Nowhere Special Drama 2021 Movie

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Transcript

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00:03:40Hmm.

00:03:41Shall we have some grapes first?

00:03:43Yeah.

00:03:46Okay.

00:04:08Five.

00:04:11Someone that's good is not worse than the other.

00:04:16Nine.

00:04:20Come down, come down, his father cried.

00:04:23You'll be much safer by my side.

00:04:28Page.

00:04:32But then the crowd below cheered loud

00:04:35to see a turtle touch a cloud.

00:04:38They'd never seen a boy so brave.

00:04:42He gave his dad a little wave.

00:04:46Page.

00:04:50And when he reached the other side,

00:04:53his father's heart was full of pride.

00:04:58Come look, he called to everyone.

00:05:01That tightrope turtle, that's my son.

00:05:05That's my son.

00:05:09Oh, my God, it's late.

00:05:11Bedtime.

00:05:22I lay me down to sleep.

00:05:25I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

00:05:29May God guard me through the night

00:05:32and wake me with the morning light.

00:05:35Amen.

00:05:36Amen.

00:06:02Good night, Michael.

00:06:32Good night.

00:06:33Good night.

00:06:34Good night.

00:06:35Good night.

00:07:01Listen, Sam's mummy will pick you up from school.

00:07:04You can take his puppy for a walk.

00:07:07I want a puppy.

00:07:13Please don't play with the food.

00:07:16I'll get you some Coco Puffs tomorrow.

00:07:19And just try and finish the orange juice.

00:07:34I love you.

00:07:35I love you.

00:08:05I love you.

00:08:06I love you.

00:08:07I love you.

00:08:08I love you.

00:08:09I love you.

00:08:10I love you.

00:08:11I love you.

00:08:12I love you.

00:08:13I love you.

00:08:14I love you.

00:08:15I love you.

00:08:16I love you.

00:08:17I love you.

00:08:18I love you.

00:08:19I love you.

00:08:20I love you.

00:08:21I love you.

00:08:22I love you.

00:08:23I love you.

00:08:24I love you.

00:08:25I love you.

00:08:26I love you.

00:08:27I love you.

00:08:28I love you.

00:08:29I love you.

00:08:30I love you.

00:08:31I love you.

00:08:32I love you.

00:08:33Good morning Miss Rose, good morning Miss Rose.

00:08:40Morning, thank you.

00:08:41Have fun Michael.

00:08:42And pay attention to Miss Rose.

00:08:57Hey, Gage.

00:09:00All right.

00:09:01Bye, chicken.

00:09:02See you later.

00:09:03Where's my mommy?

00:09:09I've told you, Michael.

00:09:10She had to go away.

00:09:12Far, far away?

00:09:14Yes.

00:09:17Far, far away.

00:09:22Kiss?

00:09:28Bye, Michael.

00:09:32See you later.

00:09:44I'm sure she'll love that.

00:09:45Yeah, a commute can be difficult sometimes, but it's worth it, though.

00:09:57When you come back to this every night, peace and quiet, surrounded by greenery.

00:10:02Does he like nature?

00:10:05We're very outdoorsy people.

00:10:08We like to go for long walks, as you can see.

00:10:12We were thinking, what, maybe getting a dog?

00:10:21I know Michael would love a puppy to be responsible for.

00:10:25Great.

00:10:26I always sort of hoped the boy would enjoy the same childhood as herself, not just inside on the computer all day.

00:10:32And then here, he's free to run around, not be mollycoddled, free to climb trees and fall out of trees.

00:10:39I mean, we look after him, obviously, but you know what I mean.

00:10:43No, I'm sure he'd love to climb trees.

00:10:47He's a quiet wee boy, but he listens and he's always well behaved.

00:10:52He's very popular at school.

00:10:54I'm always being told what a great kid he is.

00:10:58He's loving, caring.

00:11:02He's a happy wee boy.

00:11:05I want...

00:11:11He deserves a normal family.

00:11:14Two parents, a loving family home, and all the opportunities I never had as a child.

00:11:20Look at that one as well.

00:11:23Did you bang your head, or are you all right?

00:11:25I'm all right.

00:11:26Are you sure?

00:11:28I want him to be able to do all the things I never could, never even thought I could.

00:11:33Never even thought of.

00:11:35We understand that.

00:11:37We've painted one of the rooms blue, but if he didn't like it, we could always change it.

00:11:42And, of course, we can afford the best education for our son.

00:11:47I mean, your son.

00:11:50As you know, Sadie is a nursery teacher.

00:11:52We could get him into her school.

00:11:54And perhaps later on he could attend my own boarding school.

00:11:57They're very keen on having children of alumni.

00:12:01Well, yeah, but he's doing well where he is.

00:12:07And, you know, it's not far. He's got friends, so...

