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  • 30/11/2023
When everyone is as excited for a show as they are for Survivor Series, its best to cool that anticipation as much as possible. These are the 10 worst opening matches in Survivor Series history.

00:00 - Start
00:43 - 10
01:30 - 9
02:23 - 8
03:15 - 7
04:06 - 6
04:58 - 5
05:49 - 4
06:44 - 3
07:34 - 2
08:23 - 1

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Transcript
00:00 Did you ever go to a party and wonder, 'Would anyone really miss me if I weren't here?'
00:03 That's Survivor Series."
00:04 Nah, look, there's a fair bit of affection for the neglected stepchild of the Big Four.
00:08 That's despite lazy booking that's seen the show's signature match become almost synonymous
00:12 with brand warfare that nobody really cares about.
00:14 But wrestling fans are traditionalists at heart, and a calendar without Survivor Series
00:18 would probably leave us feeling a bit funny.
00:20 Like when you go back to your hometown and your favorite record store is turned into
00:23 a vape emporium.
00:24 So a show like this one needs to kick off with a bang worthy of the lengthy history
00:28 of the name.
00:29 And a good opener sets the tone for the night ahead, so you want to make sure you get it
00:31 right, don't you?
00:32 Well, viewer, they don't always.
00:34 We're recording this before last night's show, so let's just hope that whatever open proceedings
00:38 in Chicago didn't stink the place out, and here are the 10 worst Survivor Series opening
00:41 matches ever.
00:42 Number 10.
00:43 Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown, 2016
00:45 This was still relatively fresh into the return of the brand split that at least gave the
00:48 semblance of change, although knowing how quickly that would go the way of the dodo
00:51 means these nostalgia specs are at least three sizes too small.
00:55 Before the match, Team Captain Nikki Bella is taken out backstage, which leads to a frankly
00:58 heinous platter of acting from Bella, Daniel Bryan and Natalya, not you, medical man.
01:03 You did fine with what you were given.
01:04 And then the match is just uninspired and long, the wrestlers work hard and the crowd
01:08 aren't asleep for it, it just doesn't have any spark to speak of.
01:11 Eliminations feel both obvious and odd, Smackdown's number two heel Carmella is sent packing quickly
01:15 by Alicia Fox of all people, Sasha eats an unnecessary pin, Nia Jax is presented as a
01:20 dominant force only to then tap out, and then the end just happens.
01:23 No ceremony, no massive moment, just two people, finisher, ring the bell.
01:27 Alright then, thank you, I suppose.
01:30 Number 9, Steve Blackman, Crash and Molly Holly vs TNA and Trish, 2000.
01:34 In spite of its presence here on the worst of list, I actually broadly like this match,
01:38 I know, I'm a man of such contradictions, what an enigma.
01:41 No, the real issue I have here is that it's just plotted out quite poorly.
01:44 First of all, it's five minutes long, which for six people doesn't really give it a chance
01:47 to go anywhere.
01:48 And secondly, the focus of the story really is Molly and Trish.
01:51 Molly had just debuted and it would take 84 lists to fit in all the good things I have
01:54 to say about Molly Holly.
01:56 Meanwhile, Trish has only had a handful of minutes in the ring, so she's still as green
01:59 as Henry VIII's sleeves.
02:00 That's a little history joke there, I am the professor after all.
02:03 But because you have a newly debuted star going up against a woman who's still learning
02:06 the ropes, you have to exercise a certain amount of smoke, mirrors and subterfuge.
02:10 These come in the form of the men in this match, who just sort of plonk themselves between
02:13 the women and do a few bits and bobs amongst themselves.
02:15 As a result, while it's a fine bit of entertainment, the match ends up feeling a bit disjointed
02:20 and not as satisfying as it could or should be.
02:22 8.
02:23 Christian vs. Al Snow 2001
02:25 Built around the winner-take-all match, Survivor Series 2001 features the all-time great commentary
02:29 team of JR and Paul Heyman do a great job of selling the idea that this is a make-or-break
02:33 night for the entire wrestling industry.
02:36 Which is why it's just plain odd to me that, on what I'm supposed to believe is the biggest
02:39 night of the company, this is the match they picked to kick things off.
02:42 There's nothing wrong with it, it's absolutely fine, but it's the coach from Tough Enough
02:46 challenging for the tertiary belt held by a guy who had only just joined the Alliance.
02:50 It's hardly the grudge match to kick off this world-altering occasion.
02:53 Knowing the Alliance were going to dominate most of the evening, to my mind, you have
02:55 two better choices for high drama.
02:58 You either kick things off with Edge retaining the Intercontinental belt, start the night
03:01 off on a high for WWF that seems to slip away bit by bit before the main event, or you do
03:06 a showstopper of a cage match between the Hardys and the Dudleys, which ends with Jeff
03:09 going for glory instead of taking the win to really light up the crowd.
