Alyaa Gad - Discipline
- 5 years ago
10 Ways To Guide Children Without Punishment
What can we do to guide children without “discipline”?
1. Regulate your own emotions. You’re the role model. Don’t act when you’re upset.
Take a deep breath and wait until you’re calm before you address the situation. Resist the impulse to be punitive because it always back-fires.
2. Honor feelings. When your child is very angry he can't learn. Try a "Time-In" where you stay with your child and let him ha-ve his meltdown in your attentive presence. If he’s aggressive, try to calm him down by hugging him.
Your goal is to provide a calm "holding environment" for your child's upset.
Expressing emotions with a safe, attentive, accepting adult is what helps kids move through those feelings. Don't try to reason with him during the emotional storm.
Afterwards, he'll feel better, and closer to you, that he'll be open to y-our guidance.
3. Remember how children learn. Consider the example of wri-ting. You show them how, and they will emulate you. The same prin-ciple holds for learning to say Thank You, waiting for your turn, wate-ring the plants, doing homework, and most everything else you can think of. Be a good role model, and they will follow. Easy, isn’t it? Try it :)
4. Connect before you correct, Describe their feelings and give guidance in a loving way: "You are mad...Tell me what you need in words... no hitting or biting!"
Pick her up and kiss her: "You wish you could play longer... it's time for bed."
Make loving eye contact: "You are so upset right now."
Put your hand on her shoulder: "You're scared to tell me about the cookie."
5. Set limits, but set them with empathy. Of course you need to insist on some rules. When you state limits, always mention why. Men-tion a logical reason, and be honest about it, and offer an alternative, also- acknowledge the feelings.
"No biting! You’re very very mad and hurt, but you need to tell your brother in words."
"It's bedtime now. I know you wish you could play longer."
"You don't want Mommy to say No, I hear you....And the answer is No. We don't say 'Shut Up' to each other, even when we're sad and mad."
"No matter how scared you are, I need you to tell me the truth."
6. Remember that “misbehavior” is an expression of a need.
He has a reason.
If his behavior is terrible, he must feeling terrible inside.
Maybe he needs more sleep
Maybe more time with you
Maybe he’s frustrated that he can’t express his emotions in words,
Address the underlying need and you eliminate the misbehavior.
7. Be positive. Kids will do almost anything we ask them, if we make the request in a loving and positive way.
Your child will respond with the generosity of spirit that matches y-ours.
“You are a clean boy and that’s why you’ll take a shower now.”
8. Stay connected with special time, every day. Turn off the phone, close the computer, and tell your child "Ok, I'm all yours for the next 20 minutes. What should we do?"
Follow her lead.
Laugh at silly jokes, have a pillow fight, Snuggle.
Let her tell you what's on her mind, let her rant or cry.
Just accept all those feelings.
Be 100% present.
When kids receive that their feelings are acknowledged, they behave!
9. Forgive yourself. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. You can always repair the relationship. Start today.
10. End all struggles with a hug. Physically connecting heals all wounds.
I wish you all the best!
Subscribe to official Alyaa Gad channel : http://bit.ly/AlyaaGad
Follow Alyaa Gad :
http://www.afham.tv
https://www.facebook.com/dr.AlyaaGad
https://twitter.com/AlyaaGad
What can we do to guide children without “discipline”?
1. Regulate your own emotions. You’re the role model. Don’t act when you’re upset.
Take a deep breath and wait until you’re calm before you address the situation. Resist the impulse to be punitive because it always back-fires.
2. Honor feelings. When your child is very angry he can't learn. Try a "Time-In" where you stay with your child and let him ha-ve his meltdown in your attentive presence. If he’s aggressive, try to calm him down by hugging him.
Your goal is to provide a calm "holding environment" for your child's upset.
Expressing emotions with a safe, attentive, accepting adult is what helps kids move through those feelings. Don't try to reason with him during the emotional storm.
Afterwards, he'll feel better, and closer to you, that he'll be open to y-our guidance.
3. Remember how children learn. Consider the example of wri-ting. You show them how, and they will emulate you. The same prin-ciple holds for learning to say Thank You, waiting for your turn, wate-ring the plants, doing homework, and most everything else you can think of. Be a good role model, and they will follow. Easy, isn’t it? Try it :)
4. Connect before you correct, Describe their feelings and give guidance in a loving way: "You are mad...Tell me what you need in words... no hitting or biting!"
Pick her up and kiss her: "You wish you could play longer... it's time for bed."
Make loving eye contact: "You are so upset right now."
Put your hand on her shoulder: "You're scared to tell me about the cookie."
5. Set limits, but set them with empathy. Of course you need to insist on some rules. When you state limits, always mention why. Men-tion a logical reason, and be honest about it, and offer an alternative, also- acknowledge the feelings.
"No biting! You’re very very mad and hurt, but you need to tell your brother in words."
"It's bedtime now. I know you wish you could play longer."
"You don't want Mommy to say No, I hear you....And the answer is No. We don't say 'Shut Up' to each other, even when we're sad and mad."
"No matter how scared you are, I need you to tell me the truth."
6. Remember that “misbehavior” is an expression of a need.
He has a reason.
If his behavior is terrible, he must feeling terrible inside.
Maybe he needs more sleep
Maybe more time with you
Maybe he’s frustrated that he can’t express his emotions in words,
Address the underlying need and you eliminate the misbehavior.
7. Be positive. Kids will do almost anything we ask them, if we make the request in a loving and positive way.
Your child will respond with the generosity of spirit that matches y-ours.
“You are a clean boy and that’s why you’ll take a shower now.”
8. Stay connected with special time, every day. Turn off the phone, close the computer, and tell your child "Ok, I'm all yours for the next 20 minutes. What should we do?"
Follow her lead.
Laugh at silly jokes, have a pillow fight, Snuggle.
Let her tell you what's on her mind, let her rant or cry.
Just accept all those feelings.
Be 100% present.
When kids receive that their feelings are acknowledged, they behave!
9. Forgive yourself. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. You can always repair the relationship. Start today.
10. End all struggles with a hug. Physically connecting heals all wounds.
I wish you all the best!
Subscribe to official Alyaa Gad channel : http://bit.ly/AlyaaGad
Follow Alyaa Gad :
http://www.afham.tv
https://www.facebook.com/dr.AlyaaGad
https://twitter.com/AlyaaGad