Good Morning Pakistan | Taalluq, Tehzeeb Aur Tarbiyat Special Show | 1st July 2024

5 months ago

Good Morning Pakistan | Taalluq, Tehzeeb Aur Tarbiyat Special Show | 1st July 2024 | ARY Digital

Guest: Saleem Sheikh, Rubina Ashraf,

Host: Nida Yasir

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Transcript

00:00:00I married you off to Mustafa without my consent.

00:00:03Otherwise, I would never have married you off to Mustafa.

00:00:06When you are a wife, you can even make a useless husband.

00:00:10I made a huge mistake by marrying my precious daughter to this man.

00:00:14Jadina!

00:00:16I don't deserve you.

00:00:17You should have found someone better.

00:00:20I know you didn't get married because you wanted to.

00:00:23But you did it, didn't you?

00:00:24You did it!

00:00:26He was alive for this day that my two sons would fight like this.

00:00:31My family taught me that only money is respected in this world.

00:00:35There is a huge difference between me and him.

00:00:38He is not the same Mustafa I used to love.

00:00:44And the way he is now, I don't think I will be able to live his life.

00:00:51Pack your stuff and get out of my house.

00:01:26There is a lot of mischief in it.

00:01:30There is a lot of mischief in it.

00:01:35Greetings! Good morning!

00:01:38Good morning, Pakistan! How are you?

00:01:41I am thinking about such topics these days.

00:01:45Because they are very practical.

00:01:48And our society needs them.

00:01:51So, I am thinking about such topics these days.

00:01:57Because if you want to improve your generation,

00:02:02then you should teach your daughters.

00:02:04I have been saying this for a long time.

00:02:07But I will prove it to you today.

00:02:10Because daughters become mothers.

00:02:13And mothers have a bigger responsibility than fathers.

00:02:19It is about the upbringing of children.

00:02:22If you go to the flashback,

00:02:25your elders have always given you so many guidelines.

00:02:30That we have been thinking about it and raising our children.

00:02:34But when you come to an edge and you feel that

00:02:38no one is going to tell you, you don't understand anything.

00:02:42Sometimes when we become more educated,

00:02:47our elders don't know anything about today's world.

00:02:51Because the world is changing, so the upbringing is also changing.

00:02:55It is changing a little bit.

00:02:57You used to say that uncle Chanda will come.

00:03:00We used to bribe our children in the olden days.

00:03:04That he will come from the sky.

00:03:07Put your teeth under the pillow.

00:03:09Then the fairy will come and keep the money.

00:03:12Children have become very smart.

00:03:15The elders who used to talk to us,

00:03:18they don't follow what we tell them.

00:03:21So our upbringing should also be molded according to their smartness.

00:03:27And if any parents understand this, it will be best.

00:03:31Because children make us uncle these days.

00:03:33If we say something to them or if we say something to them,

00:03:36they turn around and answer us with such smartness.

00:03:40That mom, this is not the case.

00:03:42Why are you saying this to me?

00:03:44So we also have to study for that.

00:03:47So now we have to take help from Google more than our elders.

00:03:50And we search on Google.

00:03:51If you have to explain something to a boy or a girl,

00:03:55then do this or do that.

00:03:57No matter how many guidelines you take from anyone,

00:04:00but everyone's child is a different person.

00:04:05He is the owner of a different personality.

00:04:07So you have to raise him in your own way.

00:04:11So until you become a parent,

00:04:13you can't try any experience or experiment on yourself.

00:04:21But still, when you sit with four people

00:04:25and talk to each other a lot,

00:04:28like a guest sitting in a drawing room,

00:04:32I really like to talk to people in everyday life.

00:04:37Not just for show.

00:04:38Because listening to people in everyday life

00:04:42so many things get absorbed.

00:04:45I mean, more than when I was reading books,

00:04:48I feel that if I look at Instagram or social media,

00:04:51people say something good about it.

00:04:53Or when we sit among ourselves,

00:04:55people say something good about it.

00:04:57So from there, it gets practically absorbed.

00:05:01Today, in the drawing room of our show,

00:05:04something like this is going to happen.

00:05:05Some parents,

00:05:07I said, we will dedicate the show entirely to the upbringing of children.

00:05:10But there will be a separate show for girls and a separate one for boys.

00:05:13I mean, there is a difference between the upbringing of a son and a daughter.

00:05:17Today, we will give you tips.

00:05:19Today, the entire show that we have dedicated is on the upbringing of daughters.

00:05:22There will be a lot of celebrity parents here

00:05:27who have done a lot of courses to raise their daughters.

00:05:32They have thought of a lot of things.

00:05:33We will also listen to them.

00:05:35So that we also get some tips like this while talking to them.

00:05:39Which we can apply in our life.

00:05:41And believe me,

00:05:43you don't raise them by thinking.

00:05:45There are a lot of things that happen automatically.

00:05:48Daughters learn a lot of things by looking at their mothers.

00:05:52Daughters look at their fathers and absorb that their future life

00:05:56should revolve around a man like this.

00:05:58Because their family is revolving around their father.

00:06:03They feel that this is my ideal man of life, who is my father.

00:06:08So, fathers also have to be a role model in front of their daughters.

00:06:13We will come back after a short break.

00:06:15And we will dedicate a very beautiful program

00:06:17on the upbringing of daughters.

00:06:20Good morning, Pakistan.

00:06:31Welcome back.

00:06:32Good morning, Pakistan.

00:06:33Today, we are talking about the upbringing of daughters.

00:06:37Obviously, daughters are very loving and caring.

00:06:41But how to keep a balance between strictness and love.

00:06:46Parents need to understand this.

00:06:48How much love and strictness they have to give them.

00:06:55They say, feed me a piece of gold.

00:06:57But look, from whose point of view?

00:06:58From the lion's point of view.

00:07:00I am saying from the eagle's point of view.

00:07:03Sometimes, we have to become an eagle as well.

00:07:07So, let's start.

00:07:09It is said that a child does a lot of things for six years.

00:07:14He learns languages, he learns etiquette.

00:07:17This is new research.

00:07:19When our children were six years old,

00:07:22it was not like this then.

00:07:23But today's research says that a child does this for six years.

00:07:27So, let's go back to the flashback and start from there.

00:07:30Do you think that when your daughters were small,

00:07:33what was your role as a father at that time?

00:07:36Their upbringing.

00:07:37Look, at that time, one was small.

00:07:41Was your father only to play?

00:07:42My father was there to play as well.

00:07:44But he was also worried that when she will grow up,

00:07:47when she will grow up together or when she is learning.

00:07:51So, his upbringing...

00:07:53Like, if we take a child to someone's house,

00:07:56you must have seen that mothers don't refuse anything.

00:08:00Like decoration pieces.

00:08:02I mean, if I had to take my children somewhere,

00:08:05I would teach them.

00:08:06And I would tell them not to pick up these things.

00:08:08And it is not possible with a child.

00:08:11That the child goes and sits comfortably with us.

00:08:13It is not possible.

00:08:14But parents think like that.

00:08:16And they should think too.

00:08:17These days, I have seen a lot that the child is playing,

00:08:20the child is breaking things, the child is not scolding the child.

00:08:23So, we wanted to teach them these things.

00:08:27At this age.

00:08:28So that the children learn that it was not like this.

00:08:31If you refuse a child once,

00:08:32then maybe he will learn that I don't want to touch this thing.

00:08:35So, those things were also in my mind.

00:08:37These days, parents have a very good technique.

00:08:40Give them an iPad or a phone.

00:08:42They won't move from their place.

00:08:43You will also tell them to bow down and greet.

00:08:46I will lose.

00:08:49I will lose.

00:08:51I can't leave it. I am going to win now.

00:08:53And they think that does the child eat from this?

00:08:56By showing.

00:08:57That if he is watching the video, then he will eat.

00:09:00Does he eat?

00:09:01Yes, he eats.

00:09:03Because he eats whatever you feed him.

00:09:04In our time, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:09:07We used to do that.

00:09:08Yes, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:09:10So, it's the same thing.

00:09:12Either we used to put cartoons on TV or we used to make cartoons ourselves.

00:09:16Or we used to say something or the other.

00:09:18We used to make faces.

00:09:19So, feeding the children was always one thing.

00:09:21It was difficult for the parents.

00:09:23Even in those days, the doctors used to say that

00:09:26he will eat.

00:09:27He is healthy. He is of the right weight.

00:09:29He has done what he should have done from last month to next month.

00:09:34The same thing that we start panicking from the first three months.

00:09:37And after that, whenever we used to ask the doctors

00:09:40that the doctor doesn't eat anything.

00:09:43They used to say that when he will feel hungry, he will eat.

00:09:46But they didn't dare to do that.

00:09:47The parents forced them to eat.

00:09:49No, no. When they were very small, when the spoon feed was cut.

00:09:53Even then, we used to think that he doesn't eat.

00:09:55We used to feed him. We used to try.

00:09:56We used to eat half of the food.

00:09:57After that, they used to take it out or close his mouth.

00:10:00And they used to say that he just needs that much.

00:10:02But no parent used to do that.

00:10:05They used to say that he needs more.

00:10:06They used to think that he has to eat as much as I have thought.

00:10:09They used to open the zip and put it in his mouth.

00:10:11Okay, I will talk about this.

00:10:12Like I told you, the children were small.

00:10:14See, fathers are naturally very possessive about their daughters.

00:10:19So, sometimes there are restrictions.

00:10:23Restrictions.

00:10:24That I will go to college or I will go to school.

00:10:27Or I will go to drop them.

00:10:28And they think a lot about this.

00:10:30Maybe mothers don't think as much as fathers do.

00:10:33When the girls were small, I thought that they will grow up.

00:10:37Obviously, I have to take care of them.

00:10:39And let me tell you that I didn't have a day

00:10:43when I didn't go to drop them to school.

00:10:45Okay, you used to drop them?

00:10:46I mean, if I am in Lahore, it is my duty.

00:10:50I used to get up on time without informing.

00:10:52I didn't send anyone with a driver.

00:10:55And I used to drop them myself.

00:10:56Okay, that session with the girls.

00:10:59When you drop them to school or college,

00:11:02I feel that when my father used to drop me,

00:11:05it was a session.

00:11:06There was a lot of talk between a father and his daughter.

00:11:11Of course, there was.

00:11:12And obviously, on the way,

00:11:13you know the time in the morning.

00:11:15Children are like that.

00:11:17But there was an effort to talk.

00:11:19That today I am doing this in school.

00:11:21Or I have to eat this.

00:11:22Or there was a demand for that.

00:11:24So, she used to tell me that give me a little more money today.

00:11:27I have to do this in school today.

00:11:28I have to go to this.

00:11:29And then the permission that was there,

00:11:31if the children had to go somewhere from school,

00:11:33then obviously, they couldn't go anywhere without my permission.