03:13 This was just a curious choice.
03:15 7.
03:16 Headtrinkers vs. High Energy 1992
03:17 High Energy by name, High Energy by nature.
03:20 The entrance of Coco Beware and Owen Hart as a team is delightfully camp, with a demonstration
03:24 of their energy coming in the form of a cartwheel from Coco while Owen jumps in the air like
03:28 he's celebrating his A-level results.
03:30 And then there's the Headtrinkers, snarling away in the corner with Aphra on the outside
03:33 eating a chicken wing, which, I'm not gonna lie, is giving dated mid-naughties sketch
03:37 comedy.
03:38 This is an extended squash match, basically, designed to continue the momentum of the Headtrinkers
03:42 while giving Coco and Owen something to do, and they get off to a good start with some
03:45 very high energy indeed.
03:46 Owen Hart was quite a good wrestler, don't you know?
03:49 But it all gets derailed with a cheap shot from Aphra on the outside, which then puts
03:52 the control firmly in the camp of the bad guys, who just sort of do a bit of pounding,
03:57 stalking and camera mugging.
03:59 Owen gets a nice hot tag in, but it doesn't last very long.
04:01 If you've got your mates coming round and you're pouring drinks and having a natter,
04:04 you'd be forgiven for missing this match entirely.
04:06 6.
04:07 The Dream Team vs. The Enforcers 1989
04:09 Let's play a fun round of "Is it boring, or is it just the 80s?"
04:12 I'm being flippant, put your pitchforks down.
04:14 But in all honesty, the increased pace and athleticism of modern wrestling does make
04:18 some of the classic stuff feel a bit stilted, and that's not exclusive to wrestling.
04:21 Go back and watch some 80s football where people lose their minds over someone veering
04:25 slightly to the left.
04:26 There is some good stuff here, namely Rick Martell and Tito Santana.
04:29 I found myself leaning forward a bit every time they got involved, not least because
04:32 Rick Martell's gimmick of "the model" means he spends most of the match smiling while
04:36 locking moves in, and that is just fabulous.
04:38 But unfortunately, Santana gets eliminated far too early, and the rest of the match features
04:42 a lot of plotting and rest-holding.
04:44 22 minutes is far too long for rest-holds, even if some of them are Rick Martell flexing
04:48 while he's doing it.
04:49 The match also loses points because at one point Bad News Brown straight up just leaves,
04:52 which is one of my least best tropes in the Survivor Series matches.
04:55 It's also available in...
04:57 #5.
04:58 The Godfather, D'Lo Brown, and The Headbangers vs. The Acolytes and The Dudleys 1999
05:02 Hey, the crowd are enjoying themselves, I say to myself as I watch this match, but of
05:05 course they are.
05:06 This was 1999, the economy was pretty good, and all we needed to keep ourselves entertained
05:10 was the mere presence of boobs.
05:12 And because The Godfather reliably presents us with said boobs, he is over.
05:16 It's the 90s.
05:17 It's fun that D'Lo and The Headbangers get in on the Godfather act, but that's kind of
05:20 where the fun starts and finishes.
05:22 It's like they went, "Do the entrance, make the crowd happy, and since you're out there,
05:25 you might as well do a couple of moves as well."
05:27 And that they do.
05:28 Rather than get yourself excited for the night ahead, this is more like something to entertain
05:31 the ones who are already here while the rest take their seats.
05:34 Even at 9 minutes, this match takes ages over nothing, and then Bradshaw takes out his own
05:38 partner, which encourages Farouk to have a fight with D'Von over who gets to do the pin,
05:42 which is a bit dim because of the whole legal man thing, and then they brawl off into the
05:45 back, leaving Bubba on his own, and that's why they lose, and that's f***ing stupid.
05:49 Number 4.
05:50 Mankind vs. Dwayne Gill, 1998
05:52 The '98 edition of the show is a bit Marmite.
05:54 Some people hate it because the wrestling on the wrestling show is bobbins.
05:57 Others love it because it's a show-long narrative that twists and turns like a twisty-turny
06:01 thing.
06:02 Personally, I'm on the love it side of things, not least because the theme song absolutely
06:05 slaps.
06:06 But here's one for the bobbins camp.
06:07 The first match of the night is a 30-second bit of bollocks.
06:09 Vince comes out and hypes up Mankind's first opponent of the evening with prepared remarks
06:13 that put him over as a natural athlete and someone with an unprecedented win-loss record,
06:17 and it turns out to be Dwayne Gill.
06:19 And alright, in fairness, it's a bit funny when he gets scared by his own pyro.
