00:17 Let's see Lorraine, what do the spirits have in store for you today?
00:21 [gasps]
00:23 What? I'm seeing something.
00:25 Is it a man?
00:26 Well I'll be darned. It is!
00:28 [audience laughter]
00:31 Do you know a... Bill?
00:33 No.
00:34 How about a Bob?
00:35 No.
00:36 Jack?
00:37 No.
00:38 Mike?
00:39 No.
00:40 You don't know anybody named Mike?
00:41 No!
00:42 [audience laughter]
00:44 Girl, you gotta get out of the house more.
00:46 [audience laughter]
00:47 Lucky for you, I'm running a special on love potions this week.
00:51 Oh!
00:52 Now, for only $99.95, you can get my special deluxe love kit, guaranteed to give you a lifetime of matrimonial bliss with the man of your dreams!
01:02 Oh, well take it!
01:04 Smart girl.
01:06 And uh...
01:07 [audience laughter]
01:08 Wouldn't it be worth an extra 20 bucks for him to be faithful?
01:12 Definitely.
01:13 [audience laughter]
01:16 Now what you do, Miss Wiesner, is you drink this little bottle of love potion,
01:20 and then you get naked, and you dance around this little red candlelight crazy until you work up a real good sweat!
01:26 [audience laughter]
01:29 Ew! Not a pretty picture.
01:32 [audience laughter]
01:34 Oh, Redfield, don't be so catty.
01:36 What?
01:37 Oh, I was just talking to the cat.
01:39 Oh.
01:40 Um, anyway, you do this every night until Mr. Right windsurfs into your life.
01:46 Oh, Elvira, how can I ever thank you?
01:49 Next time, bring cash.
01:51 [audience laughter]
01:54 Hello?
01:59 [door creaks open]
02:00 Hello! I'm back!
02:03 [audience laughter]
02:04 Come in.
02:06 [door creaks open]
02:07 Careful of the step.
02:09 [audience laughter]
02:12 Minerva?
02:14 What the heck are you doing with that shopping cart?
02:16 Oh, don't worry, dear. I'll send it right back to the store.
02:20 Minerva, what have I always told you about exposing yourself?
02:24 Oh, dear. Did I tuck my skirt into my pantyhose again?
02:28 [audience laughter]
02:30 No. I mean exposing your witchcraft.
02:33 Ugh. Come on, you know the rules.
02:36 As long as you don't do it in public, you can do it as much as you like.
02:39 Or until you need glasses.
02:41 Oops. Too late.
02:44 You shut up, you furball, or I'll have you neutered again.
02:48 [audience laughter]
02:50 Oh, Elvira, I hate living in the closet.
02:54 Look, I don't like it any better than you do,
02:57 but I'm sick and tired of pulling up steaks just to keep from getting burned at one.
03:01 [audience laughter]
03:03 Besides, I like living here in Manhattan.
03:06 Oh, yes. Glamorous Manhattan.
03:09 When you told me we were moving to Manhattan, I thought,
03:12 "Broadway. Times Square."
03:15 But nooo. You meant Manhattan, Kansas.
03:19 The little apple. The city that always sleeps.
03:23 [audience laughter]
03:25 The main thing is that nobody's caught on to the fact that we're witches,
03:27 and I'd like to keep it that way. Okay?
03:30 [audience laughter]
03:32 Well, it's not as if we were Siegfried and Roy.
03:36 I mean, we can only do a few harmless parlor tricks,
