Charles White Jr., better known to the internet masses as MoistCri1ikal, joins WIRED to answer his most searched questions from Google.
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TechTranscript
00:00 I'm Moist Critical and this is the Wired Autocomplete interview.
00:03 [MUSIC]
00:05 PenguinZZero, Moist Critical, Charlie, Big Moist, Huge Charles.
00:09 [MUSIC]
00:13 What is Moist Critical?
00:15 A 5'6" hulking testosterone titan who makes a bunch of wacky,
00:20 silly garbage on the internet.
00:22 What does Moist Critical do for a living?
00:25 I just post really ridiculous things on the internet and got lucky enough that it enables me to survive.
00:32 What did Moist Critical do before YouTube?
00:35 Nothing. I was 10 before YouTube.
00:38 I didn't have a career or a job. I was still just snorting glue and drinking milk.
00:42 I was just a baby boy.
00:44 I used to mow lawns for money, which probably isn't allowed with the child labor laws in America.
00:50 What is Moist Critical email?
00:52 Just criticalcontact@gmail.
00:54 You're going to have a hard time reaching me there.
00:56 I did meet one of my best friends through email.
00:59 His name's Kaya.
01:00 He reached out a long time ago with a super sad message that really tickled my heartstrings.
01:05 I replied back. We became good friends through it.
01:07 But these days, most people just sign me up for cult newsletters and a lot of other like really awful WebMD, like hypochondriac bait.
01:16 But you're welcome to send me something. I probably won't see it though.
01:20 I'll just give it one of these.
01:24 Why is Moist Critical Penguin Z zero?
01:28 The lore is super simple. I was actually a child.
01:32 I made the account in 2007. I was 11.
01:34 I thought penguins were cool. The name penguin was taken. Not that deep.
01:39 Why does Moist Critical wear white shirts?
01:42 Convenience. Most of everything I have in my life comes from Walmart.
01:46 So I just get big packs of white shirts and that's good enough for me.
01:49 I'm not out here trying to make any kind of fashion statements. So it's super simple, super easy.
01:54 Why does Moist Critical talk like that?
01:57 That's a question for God, not me. I couldn't tell you. It's just I have very weird vocal chords.
02:03 I have a very monotone voice.
02:04 The best description I've heard of it is that it sounds like an unenthusiastic hand job.
02:08 I've been really gravitating towards the word goofy over the last year or so.
02:12 I like these words that kind of fell out of grace for a while.
02:15 Old expressions like calling someone an old battle axe or a harpy or a harlot.
02:20 Goofy, silly, wacky.
02:22 It's like fetal development where you're in like the zygotic stage all the way till birth.
02:26 Right now I'm in like the goofy development.
02:28 Why does Moist Critical look like Jesus?
02:32 I just don't think I do. I really don't. I just have long hair and I'm short.
02:36 I don't know if Jesus was short, but other than that, I think that's where the similarities stop.
02:40 He had like really brown hair. Mine's more black.
02:42 I don't think I look like him at all, but...
02:44 Most people seem to think I do.
02:47 Is Moist Critical in a band?
02:50 Yeah, it's a two-man band. It's me and my buddy Troy. He's from New Zealand.
02:53 We are the Gentle Men.
02:55 Troy does all of the music. I do all the lyrics and vocals.
02:58 That's why a lot of them are very silly.
02:59 Like 2019 Guy is all about being a cuck and being super happy about it.
03:04 And Sky Nut's all about robots that are powered by human semen from the future.
03:08 He does all the really good music stuff and I do all the super stupid stuff.
03:12 We make a great team.
03:13 Is Moist Critical from Florida?
03:16 I was born in Tampa, moved to Orlando, moved back to Tampa in sixth grade, and I've been here ever since.
03:22 I'm not leaving until Florida is fully underwater and even then I might still stick around.
03:26 I don't think I have very many Florida Man qualities other than maybe the way I dress or where I go, I guess.
03:32 We went to a club called The Castle last week, which is a goth nightclub with a station for paddling and all kinds of like bunk beds.
03:40 But I don't think I have many Florida Man qualities myself.
03:45 Not that I can think of at least.
03:46 Is Moist Critical jacked?
03:49 Not to toot my own horn, but I do lift very often.
03:52 I was a human science major with a concentration in exercise physiologies, but I'm not really jacked.