00:12:11Oh, no, of course. We follow your guidance.

00:12:15And what does he know of your situation?

00:12:19Nothing. The less he knows, the better.

00:12:23And the birth mother?

00:12:25There is no birth mother.

00:12:28Can you see? Can you see the trap?

00:12:30Yes.

00:12:31Can you see the bugs in there?

00:12:34What about in the future?

00:12:36What would you like your son to know about you?

00:12:39To remember?

00:12:42What would you like your... the new family to...

00:12:52Mungo and the cleaner.

00:12:551, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14...

00:13:001, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14...

00:13:21Just think, Michael.

00:13:23All those lorries taking so many things to so many places.

00:13:28And all those cars.

00:13:31People going to work.

00:13:33Or to see their friends far away.

00:13:38One day, Michael, would you like to live somewhere else?

00:13:43In a different town, a different home?

00:13:47I like home.

00:13:58I like home.

00:14:28I like home.

00:14:58I like home.

00:15:12I don't want him to think about it.

00:15:16To understand death.

00:15:19Not now, not yet.

00:15:23He's... he's just too young.

00:15:27He'll die again to his new family.

00:15:30All those around him.

00:15:34He'll be left thinking that he will die too.

00:15:37I mean, you know...

00:15:39What kind of childhood is that?

00:15:41John, a memory box is different.

00:15:44He won't need one now, but he will need it.

00:15:47And his new parents will too.

00:15:51You know, John...

00:15:53There will come a time when he thinks about you every day.

00:15:57And he'll need something to start with.

00:16:00Physical, real, to connect with and build on.

00:16:04Build on?

00:16:08Is that from Emanuel? Have you just passed the exam?

00:16:11John, please. Shona's right.

00:16:14Maybe not now, but later.

00:16:16And certainly when he's 18,

00:16:18when he'll have the right to find out for himself who his birth parents were.

00:16:21He'll know he was adopted.

00:16:23We will find him a family that will be his family.

00:16:26His only family.

00:16:28He won't even have to remember how useless his parents were.

00:16:31His mother leaves him and then his father dies.

00:16:34I mean, that'll definitely fuck him up.

00:16:52Oh.

00:16:56Oh, my good darling.

00:16:59Oh.

00:17:21Michael, I told you not to draw on the books.

00:17:25What are you gonna say?

00:17:35Skype.

00:17:55Skype.

00:18:25Skype.

00:18:35Skype.

00:18:55Skype.

00:19:25Skype.

00:19:55Skype.

00:20:06Don't you just hate them?

00:20:08They leave their dogs in the garden, loose,

00:20:10but they still expect their meal, don't they?

00:20:13And then they complain if something's late or, God forbid, goes missing.

00:20:18Them and their bloody dogs.

00:20:21Menace.

00:20:23And then they come at you and they bite you.

00:20:25It's like you're their bit of fun for the day.

00:20:28Small ones are the worst, aren't they?

00:20:31Here, look at that, Michael.

00:20:34Right through my trousers.

00:20:36Always watch out for dogs, Michael.

00:20:38You never know what they feel like biting next.

00:20:41Michael loves dogs.

00:20:43He knows a very nice puppy.

00:20:46Em, would you like some more cake, John?

00:20:49It's great, isn't it?

00:20:50It's made it herself.

00:20:51None of those old preservatives.

00:20:53Thank you, no, it was delicious.

00:20:55Em, Shona, would you?

00:20:57Oh, thank you, Pam, I really couldn't.

00:21:00Michael, would you like a wee bit more of Pam's cake?

00:21:04Ah, well, I might better have a wee bit more myself, then,

00:21:07before the rabbit gets there, eh?

00:21:09Dad, rabbits don't eat cake.

00:21:11Ah, sure, Michael.

00:21:12Those, I'm only joking them, don't you, Michael?

00:21:16And you've been fostering for three years now, is that right?

00:21:19Mm-hm.

00:21:20Yeah, but it's been tough, you know?

00:21:23It's hard letting go of the idea of being pregnant.

00:21:29You know, you want people to make a fuss over you,

00:21:32you want to get the baby room ready, you know?

00:21:35And it lingers in your mind and you feel this pain,

00:21:39watching other mothers with their babies.

00:21:44Every month you feel like you've failed as a woman?

00:21:48Yeah.

00:21:50Sorry, John.

00:21:52I'm sure you know yourself.

00:21:54Life doesn't always work out the way you mean it to.

00:22:01So, I thought that maybe I was put on this earth

00:22:04to look after other people's children.

00:22:06And when Anne was six, seven, we started fostering.

00:22:13How was it for you, Anne? Did you enjoy it?

00:22:16Oh, she took it straight away, didn't you?

00:22:18Didn't you, pet? Like a duck to water.

