The Singing Plumber from South Yorkshire

The Star, Sheffield

Paul Ballington, from Dinnington, in Rotherham, has applied to appear on the latest series of Britain's Got Talent. Here he is performing one of his audition songs, The Diet Starts Again on Monday

Transcript

00:00 Once again she's on a diet and she's munching on the lettuce leaves

00:04 She's chucked me hot dogs in the bin so I've had to wipe because the creams never ate

00:12 And now she's shouting at the fridge because she slipped a bit and ate some cheese

00:18 It's only 3pm and she's already had her daily calories

00:25 The diet starts again on Monday, the diet starts again on Monday

00:32 She lost the plot with it on Sunday, the diet starts again on Monday

00:39 She had a plate full of buffet, the diet starts again on Monday

00:46 Followed by a footlong subway

00:49 Well it's Monday morning and the start of a brand new week

00:56 She's already tried the Atkins but it made her breath and her arse reek

01:02 She said none of these work, I'm putting in a diet claim

01:07 Whatever one of those is

01:09 And she's on the blower to her best mate, apparently I'm the one to blame

01:14 The diet starts again on Monday, the diet starts again on Monday

01:21 It's like an action replay

01:24 The diet starts again on Monday

01:27 She said I really can't look what I weigh

01:31 The diet starts again on Monday

01:35 She had a pie and chips, a bottle of wine, chicken dip, a couple of pints, a bag of skips

01:40 They were mine!

01:42 A body weight in toast, willows and margarine, Sunday roast, ice cream and a chocolate bar

01:50 And a scotch egg!

01:51 She said babe, it doesn't matter

01:54 Because the diet starts again on Monday

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