03:58 I keep myself lean because I'm five foot six.
04:00 So if I get jacked, I look like a meatball and it looks really gross.
04:03 Is Moist Critical scared of cockroaches?
04:07 Nope. Common misconception.
04:09 I scream because I'm trying to scare them away.
04:11 So I'm not afraid of anything except flying.
04:14 Is Moist Critical scared of flying?
04:17 What do you know?
04:18 Yeah, I am scared of flying. It's my main phobia. Really the only phobia.
04:22 Does Critical have a world record?
04:27 Not anymore. Every time I get a world record, I post about it and some goblin out there goes and takes it from me.
04:33 Most of my previous records were speedrun related, so gaming.
04:36 Mr. Krabs overdoses on ketamine and dies. It got taken.
04:39 I held a record in House of Caravan. Got taken.
04:42 I did have a record for a little while, kind of, not an official one,
04:46 for sex toy collecting, but then Belle Delphine beat me.
04:49 So right now, no world records and probably never will hold one for long.
04:53 But I have had previous records.
04:55 When did Critical reveal his face?
04:58 2015, I think.
05:01 I started posting on Snapchat, doing like recorder covers of popular music,
05:07 and then I eventually posted that Snapchat in a comment on a video called "Paint the Town Red."
05:12 But I don't think I started putting it in videos until 2016 or 2017.
05:17 Does Critical have Discord?
05:19 I don't go on it super often, only to talk to like friends or do voice calls with friends, but I do have it.
05:25 That was outrageous, sorry about that.
05:29 What is PenguinZZero's favorite anime?
05:33 Code Geass. It is, I think, a masterpiece.
05:36 It has one of my favorite endings in all of fiction, and I think the whole thing is just beautifully written.
05:41 What does PenguinZZero drive?
05:43 An SUV. I got an SUV a little over a year ago.
05:47 I just like the SUV more because I'm very risk-averse, so it's a safer vehicle.
05:52 What is PenguinZZero's favorite game?
05:55 City of Heroes. It's an old MMO that I think is truly underrated.
06:00 Shut down in 2012, God rest its soul, but I think it's still an incredible game.
06:04 There's private servers. I still play from time to time.
06:07 I guess second to City of Heroes would be Halo 2.
06:11 Does Charles Christopher White Jr. have a brother?
06:14 Not that I know of. I'm pretty sure I'm the only child, but I've never really sat my parents down to get to the bottom of it.
06:20 I'm pretty sure it's just me.
06:21 Does Charles Christopher White Jr. act in Hunger Games?
06:26 Don't ask silly questions. You know the answer. Yes.
06:28 I'm the only thing that held that entire franchise together, and it's an absolute shame that they didn't call me back for the most recent one.
06:34 I'm very disappointed with their decision, but I will never forget the time I spent on that set.
06:40 Is Charles Christopher White Jr. still alive?
06:44 Yeah.
06:44 Can Moist Critical play guitar?
06:51 I tried. I played in middle school. I dropped it in high school.
06:55 I haven't really touched it since.
06:57 I can do a "Tears Don't Fall" intro still, I think. But other than that, nothing else.
07:03 How did Moist Critical get famous?
07:07 I didn't. You've been misled. I just post shit on the internet.
07:10 And some people watch it, and that's really about it.
07:12 But I guess maybe the Hunger Games would be another answer to that.
07:17 When does Moist Critical stream?
07:19 Pretty much every night. Times vary. All very spontaneous.
07:23 Sometimes I don't stream every day. You never really know.
07:25 You gotta stay on your toes.
07:26 Does Moist Critical use a script?
07:29 Nope.
07:30 Fire on the camera, talk about absolute nonsense, and that's about the extent of the effort that goes into that.
07:36 Unless we're doing something like wrestling.
07:38 With wrestling, we plan out a lot of what goes on beforehand.
07:41 But when it's just a normal video, it's super simple.
07:45 I just start talking about some really goofy shit, and that's about it.
07:48 Thanks for having me on.
07:52 A big fuck you to the Hunger Games for not bringing me back.
07:55 District 8 Hospital Helper is the only glue that held that disheveled franchise together.
08:00 Aside from that, it was just a lot of fun. Thank you for putting it together.
08:04 [BLANK_AUDIO]