00:22:22But sometimes it's sad to see them go.

00:22:25Yeah.

00:22:27Now we don't want to say goodbye to any more.

00:22:29We both made our mistakes, but we'll find someone special.

00:22:33We'll be together forever, won't we?

00:22:35We're still holding hands when we're out together shopping.

00:22:38It's embarrassing.

00:22:39Yeah, well, that might be somewhat true.

00:22:42We do nearly everything together.

00:22:44If I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom,

00:22:47she was with me, keeps me company.

00:22:49So I'd go for a piss and...

00:22:51Why would you tell them that? What will they think?

00:22:53What, he doesn't piss?

00:22:54Dad!

00:22:55Don't mind him.

00:22:57Look, your child will be part of a big family.

00:23:01All good people, real people.

00:23:04You want to stick to your own.

00:23:07People that respect you, not people that talk down to you.

00:23:11Hi, I know what you mean.

00:23:13Postman, sir.

00:23:15You know, nobody writes letters anymore,

00:23:18and I'm sure they're going to do away with us pretty soon.

00:23:21Replaced by a flying drone or something.

00:23:25And what will all those dogs bite then, eh, Michael?

00:23:41Does he like the rabbit, Michael?

00:23:47Wouldn't you like a rabbit to look after?

00:23:52I want a puppy.

00:24:02I want a puppy.

00:24:10I want a puppy.

00:24:25Almost done.

00:24:27Thank you, Mrs McDonagh.

00:24:29You really didn't have to go to the trouble.

00:24:31No trouble at all.

00:24:33You need your strength.

00:24:35And what else could I be doing with myself?

00:24:40Thank you.

00:25:04Here's your special, just as you like it.

00:25:07Thank you very much.

00:25:10Thank you.

00:25:19You know, John, these people, they may be a bit know-it-all,

00:25:22but they are professionals.

00:25:28You know, if they say that you should...

00:25:31What am I meant to tell them?

00:25:33That I'm in heaven,

00:25:36sitting next to God.

00:25:39Same God who did this.

00:25:41Well, you know, my mother believed in it.

00:25:45An afterlife.

00:25:47And none of your dust to dust stuff for her.

00:25:51We are air, not earth, she would say.

00:25:56And we're always there after.

00:26:00Our spirit, our energy is in the air.

00:26:05You know, I used to make fun of her,

00:26:10of her ideas when I was young.

00:26:13But you know, she was right.

00:26:18And now, she comes back to me in all sorts of ways.

00:26:27She sits on my bed at night and we talk.

00:26:30And she's very peaceful.

00:26:33I mean, she doesn't talk with her mouth or anything,

00:26:38but we talk.

00:26:41Come on.

00:27:03Hiya, John. Come on in.

00:27:04Hiya, Judy. Hello, Grace.

00:27:06Grace, say hello to Michael's daddy.

00:27:09Sorry, come on in.

00:27:12Good girl.

00:27:16I am sorry, it hasn't been the best of play dates.

00:27:20Michael, your daddy's here.

00:27:27What are you doing under the table, Michael?

00:27:30We didn't feel like playing today.

00:27:34And we weren't very nice.

00:27:36We didn't say nice things to Grace, did we?

00:27:40Michael.

00:27:43You're late.

00:27:47I'm sorry.

00:27:51Can we go now?

00:28:03And can you say sorry to Grace and to Judy for not being nice?

00:28:07Sorry.

00:28:09It's OK, Michael.

00:28:14Don't worry about it. It must be difficult.

00:28:19Cheers, Judy.

00:28:21And thank you, Grace.

00:28:27Thank you, Grace.

00:28:28You are welcome, Michael.

00:28:29And you come again any time you want, OK?

00:28:34See you.

00:28:35See you at school.

00:28:45Are we going to see any more of your friends?

00:28:52Not today.

00:28:56Put your belt on.

00:29:03Daddy.

00:29:10Daddy.

00:29:22What is it?

00:29:24What did you find?

00:29:25It doesn't go.

00:29:34It's a beetle, Michael.

00:29:37It's dead.

00:29:39It can't walk anymore.

00:29:42Let it go.

00:29:45It can't. It's dead.

00:29:51When a beetle dies, its body doesn't work anymore.

00:29:55It stops moving, eating, playing.

00:30:00Why?

00:30:02Why?

00:30:06Because...

00:30:12Because like all the animals and the plants, all the living things,

00:30:20it was born and it lived a happy life.

00:30:26Then it got old and it died.

00:30:28And when it died, it left its body behind.

00:30:31Three legs, its head, its tummy all empty.

00:30:36The beetle really isn't there anymore.

00:30:39It's just its body.

00:30:45Is it sad?

00:30:49No, Michael.

00:30:52It's not sad.

00:30:55It's... It's just not there.