00:11:36That is very important.

00:11:38So, were you a strict father?

00:11:39Not at all.

00:11:40Or not?

00:11:40Like, if I have to go to my friend's house to stay,

00:11:43all these things,

00:11:44I have to go to a relative's house to spend the night.

00:11:46So, your father was very strict in that matter.

00:11:50No.

00:11:51If you have to attend a friend's wedding.

00:11:52You should know which friend's house you are going to.

00:11:55Okay.

00:11:55You should know this.

00:11:56So, I don't think it is strict.

00:11:58Okay.

00:11:59If you don't know.

00:12:00Yes.

00:12:00First of all, we tried.

00:12:02I didn't shift to Karachi because

00:12:05the friends from childhood and kindergarten are still there.

00:12:10Yes.

00:12:11Now, all my elder daughter's friends are the same group.

00:12:14They have got married.

00:12:15The rest of the friends too.

00:12:16So, they are with the kindergarten.

00:12:18Okay.

00:12:18Their parents, their family, our family, we all know each other.

00:12:22Okay.

00:12:23And if my daughter used to go to their house at night,

00:12:27that today is her birthday, we will stay there today.

00:12:29Yes.

00:12:29Then we didn't have any problem.

00:12:30Okay.

00:12:31We knew.

00:12:31Yes.

00:12:32Similarly, we have done the same with the other two kids.

00:12:35Their parents know everyone.

00:12:37Yes.

00:12:37So, I didn't come to Karachi again and again

00:12:41that I shift again.

00:12:42Then I do their new schooling.

00:12:43Exactly.

00:12:44So, it is a difficult job.

00:12:45For their education, how much interference did you do?

00:12:49Like, what subjects do the kids have to take?

00:12:51Which school should they go to?

00:12:52That is mostly the mother's hand.

00:12:54Yes.

00:12:54Very much.

00:12:55That is the research of the mothers.

00:12:56Yes.

00:12:57Okay, sometimes I feel that in couples,

00:13:00the same person goes to the back seat

00:13:04who thinks that this father is handling it better.

00:13:06Yes, yes.

00:13:08This is decided.

00:13:09This is there.

00:13:10The one who is a little more research based

00:13:14or more understanding of the things going on inside

00:13:18and moving forward.

00:13:20The one who has more skills.

00:13:21Then the other one leaves it.

00:13:22I have seen often.

00:13:23We, because the way we are,

00:13:26we feel that we are mothers.

00:13:27I do more.

00:13:28I also take more decisions for my children at home.

00:13:32I do studies.

00:13:33You must also do your work.

00:13:35But if you see a lot of fathers in the masses,

00:13:39if they are more educated,

00:13:41then they are making more decisions for the children

00:13:43and helping them.

00:13:44So you can take this subject.

00:13:46Because they have done teaching.

00:13:47Yes, yes, yes.

00:13:48They have taught the children,

00:13:49so they have more experience.

00:13:50Yes.

00:13:50How to deal with the children,

00:13:52how to handle them.

00:13:53So that interferes more.

00:13:54But this one thing is decided that

00:13:57there is a person who has to spend more time with the children.

00:14:01Yes.

00:14:02In the day, isn't it?

00:14:03From packing the lunch box at school,

00:14:07then as soon as they come,

00:14:09bring it.

00:14:09Then the whole day after that.

00:14:10And after that, the rest of the day and whatever you have to see.

00:14:12And there is a father who comes in the evening.

00:14:14Yes.

00:14:14So his interaction with the child is less.

00:14:16So mothers know their psyche, their needs more than the father.

00:14:23There can be no doubt in this.

00:14:24As I said before going on the break,

00:14:27that to raise today's daughters,

00:14:29we have to tell them one sentence,

00:14:31that son, don't just become a bride.

00:14:33You have to become a bride too,

00:14:35but don't just become a bride.

00:14:36This should not be the purpose of life.

00:14:39So I would like to ask you about that.

00:14:42Then I will come to you too, of course.

00:14:44Looking at your personality, you must know that

00:14:46you have the same thoughts.

00:14:48And you must have put this thought in Mina.

00:14:50So I want to ask you about this.

00:14:52Because often fathers think that

00:14:54our duty should be fulfilled,

00:14:56that our daughters should get married

00:14:58and our duty should be fulfilled.

00:14:59What did you think of your daughters?

00:15:01I think it is wrong to think that

00:15:02the girl got married and her duty was fulfilled

00:15:04and she went to her home.

00:15:06It's not like that.

00:15:06Yes.

00:15:07You have to live with the girl all your life.

00:15:10Because she can't forget her parents' home

00:15:13for the rest of her life.

00:15:14So you have to teach her that

00:15:16you are getting married,

00:15:18this is your new life,

00:15:19how you have to lead it.

00:15:21Of course, those things are different.

00:15:23The mother teaches and the children learn too.

00:15:26So we have said that you have to go there.

00:15:31Of course, you can see the upbringing of the parents

00:15:33that what they have taught the children there.

00:15:35This is very important.

00:15:36Yes.

00:15:36And that is important.

00:15:38Have you ever let the children do small jobs?

00:15:41Yes, of course.

00:15:42Internships, so that they become strong.

00:15:46Were you a rough father or a gentle father?

00:15:49No, no.

00:15:51You will get a drop in my daughter's life.

00:15:53No, not at all.

00:15:54It will be good if you raise the child roughly.

00:15:57If the child is eating junk, let him eat.

00:16:01That is the age of the child.

00:16:02Many parents don't let the child eat junk.

00:16:06I have never thought like that.

00:16:07I have fed him.

00:16:08And the gentleness is that I have daughters and I am a father.

00:16:12So I have to give him as much love as possible.

00:16:14So I have kept that.

00:16:16Okay.

00:16:16But it is not that whatever they say, I have to listen to them.

00:16:19Like you have to take a leave from school.

00:16:21Yes, I say that.

00:16:22That it's okay, you can take a leave today.

00:16:24My wife says that.

00:16:25Yes, your father can say that.

00:16:26My daughter-in-law says that you can take a leave.

00:16:29If you see, you will not go to school.

00:16:31These things happen to us.

00:16:33Yes.

00:16:33So I am the first to take a leave.

00:16:35First.

00:16:35It's okay, take a leave today.

00:16:36What will happen if you don't go for a day?

00:16:38What will happen?

00:16:38By the way, I am also such a mother.

00:16:40Okay.

00:16:40I used to say that I think we can take a leave this week from Taripur.

00:16:45This is their school now.

00:16:47I said, yes, it's okay.

00:16:48It won't make a difference in a week.

00:16:50Because if someone travels or something.

00:16:51Because whenever I had to travel for my work,

00:16:54I used to try to take the children along.

00:16:57And whether it is any corner of the world.

00:16:59Yes.

00:17:00So I used to take a leave very easily.

00:17:03Yes.

00:17:03Not on a regular basis.

00:17:04No, sometimes.

00:17:05Not in normal circumstances.

00:17:06But when we have to go somewhere.

00:17:08Or there is a place where there is a bonding.

00:17:12A family get together or something.

00:17:15So I would say school.

00:17:16You have to pass it.

00:17:17What kind of mother were you?

00:17:18Possessive mother or rough tough mother?

00:17:22I think both.

00:17:23Both.

00:17:24Yes, because there are possessive mothers too.

00:17:26Obviously, there are.

00:17:28And but the effort is that.

00:17:31I liked those people who.

00:17:33Even after having a car at home.

00:17:35They used to take their children on buses.

00:17:38And there are many people like that.

00:17:40There are not, but there are.

00:17:43And I get inspired by such people.

00:17:46Not that I was ever able to do that.

00:17:48I just did this.

00:17:50I never had a lot of drivers.

00:17:52You see, in a time span.

00:17:55When I have some work.

00:17:57That I won't be able to manage.

00:18:00Time in the afternoon.

00:18:01Time to bring from school.

00:18:02Other than that, I never had a driver.

00:18:05You used to take them on your own?

00:18:06Yes, I used to take them on my own from school.

00:18:08When you look at Meena now.

00:18:10Sometimes you feel that.

00:18:14I have raised a good girl.

00:18:15Is it good or bad?

00:18:16Yes, I mean the work is done.

00:18:18What do you see?

00:18:19I don't know.

00:18:20I want you to share with other women.

00:18:23What things did you take care of?

00:18:24Which result did you see in your children?

00:18:28There is a day when I feel.

00:18:31This is fine.

00:18:32And there is a day when I feel.

00:18:34What have I done?

00:18:35Why didn't I explain it to her properly?

00:18:37Why didn't I know how to explain it to her?

00:18:40Why couldn't I explain it to her?

00:18:42This is how it is.

00:18:43And it will be like this for the rest of your life.

00:18:46You will feel that it is wrong.

00:18:48And then there will be a moment.

00:18:49When you will feel that it is fine.

00:18:52As long as your children are small.

00:18:55School.

00:18:56School.

00:18:57That's it, until school.

00:18:58You feel that it is fine.

00:19:00I did everything right.

00:19:01Because until then, they are learning something new every day.

00:19:04They are making you proud.

00:19:05And they are taking good marks.

00:19:06Yes, they are studying well and doing everything well.

00:19:10They are listening to you too.

00:19:12Because they are very dependent.

00:19:14You feel that you have raised the right children.

00:19:17And after that, those children go to college.

00:19:19And then they go to university.

00:19:20And then they start mixing names in your yes.

00:19:24And then they start making their own personalities.

00:19:27And then there comes a time when those personalities are not the same.

00:19:31As you want to see.

00:19:33Wrong or right.

00:19:34You can be wrong.

00:19:35Because what you want to see may not be right.

00:19:38So you feel that I didn't do anything right.

00:19:40I did everything wrong.

00:19:42So I used to think many times.

00:19:43That if 14-15 years ago someone would have asked me what kind of a mother I am.

00:19:48I would have said, excellent.

00:19:51And today if someone asks me what kind of a mother I am.

00:19:53I will say, I don't know.

00:19:55Or flop.

00:19:56Because this is a very difficult task.

00:20:01And this is a job.

00:20:02But still.

00:20:03This is a job.

00:20:04This is not fun.

00:20:05We have taught the basics to the children.

00:20:08Now they have a different individual personality.

00:20:10We can't make them our image.

00:20:13It can't be that.

00:20:15We don't want to make them.

00:20:17We want to make them better than us.

00:20:19We want to see them achieving more than us.

00:20:25Not in terms of money.

00:20:27But in terms of goodness.

00:20:28In terms of becoming a good person.

00:20:31Their behavior with people should be better than ours.

00:20:36They should be grounded.

00:20:39They should know how to run a house.

00:20:41They should not get angry at everything.

00:20:45They should know how to take on any situation head on.

00:20:48Exactly.

00:20:49This is actually important.

