:01Well, we're going to put some orange cones around it so nobody would fall in.

07:09It's right here.

07:14I can get rid of that.

07:15It has to be done by five. My guests arrive at seven.

07:19So it has to be a firm five, not a 5.15, not a 5.30.

07:22I'll have it done by noon.

07:24Splendid.

07:25I told you he was good.

07:27We're talking about a man who's satisfied Maris.

07:30Something that's still regrettably on my to-do list.

07:37Coffee's ready.

07:39Of course. I'm sure it'll taste like the old bathwater to you.

07:43You know how it gets, all grey and scummy around the edges with little flecks of...

07:49Oh, hello.

07:50Hi.

07:52Hello.

07:55I'd love some coffee, Daphne.

08:02Mmmmm, Daphne.

08:07Uh, Daphne, this is Joe DiCarlo.

08:09Joe, this is Daphne. She helps me out around here.

08:12Smells great. Colombian?

08:14Oh, no. English.

08:18The coffee. Costa Rican.

08:22Would you like a cup?

08:24Yeah, thanks.

08:25I'll be right back.

08:28He's adorable.

08:29Top meal.

08:30Plate of pancakes?

08:31Deal.

08:34You know, Joe, Daphne's a great gal.

08:37Oh, yeah.

08:38And you know, she doesn't always go around in that ratty old bathrobe.

08:41Oh, no.

08:42She cleans up real cute.

08:43Oh, yeah.

08:46You don't have to convince me.

08:48You know, I think Dad's right.

08:50You don't need to fix that scratch. It adds character.

08:52Come, Joe.

08:55Niles, forget it.

08:58Honey bun?

08:59Yes.

09:00Oh.

09:02Albert, would you like one of these with your coffee?

09:05Oh, I'd love one.

09:07Oh. Anything else?

09:09No.

09:10Sugar?

09:11Yes.

09:13I meant in the coffee.

09:15Oh.

09:19You know, Maris is quite a good cook.

09:22Oh, yeah.

09:23She's a great cook.

09:24She's a great cook.

09:25She's a great cook.

09:26She's a great cook.

09:27She's a great cook.

09:28She's a great cook.

09:29She's a great cook.

09:30Maris is quite keen on gutting my library to make more space for her hats.

09:36Why don't you come home with me,

09:38and you can send one of your men over to do this little job.

09:41Bruce would be good.

09:43The large sweaty gentleman with the chili dogs on his breath.

09:47Niles, Joe is here already, and we do have a deadline.

09:51But don't you think it would be prudent...

09:53Niles, it's settled.

09:54That's great.

09:55Because I'm kind of anxious to get at her.

09:58I'll just bet he is the test...

10:00Testosterone-driven...

10:02Niles! Niles!

10:04He's talking about the scratch.

10:06Oh, I knew that.

10:09I mean, I know that.

10:11I mean, watch him.

10:20Someone remodeling?

10:22Nope.

10:23Bad wiring in one of the condos.

10:25Well, I hope you gentlemen won't be working this evening.

10:28I'm entertaining some very important guests.

10:30You know how sound travels in this building.

10:33Can't make any promises.

10:35We're here as long as this poor sap is willing to pay us.

10:51What is happening?

10:53What is happening?

10:55Hold it down, guys.

10:57Sorry about this, Dr. Crane,

10:59but when I plugged in the sander to start on the floor,

11:02you blew a circuit.

11:04So, naturally, you're sawing a hole into my wall.

11:08And the circuit blew at the start of the fire.

11:10You got some real bad wiring in here.

11:12Right. How long?

11:13A couple hours.

11:15Now, a couple is vague.

11:18That would mean the big hand would be on the 12

11:20and the little hand would be on the 4.

11:23Oh, the 4. Well, the 4 is okay. Fine.

11:26Thank you.

11:27And you know the fire?

11:28Eddie smelled it first.

11:30Oh, well, he's a regular canary in a coal mine, isn't he?

11:37My God, what's going on?

11:39Don't ask, Niles.

11:40Oh, I see you've got the room and he can't take.

11:43Yes, but unfortunately, they only had the one bottle.

11:46Oh, that's funny. The importer told me he had two.

11:48Really? How strange.

11:56You know, if I didn't know you better,

11:57I would swear that you had squirreled one away for yourself.

12:01But then we both know that there must be telling the truth

12:05because you're such a slave to your ethics

12:07that even the slightest transgression would cause your nose to bleed.

12:15Which it isn't.

12:18You just sniffed.

12:20I didn't sniff. It was a snort of contempt.

12:24A snort is out that was in.

12:28Oh, all right.

12:30The other bottle's in the car in my bowling bag.

12:32Thank you.

12:35You have a bowling bag?

12:38Yes. Maris and I have taken to giving each other gag gifts.

12:44I gave her a cookbook.

12:49Oh, you who?

12:52I, uh, noticed how your shirt was clinging to your back.

13:00I thought a glass of iced tea might hit the spot.

13:03Oh, thanks, Steph.

13:05Oh, I got a spark.

13:09Me too.

13:10That's just static electricity from the carpet. It can happen to anyone.

13:14I'll show you.

13:16I'll spit.

13:24Stop poking me!

13:29Should I put these little fingery foods for tonight in the fridge?

13:32Oh, yes, please. The brie is sweating up a storm.

13:35Let me help you with those.

13:37No, Stephanie, let me help you.

13:39Excuse me, Bruce.

13:40Wow, jeez!

13:41Spark! Spark! Did you see the...

13:47Well, I will be back after work at 5.30.

13:52I hope I have your word that my apartment will be perfect by then?

13:57You're a king.

13:58All right, all right. Think before you answer.

14:01This is not like marriage vows or a promise to a dying parent.

14:04This really, really counts.

14:08You have my word.

14:10Thank you.

14:12Man, I am sweating like a pig.

14:14I gotta air myself out.

14:16Hey, hold the elevator, will you?

14:17I'm sorry, I need this nose tonight, thank you.

14:24You don't have to keep feeding these men.

14:26Actually, Maris finds they work faster if you keep them hungry.

14:30Well, I don't.

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