Join Jimmy Kimmel as he preps for his Oscars hosting gig, alongside special guests Ryan Gosling, America Ferrera, and Kate McKinnon, all with a touch of Barbie magic! Tune in to ABC on Sunday, March 10, 2024, for the star-studded event.
Watch The Oscars Sunday, March 10, 2024 on ABC!
Watch The Oscars Sunday, March 10, 2024 on ABC!
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TVTranscript
00:00 Since the dawn of time, men have been getting lost.
00:03 I'm so lost.
00:05 This is the story of one such dum-dum.
00:08 He came upon a strange-looking house and rang the doorbell.
00:11 [door creaks]
00:12 [door creaks]
00:13 [door creaks]
00:15 Hello?
00:16 [door slams]
00:17 [grunts]
00:18 Hey, man, what's up?
00:20 Weird Barbie.
00:21 Nice to meet.
00:22 You wanna come on in?
00:23 Yes.
00:24 All right.
00:25 [door creaks]
00:26 [door creaks]
00:27 [door creaks]
00:28 [door slams]
00:29 Welcome.
00:30 You must be Midlife Crisis, Ken.
00:32 No.
00:33 Lost everything in the divorce, Ken?
00:34 No.
00:35 Probably should have gone a size up in that tuxedo, Ken.
00:37 No, I'm Jimmy.
00:39 I'm Kimmel.
00:40 [imitates Kimmel]
00:41 I'm hosting the Oscars, and I'm lost,
00:43 and I really need to get back to Hollywood.
00:45 Did you find GPS threatening to your masculinity?
00:48 I have just the thing for you, Jimmy Kimmel.
00:50 Let's go.
00:52 And behold!
00:53 [bell dings]
00:54 This is how you get to Oscars land.
00:57 Ha ha ha!
00:59 Okay, it's a pretty straight shot
01:01 through the zone of interest,
01:02 past past lives, over anatomy of a fall falls,
01:04 whoosh, whoosh, whoosh,
01:05 and all the way to Carnegie Hall.
01:07 Okay, but how do you get to Carnegie Hall?
01:09 You practice, Jimmy.
01:11 [snaps fingers]
01:14 [snaps fingers]
01:15 [bell dings]
01:16 Then it's up the hill to Burton Academy,
01:19 take a Jeffrey Wright,
01:20 and go all the way to Los Alamos, New Mexico.
01:24 I can't remember all that.
01:26 I know, you're limited, but don't worry.
01:29 We're taking the weird wagon.
01:31 [car horn honks]
01:32 And so they pointed the weird wagon
01:35 towards a colorful montage.
01:38 To the Oscars, men!
01:40 I liked your car.
01:42 Hey, look, it's even weirder, Barbie.
01:45 Hey, Bella!
01:47 Hi.
01:48 She's my cousin.
01:49 Really?
01:50 Yeah.
01:51 [growls]
01:52 [grunts]
01:54 [barks]
01:55 And welcome to Osage County.
01:57 Oh, look, they grow Italian people here.
01:59 Oh!
02:00 [speaking Italian]
02:02 [rain falling]
02:04 Is that rain?
02:06 No.
02:07 It's Kennert Bernstein.
02:09 Oh!
02:10 [thunder rumbles]
02:13 Oh, my God, what happened to that guy's face?
02:17 Born that way.
02:19 Oh, that poor, incredibly hideous,
02:22 disgusting, ugly man.
02:25 Put these on to protect your eyes.
02:27 Thank you.
02:28 Oh, they're not see-through.
02:29 I can't see!
02:31 [thunder rumbles]
02:33 [screams]
02:36 Here we are, the Oscars.
02:39 Wow.
02:40 I didn't think we were gonna make it.
02:42 Ah!
02:43 Thank you.
02:44 Hey, no problem.
02:45 So much.
02:46 Whoa.
02:47 Look at this.
02:49 You know, honestly, now that I'm here, I'm nervous.
02:52 It's just like--it's--
02:54 I don't know if I can do this.
02:55 It's such a tricky thing.
02:57 He's right.
02:58 It is a tricky thing.
03:00 It's literally impossible to host the Oscars.
03:04 You have to be extraordinary,
03:05 but somehow you're always doing it wrong.
03:07 Like, you have to make fun of people,
03:09 but you can't make too much fun of people.
03:11 And you have to give everybody enough time,
03:12 but you can't go long.
03:13 And you are the center of attention,
03:15 but almost nobody cares you're there.
03:17 You can never show off, never fall down,
03:20 never fail, never show fear.
03:22 Nobody says thank you,
03:23 and everyone has something critical to say online.
03:25 If it goes well, no one says anything.
03:27 But if it doesn't, it's your fault.
03:30 Yes, that's--
03:31 I think what you're saying is,
03:32 hosting the Oscars is even harder than being a woman.
03:37 No.
03:41 No, that's--that's not at all what I was saying.
03:44 [clicks tongue]
03:45 Wrong.
03:46 I got In-N-Out.
03:48 [laughs]
03:49 It's kind of this cool social media trend
03:51 where you get it before the Oscars.
03:53 Oh, hey, Ryan.
03:54 Um, actually, I think the trend is
03:56 to have In-N-Out after the Oscars.
03:58 Actually, after you've won the Oscar.
04:00 Yeah.
04:01 Oh, well, that's not gonna happen.
04:03 Good thing Greta's got director in the bag.
04:06 Oh, Ryan?
04:08 Yeah.
04:09 Mm-hmm?
04:10 [whispers]
04:12 What?
04:15 [silence]
04:17 [screaming]
04:20 [upbeat music]
04:28 Girls grow into women,
04:30 but not all boys grow into men.
04:33 Some remain hopelessly stuck
04:35 in a loop of infantile foolishness.
04:39 One of them will host the Oscars.
04:43 Live, Sunday, March 10th,
04:45 at a new time, 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific, on ABC.
04:49 [screaming]
04:51 (upbeat music)