00:20:50When they go into a difficult situation.

00:20:52And how have you handled it?

00:20:55Whether it is a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law.

00:20:56Whether it is her in-laws issues.

00:21:00Whether it is a small fight with her husband.

00:21:04How do you tackle it?

00:21:08I would like to ask you.

00:21:11What should you do at that time?

00:21:12You will see mothers often.

00:21:14We see it in our dramas.

00:21:16That the girl's house is ruined.

00:21:20All the blame is put on the mother.

00:21:22That the mother must have filled her ears.

00:21:24Your mother must have taught you.

00:21:25If we see that.

00:21:27What should the mother do at that time?

00:21:29When the girl is getting married.

00:21:31And she is getting settled in her house.

00:21:33How should the mother handle it?

00:21:35Because this is a new thing for them.

00:21:38If your first daughter is getting married.

00:21:40How do you handle it at that time?

00:21:41Because when your daughter used to tell you.

00:21:45My friend did this to me.

00:21:49Something was happening in your heart.

00:21:51Exactly.

00:21:51You used to feel bad for your child.

00:21:54In fact, when your daughter's in-laws.

00:21:58If she comes there and does catharsis.

00:22:01In front of her parents.

00:22:03How do you tackle it at that time?

00:22:05What should you do?

00:22:06You can't be quiet.

00:22:07You will give her 10,000 of your advice.

00:22:10Yes, but I think.

00:22:13The mother should not get too much.

00:22:15It is said so.

00:22:16It is said, but.

00:22:17Can we do this practically?

00:22:18It is a very difficult task.

00:22:19Because if the girl is complaining.

00:22:22That this has happened, this has happened.

00:22:24Then the heart does it.

00:22:26If something like this happens, then the heart hurts.

00:22:29So you should try not to interfere too much in it.

00:22:34But explain to the child.

00:22:36This is a difficult task.

00:22:37This is a difficult task.

00:22:38But this is what we were saying.

00:22:40That you think you sent the child to his house.

00:22:43It is not for the daughter.

00:22:45It is for both.

00:22:46And you started their life.

00:22:49You sent them to the life whose responsibility is this.

00:22:52Your work is over.

00:22:53No, the difficult work will start now.

00:22:55Because now this child is the one who used to come from school.

00:22:57He used to tell you that my friend will have a fight.

00:22:59He will not tell.

00:23:00Maybe.

00:23:01But he is your child.

00:23:03You will see his face.

00:23:05And you will think.

00:23:06This face is not right.

00:23:08Exactly.

00:23:09And you don't want her to tell you.

00:23:12Yet you want to know.

00:23:13What happened to him?

00:23:15Why is she behaving like this today?

00:23:17Isn't it?

00:23:18This is the most difficult time.

00:23:22Then your child tells you.

00:23:24That he has done this to me.

00:23:27What has happened?

00:23:28What are you doing?

00:23:32And your first reaction is that.

00:23:36Oh God, who are these people?

00:23:38And what are they doing?

00:23:39Isn't it?

00:23:39But that's where you need to check yourself.

00:23:42Stop.

00:23:43First of all, he is your child.

00:23:45He has done this to you too.

00:23:47Okay?

00:23:48You know exactly how hyper he is.

00:23:51How sane he is.

00:23:52How smart he is in situations.

00:23:55You shouldn't blame others.

00:23:57You should blame your child too.

00:23:59Because you know him better than yourself.

00:24:03When he used to fight with you.

00:24:05You used to be very unhappy.

00:24:07Today he will fight with someone.

00:24:08And he will complain to you.

00:24:11And you will agree.

00:24:12That's the thing.

00:24:13How did you think?

00:24:15That you won't agree?

00:24:16What do you know about that situation?

00:24:20So I always say.

00:24:22And I say this.

00:24:23Because you should keep your mother-in-law aside.

00:24:26And you are the judge.

00:24:27And you are the judge.

00:24:28Exactly.

00:24:29So I normally.

00:24:30In such a situation.

00:24:32I say, look, this is your thing.

00:24:34You are saying this and I am listening.

00:24:36So I don't know about the other side.

00:24:40So either.

00:24:41Let me know about the other side too.

00:24:45That I will go and ask.

00:24:46You don't want me to interfere in your married life also.

00:24:50Because I know.

00:24:51That you are fighting right now.

00:24:53I have been there and done that.

00:24:54Tomorrow you will say that he is not a husband.

00:24:58Yes.

00:24:58Exactly.

00:24:59That's right.

00:25:01Exactly.

00:25:01We will come back after a short break.

00:25:03Because.

00:25:04The whole part of upbringing.

00:25:06We get stuck here.

00:25:08We can see everything from Google.

00:25:10But Google doesn't tell us.

00:25:12You have to bear it yourself.

00:25:15So the things that Google doesn't tell us.

00:25:16Experiences tell us.

00:25:18Listening, understanding.

00:25:20Somewhere, someone's point.

00:25:22Comes from your life.

00:25:22And our mothers come.

00:25:24In our minds.

00:25:25Exactly.

00:25:26They have told us something.

00:25:28Which is useful to us today.

00:25:30Exactly.

00:25:31Good morning, Pakistan.

00:25:42Welcome back.

00:25:43Good morning, Pakistan.

00:26:14Sometimes we have to be a parrot also.

00:26:19So let's start.

00:26:20It is said that a child judges a lot of things for 6 years.

00:26:25Learns languages.

00:26:27Learns etiquettes.

00:26:28This is new research.

00:26:30When our children were 6 years old.

00:26:33It was not like that then.

00:26:34But today's research says that a child judges for 6 years.

00:26:38So you go to flashback.

00:26:39Let's start from there.

00:26:41Do you think that when your daughters were small.

00:26:44What was your father's role at that time?

00:26:47His upbringing.

00:26:48See, at that time.

00:26:51One was small.

00:26:52Dad was only to play.

00:26:53At that time.

00:26:54Dad was also there to play.

00:26:55But dad was also worried that when she will grow up, definitely.

00:26:59When she is growing up or learning or something.

00:27:02So his upbringing.

00:27:04Like if we take the child to someone's house.

00:27:08So you must have seen that mothers don't refuse anything.

00:27:11Like decoration pieces.

00:27:13I mean, if you want to take the child somewhere.

00:27:16Then teach them.

00:27:18And tell them that this thing is not to be picked up.

00:27:20And this is not possible.

00:27:21With the child.

00:27:22That the child goes and the child sits comfortably with us.

00:27:24This cannot happen.

00:27:25But parents think like this.

00:27:27And should also think.

00:27:29Nowadays I have seen a lot that the child is playing.

00:27:32The child is breaking things.

00:27:33The child is not scolding the child.

00:27:35So we wanted to teach them these things.

00:27:38At this age.

00:27:40So that the child learns that this was not.

00:27:42Once you refuse the child, then maybe he will learn.

00:27:44That I don't want to touch this thing.

00:27:46So those things were also in mind.

00:27:48Nowadays parents have a very good technique.

00:27:51Give the iPad or phone.

00:27:53They will not move from their place.

00:27:54You will also say that bow and greet him.

00:27:58That I will lose.

00:28:00I will lose.

00:28:02I can't leave the game, I'm going to win now.

00:28:04And they think that does the child eat from this?

00:28:08By showing.

00:28:09That if he is watching the video, then he will eat.

00:28:11Does he eat?

00:28:12Yes, he eats.

00:28:13Okay.

00:28:14Because he eats anything.

00:28:16In our time, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:28:18We used to put it.

00:28:20Yes, we used to put cartoons on TV.

00:28:22So it's the same thing.

00:28:23Today that has come.

00:28:24Either we used to put cartoons on TV or we used to make cartoons ourselves.

00:28:27Or we used to tell something or the other.

00:28:29Make chakles.

00:28:30It has always been a task to feed the child.

00:28:32It has always been a task for the parents.

00:28:34Although even in that time, the doctor used to say the same thing.

00:28:37That you will eat.

00:28:38His health is fine, he is of the right weight.

00:28:41What he should have gained from last month to the next month, he has done it.

00:28:45The same thing that we start panicking from the first three months.

00:28:48And after that, as many times we used to ask the doctor that.

00:28:52Doctor, he doesn't eat anything or doesn't eat anything.

00:28:55So he used to say that when he will feel hungry, he will eat.

00:28:57But dare to say this.

00:28:58He forced his parents to eat.

00:29:01No, no, when he was very small, when the spoon feed was cut.

00:29:04Even at that time, we used to think that he doesn't eat.

00:29:06He eats, tries to eat, eats half the food.

00:29:08After that, he either takes it out or shuts his mouth.

00:29:12And he used to say that he just needs that much.

00:29:14But this didn't happen in any parent.

00:29:16He used to think that as much as I have thought.

00:29:19He somehow opened the zip and put it inside.

00:29:22Okay, I will talk about this.

00:29:23Like I told you, the children were small.

00:29:25So see, the father was naturally very possessive about the daughters.

00:29:30So, sometimes there are restrictions.

00:29:34Restrictions.

00:29:35That I will go to college or I will go to school or I will go to drop them.

00:29:39And they also think a lot about this.

00:29:41Maybe the mothers don't think as much as the father thinks.

00:29:44Earlier, when the girls were small, at that time I had thought that they will grow up.

00:29:49Obviously, I have to take care of them and this and that.

00:29:51And let me tell you that there was no such day.

00:29:54The day I didn't go to drop the school.

00:29:56Okay, you dropped it.

00:29:57I mean, if I am in Lahore, it is my duty.

00:30:01I used to get up on time without informing.

00:30:03I didn't send anyone with a driver.

00:30:06And I used to drop it myself.

00:30:07Okay, that session of conversation with the girls.

00:30:11When you drop them to school or college, I feel the same way.

00:30:14When father used to drop me, it was a session.

00:30:18The talk between a daughter and a father used to happen a lot.

00:30:22Of course, it used to happen and obviously on the way.

00:30:25You know the time in the morning.

00:30:26Children are like that anyway.

00:30:28But there used to be an attempt to talk.

00:30:30That today I am doing this in school.

00:30:33Or this food or there used to be a demand for it.

00:30:35So she used to tell that give me a little more money today.

00:30:38I have to do this in school today, I have to go.

00:30:41And then the permission that was there, if the children had to go somewhere from school.

00:30:44Then obviously, they couldn't go anywhere without my permission.

00:30:48That is very important.

00:30:49So were you a strict father?

00:30:50Not at all.

00:30:51Or not?

00:30:51Like if I have to go to my friend's house to stay.

00:30:54All these things, I have to go to a relative's house to spend the night.

00:30:58So father used to be very strict in that matter.

00:31:02No, you should know which friend's house you are going to.

00:31:06Okay.

00:31:07This should be known.

00:31:08Then I don't think there is any strictness.