00:31:01Hi, Shane.

00:31:02Hi, Shane.

00:31:24Hi, Shane.

00:31:48Oi.

00:31:50I'm not paying you to sleep up there.

00:31:53It's a corner.

00:31:55So I haven't started on this one yet?

00:32:24I don't know what there was to recommend.

00:32:26First and last time. Won't have you around again, mate.

00:32:29No, I'm not your mate.

00:32:32Right. Just a nobody window cleaner who can't clean fucking windows.

00:32:54Ooh.

00:33:09Hi, man.

00:33:11See you later.

00:33:41Fuck.

00:34:11Fuck.

00:34:42Fuck.

00:34:57Sure you're old enough to do this yourself?

00:35:00Without cutting your fingers?

00:35:11Fuck.

00:35:41Fuck.

00:36:11Fuck.

00:36:42Sometimes the children fight.

00:36:45Hide in the rooms.

00:36:47Yeah, but then the same child will skit through the door from school,

00:36:51clutching a prize that they've just won from us,

00:36:54and you know you've done something right.

00:36:58I'm so proud of them, and grateful for the privilege of

00:37:02sharing our lives with such incredible young people.

00:37:05Really, Dad? Even Tom?

00:37:07Yes, even Thomas. In fact, especially Thomas.

00:37:12Dad is right. Do you remember what it was like?

00:37:16Mum, can we go now? I'm going to be late.

00:37:19Freddy, can you get your stuff together, please, and put it in the car?

00:37:22And make sure you don't forget your boots this time.

00:37:25I'll be there in a minute.

00:37:28Who put the empty carton back in the fridge?

00:37:30Freddy!

00:37:33Who put the empty carton back in the fridge?

00:37:35Freddy!

00:37:39Mum, can I see my boots?

00:37:41Mum, I'm late.

00:37:43Come in. I mean, what can I tell you, John?

00:37:46To me, there's no difference in the way I feel about them.

00:37:50The birth children and the adopted ones.

00:37:53My children are my own, so I love them as my own.

00:37:57And he'll... he'll be our last one.

00:38:00Oh, yeah, if that is God's wish,

00:38:02then he will be the last one to join our wee family, so to speak.

00:38:07And he'll be loved.

00:38:11By all of us.

00:38:13Right, Billy?

00:38:16Dad!

00:38:30Dad!

00:38:49That's all, mate.

00:38:51Cheers.

00:38:53Back on down tomorrow, if you can.

00:38:55Or Friday.

00:38:56Tomorrow.

00:38:57I should have settled by then.

00:39:01We'll work it out together.

00:39:05I never wasted time.

00:39:07I should have stayed in bed.

00:39:19I hoped the baby would have made everything OK,

00:39:22but six months after he was born,

00:39:25she bought a ticket back to Russia and she left.

00:39:28She just left.

00:39:31Didn't even give us a foreign address.

00:39:34Wherever she is, she has no idea what she's missed out on.

00:39:39And the lovely wee man he's grown into.

00:39:46It wasn't her fault.

00:39:48She...

00:39:50Here, I just couldn't give her what she wanted.

00:39:53She missed her country too much.

00:39:55Actually, I wasn't what she wanted.

00:39:59But, yeah,

00:40:01when I was told about, you know,

00:40:04I thought maybe she could, you know,

00:40:09maybe one day...

00:40:11As Mrs Parks explained,

00:40:14it really is too late, John.

00:40:17Even if we were able to trace her,

00:40:19the council would have no way of assessing the situation

00:40:22and we couldn't risk Michael's well-being.

00:40:26John, one day at a time, yeah?

00:40:30We'll get there.

00:40:34Morning, John.

00:40:37Sorry for keeping you waiting.

00:40:45How are you, John?

00:40:48You tell me.

00:40:53John...

00:40:55We realise you want the best for your son.

00:40:58We all do, believe me.

00:41:01And your circumstances are exceptional,

00:41:04which is why we're treating this in an exceptional way.

00:41:08But there's a limit to the number of families we can consider

00:41:11before taking a decision.

00:41:14This is our responsibility, you understand?

00:41:17And these are all good families.

00:41:19I do understand, but you can't ask me to...

00:41:22I...

00:41:24I thought I would, you know?

00:41:26Know when I first saw them.

00:41:29I thought it'd be simple.

00:41:30Know, yes.

00:41:32Not these, that's them.

00:41:35But what if I am wrong, you know?

00:41:37What if I...

00:41:39I need to be sure.

00:41:41Of course.

00:41:42Can't we just put it out on paper in the friggin' shop window?

00:41:45Because it's only to go through the approval process.

00:41:49And we're on a note of time.

00:42:20SIGHS

00:42:22SNIFFLES

00:42:23COUGHS

00:42:27SIGHS

00:42:30SIGHS

00:42:32SIGHS

00:42:49SIGHS

00:43:12She should be fine.

