“I had to stop co-sleeping with my toddler so I built her a bed in my room instead”
- 9 months ago
A mum desperate for a good night's sleep built her toddler their own bed in her parents' bedroom - next to theirs.
Neuza Carvahlo, 26, and her partner, Montel Patterson, 26, slept in separate bedrooms for over a year while Neuza was co-sleeping with their daughter, Zariah.
Despite warnings about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, Neuza thought co-sleeping would be easier for night feeds and keeping Zariah happy during the night.
But when it started to impact her wellbeing, Neuza - with the help of Montel - decided to build Zariah a bed next to theirs to "save her mental health".
The couple decided to allow their toddler to stay in their bedroom - rather than making her sleep in her own and say she now often sleeps through the night.
The tot has a firm routine, and her new bed allows Neuza and Montel, an American football player, to have time to themselves.
Neuza, a patient co-ordinator, from Bromley, Greater London, said: “Zariah always needed me there to be able to go to sleep - it was time for her to have her own independence.
"She's still in the room with us, but now she has her own space with the bed we built for her. It's really helping me with my mental health - and I feel like I've had such a release!
"My child and partner needed me to the point where I lost myself.
“At some point, I needed to give myself back to myself, and my daughter needed her independence.”
Zariah was born on October 29, 2020. She suffered from colic in her first three months - and Neuza says she was “a baby who cried non-stop”.
Neuza felt it would be easier on them both to begin co-sleeping in her double bed - while Montel slept in the second bedroom.
She says she was advised not to do this by midwives and health visitors - as an estimated half of babies who die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome co-sleep with their parents, according to the Lullaby Trust.
“Obviously, I did get criticism from midwives and the person who visits you afterwards for the first eight months,” she said.
“They’re always against it because there’s a huge risk of SIDS that comes with co-sleeping.
“For me, though, my mum co-slept with me, and Montel’s mum co-slept with him. It was always just easier for the nighttime feeds.
“It worked for me - but I can see why other people wouldn’t do it.
'But I felt comfortable doing it.
'We never had any problems, and because my partner was sleeping in another bed, we had plenty of space.”
But co-sleeping did present the couple with other issues - Zariah quickly became “attached to the boob” - and expected to breastfeed in her sleep.
She woke up multiple times every night for a feed, which left Neuza feeling exhausted and drained.
Neuza said: “When Zariah was breastfeeding, she became attached to the boob.
"She constantly woke up during the night and expected to breastfeed during sleep.
“She needed me so much, to the point where I was losing weight, losing energy. Co-sleeping and breastfeeding made me feel like an object.
Neuza Carvahlo, 26, and her partner, Montel Patterson, 26, slept in separate bedrooms for over a year while Neuza was co-sleeping with their daughter, Zariah.
Despite warnings about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, Neuza thought co-sleeping would be easier for night feeds and keeping Zariah happy during the night.
But when it started to impact her wellbeing, Neuza - with the help of Montel - decided to build Zariah a bed next to theirs to "save her mental health".
The couple decided to allow their toddler to stay in their bedroom - rather than making her sleep in her own and say she now often sleeps through the night.
The tot has a firm routine, and her new bed allows Neuza and Montel, an American football player, to have time to themselves.
Neuza, a patient co-ordinator, from Bromley, Greater London, said: “Zariah always needed me there to be able to go to sleep - it was time for her to have her own independence.
"She's still in the room with us, but now she has her own space with the bed we built for her. It's really helping me with my mental health - and I feel like I've had such a release!
"My child and partner needed me to the point where I lost myself.
“At some point, I needed to give myself back to myself, and my daughter needed her independence.”
Zariah was born on October 29, 2020. She suffered from colic in her first three months - and Neuza says she was “a baby who cried non-stop”.
Neuza felt it would be easier on them both to begin co-sleeping in her double bed - while Montel slept in the second bedroom.
She says she was advised not to do this by midwives and health visitors - as an estimated half of babies who die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome co-sleep with their parents, according to the Lullaby Trust.
“Obviously, I did get criticism from midwives and the person who visits you afterwards for the first eight months,” she said.
“They’re always against it because there’s a huge risk of SIDS that comes with co-sleeping.
“For me, though, my mum co-slept with me, and Montel’s mum co-slept with him. It was always just easier for the nighttime feeds.
“It worked for me - but I can see why other people wouldn’t do it.
'But I felt comfortable doing it.
'We never had any problems, and because my partner was sleeping in another bed, we had plenty of space.”
But co-sleeping did present the couple with other issues - Zariah quickly became “attached to the boob” - and expected to breastfeed in her sleep.
She woke up multiple times every night for a feed, which left Neuza feeling exhausted and drained.
Neuza said: “When Zariah was breastfeeding, she became attached to the boob.
"She constantly woke up during the night and expected to breastfeed during sleep.
“She needed me so much, to the point where I was losing weight, losing energy. Co-sleeping and breastfeeding made me feel like an object.