00:31:09Okay.

00:31:10If you don't know.

00:31:11Yes, we tried first of all.

00:31:13I didn't shift to Karachi because of this.

00:31:16That the friends from childhood, kindergarten are still there.

00:31:21Yes.

00:31:22Now all the friends of my elder daughter are the same group.

00:31:25Who have got married, the rest of the friends too.

00:31:28So they are with the kindergarten.

00:31:29So their parents, their family, our family, we all know each other.

00:31:34Okay.

00:31:34And if my daughter used to go to their house at night.

00:31:38That today is her birthday, today we will stay there.

00:31:40Yes.

00:31:40So we didn't have any problem.

00:31:42Okay.

00:31:42We knew.

00:31:43Yes.

00:31:43Similarly, the other two younger ones, we have done the same with them.

00:31:47That their parents know everyone.

00:31:48Yes.

00:31:49So I didn't come to Karachi again and again.

00:31:52So that I shift again and do their new schooling.

00:31:54Exactly.

00:31:55Do all the things.

00:31:56So this is a difficult work.

00:31:56Okay, for their education, how much interference did you do?

00:32:01Like what subjects do the children have to take?

00:32:03Which school should be there?

00:32:04That is the mother's hand.

00:32:05Yes.

00:32:05A lot.

00:32:07That is the mother's research.

00:32:08Yes.

00:32:08Okay, sometimes I feel that in couples.

00:32:11Yes.

00:32:13The same person goes to the back seat.

00:32:15Who thinks that this father is handling it better.

00:32:18Yes, sometimes in couples.

00:32:19Yes, yes.

00:32:19This is decided.

00:32:20This is there.

00:32:21The one who will be a little more research based.

00:32:25Yes.

00:32:26Or by understanding things by going inside.

00:32:29And to move forward.

00:32:31Yes.

00:32:31In which there will be more skills.

00:32:32Then the other will leave it and go.

00:32:33I have seen often.

00:32:35We, because the way we are, we feel that we are mothers.

00:32:39Yes.

00:32:39I do more.

00:32:40I also do more decisions for my children at home.

00:32:43I do more studies.

00:32:45You must also do in your home.

00:32:46But if you see a lot of fathers in the masses.

00:32:50If they are more educated.

00:32:52Then they are doing more decisions for the children.

00:32:55And helping.

00:32:56Because you are doing this subject.

00:32:57Because she has also done teaching.

00:32:58Yes, yes.

00:32:59She had taught the children.

00:33:00So she has more experience.

00:33:01Yes.

00:33:02How to deal with children.

00:33:03How to handle.

00:33:04So she interferes more.

00:33:06But this is one thing that is decided.

00:33:08That there is a person who has to spend more time with the children.

00:33:13Yes.

00:33:13In the day.

00:33:14From packing the school lunch box.

00:33:18Then as soon as he comes.

00:33:20Bring it.

00:33:20Then the whole day.

00:33:21And after that the rest of the day.

00:33:22And whatever you have to see.

00:33:23And there is a father who comes in the evening.

00:33:25Yes.

00:33:25So his interaction is less with the child.

00:33:28Okay.

00:33:28So mothers know their psyche, their needs more than the father.

00:33:34There can be no doubt in this.

00:33:36Okay, as I said before going on the break.

00:33:38Yes.

00:33:38That to raise today's daughters.

00:33:41We have to tell them a sentence.

00:33:43Son, don't just become a bride.

00:33:45You have to become a bride too.

00:33:46But don't just become a bride.

00:33:47This should not be the purpose of life.

00:33:50So I would like to ask you about that.

00:33:53Then I will come to you too.

00:33:54Obviously, looking at your personality, you must know.

00:33:58That you also think the same.

00:34:00And you must have put this thought in Mina.

00:34:02So I want to ask you this.

00:34:03Because often fathers think that our duty should be fulfilled.

00:34:08My daughters should get married.

00:34:09And our duty should be fulfilled.

00:34:11What did you think of your daughters?

00:34:12I think this is a wrong thought.

00:34:13That the daughter got married and her duty was fulfilled.

00:34:16And she went to her home.

00:34:17It's not like that.

00:34:18Yes.

00:34:18You have to live with your daughter all your life.

00:34:21Because she can't forget her parents' house all her life.

00:34:25Yes.

00:34:26So you have to teach her that you are getting married.

00:34:29Now you have a new life.

00:34:31Now how you have to take it.

00:34:32Obviously, those things are different.

00:34:34Mothers also teach, children also learn.

00:34:38So we have said this.

00:34:40You have to go there.

00:34:43Obviously, you can see the upbringing of the parents.

00:34:44What they have taught the children there.

00:34:46This is very important.

00:34:47Yes.

00:34:48And that is important.

00:34:49No, you never let the children do small jobs.

00:34:52Especially for girls.

00:34:54Internships, so that they become a little strong.

00:34:57Were you a rough father?

00:34:59Or were you a gentle father?

00:35:01No, no, no.

00:35:02I will get angry.

00:35:03No, no, not at all.

00:35:05It will be very good if you take care of the child roughly.

00:35:08I mean, if a child is eating junk food, let him eat.

00:35:12That is the age of the child.

00:35:13Many parents don't let the child eat junk food.

00:35:17I have never thought like that.

00:35:18I have fed him.

00:35:20And the gentleness is that I have daughters and I am a father.

00:35:23So I have to love them as much as possible.

00:35:26So I have kept that.

00:35:27Okay.

00:35:27But it is not that whatever they say, I have to listen to them.

00:35:31Like if you want to take a school holiday.

00:35:32Yes, I say that.

00:35:34No problem, take a holiday today.

00:35:35Yes, yes, yes.

00:35:36You can say that.

00:35:37Yes, that maid says that you will keep on taking holidays.

00:35:40If you see, you will not go to school.

00:35:43So we talk about these things.

00:35:44Yes.

00:35:44So I am the first to take a holiday.

00:35:46First.

00:35:46No problem, take a holiday today.

00:35:48What will happen if you don't go for a day?

00:35:49What will happen?

00:35:50By the way, I am also such a mother.

00:35:51Okay.

00:35:52I used to say that I think we can take a holiday this week from Antaripur.

00:35:56This is their school now.

00:35:58I said, yes, yes, no problem.

00:35:59It won't make any difference in a week.

00:36:01Because if someone goes on a trip or something.

00:36:03Because whenever I had to travel for my work.

00:36:05So I used to try to take the kids with me.

00:36:08And whether it's any corner of the world.

00:36:11Yes.

00:36:11So I used to take a holiday very easily.

00:36:14Yes.

00:36:15Not on a regular basis.

00:36:16No, sometimes.

00:36:16Not in normal circumstances.

00:36:17But when we have to go somewhere.

00:36:20Or there is a place where there is a bonding.

00:36:23Family, get together or something.

00:36:26So I would say school.

00:36:28You have to pass it.

00:36:29Okay, what kind of mother were you?

00:36:30Possessive mother or rough tough.

00:36:32Mother who raised children.

00:36:33I think both.

00:36:35Both.

00:36:35Yes, because there are also possessive mothers.

00:36:37Obviously, there are.

00:36:39And but the effort is that.

00:36:43I liked those people who.

00:36:45Despite having a car at home.

00:36:46Also used to travel their children on buses.

00:36:50And there are many people like that.

00:36:52There are not, but there are.

00:36:55And I get inspired by such people.

00:36:57Not that I was ever able to do that.

00:36:59I just did this.

00:37:01That I never had a lot of drivers.

00:37:03In any one time span.

00:37:06When I have some work.

00:37:08That I won't be able to manage.

00:37:11Time in the afternoon.

00:37:12Time to bring from school.

00:37:14Other than that, I never kept a driver.

00:37:16You used to drop them yourself.

00:37:17Yes, I used to drop the kids from school.

00:37:20When you see Meena now.

00:37:22And you know, sometimes you see.

00:37:23So you feel a little bit like.

00:37:25I have raised a good girl.

00:37:27Is it okay or wrong?

00:37:28Yes, I mean, the work is fine.

00:37:30What do you see?

00:37:31I don't know.

00:37:31I want you to share with other women.

00:37:34What things have you taken care of?

00:37:36Whose fruit you have now seen in your children.

00:37:39There are days when I feel.

00:37:42This is fine.

00:37:44And there are days when I feel.

00:37:45What have I done?

00:37:47Why didn't I explain this to him properly?

00:37:49Why didn't I know how to explain?

00:37:51Why couldn't I explain this to him?

00:37:53So this is the way it is.

00:37:54And it will be like this all your life.

00:37:57You will feel that it is wrong.

00:37:59And then a moment will come.

00:38:01When you will feel that you have become absolutely fine.

00:38:03As long as your children are small.

00:38:05Small like this.

00:38:06School.

00:38:08School.

00:38:08Just school.

00:38:10So you feel that this is absolutely fine.

00:38:11I have done everything right.

00:38:12Because by then they are learning something new every day.

00:38:15They are making you proud.

00:38:16And they are taking good marks.

00:38:18Yes, they are studying well.

00:38:19And they are doing everything well.

00:38:21They are listening to you too.

00:38:23Because they are very dependent.

00:38:25So you feel that I have raised the right kids.

00:38:28And after that, those same kids go to college.

00:38:30And then they go to university.

00:38:32And then they don't agree with you.

00:38:35And then they start making their own personalities.

00:38:38And then that time comes.

00:38:40When those personalities are not the way you want to see them.

00:38:44Wrong or right.

00:38:45You can be wrong.

00:38:46Because what you want to see may not be right.

00:38:49So you feel that I haven't done anything right.

00:38:51I have done everything wrong.

00:38:53So I used to think many times.

00:38:55If 14-15 years ago someone would have asked me.

00:38:59What kind of mother are you?

00:38:59I would have said, excellent.

00:39:01And today if someone asks me, what kind of mother are you?

00:39:04I would say, I don't know.

00:39:06Or flop.

00:39:07Because this is a very difficult task.

00:39:10And this is a task.

00:39:13But still, this is a task.

00:39:15This is not fun.

00:39:16We have taught the basics to the kids.

00:39:19Now they have a different individual personality.

00:39:22We can't make them our own image.

00:39:24It can't be like that.

00:39:26And we don't want to make it.

00:39:28We want to make them better than us.

00:39:30We want to see them achieve more than us.

00:39:36Not in terms of money.

00:39:38But in terms of goodness.

00:39:39In terms of making them good people.

00:39:42Make them behave with people better than us.

00:39:48Make them grounded.

00:39:51Make them know how to run a house.

00:39:52Make them not get angry at everything.

00:39:56Make them know how to take on any situation head on.

00:39:59Exactly.

00:40:00Actually important.

00:40:01Yes.

00:40:02When they go into a difficult situation.

00:40:04And how we have handled it.