00:43:14You might want to think about getting a new set of wheels on her.

00:43:17Yeah, she's good as new.

00:43:22That's just for the discs.

00:43:26Labour's on me.

00:43:31Thank you.

00:43:34You like cars, Michael?

00:43:36Lorries.

00:43:37Lorries?

00:43:39We fix lorries too.

00:43:41Maybe you come round some day and give us a hand, eh?

00:43:44Would you like to, Michael?

00:43:47Help George fix some lorries.

00:43:53Cheers, George.

00:43:55Good luck.

00:44:00Come on, we're going to be late for tea.

00:44:18There it is.

00:44:19Chocolate. Chocolate.

00:44:23Chocolate.

00:44:25Chocolate.

00:44:27Can you see it?

00:44:28Chocolate.

00:44:31Water is a chocolate bar.

00:44:33Chocolate.

00:44:34Oh, there it is.

00:44:36Come, come, come.

00:44:41Brown or red?

00:44:44Red.

00:44:45Red.

00:44:48Red chocolate.

00:44:52Where's the baking powder?

00:44:55Where's the baking powder?

00:44:58Ah, there it is.

00:45:03Michael, maybe we can ask this lady which is the best baking powder.

00:45:07You need baking powder?

00:45:09Yeah.

00:45:10Is your mummy making you a cake?

00:45:13No, my daddy.

00:45:15Lucky boy.

00:45:21This one?

00:45:22That one.

00:45:23Good. Cheers.

00:45:24Bye.

00:45:26Michael, don't put that in.

00:45:29Good man.

00:45:30Yeah.

00:45:31Good man.

00:45:36Here.

00:45:38Here.

00:45:43Great for Michael.

00:45:46In they go.

00:45:50Okay.

00:45:51Have we got everything?

00:45:53Pass the question.

00:45:55Checklist.

00:46:00Michael, eggs.

00:46:02Eggs.

00:46:03Eggs. We forgot eggs.

00:46:05Where are the eggs?

00:46:07Can't find the eggs.

00:46:29Right.

00:46:31This is the last packet of candles.

00:46:36Which colour next?

00:46:38Red.

00:46:39Red.

00:46:40Okay.

00:46:41Red it is.

00:46:46We are ready to go.

00:46:49Thirty-three candles.

00:46:52Wrong.

00:46:55Nearly there.

00:46:57Which candle next?

00:46:58Red.

00:46:59Red.

00:47:00Red?

00:47:02Are you sure?

00:47:04Red.

00:47:05Okay.

00:47:06What a surprise.

00:47:08Red it is.

00:47:12Ready.

00:47:14Thirty-four candles on daddy's cake.

00:47:17Four.

00:47:18Four.

00:47:19Thirty-four candles for thirty-four years.

00:47:25That's it. We're finished.

00:47:27What do you think? Looks good, no?

00:47:33You're old.

00:47:37I'm old?

00:47:42I'm not that old.

00:47:46But yes, Michael.

00:47:49Daddy's not so young anymore.

00:47:53And one day...

00:48:09Is this for me?

00:48:12Thank you.

00:48:22Thank you.

00:48:24Thank you.

00:48:26Thank you.

00:48:52I am so sorry. I completely forgot you were coming.

00:48:55I mean, I'm not the tidiest of people, but the place isn't usually this messy.

00:49:00I do my washing and ironing once a week. I hate doing those half-loads, don't you?

00:49:04Well, with Michael's things, it feels like all I do is half-loads.

00:49:08Oh, really?

00:49:10I know, since daddy's gone, I just kind of let it build up and then I'm left with this.

00:49:15Thank you, Shona.

00:49:16Right, I'll put the kettle on and get us a cup of tea.

00:49:20You're a grand.

00:49:21Yeah?

00:49:22Thank you.

00:49:23Michael, do you want a cup of tea? Would you like some juice?

00:49:27No? Would you like some juice?

00:49:30Oh.

00:49:31So, John, I don't know how much you know about my situation.

00:49:35Well, I had just turned 16 and I was with one of the lads when I went back home.

00:49:40I mean, it was my first time and, you know, there it was. Typical.

00:49:44And I loved him. You know, that 16-year-old love for your...

00:49:48Just a dope.

00:49:50And then when I once found out, well, Jesus, there was a whole...

00:49:54Daddy was horrified. He just...

00:49:57He said that there was a doctor in the next town and, like I said, no way.

00:50:02And then, for me, when it just came time to, you know, sign in those forms,

00:50:10I just... I think that I was just so angry.

00:50:13I was just so angry with everyone around me because I just really wanted to keep my son.

00:50:19And I really thought that I could do it and I really, really wanted to do it.