06:22 But the match is a 30-second squash, and it's the very first thing on the show.
06:26 This entry on my list is longer than the match, I think.
06:29 This is a tournament to crown a new WWF champion, and I know we're selling a story of McMahon
06:34 trying to engineer his handpicked winner here, but does it have to be what we start the show
06:38 with?
06:39 If you're a player spanking career, you know this is one of my pet peeves.
06:41 This could have just been an angle on TV.
06:43 3.
06:44 Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown 2018 Last week I went on a bit about pacing,
06:47 and I'm going to do the same here, because by their very nature, these multi-person elimination
06:51 matches take bloody ages.
06:53 Opening the card, at the very least your audience aren't tuckered out, so you've got a nice
06:56 bit of legroom for your goodwill.
06:57 But that doesn't give you carte blanche to dick about, which is what they do here.
07:01 We get a few quickfire eliminations, which included team captain Naomi, feel that glow,
07:05 and then everything else has big skip energy.
07:07 There's no heat or rhythm to the eliminations, there's no flow to the match, but there is
07:11 a dance break.
07:12 There's also a double count out, and honestly, down with this sort of thing.
07:16 It's probably one of the reasons the Survivor Series matches inspire apathy at best these
07:19 days.
07:20 That kind of elimination just makes you wonder why they're even here.
07:23 Just do four on four.
07:24 And in the end, Nia wins in spite of screwing her own teammate over, but also she hasn't
07:27 done anything in the match, so it all just feels really hollow.
07:30 Oh, and it gets a brand supremacy ding too.
07:33 Jesus wept.
07:34 2.
07:35 Team Flair vs. The Spirit Squad, 2006 I did some quick maths, and Team Flair, comprised
07:39 here of Dusty Rhodes, Sergeant Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Arne Anderson, and the titular
07:43 Flair, has a combined age of 272.
07:46 Obviously this exists purely as a nostalgia pop, but again, it comes down to bad plotting.
07:50 Ron Simmons gets eliminated first, which removes roughly 85% of the knee mobility from Team
07:54 Flair, and as he goes, he drags a Spirit Squad member back with him like a haggard boyfriend
07:58 being hauled around Bicester Shopping Village.
08:00 Shout out to the three of you who can relate.
08:02 The Spirit Squad are supposed to be young athletes in their prime, so when they have
08:05 a 3-1 advantage over Flair, who is now all on his own, it's absolutely ridiculous for
08:09 him to overcome that.
08:10 And I know he's still an active competitor and he's Ric Flair, but even so, it stretches
08:14 suspension of disbelief quite far.
08:16 And then that's compounded even more when Flair does get the win, only to be left laying
08:19 by a beatdown from the squad anyway.
08:21 Who does this help?
08:22 1.
08:23 The Godwins, Billy Gunn, and Road Dogg vs. The Headbangers and the New Blackjacks, 1997
08:28 The '97 Survivor Series is a really quiet show where very little happens, and that's
08:31 why nobody talks about it basically ever.
08:34 Good heavens above, this is dull, but it deserves at least some credit for doing something kind
08:37 of miraculous, and that is sending a Montreal pay-per-view crowd straight to sleep.
08:41 On commentary, Lawler is putting over that he likes these guys because they just hit
08:44 you.
08:45 And I definitely agree, there can be something impressive if you go the no flips just fist
08:48 route, but this is hardly the poster child for it.
08:50 I'm honestly struggling to stay awake just writing this.
08:53 They hit a few clotheslines, there's some stuff in the corner, I think the most athletic
08:56 thing they have going for them is a bulldog?
08:58 At the very least, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn were settling into their Outlaws characters
09:01 nicely, and they started to get some rumblings of heat with the crowd, so giving them the
09:04 win was the right call.
09:06 But that is damning with the faintest of praise, this is just brutal.
09:09 Fortunately, the rest of the show passed without incident, and everything was fine.
09:13 And that's our list.
09:14 Did we miss any?
09:15 Was I overly harsh?
09:16 Be sure to tell me about it in the comments so I can read them and give more credence
09:18 to my chronic imposter syndrome.
09:20 But before you do, please make sure to like and subscribe for more of our silly little
09:23 wrestling content, and then check out another list like this one here.
09:27 He won't even let me write a shopping list without his prior approval.
09:30 Keeping the audience's energy up for a show that's devolved somewhat into lazy brand warfare
09:34 booking is a bit of a challenge, so it requires a solid opener to warm up the crowd and get
09:38 the adrenaline pumping for the night ahead.
09:40 And in its… would we say storied history?
09:42 There have been more than a few curtain-jerkers that did just that.
09:45 I'm Dan Hailing from PartsFunknown, and here are the 10 things you need to know about

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