00:40:06Whether it is a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law.

00:40:08Whether it is the issues of in-laws.

00:40:12Whether it is a small quarrel with her husband.

00:40:16How will they tackle it?

00:40:19I would like to ask you here.

00:40:23What should be done at that time?

00:40:24Because you will often see mothers.

00:40:26We see it in our dramas as well.

00:40:28That in spoiling a girl's house.

00:40:31All the blame is put on the mother.

00:40:33That the mother must have scolded her.

00:40:35Your mother must have taught you.

00:40:37If we see that.

00:40:38So what should be the role of the mother at that time?

00:40:41That when the girl is married.

00:40:43And she is getting settled in her house.

00:40:45So how to take the mothers along.

00:40:47Because this is a new thing for them as well.

00:40:49If your first daughter is married.

00:40:51How to handle it at that time?

00:40:53When your daughter used to come and tell the school.

00:40:57My friend did this to me.

00:41:00Something was happening in your heart.

00:41:02Absolutely.

00:41:03You used to feel bad for your child.

00:41:05In fact, when your daughter's in-laws are there.

00:41:09If she comes from there and does her catharsis.

00:41:13In front of her parents.

00:41:15So how to tackle it at that time?

00:41:17What to do?

00:41:17Can't be quiet.

00:41:19Will you give him 10,000 of your advice?

00:41:21Yes, but I don't think the mother should study too much.

00:41:26It is said so.

00:41:27It is said, but it is a very difficult task.

00:41:31Because if the girl is complaining.

00:41:34That this has happened, then the heart does it.

00:41:38If something like this happens, then the heart stops.

00:41:40So you should try not to interfere too much.

00:41:46But make the girl understand.

00:41:47This is a difficult task.

00:41:48This is a difficult task, but this is what we were saying.

00:41:51That you think you sent the child to her house.

00:41:54Sir, it is not for the daughter, it is for both.

00:41:58You made her start her life.

00:42:00You sent her to the life whose responsibility is this.

00:42:03Your work is over.

00:42:04No, the difficult work has just started.

00:42:06Because now this child is the one who used to come from school.

00:42:09He used to tell you that my friend will fight.

00:42:11He won't tell you, maybe.

00:42:13But he is your child.

00:42:15You will see his face.

00:42:16And you will think that this face is not right.

00:42:19Exactly.

00:42:21And you don't want her to tell you.

00:42:23Yet you want to know.

00:42:24What happened to him?

00:42:26Why is she behaving like this today?

00:42:29Yes.

00:42:30This is the most difficult time.

00:42:33Then your child tells you.

00:42:36That no, no, no, no, he did this to me.

00:42:38This happened, this happened, we are doing this.

00:42:43And your first reaction is that.

00:42:47Oh God, who are these people and what are they doing?

00:42:51But that's where you need to check yourself.

00:42:53Stop.

00:42:54First of all, he is your child.

00:42:56He has done this to you too.

00:42:58Okay?

00:42:59You know exactly how hyper he is.

00:43:02How sane he is.

00:43:04How smart he is in situations.

00:43:06You shouldn't give the whole blame to others.

00:43:08You should give it to your child.

00:43:10Because you know him better than yourself.

00:43:14When he used to fight with you.

00:43:17You were very unhappy.

00:43:18Today he will fight with someone and complain to you.

00:43:22And you will agree.

00:43:24That's the thing.

00:43:24How did you think that you won't agree?

00:43:28You don't know anything about that one person.

00:43:31So I always say this.

00:43:34Because at that time you should keep your motherhood aside.

00:43:37And you are a judge.

00:43:39Exactly.

00:43:40So I normally, in such a situation.

00:43:43I say, look, this is your thing.

00:43:45You are saying this and I am listening.

00:43:48So I don't know about the other side.

00:43:51So either you allow me to know about the other side.

00:43:56That I go and ask.

00:43:58You don't want me to interfere in your married life also.

00:44:01Because I know that you are fighting right now.

00:44:04I have been there and done that.

00:44:06Tomorrow you will say that she is just a child and not a husband.

00:44:09Exactly.

00:44:11That's absolutely right.

00:44:12Exactly.

00:44:12We will come back after a short break.

00:44:14Because we get stuck here.

00:44:19We can see everything from Google.

00:44:21But Google doesn't tell us.

00:44:24We have to bear it ourselves.

00:44:26So what Google doesn't tell us, experiences tell us.

00:44:29Listening, understanding.

00:44:31Somewhere, someone's point in your life.

00:44:34And our mothers come in our minds.

00:44:36Exactly.

00:44:37They tell us something that is useful for us today.

00:44:41Exactly.

00:44:42Good morning, Pakistan.

00:44:53Welcome.

00:44:54Welcome back.

00:44:55Good morning, Pakistan.

00:44:56Today we are discussing how to raise daughters.

00:45:00We don't want a delicate and submissive daughter.

00:45:07We want a daughter who is educated.

00:45:11And she has to carry on with her generation.

00:45:15She should know what to do and what not to do.

00:45:18And she shouldn't be too dependent.

00:45:20We used to raise very dependent daughters.

00:45:23Dad or brother is picking her up from college and leaving her.

00:45:27What to do now?

00:45:28She used to be very timid.

00:45:29But like Haseena Mohan's heroines used to be timid.

00:45:34But today's daughters are different.

00:45:36Actually, Haseena's heroines were never timid.

00:45:40Yes.

00:45:41I mean, in those days...

00:45:44Now we are more timid.

00:45:46Maybe.

00:45:47In your dramas, we used to call many girls timid, dangerous.

00:45:51Crying, smoking.

00:45:52I don't know why we are doing that.

00:45:53But Haseena...

00:45:55Haseena's heroines used to be innocent.

00:45:58And she used to be confident.

00:46:01A change happened in her life and...

00:46:04Shezuri, Ankahi, Tanhaiya.

00:46:05All the women were strong girls.

00:46:08Strong girls but not innocent.

00:46:10Yes, those.

00:46:11The ones who used to throw bombs.

00:46:12Yes, those things.

00:46:13Farah Nadeem has joined in as well.

00:46:15Hello.

00:46:16Hello.

00:46:17Welcome to our conversation.

00:46:18Thank you.

00:46:19How to raise daughters.

00:46:21I have spoken to both of them.

00:46:23I would like to talk to you as well.

00:46:24Because, by the grace of God, you have seen your daughter.

00:46:27The way you have raised your daughter.

00:46:29And the way you have made her independent.

00:46:32You have taken everything with you.

00:46:33Marriage, children, doctor.

00:46:36Then becoming a doctor abroad.

00:46:38Along with education, you have taken everything with you.

00:46:41So, please give us some tips for that as well.

00:46:44See, obviously, when we get married, we are young as well.

00:46:48But I have noted that daughters are a shadow of their mother.

00:46:53The way a mother talks to her children.

00:46:56She sees how a mother gets up, how a mother sits.

00:46:59How she behaves with her elders.

00:47:01So, mothers should be an example to their daughters.

00:47:05If you have a hard time, it is not necessary to shout at your children.

00:47:09Or whatever problems you have in front of them, you should talk about it.

00:47:13First of all, I don't understand this thing at all.

00:47:16That you should discuss your family's issues with your husband or mother-in-law.

00:47:21You should talk to your children in a cool and loving manner.

00:47:25See, in the olden days, when children were brought up in a joint family system.

00:47:28They used to learn all the techniques or politics.

00:47:33Like, how should our mother behave with her mother-in-law or sister-in-law.

00:47:37Now, when families have started to separate.

00:47:39So, the children don't know these things like politics.

00:47:43Which is also said that they are not able to play in their own field.

00:47:49It is not a good thing that they have this kind of politics.

00:47:52But, they should have a shield to protect themselves.

00:47:56To protect yourself, first of all, you should be perfect in education.

00:48:00You should be perfect in studies.

00:48:02If you are financially strong, no one can defeat you in life.

00:48:06If a girl is good in studies and has a good career.

00:48:10Then, no one can defeat her in life.

00:48:12There are many such women and girls who have excelled.

00:48:17They have taken up positions and have done everything.

00:48:19You can get them any job.

00:48:20But, when it came to their family and they had to settle in their life.

00:48:25Then, they failed.

00:48:27They were not able to lead their life properly.

00:48:30If you make them sit in an office, they will manage it very well.

00:48:34But, sometimes, because I get messages personally.

00:48:38A girl messaged me.

00:48:39I had started a new morning show.

00:48:41It had been 2-3 years.

00:48:43She messaged me that I am a doctor and I am a position holder.

00:48:46But, I am sitting at home and I am very depressed.

00:48:49Because, I am not able to handle my house.

00:48:52I am not able to understand how to handle my mother-in-law.

00:48:55I mean, those were the girls who were stuck in their family problems.

00:48:58I think time teaches you.

00:49:00As the girls study, go for their jobs and go for their family life.

00:49:05With time, they learn all these things.

00:49:08When the girls are unmarried, I think no one goes to the kitchen.

00:49:11They don't cook. They are busy in their studies.

00:49:14But, with time, they learn everything.

00:49:16Similarly, when your mother-in-law behaves with you in a certain way,

00:49:20time teaches you how to deal with her.

00:49:23Because, everyone has a different mother-in-law's nature.

00:49:26You cannot teach her from the beginning.

00:49:28The first priority is to train the girl well.

00:49:32How to train her?

00:49:33Teach her your values.

00:49:36How to talk to elders?

00:49:37How to sit at home?

00:49:39And, how to progress in studies?

00:49:41Because, I think every girl needs to study

00:49:44because it makes a whole generation.

00:49:46A girl becomes a whole generation with a mother.

00:49:50So, the generation of 4-5 kids who are going to move forward,

00:49:54we have to teach them how to nurture that generation.

00:49:57There are a lot of families who say,

00:49:58Aunty, invest in your son.

00:50:00Yes.

00:50:01But, what will the daughter do?

00:50:03She has to get married.

00:50:05What will she do? She will say, leave it.

00:50:06Don't work so hard. Your skin will turn black.

00:50:08How will you get married?

00:50:09A lot of people have this concept in their minds.

00:50:14So, invest in the girls.

00:50:15Invest in the concept that if you are being taught,

00:50:18you have to...

00:50:18So, if the girls don't want to study,

00:50:20leave it. What will you do?

00:50:21Yes.

00:50:22What will she do?

00:50:23People have this kind of mind.

00:50:24So, what do you say about them?

00:50:26I think that the son is a son.

00:50:29But, he is your son till the marriage.

00:50:33Yes.

00:50:33There is no guarantee after that.

00:50:35Yes.

00:50:35The daughter is your daughter for the rest of her life.

00:50:38Even if she goes to another house.

00:50:39Yes.

00:50:39She belongs to her parents.

00:50:40Yes.

00:50:41She takes care of her.