00:50:24Like, even back then.

00:50:28Do you believe me, John?

00:50:34And I couldn't choose.

00:50:36I mean, I didn't even meet the parents that were set to take the baby.

00:50:40So then, all those years later, the doctor said I probably wouldn't be able to carry a baby again.

00:50:48Like, adoption was the obvious choice for me and that was fine

00:50:51because I would have just thought that I'd love our child

00:50:55just the way I would have loved the child that had to give up.

00:51:04But my husband, he didn't feel the same.

00:51:06But my husband, he didn't feel the same.

00:51:09He just thought that he couldn't love a baby that wasn't his, you know?

00:51:14Like, actually his.

00:51:16So, that was the end of that.

00:51:22Right, come here, you.

00:51:26See how many rocks you can fit into the truck?

00:51:31So, it's been, what, three years now since I've been...

00:51:34One, two...

00:51:37It's been three years now since I've been approved in the system.

00:51:40You know, sometimes they say that they're just looking for couples, which is fine,

00:51:45but that's the first thing I do when I go on those profiles.

00:51:48I see if it's okay that I'm single.

00:51:50I mean, like, I don't blame them.

00:51:54I think that if I was looking for a family for my baby, that's what I'd want, you know?

00:51:59Just two people.

00:52:00Doesn't matter the colour, the shape or any of that crack.

00:52:03Just two people that loved each other.

00:52:05I think that's important, don't you?

00:52:08Yeah, yeah, I suppose.

00:52:13It's hard, man.

00:52:17I mean, for me, it's like...

00:52:20Right at the end of the tunnel is a child coming into this house.

00:52:24It'd be like winning a cup.

00:52:28But it would be way better.

00:52:31How many did you get in?

00:52:36You know, I just...

00:52:39I just want a child to love, you know?

00:52:42To give my love to.

00:52:45How was he like as a baby?

00:52:49He kept us...

00:52:51Well, me, really, up all night.

00:52:56His mother couldn't give him milk and feeding him was difficult.

00:53:01And what were you like when you were his age?

00:53:04I don't know.

00:53:07They told me my dad broke me up for my first four years.

00:53:13He was a lorry driver.

00:53:15Kept a cat in the back of the cab.

00:53:18And then after that it was foster homes.

00:53:26Can I ask you something?

00:53:29What do you like to do with your dad?

00:53:34Well, we don't do so much physical stuff these days, do we?

00:53:39So we...

00:53:42We read, watch TV, go to the park.

00:53:46And sometimes we wash windows.

00:53:49Don't we, Michael?

00:53:52Do you love washing windows?

00:53:54Do you love getting wet?

00:53:56No.

00:54:05When will you die?

00:54:14Erm...

00:54:17Well, I don't know, Michael.

00:54:21I don't think anyone knows.

00:54:23I hope it's not for ages.

00:54:53I love you.

00:55:24You know, I used to be so jealous.

00:55:29I was so envious of all those who lived on.

00:55:34All those old people.

00:55:37And my husband was going to die and he was still young.

00:55:42I'd lie awake at night next to him and...

00:55:46Oh, I just got so angry.

00:55:49Oh, I just got so angry.

00:55:55But he wasn't like that at all.

00:55:58He said he enjoyed even more every minute we spent together.

00:56:03Everything around him seemed to be more special.

00:56:06Wonderful.

00:56:09The sun was brighter.

00:56:12The colours of the flowers were richer.

00:56:16Even the grass was greener.

00:56:20Yeah, I'm not sure I know what he was on about.

00:56:23Maybe he said it was to make me feel better.

00:56:29All I see is death.

00:56:31Always there. Everywhere.

00:56:37Like some bloke hanging around that wants something.

00:56:43Never showed weakness, that's how I grew up.

00:56:46Showed weakness in one of those places, you were screwed.

00:56:50That's how I lived my whole life.

00:56:55But sometimes...

00:56:58When I drop him off at school,

00:57:00there's all those mums there with their kids.

00:57:04The tears just well up.

00:57:07And there's nothing I can do, just turn around and walk away

00:57:11and hope that nobody sees, nobody...

00:57:14Nobody comes over and tries to help.

00:57:17That's not weakness, Angel.

00:57:19That's love.

00:57:22Yeah, but how can I do this to him?

00:57:27I've given him my family, I'm not taking it away.

00:57:30You are doing something very brave.

00:57:33You should be dead proud of what you're doing for him.

00:57:39Sorry. I mean...

00:57:44It's funny how you can rot inside and not even know it.

00:57:48I know.

00:57:57Do you still miss him?

00:58:01Yes. No.

00:58:05I talk to him every day.

00:58:07We had 50 wonderful years together.

00:58:14Our only sadness was that we never had children.

00:58:21I wish I wasn't so old I could do this for you.

