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The Story of Anyburg, USA (1957)
Fun Forever
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11/13/2023
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Fun
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00:00
[THEME MUSIC]
00:03
[THEME MUSIC]
00:07
[THEME MUSIC]
00:36
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:38
This story takes place within the borders
00:40
of a great, enlightened, and civilized country.
00:44
This is the story of a certain city
00:48
and what it did about this common curse that
00:50
plagued the land.
00:52
This is the story of Annenberg, USA.
00:57
Now, the traffic situation in Annenberg was normal enough,
01:01
certainly no worse than in any similar community.
01:06
But what was a little different in Annenberg
01:08
was a certain growing feeling of dissatisfaction
01:11
with their traffic troubles.
01:12
Homicide on the highways was increasing at a startling rate.
01:20
And the Annenbergers found that they were
01:22
becoming somewhat annoyed.
01:24
In fact, good and sore.
01:29
It was very obvious to them who was at fault, the automobile.
01:34
And so the automobile was placed on trial for its life.
01:39
Will the prosecutor proceed with a cross-examination?
01:43
Ladies and gentlemen, behold, on the stand
01:48
the representative of this criminal band.
01:52
You are an automobile, are you not?
02:01
I-- well, I--
02:04
Answer the question, you rattling old pot.
02:07
Your Honor, I beg leave to consult with the witness.
02:11
These legal proceedings are scaring him witless.
02:14
Objection!
02:16
Permission is granted.
02:18
Now, calm yourself, Lizzie.
02:21
Don't get in a tizzy.
02:23
The judge is supposed to be in neutral.
02:25
But is he?
02:28
Come, come.
02:29
Enough of this coddling.
02:30
I've got to be, uh, toddling.
02:34
Isn't it the absolute truth that you
02:38
roared through a 20-mile zone, flagrantly making
02:42
of our speed laws a mockery?
02:44
That you then did crash into a restaurant
02:46
and smash all the crockery?
02:50
And that you then did callously sneak away,
02:53
leaving behind our shambles?
02:57
And ruined digestion?
03:00
Well, yes, I--
03:02
I guess I--
03:03
Your witness.
03:05
No questions.
03:07
Next witness.
03:09
And now, I've placed upon the stand a culprit
03:14
known as Sportscar.
03:16
His crime?
03:22
Just guzzling alcohol and spitting flames.
03:26
And that's far from all.
03:29
He takes delight in burning rubber, screeching tires,
03:38
and racing as if off to fire.
03:42
Do you deny these things are so?
03:45
Yeah, man, I guess you ought to know.
03:49
A hopeless case beyond suggestions.
03:53
Your witness now, sir.
03:55
No questions.
03:57
[LAUGHS]
04:00
And next, ladies and gentlemen, gaze upon this decrepit old
04:07
heap.
04:09
He's got only one eye and no brakes at all.
04:14
And just enough power to creep.
04:18
Just hear how he rattles.
04:22
Observe his worn tires.
04:25
[TIRES SCREECHING]
04:27
He's the type every safety test shuns.
04:32
I turn this renegade over to you.
04:35
Do you wish to examine him now, sir?
04:39
No questions.
04:41
And now, give ear to the testimony
04:45
of those dedicated, devoted men who
04:48
tried to help the automobile.
04:50
Let them proceed with the testimony.
04:53
I built the cars with bodies of steel.
04:57
And I invented the safety wheel.
05:00
We developed safety tires.
05:03
And windshield wipers the law required.
05:06
I'm the father of safety glass.
05:10
We strove for safety.
05:12
But alas, accidents continue to grow.
05:17
And so the automobile has got to go.
05:23
Go!
05:24
Go!
05:24
Go!
05:25
Go!
05:27
Mr. Cyrus P. Slide Rule of the Bureau of Highways,
05:32
would you please tell us, sir, of your department's
05:35
valiant efforts to pave the way for safety for the automobile?
05:40
I used my brains and hired some brawn.
05:44
We labored late from early dawn, leveling hills,
05:49
straightening byways, building concrete superhighways.
05:54
We posted them with helpful signs,
05:57
divided them with curbs and lines.
06:00
My roads were perfect, I must confess.
06:03
But those miserable autos made them all a mess.
06:07
[LAUGHTER]
06:09
Yes, yes, we know only too well what happened
06:12
on your beautiful highways.
06:15
To the automobile's depraved mind,
06:19
these perfect roads were an invitation
06:22
to open the throttle, step on the gas.
06:26
They took delight in following dangerously close
06:28
behind each other with spectacular and disastrous
06:33
results.
06:34
[CRASHING]
06:36
[CRASHING]
06:39
Oh, there's only one end to this tale of woe.
06:44
The automobile has got to go.
06:47
[CRASHING]
06:51
Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.
06:56
I know you will bring in without delay a verdict of duty.
07:02
And now, what has the attorney for the defense got to say?
07:12
With your indulgence, I'll set the scene.
07:15
Please gaze upon my magic screen.
07:19
Now, what appears before your eyes?
07:22
A speeding automobile, would you surmise?
07:24
Let's fade the car out, if we can.
07:27
And what's revealed?
07:29
A speeding man.
07:30
OK, baby, let's see if we can do 90.
07:33
Hm?
07:34
Can't let that train beat me to the crossing.
07:37
Come on, come on.
07:39
Clear the road.
07:41
Little does this chap realize he's heading
07:44
straight towards his demise.
07:46
[CRASHING]
07:50
Your car's body is made of steel.
07:53
But alas, frail human bodies are harder to heal.
07:59
Now, would you call this car drunk?
08:02
No, sir, not at all.
08:04
It's the people inside it who've had alcohol.
08:07
[CHANTING]
08:11
[GASP]
08:11
[CHANTING]
08:15
To mix alcohol with driving is rash.
08:17
Note the result, the inevitable--
08:20
[CRASH]
08:24
Now, here's the police lineup.
08:27
All violators.
08:29
Look 'em over.
08:31
Ordinary citizens.
08:33
OK, take this one.
08:36
What's the charge?
08:38
Reckless driving, two counts.
08:40
Looks harmless.
08:42
Well, take another look.
08:44
Here's how harmless he is.
08:46
[CRASHING]
08:50
Take this sweet young thing.
08:53
The charge, hit and run.
08:56
Now, take a closer look.
08:59
Could be shoot and run just as well.
09:01
[GUNSHOTS]
09:04
Take this mild-mannered gentleman.
09:08
He's a speeder, a three-time offender.
09:13
Let's get him into correct focus.
09:15
This is no exaggeration.
09:18
Look out for him.
09:19
[CRASHING]
09:22
Lights, please.
09:24
I think we all know who the criminal in this case
09:28
really is.
09:29
It's you, and you, and it's me too.
09:33
[SIREN]
09:36
Say, where did everybody go?
09:38
[SIREN]
09:41
Ah-ha, they've seen the light of day.
09:44
The trial is done, and you have won.
09:46
[HORN]
09:51
The results of this trial were far-reaching.
09:55
People all over the country took it upon themselves
09:58
to drive with politeness and consideration.
10:01
Safety and sanity returned to the highway.
10:05
The Motor Millennium had arrived, but not for long.
10:12
Well, it was a nice try.
10:14
And where there's life, there's hope.
10:18
Let's hope.
10:19
[MUSIC PLAYING]
10:22
[MUSIC PLAYING]
10:26
[MUSIC PLAYING]
10:30
[BLANK_AUDIO]
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