00:50:43She takes care of her.

00:50:44Even if your parents get old,

00:50:46you still have daughters.

00:50:47Yes.

00:50:48So, the son is...

00:50:49No doubt, the sons are also very good.

00:50:51But, the son is your son till the marriage.

00:50:54Yes.

00:50:54There is a bonus after that.

00:50:56You know, the parents are such that...

00:51:00They know what to do.

00:51:01They make their daughter-in-law their daughter-in-law.

00:51:03They make her their daughter-in-law.

00:51:03Yes.

00:51:04Because, in girls,

00:51:06in women,

00:51:07there is a quality that they will unite.

00:51:09Yes.

00:51:10They will also break it.

00:51:11They will also break it.

00:51:12Isn't it?

00:51:12Yes.

00:51:12So, if you are saying that

00:51:15the son is yours till the marriage,

00:51:17after that, if we make the daughter-in-law our daughter-in-law.

00:51:19This is what I am saying.

00:51:19Then, it will be so easy for us.

00:51:21Then, the fight will end.

00:51:22But, the daughter-in-law should also be ready to be a daughter.

00:51:24But, there is action from both sides.

00:51:26There is action from both sides.

00:51:27This is the same thing that

00:51:29you can win the heart with love.

00:51:32Yes.

00:51:33If there is confusion,

00:51:34if there is someone,

00:51:36if someone's words have hurt each other,

00:51:38or if one has hurt the other,

00:51:41then, leave it.

00:51:42Move ahead.

00:51:43With love.

00:51:44Yes.

00:51:44Okay, one thing.

00:51:46I want to ask all three of you.

00:51:47How to make a daughter strong?

00:51:50What is the thing that makes her strong?

00:51:52Because, naturally,

00:51:53if you have three daughters,

00:51:54then, from that, personality wise,

00:51:56someone is physically strong.

00:51:58Someone is mentally strong.

00:52:01She will take all the things.

00:52:03Sometimes, she will be down.

00:52:05If it comes to your life,

00:52:06then, your daughters will be different.

00:52:09Look, if you have your daughters since childhood,

00:52:11then, tell them such stories since childhood.

00:52:14Tell them such things,

00:52:16so that they get a positive impact.

00:52:18Activate them in physical games.

00:52:20I taught my daughter horse riding.

00:52:22I taught her swimming.

00:52:23When she was studying,

00:52:25I taught her that

00:52:26in the future, if she goes to any field,

00:52:28then, she has to be physically strong.

00:52:30If she is mentally strong,

00:52:32but, if she is physically standing in a field for 24 hours,

00:52:36Did you teach her how to cook in the kitchen?

00:52:38No, I didn't teach her.

00:52:39In our house, we mostly teach this.

00:52:41I didn't let her come to the kitchen.

00:52:42I used to tell her to complete her task.

00:52:45You have to do medical.

00:52:47Study.

00:52:47After that, now, she is doing it.

00:52:49So, what I mean to say is...

00:52:50Because, when you are saying this to your daughters,

00:52:52when you tell your daughters that

00:52:54this is your task at this time,

00:52:56then, when her task is to keep food on the table in the kitchen,

00:53:00then, she will do that task as well.

00:53:01Because, you told her that

00:53:03this is your task at this time.

00:53:05You put this thing in her upbringing

00:53:07that, you have to fulfill the priority at this time.

00:53:11And, your tasks will come.

00:53:12Your roles will keep changing.

00:53:14You will be a mother one day.

00:53:15You will be a wife.

00:53:17Only a wife for some time.

00:53:20You will become a part of a new family.

00:53:23You have to take that family along.

00:53:24All these are your tasks.

00:53:26Whenever, whatever task comes,

00:53:28you will do it in the best way.

00:53:32And, when you are working hard in front of her,

00:53:36then, your daughter will do the same.

00:53:38If you are lying down in front of her,

00:53:40watching TV,

00:53:41you are fighting with her.

00:53:43And, you are badmouthing your mother-in-law,

00:53:45badmouthing your grandmother,

00:53:46then, your children will do the same.

00:53:48My...

00:53:49Often, her grandparents used to say,

00:53:51what are you doing?

00:53:52She doesn't know how to cook.

00:53:53She doesn't know how to make roti.

00:53:54She is a girl. What will she do?

00:53:56I said, don't worry.

00:53:57She will do everything.

00:53:59And, when she got married,

00:54:00she took care of her house,

00:54:01took care of her medical expenses,

00:54:02then, she would say,

00:54:02yes, mother, you did a good job.

00:54:03My mother used to say,

00:54:05educate your daughter.

00:54:07She will learn everything.

00:54:08She will take care of everything.

00:54:10Today, there is YouTube.

00:54:11If you educate your daughter,

00:54:14there is YouTube,

00:54:15make her smart,

00:54:16she will know what she has to learn.

00:54:18Exactly.

00:54:19She won't even know how to boil an egg.

00:54:21If she is smart,

00:54:23she will learn everything.

00:54:25If you don't make her smart,

00:54:27she won't even know how to cook.

00:54:29All kids are doing this these days.

00:54:31No one has learnt how to cook from their homes.

00:54:34Even, potato and meat.

00:54:36Exactly.

00:54:36They watch and because we have fed them,

00:54:40they know the taste.

00:54:41They know what to achieve.

00:54:43Eventually, what taste do they want?

00:54:45Because they have eaten good food.

00:54:47So, they watch and learn the same trick.

00:54:50Then, they will call you or me.

00:54:54Or, they will call the cook at home.

00:54:56How to cook something local.

00:54:59So, she learns like this.

00:55:01Or, she opens YouTube and says,

00:55:03mom, I have made pasta today.

00:55:06Today, I have tried a new Lasagna recipe.

00:55:10If the kids qualify in their field

00:55:14and become successful,

00:55:16then it is not a big deal for them.

00:55:17Cooking is not a big deal.

00:55:20It gives them confidence.

00:55:21Yes.

00:55:21When we deal with patients like this,

00:55:24who are undergoing surgeries all day long,

00:55:26then it is not a big deal.

00:55:28So, she tells me,

00:55:29mom, it is not a big deal.

00:55:30I have cooked everything in half an hour.

00:55:32It was not a big deal.

00:55:33When your daughters did this job?

00:55:36Yes, my daughter was doing this job.

00:55:39She was in an advertising company before marriage.

00:55:41After that, she has continued her work.

00:55:44Okay.

00:55:44So, it is good that the kids keep working.

00:55:46Do you think that daughters should be working?

00:55:49Absolutely.

00:55:50Girls should be working.

00:55:51Absolutely.

00:55:52Even the one in the middle is working.

00:55:55Okay.

00:55:56She is in her last year.

00:55:58She is in NCEA.

00:56:00Okay.

00:56:00She is working, so we are telling her to do everything.

00:56:04There is no life without work.

00:56:07So, when you get married and your husband gives you permission,

00:56:10then do it.

00:56:11You should do it and give him permission.

00:56:13If both of you work together,

00:56:15then it will be better.

00:56:16What do you think parents should do

00:56:20to make girls confident?

00:56:21See, there is no such thing as being confident.

00:56:26When you give the kids the freedom to make their own decisions,

00:56:31that is when you tell them to be confident.

00:56:34If your child wants to study something else,

00:56:38or wants to dress up in a certain way,

00:56:40which we do now,

00:56:42even if we feel that something is wrong,

00:56:46we tell them to take it easy.

00:56:48We tell them that something is wrong.

00:56:52But you let them make mistakes as well.

00:56:57Because when they learn by making mistakes,

00:56:59they will remember it for a long time.

00:57:05So, I think they should let them make their own decisions.

00:57:08You should be there.

00:57:09Yes, I think there should be a limit.

00:57:12We see so many kids who are immature.

00:57:15If we let them be,

00:57:16then if they make a wrong decision,

00:57:19then it will be difficult for them in the future.

00:57:21You will be there for them.

00:57:23You won't let them make a big mistake.

00:57:25You should keep an eye on everything.

00:57:28Because our job as parents is to keep an eye on them.

00:57:32Where are they going? When are they coming?

00:57:33We know that if they are in their teenage,

00:57:35then they are immature.

00:57:37They are very quick.

00:57:38It is very dangerous.

00:57:39We have to keep an eye on them until they are in their twenties.

00:57:44So, yes, we let them make some decisions.

00:57:46But my daughter didn't want to go to medical school.

00:57:50She was a bit lazy when she was in 9th grade.

00:57:53So, I gave her a suggestion.

00:57:54I told her to enter medical school.

00:57:57Because I felt very proud that my daughter entered medical school.

00:58:01She did science.

00:58:02She can look ahead after that.

00:58:04So, this was my suggestion.

00:58:06She didn't want to do it.

00:58:07Because kids are very confused.

00:58:08When they have to choose a subject,

00:58:10they don't know it themselves.

00:58:12You know it is their childhood dream.

00:58:14That they have to do this.

00:58:16But when it comes to choosing a subject,

00:58:18when it comes to choosing a career,

00:58:20the kids will look at their friends.

00:58:22She is going there, so I have to do the same.

00:58:24Many kids are being asked, what will you do?

00:58:26I don't know.

00:58:26I don't know what to do.

00:58:27I don't understand anything.

00:58:28So, I ask her what to do.

00:58:29I don't know.

00:58:30So, I told her to take up medical school.

00:58:32If she can't do it, then leave it after entering.

00:58:35So, when she did it,

00:58:36when she entered, she enjoyed it.

00:58:38She said, I will do it further.

00:58:40So, it was a suggestion and she agreed.

00:58:42So, we should guide them.

00:58:43Yes, that's true.

00:58:44We shouldn't leave them.

00:58:45That's true.

00:58:47But if they don't feel that they can't do it,

00:58:51then we should let them do it.

00:58:53You should be friendly.

00:58:54Especially to your mother.

00:58:55Your father is busy.

00:58:56There is a very fine line between friendly and strict.

00:59:01When you have to be strict,

00:59:04when you have to be their friend.

00:59:06This is the whole game of timing in upbringing.

00:59:08Exactly.

00:59:09But if you are friendly,

00:59:10then you will get to know about them.

00:59:12And they will be able to discuss things with you.

00:59:15Sometimes, they climb on our heads.

00:59:16They are very friendly.

00:59:17So, they climb on our heads and dance with us.

00:59:19It is said that your children will get many friends in life.

00:59:22They will get only one parent.

00:59:24Exactly.

00:59:25So, be their parents.

00:59:26Don't be their friends.

00:59:28Yes.

00:59:28So, it's okay.

00:59:29It's not like parents are like executioners.

00:59:32Yes, not like that.

00:59:33But you...

00:59:33It's such a thing that they can share it with you.

00:59:35Yes, exactly.

00:59:37It's the same thing.

00:59:37Parents have to take many forms.