00:58:33I finally threw out his toothbrush last Christmas.

00:58:43I'm sorry.

00:59:13I love you.

00:59:43I love you.

01:00:13I love you.

01:00:44We don't have to adopt.

01:00:47I mean, I'm sure my husband and I are perfectly capable

01:00:50of bringing a lovely baby into the world,

01:00:52but it's just not our choice.

01:00:55The idea of waddling around,

01:00:58happily expecting,

01:01:00to then bring in a little tiny newborn home from the hospital

01:01:05and closing the door and...

01:01:07...living in a little cocoon all the way from the world.

01:01:12It's just not really me.

01:01:15It's just not us, is it, Trevor?

01:01:17No.

01:01:19We both feel that...

01:01:21We like to confront life.

01:01:24We like to face things head on.

01:01:27And for us, this would be...

01:01:31...a new beginning.

01:01:34And for us, this would be...

01:01:37...a new journey.

01:01:39A whole new adventure.

01:01:42You know, we have room in our hearts.

01:01:46And we certainly have plenty of room in our home.

01:01:49So why would we not?

01:01:52And if someone needs parents, then...

01:01:56...we can be those parents.

01:02:04That's good.

01:02:07I'm glad for you.

01:02:14Do you like him, Michael?

01:02:17His name's Jimmy.

01:02:21Say thank you to Trevor.

01:02:23Thank you.

01:02:29Doesn't really look like his photo, does he?

01:02:32I mean, or you.

01:02:34Does he look like the mother?

01:02:37No, he has his mother's eyes.

01:02:42I mean, how any mother can leave a child?

01:02:46I mean, leaving a father, I can completely understand.

01:02:49But leaving a child?

01:02:51A child needs a mother.

01:02:54Wouldn't you like a mummy, Michael?

01:03:02I mean, this'll have to go.

01:03:06We jumped the gun a bit.

01:03:08Lorraine...

01:03:11We were hoping for a baby, but...

01:03:14But please, please believe me, we will love him.

01:03:18We will bring him up with love.

01:03:21Not just for him, but for us.

01:03:24It'll be good.

01:03:26A life well spent.

01:03:30Something to be proud of.

01:03:33I mean, after all, what could be better than having a child grow up?

01:03:39And ready to face life.

01:03:42Like your parents did for you.

01:03:47And to leave this world knowing that you contributed to something real.

01:03:52That your passage on this earth

01:03:55had, you know, purpose.

01:03:58And a meaning.

01:04:02Sorry, you'll have to excuse me sometimes as I go on.

01:04:11This, this is my room.

01:04:14Well, it's the train's room, really.

01:04:18And Lorraine doesn't understand why I spend so much time in here.

01:04:22There's always something to do.

01:04:25Something to improve, something to fix.

01:04:29You just have to take the time to look at it...

01:04:33carefully, like a child would.

01:04:37Do you think Michael would like it?

01:04:41He likes lorries.

01:04:45And trains.

01:04:49Maybe you could show it to him.

01:04:51Yeah?

01:04:52Yeah?

01:04:54When he's older, it's all a little delicate.

01:05:07Hello, Daddy.

01:05:10Okay.

01:05:12Well, thank you so much for coming.

01:05:15Michael, it was lovely to meet you.

01:05:17And you too, John. My pleasure.

01:05:19Yes, thank you.

01:05:21Trevor.

01:05:24Michael.

01:05:34Michael, Jimmy lives here.

01:05:38But maybe you could come and play with him another time.

01:05:50Michael, will you say goodbye to Jimmy?

01:05:52Thank Trevor for letting you play with him, okay?

01:05:59Thank you for letting me play with him. Bye.

01:06:02Bye.

01:06:06Okay.

01:06:07Let's go.

01:06:23What's adopt, Daddy?

01:06:38Adopt is...

01:06:41when a child cannot be looked after by his mummy and daddy.

01:06:47And so...

01:06:48he can go and...

01:06:50live with two nice new parents.

01:06:56Who can give him a new love and family home.

01:07:07I don't want to adopt.

01:07:10I don't want to adopt.

01:07:30Don't fall, Michael.

01:07:33Be careful.

01:07:40John, these things are done in a certain way.

01:07:43There are all sorts of procedures we're supposed to follow.

01:07:47They're not written for a case like yours.

01:07:49Where did you find those people?

01:07:51What fucking procedures did you use?

01:07:55I'm sorry, John.

01:07:58But it does happen.

01:08:00A lot of matches just don't work out.

01:08:04I think we should go.

01:08:05A lot of matches just don't work out.

01:08:09I think they were just hoping for somebody younger.

01:08:11I wouldn't have given them a dog to look after.

01:08:13Not even a fucking rabbit.

01:08:18This is the biggest decision of my life.