00:59:40Sometimes, they have to be friends.

00:59:41Sometimes, they have to be parents.

00:59:43Sometimes, they have to be executioners.

00:59:46Because when the children don't understand,

00:59:48then it's important that you dominate them a little

00:59:51and guide them towards the right path.

00:59:54We are taking a short break.

00:59:55Keep watching Good Morning Pakistan after the break.

01:00:08Welcome. Welcome back.

01:00:10Good morning, Pakistan.

01:00:12And right now, in this segment,

01:00:14because this is the last segment of my show with you all,

01:00:17what we have to talk about is the marriage of daughters.

01:00:23Because we teach them, educate them, train them.

01:00:26That is half of their life.

01:00:27Half of their life is spent with their partner, their husband.

01:00:32Their selection...

01:00:34In most marriages, it's a custom to arrange marriages.

01:00:39Basically, half of the boys' life is spent with their partner.

01:00:45They spend their entire life with their partner.

01:00:49But since we are discussing daughters, we will talk about that only.

01:00:53Their spouse, the search for a son-in-law,

01:00:56or how the son-in-law should be.

01:00:58Everyone has their own criteria.

01:01:01As a father, what do you think?

01:01:04Because the son-in-law is more important than the father.

01:01:08Yes, a daughter should be given a chance

01:01:12that if she likes someone,

01:01:15or if she has someone in mind,

01:01:16or if she has an ideal in her mind,

01:01:18like if she understands her father,

01:01:20then asking her this becomes our duty.

01:01:23And after that, if she says,

01:01:26I don't have anyone like that,

01:01:28then you can go towards an arranged marriage.

01:01:29For example, I'm talking generally, not personally.

01:01:34If a daughter likes someone,

01:01:36who a father thinks doesn't meet her daughter's standards,

01:01:41like I've taught my daughter,

01:01:43she's beautiful, she's cute,

01:01:45she can have a better future.

01:01:49And the family she has...

01:01:51Because we don't just choose a boy,

01:01:52we choose his family as well.

01:01:55It's an entire family.

01:01:56So, what criteria should she set?

01:01:59How should she explain it to the child?

01:02:00First of all, she should look at the family.

01:02:02Because two families meet.

01:02:05The boy and the girl have to spend their lives together,

01:02:08but the two families should look at each other.

01:02:12So, it's very important to look at the family.

01:02:13And obviously, if the boy doesn't understand something,

01:02:18as parents have their own experience,

01:02:21then you can explain it to the child.

01:02:23Like, son, it's not like this.

01:02:26It's not right for you.

01:02:27No.

01:02:28And the child should understand.

01:02:31And all these things are very important.

01:02:34Because life starts from here.

01:02:36Sometimes, parents are right.

01:02:38Sometimes, parents are not right.

01:02:41And it's good for both of them.

01:02:43Because relationships are made in heaven.

01:02:45But for your satisfaction,

01:02:48for your satisfaction, you must judge someone.

01:02:51Like, he's right, he works.

01:02:53How will he live?

01:02:55How is his health?

01:02:56We have a trend that when a girl's proposal comes,

01:02:59to investigate, the father goes to her office,

01:03:03neighbours, he investigates all these things.

01:03:05Yes, everyone does this.

01:03:08If a relationship comes that you don't know,

01:03:10and you know it too,

01:03:12then obviously, it becomes your duty and your responsibility

01:03:15to at least satisfy yourself.

01:03:19So, you have to look at these things.

01:03:20So, obviously, people ask each other.

01:03:22And you should do it.

01:03:25Are you kidding me?

01:03:27What do you say to the question,

01:03:29when you have to get your daughter married,

01:03:32what should you think about?

01:03:34Look, whether it's a daughter or a son,

01:03:38the children know what they want in their life partner.

01:03:41And it's not like they think about it.

01:03:43They know what kind of people they should be with.

01:03:47And where they want to go in life.

01:03:51But the things that are important for parents to see,

01:03:54is that wherever their daughter is going,

01:03:59they shouldn't restrict her.

01:04:01It shouldn't be that if she wants to work,

01:04:04then they should stop her.

01:04:06She should get permission.

01:04:10I think this is a bit of a disappointment.

01:04:14If someone wants to work,

01:04:16why should they get permission for it?

01:04:19Most of the relationships here are like this.

01:04:21They want a doctor daughter-in-law.

01:04:24But they have to show off in front of the family.

01:04:28That our daughter-in-law is a doctor.

01:04:30She's a doctor, so she's at home.

01:04:32And there are some girls who don't want to do anything after marriage.

01:04:36We want to be housewives.

01:04:39It's their wish.

01:04:40It's their wish.

01:04:42Absolutely.

01:04:43In such a situation, you have to tell them,

01:04:45that it's possible that you might get less or more.

01:04:48So, you'll manage with whatever happens.

01:04:50And of course, when that doesn't happen,

01:04:52she'll increase her resources on her own.

01:04:55But there are some things that are completely red flags.

01:04:59You have to see if this person wants to go to work or not.

01:05:06Because the real thing is that in our set-up,

01:05:10and in any set-up in the world,

01:05:12it's the man's responsibility to run the house.

01:05:15And when we send our daughters to the next house,

01:05:18even if they're so blinded by love at that time,

01:05:26that they feel that it doesn't matter to them,

01:05:28that he's not working or doing anything,

01:05:30but you have to tell them.

01:05:32That it's only a matter of four days, if that's the case.

01:05:36And after that, whatever you were getting in this house,

01:05:40at least that you need to move forward.

01:05:42What you're used to.

01:05:43Yes.

01:05:44The boys should also know,

01:05:45by including any girl in their life,

01:05:47that what kind of a house she's coming from.

01:05:50And how she was living.

01:05:51And what kind of freedom she had.

01:05:53Or how she was pampered in her house.

01:05:57What kind of love and affection she was given.

01:05:59She needs all that.

01:06:01Absolutely.

01:06:02So, you have to keep your eyes open for the red flags.

01:06:05If there's a boy who your daughter likes a lot,

01:06:10but you're also finding out that he makes her unhappy.

01:06:15Because sometimes he objects to it.

01:06:17Or he tells her that this thing is not right.

01:06:20So, after fixing the matter,

01:06:21should we keep a time period like that?

01:06:23Yes, exactly.

01:06:24It should be there.

01:06:25I think that the tradition of engagement in our country,

01:06:30is a very good tradition.

01:06:31That you do it and give time to the kids.

01:06:34A lot of people don't even let each other talk.

01:06:36Even after the engagement and fixing the matter.

01:06:39Do you think they should let their daughters do it?

01:06:41Absolutely.

01:06:42So that God forbid,

01:06:44sometimes wrong decisions are made by the parents too.

01:06:48They're not angels, they're humans.

01:06:50Absolutely.

01:06:50I think that you shouldn't get married.

01:06:54You should get engaged.

01:06:55And you should give time to the engagement.

01:06:57At least six months.

01:06:59Two people get to know each other in six months.

01:07:01Absolutely.

01:07:02They don't know each other as much as they do in a love marriage.

01:07:05Even in a six month marriage,

01:07:08if you're talking to each other.

01:07:10In our time, we used to do it over the phone.

01:07:13We didn't even get to meet.

01:07:14Even the cities were different from each other.

01:07:16But you could understand each other.

01:07:18And obviously, you've given your daughter so much wisdom,

01:07:22that she knows what's right and what's wrong.

01:07:24When something goes wrong, she'll know.

01:07:25But she has a very tight blindfold on her eyes.

01:07:28Yes, but you'll know.

01:07:31If something goes wrong with her,

01:07:33she'll either tell you a little,

01:07:34or you'll know from her face that something is wrong.

01:07:39And then they tell.

01:07:40When you ask, she'll tell you what's going on with her.

01:07:43So, a little more.

01:07:45It's the same thing as giving confidence.

01:07:47In life, we've given her so much confidence

01:07:49that if she makes a wrong decision with you,

01:07:51or with us,

01:07:52we'll change it.

01:07:53We'll change it.

01:07:54It's necessary.

01:07:55I think our religion has also given us permission

01:07:58to ask for her choice.

01:08:01So, obviously, we should know her choice.

01:08:04But I think that when a boy likes someone,

01:08:08the basic thing to look at is that

01:08:10obviously, the boy must be studying at that time.

01:08:13He won't be as financially strong.

01:08:14He won't be as strong as you guys are.

01:08:16Don't look at how rich he is.

01:08:18Look at his education.

01:08:20Look at his family background.

01:08:22Where does that family belong?

01:08:24If he has a good family background and good education,

01:08:27then he will always keep your daughter happy.

01:08:30So, when you look at his family...

01:08:31Okay, let's look at everything.

01:08:32Parents get a little worried.

01:08:35Okay, his future looks good.

01:08:37But he doesn't have a home yet.

01:08:38He has six sisters.

01:08:40So, if he has one brother, he'll be more responsible.

01:08:43Parents are also looking at this.

01:08:46They get a little selfish for their daughter.

01:08:49But you...

01:08:49He has a big house.

01:08:50All the responsibility will be on his son.

01:08:52Parents should guide their children.

01:08:54They should explain to them.

01:08:55They should give them some advice.

01:08:57But you shouldn't stop them.

01:08:59If they like him,

01:09:01then you should see that if the boy is studying,

01:09:04you should see that his future is bright.

01:09:06And when you go and check that he has a good character,

01:09:11it's also important to have a strong character.

01:09:13Yes.

01:09:14With a family background,

01:09:15you should know the individual character of your son.

01:09:17Exactly.

01:09:18What kind of a person he is.

01:09:19So, when you meet him,

01:09:21wherever he is studying,

01:09:23or wherever he sits and stands,

01:09:26you can find out from him.

01:09:28So, I think the rest of the work is about luck.

01:09:31Luck plays a very big role.

01:09:33No matter how much you look at it,

01:09:34no matter how much you understand it,

01:09:36no matter how much you arrange it,

01:09:37no matter how lucky he is in his love marriage,

01:09:40it will go very well.

01:09:41I think you should try to an extent

01:09:43to know and understand each other.

01:09:46After that, leave it to God.

01:09:47Yes.

01:09:48Because God is sitting above.

01:09:50He has to make the pair.

01:09:51He has to run their lives.

01:09:53So, pray for the best.

01:09:55Yes.

01:09:55That their lives should be good.

01:09:57That there shouldn't be any problem.

01:09:59And they should be happy like this.

01:10:00I think we should leave it to God.

01:10:03And we should try our best.

01:10:05Now, my next question is,

01:10:07when the girls get married,

01:10:09after that, how much interference

01:10:11do we have to keep in their homes?

01:10:13We haven't been able to decide this either.

01:10:14Very less.

01:10:15Very less.

01:10:16As parents.