01:08:20Don't they understand?

01:08:22Don't you?

01:08:26It's not about me wanting to be right, it's...

01:08:29I do understand.

01:08:32That's why I'm here.

01:08:33I'm breaking loads of rules I know about, and I'm sure a few more that I don't.

01:08:38If Miss Sparks finds out, I'll be asking you for a job before I finish my training.

01:08:44It's not even about them figuring them out.

01:08:48It's Michael.

01:08:52I always thought that I knew him.

01:08:56I mean, I do, I do.

01:08:58He's mine, he's my son.

01:09:01But do I know him, really know him, you know?

01:09:06Enough.

01:09:08For this.

01:09:21God, fuck.

01:09:23Where's the drink when you need it?

01:09:26Why did you bring me to this place?

01:09:31You know what?

01:09:33I don't know.

01:09:36Britain cake?

01:09:42Okay, fine.

01:09:44Go to a pub next time.

01:09:46Have two big vodkas.

01:09:48Then we'll sort it all out.

01:09:50Well,

01:09:52if you're allowed.

01:09:53Allowed?

01:09:57It's definitely not going to kill me.

01:10:01Yeah.

01:10:13Do you think you've cleaned that lorry enough, Michael?

01:10:15It looks very clean to me.

01:10:17No, it's dirty.

01:10:23Right, come on.

01:10:24Lean your head back.

01:10:26Go on, let's open your eyes.

01:10:28That's it.

01:10:30That's it.

01:11:01No more?

01:11:04I can tell Miss Rose they're all gone.

01:11:08Oh, Dad.

01:11:30Fuck.

01:12:00Fuck.

01:12:31Fuck.

01:12:55No, don't.

01:13:00More.

01:13:04I'll get you more.

01:13:06Just please don't need mine, okay?

01:13:31No.

01:13:33The tiger ones are dirty.

01:13:34You can't wear them.

01:13:35Look, we'll wash them tomorrow.

01:13:36No, it's late.

01:13:38Michael, put these on, please.

01:13:43Michael.

01:13:50Michael, put the new pyjamas on now.

01:13:52And don't come out of here until you're ready to say sorry.

01:14:00Fuck.

01:14:30Fuck.

01:15:00Fuck.

01:15:30Fuck.

01:15:46What are you putting in that lorry there?

01:15:49What?

01:16:00Fuck.

01:16:30Fuck.

01:17:00Fuck.

01:17:13Fuck.

01:17:16Fuck.

01:17:19Fuck.

01:17:30Fuck.

01:18:00Fuck.

01:18:30Fuck.

01:18:31Fuck.

01:18:32Fuck.

01:18:33Fuck.

01:18:34Fuck.

01:18:35Fuck.

01:18:36Fuck.

01:18:37Fuck.

01:18:38Fuck.

01:18:39Fuck.

01:18:40Fuck.

01:18:58Yep, so I've crossed out all the bad ones.

01:19:01Put a star next to the good ones and a question mark next to the ones who, you know, do pay,

01:19:08just need a bit of reminding from time to time.

01:19:13Yep.

01:19:15So, if you have any more questions, you've got my number.

01:19:17Should be on it for another wee while.

01:19:19Thanks, that's great.

01:19:21Are you going abroad?

01:19:25Aye.

01:19:27Oh, sure. Here are the keys.

01:19:30If you look after her, she shouldn't let you down.

01:19:32Brilliant. Well, I'll let you know how it goes, sure.

01:19:35Oh, sorry, almost forgot.

01:19:37This is for you, but don't catch it till next Monday, OK?

01:19:40Cheers.

01:19:41Wish me luck.

01:19:43Keep her lit.

01:19:59Thanks.

01:20:29Cheers.

01:20:59Thanks.

01:21:00Cheers.

01:21:29Cheers.

01:21:31Cheers.

01:21:59Like the beetle left its body, but is now flying around the forest.

01:22:18One day soon, her daddy will leave his body, but will always be around you.

01:22:30In the air.

01:22:35Like the balloon in the sky.

01:22:39Yes.

01:22:41You won't see me, but you can talk to me.

01:22:47And I'll listen.

01:22:50And you won't hear me, like you hear me now.

01:22:58You'll hear me inside you.

01:23:02Inside?

01:23:03Mm-hm.

01:23:04Inside?

01:23:05Mm-hm.

01:23:09I will always be with you.

01:23:14In the air around you.

01:23:18And in the sunshine that warms you.

01:23:23And the rain?

01:23:26Aye.

01:23:28And the rain that gets you wet.

01:23:31And the grip?

01:23:34Yes.

01:23:39I'll be there too.

01:23:42Not in the grip, but in the taste of it.

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01:28:55Hi, Michael. It's so lovely to see you again.

01:29:25You

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