01:10:17See, when the girls are new,

01:10:19they want to call their mothers and tell them a lot of things.

01:10:23Don't encourage them.

01:10:24Yes.

01:10:25Tell them that a new life has started.

01:10:27Set up your life.

01:10:28Set up your life.

01:10:29That means we should do a bit of fire brigade work.

01:10:32Keep watering the plants.

01:10:33Exactly.

01:10:33Keep watering the plants all the time.

01:10:35If you tell them,

01:10:36Oh God, this happened.

01:10:37So, you should do the same.

01:10:38Oh God, this happened.

01:10:39So, the girls will get more confidence.

01:10:40Let them be.

01:10:42Yes.

01:10:42Let them settle in that life.

01:10:44They will settle and move forward on their own.

01:10:46When you interfere too much,

01:10:48they will get a chance.

01:10:49And then fights start like this.

01:10:51And mothers should stay at a distance.

01:10:54Give them some time.

01:10:55So that they settle with their husband and their in-laws.

01:10:58If it's a joint family,

01:10:59then there are more problems there.

01:11:01There are a lot of complaints.

01:11:03Oh, sister-in-law did that.

01:11:04She did this.

01:11:06She got this in food today.

01:11:07She didn't get this today.

01:11:08So,

01:11:09we should say that the house is the same.

01:11:11Think before you move forward.

01:11:12And if there is a lot of...

01:11:14Genuinely, if the girl is stuck somewhere,

01:11:19God forbid,

01:11:20if someone has to go through this,

01:11:22genuinely,

01:11:23then how do we find out?

01:11:25Then the parents don't stay behind.

01:11:27Because it's the first time that our daughter has gone.

01:11:30We don't have any experiences either.

01:11:32Then I think we should support our daughter.

01:11:35Then we have to support her.

01:11:36You support her.

01:11:37You tell her that we are with you.

01:11:39So that the daughter doesn't keep getting beaten.

01:11:42Keeps getting suppressed inside.

01:11:44And gets more worried.

01:11:46Keeps crying.

01:11:46You don't know what's happening with the daughter.

01:11:49So I think we should fully support her.

01:11:50That if God forbid,

01:11:52if you really need us,

01:11:53I am there for you.

01:11:54That's it.

01:11:55I think we have done this before.

01:11:59When we have put her on her feet.

01:12:01We have told her that life is not just about your husband.

01:12:05You both are two wheels of a car.

01:12:07And you have to drive it together.

01:12:09And you should also be self-sufficient.

01:12:12So if God forbid,

01:12:14a situation like this comes up,

01:12:15then the child should know that

01:12:17now if I want to be alone,

01:12:20then I am not going back.

01:12:23Then I will make my own life.

01:12:25Then I am the one who wants to make my own house.

01:12:28I am the one who will live.

01:12:29Because now I have set my parents free.

01:12:34I have given all their responsibilities to my parents.

01:12:39Now I think I should go back there.

01:12:41Because they should have in their minds

01:12:44that we don't want to go back there.

01:12:45We don't want to give this fallback to our daughter.

01:12:48We want to tell her that it's fine.

01:12:49If you don't understand this,

01:12:52then before you leave him,

01:12:54start building a life for yourself.

01:12:56What do you want to do in the future?

01:12:57Start working for your future.

01:13:00If you are alone, then you have a house.

01:13:02You have a place to stay.

01:13:04Go on your own.

01:13:06Because within the parents...

01:13:08The parents will always be there.

01:13:09The strength and power within the parents

01:13:12obviously doesn't stay with their age.

01:13:15Of course.

01:13:15Which was there in the past.

01:13:17So that it can become a wall for them.

01:13:19Now that time has not come.

01:13:20Whether he goes back or...

01:13:22You keep going back and forth.

01:13:24He ran back to his parents.

01:13:25Now that time has not come.

01:13:26Now if you want to leave a man,

01:13:29then you should know that you have to stand on your own two feet.

01:13:33That's why we are saying that today's upbringing

01:13:36is a little different from the old upbringing.

01:13:39Earlier, you didn't have to become a bride when you grew up.

01:13:42You didn't have to become just a bride.

01:13:44Make your daughters strong enough

01:13:47that God forbid,

01:13:48which has been seen a lot these days

01:13:50that if a bad time comes on daughters,

01:13:52they themselves can take care of themselves.

01:13:55You should make them inbuilt.

01:13:57Like they come on TV,

01:13:58inbuilt that there is this thing in it.

01:14:01So in the same way, make the upbringing of your daughters in the same way

01:14:04that they become their own support.

01:14:08Instead of asking someone for support.

01:14:10Whenever they face any difficult time.

01:14:12Because fate is in the hands of God.

01:14:14You can't make it.

01:14:15You can give everything to your children.

01:14:17You can't give them fate.

01:14:19That's the thing.

01:14:20Right.

01:14:22Okay.

01:14:23One more important thing.

01:14:25That we save for our children.

01:14:29After taking out their expenses,

01:14:30we give them some property.

01:14:33So for the girls,

01:14:35like now if I am coming back again,

01:14:36they are getting married or their education or anything.

01:14:39How should parents save?

01:14:41I have often seen that women put a committee.

01:14:44They have a hand-to-mouth.

01:14:46They keep gold, put a committee.

01:14:49There are different ways.

01:14:52You should keep saving something.

01:14:54Like I did, I took an insurance policy.

01:14:57Okay.

01:14:57When she was young, I took her education policy.

01:15:00So when she was 18 years old, she got that policy.

01:15:03So her medical expenses were covered by that.

01:15:07So you don't have so much money at the time

01:15:11that you just spend it.

01:15:13So you have to put a committee or take insurance.

01:15:16Or you have taken a saving safety ticket

01:15:18and kept it in the name of the children

01:15:19that they have to work in the future.

01:15:21So at the time, I saw my personal experience

01:15:24that I got a lot of work.

01:15:26At that time, I didn't have so much money

01:15:29that I got this work.

01:15:31So it makes a lot of difference.

01:15:32You tell me a tip.

01:15:34Look, for children, saving is like they are born.

01:15:37We start thinking.

01:15:39Like taking a policy or putting money in a fixed deposit.

01:15:44That is its own place.

01:15:45But I think that children shouldn't have this idea

01:15:49that we are going to give you something.

01:15:52They don't even know that.

01:15:53They don't even know that.

01:15:55After 18 years, they don't know.

01:15:57And if they know that the house you are living in

01:16:00is yours and eventually it will be theirs after you.

01:16:05Even that is wrong.

01:16:06Ah!

01:16:07Yes.

01:16:07They should have this idea that this is my house.

01:16:11It is possible that when I die, I will take it to a charity.

01:16:14Yes.

01:16:15It is possible that I will blow it up before I die.

01:16:18Yes.

01:16:19It is possible that I will, you know...

01:16:21Yes, they shouldn't have this in their mind.

01:16:23Yes, I will spend it anywhere.

01:16:24If they don't have it in their mind, then what is the loss?

01:16:27This is not your heritage.

01:16:28That this is going on.

01:16:30You have your heritage.

01:16:32What do you think is the loss if they don't have it in their mind?

01:16:35Life becomes easy.

01:16:37If you tell them that I have saved money for your wedding,

01:16:39they will start making plans.

01:16:41That I want this for my wedding.

01:16:42I can see that the kids are doing it.

01:16:44Which is very wrong.

01:16:45Exactly.

01:16:46I mean, they want everything.

01:16:48They want the most expensive set up.

01:16:50They want the most expensive food.

01:16:52They want the most expensive dress.

01:16:55This is unfair.

01:16:56Along with saving, like I got married to my daughter.

01:17:00My experience is that,

01:17:02now what I will do, what I think and what my wife thinks,

01:17:06that we have spent a lot of money.

01:17:08Obviously, every parent does it.

01:17:10The money we spent on the wedding,

01:17:12and the useless things, the set up and things,

01:17:16and the many complications in the wedding,

01:17:19if we get married in a simple way,

01:17:22in a simple way,

01:17:23and the money we save, we give it to the kids.

01:17:25Exactly, that will be useful for them.

01:17:27That will be useful for them.

01:17:28If we spend money and feed people,

01:17:31people will forget.

01:17:32It's over, they will forget.

01:17:33They will forget, right?

01:17:33Yes.

01:17:34Who will remember what I fed them?

01:17:35No, there are 10 things in it.

01:17:37The food was not good.

01:17:38That is our memory.

01:17:39We have pictures, we have videos.

01:17:41That is for us.

01:17:42Exactly.

01:17:43What was for people?

01:17:44Now what happened?

01:17:45By doing so much and everything,

01:17:47the money you save,

01:17:49that is for your kids and for you two.

01:17:51You go and enjoy.

01:17:53This is an important thing that we don't do.

01:17:55This should be done.

01:17:56And now, God willing, we will do it.

01:17:57Yes, absolutely.

01:17:57I think everyone should do this.

01:17:59And how much do we spend?

01:18:00These days, people have come to the competition.

01:18:02The set up, the food, everything.

01:18:04It's appalling.

01:18:05Give it to the kids.

01:18:06It's appalling to see why this is so much.

01:18:09Yes.

01:18:10And everything is getting very expensive.

01:18:12Yes.

01:18:13How much will our parents get married?

01:18:16How much will we get married?

01:18:17How much will our kids enjoy?

01:18:18Exactly.

01:18:19For whom we are doing this.

01:18:21These things are changing.

01:18:22Thank you so much for your experiences.

01:18:26Obviously, the celebrities who come here,

01:18:29because they are not just playing one role.

01:18:32They are playing many roles in life.

01:18:34And you learn a lot from the scripts you are doing.

01:18:39Absolutely.

01:18:39Especially about practical life.

01:18:42So, you get to learn a lot whenever you come.

01:18:46Something like this happens.

01:18:47So, I hope you have learned a lot.

01:18:49And you must have noted down the points.

01:18:51Because if your kids haven't reached there yet,

01:18:54then they will reach.

01:18:55The same time will come for you.

01:18:57You will have to take the same decisions.

01:18:58Absolutely.

01:18:59It's a game of timing.

01:19:00Life is good.

01:19:01You can make the quality of life better.

01:19:03When you do everything according to the time.

01:19:07Thank you so much.

01:19:33She is waking everyone up.

01:19:36Yes, with flowers in her hair.

01:19:38The bird that has come.

01:19:41The morning that has come.

01:19:43The morning that has come.

01:19:48It's open, it's open, it's open.

01:19:50It's a little bit messy.

01:19:55It's a little bit mischievous.

01:19:58The morning that has come.

01:20:44And what has become now,

01:20:46I don't think I will be able to spend the rest of my life with it.

01:20:51Pack your stuff and get out of my house.

Good Morning Pakistan | Taalluq, Tehzeeb Aur Tarbiyat Special Show | 1st July 2024 | ARY Digital

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